"I thought I was going to die." (Subaru)
"Nn." (Shiroko)
"I thought I was going to die." (Subaru)
"... Nn." (Shiroko)
"I thought I was going to die." (Subaru)
"... I heard you the first time." (Shiroko)
I truly thought I was a goner. I loathe the idea of dying because of a trivial mistake or some idiotic negligence; even if I must die a hundred times, I at least deserve a dignified end. Being buried under a building because of those two brats' rampage is—honestly and truly—no joke.
And I didn't just feel that brush with death once. If it had only been about the building collapsing, mentioning it once would have sufficed.
── Right up until Shiroko scooped me up and soared through the sky, I still had plenty of time to scream. They say that when people face imminent peril, their thoughts go blank. That is a lie. The opposite is true; your head fills with desperate screams for help, yet your body freezes and words refuse to come. In the "life review" that stretches before your eyes, you are forced to think for an eternity while your limbs remain paralyzed and terror takes hold.
As a result of translating that terror into words, my tears flowed freely out of pure relief to be touching solid ground. I stammered, "I thought I was going to die," while my knees shook violently against Shiroko.
""...""
Of course, Subaru wasn't the only victim. The two people he had asked to help were now lying unconscious on the ground. Unsurprisingly, Shiroko—who had been leaping between collapsing buildings as if they were mere stepping stones—danced like a butterfly, fluttered like a butterfly, and landed like a butterfly. She didn't transfer a single ounce of impact to the three people she was carrying.
Nevertheless, they had all been hurled through the air. As snot, tears──and perhaps even oil──leaked from them, they had no means of final resistance other than screaming, "I don't want to die!" and "I'M GONNA DIE!?!?".
"Shiroko, I trusted you. Yes, because I trusted you, it's fine." (Subaru)
"Subaru..." (Shiroko)
Shiroko stroked the head of the man who had frozen like a malfunctioning robot. Since his tears wouldn't stop and his condition remained unchanged, she began to worry that Subaru had truly broken.
"... ── Will you be unable to keep your promise?" (Shiroko)
"Not a chance." (Subaru)
"Good. You're back to normal." (Shiroko)
"I've returned from the brink. My god, you really saved me." (Subaru)
"Then explain it to me. Why did you come here? And why were you doing all of this?" (Shiroko)
"Well... I know answering a question with another question is bad form, but may I ask first? How did you even get here...?" (Subaru)
"Nn. By bike." (Shiroko)
"Ah, I see... By bike..." (Subaru)
Lately, Subaru had stopped critiquing the illogical. He had begun to accept this surreal reality with a tolerant, open mind. Now, he found himself forced to do something unavoidable: answer Shiroko's question. He only had to look into her eyes to understand.
── She was beyond displeased.
He was the one who had piled inexplicable actions on top of an already incomprehensible situation. There was no way to escape this.
"If you make up excuses, I won't forgive you." (Shiroko)
It seemed... there wasn't even room for an apology.
●○●○●
"──" (Shiroko)
Shock had rendered her speechless. Not Subaru—Shiroko.
"──..." (Shiroko)
For dozens of seconds, Shiroko stared down at Subaru. He remained on the ground in a posture bordering on a formal dogeza apology, his eyes wide with disbelief.
Subaru had simply laid out the facts, knowing that keeping them hidden would lead to catastrophe. He didn't hold anything back. Though he slightly softened the details regarding the bomb and the mercenaries, cloaking them in a haze of words, he still conveyed the gravity of the situation as clearly as possible. He spoke with a heat born from lived experience, but it seemed to have the opposite effect.
"Do you remember the second promise?" (Shiroko)
"... To stop sacrificing myself." (Subaru)
"Nn." (Shiroko)
"And?" (Shiroko)
"Hyuuu." (Subaru)
Shiroko leaned in, her face inches from his, staring into his eyes. That "And?" carried a heavy subtext: Then what exactly do you think you're doing right now? To Subaru, it felt as though a normally smiling, gentle teacher had suddenly erupted in a cold fury, or as if a guillotine blade had just settled against the back of his neck.
"... I-I have no excuse. Dangerous people are doing dangerous things. Since I know this will harm everyone in Abydos, I──" (Subaru)
"It will harm Subaru, too." (Shiroko)
"That dangerous bomb will take our lives, and Arius is coming to attack. So we will block the road to keep them out of Abydos." (Shiroko)
"Then, tell me—for what reason would Arius come to Abydos in the first place?" (Shiroko)
"That's..." (Subaru)
── The reason is... me.
── Even if I hadn't interfered with Suou, Arius would inevitably come to Abydos. They would pose as guards, slaughter the Nephthys leadership, and then flaunt the corpses before me to boast of their deed. Their only goal is to torment me or something equally twisted; there is no rationalizing the minds of those maniacs. Either way, as far as Arius is concerned, they are coming, and Subaru is the target.
"...──" (Subaru)
"Directly speaking, Arius has no connection to us." (Shiroko)
"── Subaru, you don't have to tell me everything. But am I really that unworthy of your trust?" (Shiroko)
"No." (Subaru)
"No... Nn, I see." (Shiroko)
Subaru didn't intend to offer more words after her swift acceptance. The disastrous situation resulted mostly from Hikari and Nozomi's recklessness, but that wasn't the core issue. The problem lay with Nephthys and Arius—the things he had tried to hide.
『"It's not that I don't trust Shiroko. It's that I don't trust myself."』 (Subaru)
『"I lack the confidence in myself to ask for help from Shiroko and the others. Without lies... ── that is the truth. That is my flaw."』 (Subaru)
『"So, I'm sorry."』 (Subaru)
Subaru bowed his head deeply. He was in the wrong, without a doubt. He should have told them from the beginning, but the bomb's involvement made him hesitate. Bowing sincerely was the only way to apologize to Shiroko's feelings.
Though they had repeated this dialogue hundreds of times, he never once thought it unnecessary. Despite the endless cycle, he truly felt sorry for constantly worrying Arona and Shiroko. While saying his eroding humanity recovered just by talking to them was a lie, it was far better than turning into a "philosophical zombie."
"Haaa... fine, I understand that too. However..." (Shiroko)
"It's alright if I don't forgive those people who were firing that cannon, right?" (Shiroko)
"Ah... ── about that... well, give them a good scolding. They're technically my partners, but they really went too far... Wait, why did the bombardment stop?" (Subaru)
"I have taken over the control system. I apologize deeply for the delay." (Arona)
"Simultaneously, I am executing an "Extreme" rehabilitation educational program." (Arona)
"..." (Subaru)
"To ensure such an incident never happens again, and so these girls can be of use to Subaru-sama in the future... ──" (Arona)
"Stop it, Arona, stop! Both your words and the imagery this conjures are incredibly suspicious!" (Subaru)
"Understood." (Arona)
"So, may I go speak with those two girls now?" (Shiroko)
"Really, no. Please, have mercy on them." (Subaru)
●○●○●
As soon as he returned to the train, he found the two girls waiting for him, their faces drenched in tears.
"Do you realize what you did wrong?" (Shiroko)
""..."" (Nozomi & Hikari)
"Where is your answer?" (Shiroko)
""..."" (Nozomi & Hikari)
Watching their sullen faces as they refused to respond, Subaru felt a flicker of warmth; they were finally acting their age. However, he didn't have the luxury to enjoy the moment. His life, after all, had been at stake. What use was an ally who was supposed to protect him, only to stab him in the back?
"But, but Hikari was the one who..." (Nozomi)
"Nozomi did it on her own..." (Hikari)
"Nn... are you trying to make excuses?" (Shiroko)
"Don't scare them too much, alright?" (Subaru)
Despite the severity of Shiroko's scolding, Subaru realized that her words weren't the real cause of their psychological collapse. He didn't know what kind of "technical hell" Arona had inflicted on them through the turret's control system, but the "Extreme Rehabilitation" program she had launched earlier had clearly yielded terrifying results. Arona had grown suspiciously radical lately.
Thanks to that, they finished the demolition an hour ahead of schedule. Furthermore, he had gained new intelligence and eliminated the Arius soldiers who were attempting sabotage. From a purely profit-driven perspective, the outcome was positive. But...
── He had lost track of the "Basement Dweller."
Subaru's plan relied on resolving situations where this figure's interference was obvious—for instance, Suou's provocation of Hoshino or the Arius attack on Abydos. While not entirely certain, he could attribute those events to his handiwork.
Every element remained confined within that "Return by Death." The "Black Suit" had always been concerned with Hoshino's safety. So, what would someone do—someone who used Arius soldiers to kill everyone in Abydos just to push Hoshino into a frenzy and mock her—if he found all his plans thwarted in advance?
"..." (Subaru)
"You said we could fire, Big Bro!" (Nozomi)
"This is your fault..." (Hikari)
"Certainly, I was also at fault. I'm the one who asked for your help, and I didn't clearly explain my goals to you." (Subaru)
"I'm sorry, both of you." (Subaru)
Subaru bowed his head. As they stared at the crown of his lowered head... ──.
"── Well, since I apologized, you two should as well." (Subaru)
"... Ah! I'm sorry." (Nozomi)
"... I'm sorry." (Hikari)
"Don't worry about it. Thank you for lending me your strength! Nozomi, Hikari." (Subaru)
Subaru wiped away their tears with his tracksuit. With his usual physical strength—though he wasn't remarkably strong—carrying two children their size wasn't difficult. As for what they faced at Arona's hands... ── one could guess simply by knowing she could seize control of their turret; she likely forced them through a "Death Loop" experience or something similar.
"Alright, alright. Now, can I use the train again?" (Subaru)
"... Mmm, that was your real goal all along, wasn't it, Big Bro?" (Nozomi)
"It's fine. The observers will stay busy for a while because of this mess anyway~" (Hikari)
"Great! Then the next destination is... ── the next..." (Subaru)
As Shiroko began to choke him from behind for some reason, he called out his next stop. The destination was... ── yes, Abydos High School.
── We will return home, temporarily. I have crushed everything the "Basement Dweller" intended to do. Although I desperately want to save Nonomi immediately, the issues with Kaiser remain unresolved.
── I will use Ako's strength to repel Kaiser and contact Kanna to arrest the Director. Then, I'll deploy forces to protect everyone and wait for the "Basement Dweller" to move.
In other words, Subaru was now in a state of anticipation. He couldn't think of anything more he could do, and now it was time to wait patiently until the "Basement Dweller" flew into a rage.
── It seemed some constraints existed, as that bastard hadn't been driven to direct intervention yet. Since he hadn't reacted despite everything, I can assume he cannot intervene.
── I owe this to Nozomi and Hikari. Speed is life; in fact, I must quickly escape Shiroko's sleeper hold before I lose consciousness... ──.
"That's not fair." (Shiroko)
"What... is..." (Subaru)
"... ── Subaru, are you always like this?" (Shiroko)
"...??" (Subaru)
"A-anyway, let's head back to Abydos for now..." (Subaru)
Before passing out completely, he gently set the two girls on the ground. Once freed from the chokehold, he began coughing to clear his throat.
── Perhaps the source of Shiroko's and the girls' displeasure lies with me, yet I have always felt their anger was excessive over mere physical contact. It is impossible for me to harbor romantic feelings for children so young.
I do have feelings for Shiroko, and I can state that loudly without hesitation. Subaru's feelings for Shiroko transcend the very heavens—they are on the level of "Tengen Toppa," piercing the skies themselves.
── Yet, I have no right to reveal them until I have seen everything through to the end.
"Let us head back. Surely, everyone is waiting for us." (Subaru)
"Nn." (Shiroko)
While this world presents me with hardships, it also allows me to reclaim what was lost. Even if saying so might make everyone hate me instantly, I love Hina, Hoshino, Kanna, Ako, Aru, Shiroko, and everyone I have encountered so far.
I love them in every possible way; they possess a charm that would captivate anyone, leaving me with no choice but to adore them. I want my voice to tremble with emotion as I pour out all this love, which nearly makes my blood boil.
Take Hina, for example; she is an angel who descended into this world. Her pure white hair reminds me of soft angelic wings. Although she would be embarrassed if I said it to her face, her alluring clothes—so ill-suited to her small frame—truly strain my heart. Those exceptionally short, slit culottes... it is impossible not to be drawn to the skin revealed through those gaps. It is simply unfair; even her voice is a heart-melting melody, and her involuntary movements are enough to stop anyone's pulse.
Then there is Hoshino. She usually feigns laziness and lethargy... ── yet those "attractive" traits she occasionally displays strike the heart harder than expected; it is what they call the "gap effect." Although I have seen only her cold side, I fell in love with that tender "gap" that appeared when the younger club members returned.
As for Ako... well, as long as it is her own taste, I will not object. I won't. ... ── Joking aside, her loyalty and dedication to Hina are both heartwarming and admirable.
And Shiroko. The sensation of her "furry ears," which never fades no matter how many dozens or hundreds of times it's repeated, still lingers in my mouth. No one but Shiroko can grant me a "lap pillow"; she creates a truly unique time and place. Even the feeling of her legs touching is a sensation I want to preserve and turn into my own private pillow.
I have said much, but it is ultimately impossible for everyone to love "Natsuki Subaru." Currently, regarding our promise, are Shiroko's feelings for me... ── high? Regardless, the mere fact that I ponder such things suggests I am unworthy of being loved...
── And because they are so dear to my heart, I remember with absolute clarity everything that transpired when all those precious things were desecrated.
Since Subaru's own negligence caused those errors, he had no right to voice his feelings now.
"I'm heading to the cockpit. You two are guests, so take whatever seats you like." (Subaru)
"Please wait a moment until we're ready for departure~" (Hikari)
"Alright, alright. Does this train offer any amenities?" (Subaru)
"We might have some if the train flew through the sky. Should we try making it take flight right now?" (Nozomi)
"Stop right there. I loathe the idea of being hurled into the air unprotected again—especially another "skyward stroll" without a parachute or anything!" (Subaru)
"That voice is overflowing with realism. Does it have something to do with that scary sister over there...? ── It definitely does~" (Hikari)
"Do I look that scary?" (Shiroko)
"Hieeeeee!" (Nozomi)
"Shiroko, don't threaten them." (Subaru)
"I'm not threatening." (Shiroko)
Shiroko looked away with indifference, her bluntness suggesting she held another lingering grudge. Subaru calmed her down before taking his seat.
Shiroko tried to sit on Subaru's lap, but he pushed her away, wanting to rest for a moment. Having finally found a chance to breathe, he intended to save his strength for what lay ahead. Shiroko stubbornly insisted on sitting there anyway. After several minutes of failed attempts to move her, Subaru surrendered. At that moment, Nozomi and Hikari's voices crackled over the intercom, announcing that preparations for departure were complete.
The announcement sounded incredibly polite and professional, a jarring contrast to their childish behavior just moments ago. Though such announcements are usually routine, this one served as a specific alert for only Subaru and Shiroko. The train began to move like a luxury private jet. The force of the acceleration pressed Subaru into the back of his seat as the speed steadily climbed.
"...… Honestly, I really wanted Hoshino and Nonomi to reunite sooner than this. I expect a barrage of scoldings and insults the moment I return, though." (Subaru)
"Do you really think so? I don't think Hoshino-senpai ever intended to pile all this burden on you. I'm certain that once you both return, she will rely on you to some extent. We'll get Nonomi back soon." (Shiroko)
"Besides, Hoshino-senpai is strong, for better or worse. I believe she will help you achieve everything you want to do." (Shiroko)
"For better or worse, huh?" (Subaru)
"Nn. For better or worse. Hoshino-senpai always says she only solved problems through violence—just like you, Subaru—because she lacks the confidence to solve them any other way." (Shiroko)
"── Even so, her insistence on carrying everything alone is... how should I put it..." (Subaru)
"Nn. Annoying." (Shiroko)
Yes, she was spectacularly annoying. Since Shiroko—the person closest to her—called her annoying, then she certainly was. But since Subaru understood the roots of that "annoyance" perfectly... ──.
── The moment we can laugh and tell each other "You're annoying" will be the true endpoint of this "Return by Death."
The past doesn't vanish; it haunts us now like a shadow. Yet, we can only live in the "now." Despite remembering those words, Hoshino had screamed at herself: "I am the one who robbed Yume-senpai of her present and her future."
I understand the grief of death. I understand the feeling of cursing oneself for turning someone into the "past." Yet, the feeling of "annoyance" wins in the end. Hoshino is truly a hopeless senpai—scarred, messy, and a complete disaster.
"...── Even so, we only have this "now."" (Subaru)
"No one decided that it's over." (Shiroko)
Just as we must face the past and the future someday, we must also face the "present." Either way, Subaru and Hoshino live in this chaotic world. It's fine if they can't forgive themselves, but they must accept reality.
Subaru wanted to convey this because he himself had no choice but to live this way—in a world where lost things never return, and because he was a hundred times worse than Hoshino at "protecting" others ──.
"—!?" (Subaru)
"Subaru, get down!" (Shiroko)
While Subaru was lost in his inner monologue about facing the vanishing "past" with every "Return by Death," the train screeched to a halt with insane speed. The momentum of the sudden stop slammed into his body. Had Shiroko not held him, he might have smashed through the window and been flung outside.
Shiroko immediately took a combat stance. Since the twins had been serious about their work, Subaru didn't think this emergency stop was a prank. This was a crisis.
"What happened! Nozomi! Hikari!" (Subaru)
"This is bad~! There's a train coming from the opposite direction at over two hundred kilometers per hour! No response—maybe it's an automated ghost train!?" (Nozomi)
"Mmm, and the car number isn't registered either... Did it launch itself from an abandoned station?" (Hikari)
"And as soon as we stopped, human signatures started swarming around us!" (Nozomi)
"... ──!!" (Subaru)
From the few details the girls provided, Subaru grasped the situation instantly. His mind raced faster than his body could react, and he muttered involuntarily: "Is this the "Basement Dweller's" doing...?"
He pulled his face close to Shiroko's until their noses nearly touched. They spoke in a space where they could feel each other's breath. A faint flush touched Shiroko's blue eyes at the sudden proximity, but seeing Subaru's expression—a strange mix of dead seriousness and a smile—she immediately hardened her features.
── That expression was the same face he wore when he triumphed over Hoshino.
"I'm sorry, Shiroko. I'm going to be insanely stubborn this time." (Subaru)
"That's fine. Just keep the second promise." (Shiroko)
"I will." (Subaru)
The death zone continues. How many times must one survive by a miracle before fate is satisfied?
"... He-he!" (Subaru)
"Nn... is something funny?" (Shiroko)
"No, not exactly." (Subaru)
Though the situation didn't call for laughter, his mood had actually improved. The "snake" had finally shown its tail. He had intended to wait at Abydos for an intervention, but it seemed that bastard's patience was even thinner than Subaru had imagined. He was anxious, undoubtedly panicked.
Why couldn't Hoshino defeat the "Black Suit"? It was because the Black Suit never fought on the same field as her from the start. He realized it wasn't a contest of physical strength because he was an "adult."
"How childish! Don't you feel ashamed, throwing all your weight against children!!" (Subaru)
This violent assault was like saying, "This is what happens when you anger the adults," but it lacked intelligence. Even if you place a "death" before me that I can overcome, I will never feel fear.
This, without a doubt, could be considered a "Fatal Step."
── A fatal step for the "Basement Dweller."
"I'll face your childish style with my own. And thank you for going through the trouble of coming here yourself." (Subaru)
This juvenile attack, in short... was a blatant confession that he had no more cards left to play.
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