[Futaba Rio's 'Quantum' Paradox] (Color)
Commission Content:
Born into a successful family, Futaba Rio is not as happy as she appears on the surface. Material abundance cannot bring her spiritual satisfaction.
As a 'child of someone else's family' since childhood, Futaba also has her own troubles. Hating being watched yet craving attention—two contradictory psychological states are magnified by adolescence. When the ideal self collides with the real self, the huge sense of fragmentation makes her become two similar but distinct individuals under the action of supernatural power.
Due to your previous paving, both Futabas hold unusual trust in you, believing you can help them solve their existing problems.
To this, what answer will you give...
Note 1: This task is a special task with certain uncontrollability, which may cause irreversible losses. Please proceed with caution.
Note 2: The two Futabas seem to have two completely different personalities on the surface, but perhaps there is some common ground between them?
After reading the information given in the commission column, Shinra couldn't help falling into contemplation.
The information revealed above was not much, but very crucial.
First of all, the inference that Futaba Rio's self-split was caused by sexual repression could be ruled out. The commission content already stated clearly that 'hating being watched' and 'craving attention'—these two contradictory psychological states were the key to her suffering from Adolescence Syndrome.
Regarding the first point 'hating being watched', on the surface, it can be understood as the resistance caused by being observed with strange eyes by peers due to developing too well. In fact, it can be extended to hating the real self.
After all, physical development does not shift according to her will; it is the most 'real' reality, impossible to change no matter how she escapes.
And the second point 'craving attention' is the 'need' generated on the basis of the first point. Futaba Rio avoids social interaction because she doesn't want to be stared at, but her social needs won't disappear because of this, thus generating the idea of craving attention.
Specifically implemented into the phenomenon, it is Surface Futaba—the ideal self, and Inner Futaba—the real self.
Saying this might be somewhat counterintuitive—that the old-fashioned Futaba wearing glasses, long hair, and a white lab coat would be the ideal self.
But in fact, this is indeed the Futaba that Futaba hopes others can observe. Also precisely because of this, Surface Futaba has higher moral requirements. After all, from beginning to end, she is a persona shaped based on relevant environmental expectations.
As for the real Futaba, there isn't much to say. The act of dressing up itself actually symbolizes acceptance of oneself.
Compared to Surface Futaba who is always 'pretending', Inner Futaba's behavioral logic appears much more 'selfish'. It is precisely this 'selfishness' that shows her reality.
Of course, this doesn't mean Surface Futaba is unreal. On the contrary, Surface Futaba is also real. It's just that both Surface and Inner Futabas only symbolize part of the real Futaba.
Only by merging into one can she be considered the most authentic Futaba.
"What are you dazing for?" Futaba Rio pulled Shinra back from his thoughts with her voice.
"Just thinking which one is the most authentic you." Shinra replied.
"Another stupid question?"
Perhaps because she had already shown her most authentic side (photos) to Shinra, Inner Futaba's attitude towards Shinra also underwent some subtle changes. She was no longer so reserved, and her speech became impolite.
She said in a matter-of-course tone: "Whether it's me or her, both are real."
"There must be a more real one, right?"
Futaba Rio glanced sideways at Shinra and said: "Then let me ask you, for you, do you like Mai-senpai a little more, or that Yukinoshita a little more?"
"..."
Shinra obediently shut his mouth.
This was indeed a bit difficult to choose. Saying he liked both, there must be a difference in intimacy, but really distinguishing high and low, neither could be given up easily.
Can't help it; he is just such a greedy and terrible guy.
But then again, Futaba asking this, isn't it hurting me a bit too much?
Seeing Shinra didn't answer, Futaba Rio didn't pursue relentlessly but continued: "Existence is reasonable. Whether it's me or the other 'me', we are both the real 'me'."
"Although Adolescence Syndrome split me into two seemingly distinct individuals, in the end, we are one. Just like branches on a tree trunk, can you say the branch branching to the left and the branch branching to the right are not from the same tree?"
"..." Shinra was silent for a long while, finally unable to resist saying: "Feels like you see it very clearly. Since that's the case..."
"Thinking clearly doesn't mean doing clearly. You may not understand, but I hate myself."
"Those photos earlier, actually I didn't plan to show you at first. I just wanted to observe myself more objectively at that time."
Futaba Rio narrated her initial psychological activities in a flat tone.
"Then why still..."
"Count it as a kind of self-abuse behavior."
"Should count as a reward for me?" Shinra joked.
Compared to self-harm, which harms oneself without benefiting anyone, giving benefits is relatively mild. At least Shinra feasted his eyes, didn't he?
"You shouldn't have used my photos to do strange things, right?" Futaba Rio asked.
Before Shinra could answer, Futaba Rio said to herself again: "Forget it. If you really did, you wouldn't tell me. The result would be the same anyway."
"Is there a possibility that even if I really did, I would tell you the truth?" Shinra proposed a hypothesis.
Futaba Rio stared at Shinra seriously for a while, then sighed: "This is indeed something you could do."
Daring to admit stepping on two boats (two-timing) in front of her, what else does he dare not do?
At that time, she didn't know what she was thinking, not exposing his true colors in front of that Yukinoshita, so that now she is forced to stand on the same boat with him.
"Of course, I didn't do anything strange." Shinra still wanted to prove his innocence.
Mm, actually did strange things at that time, but not to the photos.
After all, normal people shouldn't do operations like electrocuting themselves with 220V voltage. Saying this is a strange thing should be no problem.
"I believe you."
"The tone is a bit perfunctory. Do you really believe it?"
"Is there a difference?"
Really not, because whether Futaba Rio really believes it or not, her answer will only be 'believe'.
Different paths leading to the same goal, so to speak.
"Since sending me photos is self-abuse, why invite me for 'offline observation' later?"
"Because felt you would like it."
"Hard to deny."
"Actually, the two don't contradict. You can understand it as... self-abuse upgrade? Or rather, I am bribing you."
"Bribing?" Shinra found Futaba Rio's statement very interesting.
Because if it's bribery, there must be a request to generate the idea of bribery.
"The world doesn't need two Futaba Rios." Futaba Rio answered like this.
"You want me to help you eliminate the other one?"
"No, I hope you can choose one."
This answer was somewhat beyond Shinra's expectation. He thought Inner Futaba wanted him to help her get rid of Surface Futaba.
One mountain cannot tolerate two tigers, let alone two identical people.
Just didn't expect Inner Futaba didn't mean to force him to choose her. Looking at her, compared to which one to choose, she cared more about whether Shinra chose or not.
"So can you tell me your choice?" Futaba Rio asked.
"This answer is a bit difficult."
"Is it harder than choosing Mai-senpai or Yukinoshita?"
"Regarding this question, it is simpler than your question."
"?"
Seeing the doubt revealed in Futaba Rio's eyes, Shinra said without reservation rarely: "Whether it's Mai or Yukinoshita, having both is fine, isn't it?"
"..."
Now it was Futaba Rio's turn not knowing what to say.
"Surprisingly terrible?" Shinra spoke for Futaba.
"A little." Futaba Rio didn't deny, "But your method is not applicable to my problem."
Surface Futaba and Inner Futaba, one must be chosen.
"We two did different things, and our memories and experiences are also widely divergent. It is impossible to change back to one person." Futaba Rio said with extremely affirmative tone.
Even if reconciling, one side must make a compromise, and the side making the compromise will inevitably disappear.
This was unspoken, but a point both Inner Futaba and Surface Futaba were clear about.
"So your answer is..."
"This kind of thing should be decided by yourselves. Do your own things yourself; this is something kindergarten children understand, right?" Shinra didn't plan to make any decisions for Futaba Rio.
"Is that so. What a pity." Futaba Rio wasn't surprised by Shinra's answer.
Rather, if Shinra really made a decision for her, it would make her sad, because no matter which one Shinra chose, in a sense, he was negating 'Futaba'.
As for why it's a pity... because if the other party negated her, maybe she could stop holding unrealistic fantasies about Shinra.
But now it seems, not only did she not break free from the quagmire, but she sank deeper.
Obviously such a terrible person...
"Speaking of which, are there any more bribes?"
"None." Futaba Rio seemed to be angered by Shinra's shamelessness; even the flat tone carried a trace of displeasure.
"Then I leave?"
Shinra thought since there was no delightful bribery session, what was he doing here? Better go home.
He drank the coffee in the cup in one gulp. Honestly, the latte with three sugar cubes was more like coffee-flavored sugar water than coffee, incredibly sweet.
"Be careful on the road."
Unexpectedly no intention of keeping him?
Shinra was sent out of the villa by Futaba Rio. At this time, it was almost dark outside. He had been running around all afternoon and hadn't even had dinner.
Fortunately, there were multiple restaurants on the way back to his home from Futaba's side. The choice was wider than going home from normal club activities. He could happily decide what to eat tonight.
After finishing dinner, Shinra returned home. Not long after arriving home, just as he planned to take a shower, he received photos from Inner Futaba.
This time it wasn't an outfit, because Futaba in the photo was sitting in a bathtub. Except for the towel wrapping her hair to avoid getting wet, she had no fabric on her body, so outfits were naturally out of the question.
However, although there was no fabric, there was obstructive foam covering, plus the shooting angle issue, making the whole photo seem large-scale (erotic), but actually, the key parts were not leaked at all, blocked tightly for you.
Not selling, pure teasing.
Looking at it made Shinra want to take a bath after a long time. He saw Futaba's bathtub was quite big...
Thinking about it, Shinra edited a message and clicked send.
Shinra: [So still self-abuse?]
Futaba Rio: [More precisely, revenge.]
If this was revenge, then Shinra hoped there would be more such revenge. Teasing aside, at least he could feast his eyes, right?
If he were more morally corrupt, taking the photos to find Surface Futaba and saying a classic line: Futaba, you don't want this photo to be known by others, right...
Gegege (evil laugh), Shinra has already thought about what style of silver bracelets (handcuffs) to wear.
Shinra: [Hope more such revenge can come.]
Futaba Rio: [That has to wait until I can contact Mai-senpai.]
Threat, this is threatening him!
Shinra felt he could hear Futaba Rio's flat tone in his ear.
Shinra, you don't want the matter of looking at photos to be known by Mai-senpai, right...
Fortunately, Inner Futaba can't contact Mai...
Shinra: [Don't understand. I'm going to take a shower.]
Shinra: [Do you want to see photos?]
Looking at the read-but-no-reply message, Shinra closed the chat app, opened the music player, skillfully opened the playlist to start playing, then slowly took out the change of clothes and towel from the dryer, and walked into the bathroom.
Water sound mixed with music played by the phone. Shinra still didn't choose to take a bath in the end.
School the next day. Break after the first class in the morning.
Hachiman found Shinra and asked why he didn't participate in club activities yesterday.
"Heh, grew up. Know to care about people." Shinra showed a deeply moved look.
Shinra's reaction made Hachiman regret asking him this question a bit.
Caring about him, but being taken advantage of by him.
A feeling of misplaced affection.
"Looks like nothing happened." Hachiman muttered, then planned to return to his seat.
Worrying about this guy, purely superfluous.
"Not nothing. Hachiman, what would you do if there were two of you in this world?"
"You want to write a novel too?"
"Too?"
"Oh, a guy plans to write a light novel recently and asked me to check it for him." Hachiman mentioned an irrelevant matter.
"How is it?" Shinra was really curious about which god-man would think of asking Hachiman to read a novel.
"Complete nonsense." Hachiman gave the most precise evaluation.
If you said it was written beautifully, Shinra might not necessarily want to read it, but if you said it was complete nonsense, he really wanted to know what content deserved such an evaluation.
Asking Hachiman for that novel, Shinra quickly flipped through it, revealing an indescribable expression on his face. It really was complete nonsense.
Too apt.
No literary talent, no plot. What met the eye was just some baffling self-indulgence, giving a feeling of what exactly is going on in this author's brain.
"How was it?" Seeing Shinra also reveal a face like eating shit, Hachiman's mood suddenly improved a lot.
Sure enough, shit, this thing, tastes better when eaten together.
"Let's talk about two selves." Shinra brought the topic back on track.
"Eh? Actually serious?" Hachiman thought Shinra was looking for a topic.
"Your answer is."
"If there really were two of me, at least I wouldn't have to worry about having no one to team up with in PE class."
Actually thought of this first? How many single-player PE classes have you had?
Shinra applied a patch: "The two selves cannot meet. Once they meet, one will inevitably disappear."
"What clichéd setting? Can't the two selves meet?"
"Can you imagine yourself face to face with another self?"
"Are you kidding? Just thinking about it makes me sick enough to vomit." Hachiman thought about such a scene. One was already annoying enough; if another came, he was afraid yesterday's dinner would be vomited out.
Shinra was speechless. This guy was quite talented in self-deprecation.
"What if the other you is that sunny and cheerful type?"
"...Unimaginable."
"Indeed a bit."
"Hey!"
Hachiman felt Shinra was mocking him.
"So if you have to choose one to keep, would you choose the current you, or that sunny and cheerful you?"
"Choose neither. Both are annoying. Better die together." Hachiman was quite vicious to himself.
Of course, he was only vicious to himself.
"You are really gentle."
"Ha? What kind of gentleness is this?"
Hachiman looked at Shinra puzzled, seemingly considering if this guy's brain had problems.
"Preferring self-destruction rather than polluting this world, isn't that gentle enough?" Shinra revealed a compassionate smile. He was warmed by Hachiman.
"Looking for trouble?" Hachiman understood now. This guy was mocking him.
"No, how could I, impossible." Shinra skillfully denied three times.
Hachiman thought for a moment, then gave another answer: "If really only one can stay, I should choose a duel. Survival of the fittest."
"Social Darwinism?"
"Not that extreme."
While bantering with Hachiman, the class bell rang, and this topic ended inconclusively.
After school in the afternoon, Shinra asked Yukino for leave for another day.
He wanted to put his energy into Adolescence Syndrome.
This time, although Yukino approved the leave, she couldn't help saying to Shinra at the end: "Just say if you need help."
Obviously, Yukino thought Shinra asking for leave repeatedly must have encountered something, and wanted to extend a helping hand proactively with the idea of helping if possible.
For Yukino, who always showed a cold personality, this could be considered a groundbreaking first time.
But unfortunately, Yukino couldn't help with this matter. getting involved would only make things more troublesome.
After all, liking one person can't be hidden, but liking two people must be hidden tightly.
For someone like Shinra who blossomed in multiple places, before having absolute certainty, it was best not to let them know each other.
Shinra politely declined Yukino's kindness and indicated it was just some small problems, estimated to be handled in two days, and club activities would proceed normally afterward.
Hearing Shinra say this, Yukino didn't say much more, just replied "Got it", and then continued reading the paperback book.
Mm, the Service Club without commission status is no different from a study room.
Arriving at Mai's apartment again, this time without a key, Shinra chose to knock.
Before long, footsteps came from inside the door, stopped at the door for a while—Futaba should be checking the visitor through the peephole—and opened the door after confirming it was Shinra.
"Good afternoon." Shinra greeted.
"Good afternoon." Futaba Rio glanced at the bag in his hand, revealing a somewhat exploring look.
"Hato Sabure (Dove Biscuits), bought on the way." Shinra answered her doubt.
"...Please come in." Futaba Rio didn't say much, just stepped aside to let Shinra in.
After entering the room, Shinra said to Futaba: "Yesterday, I went to find the other you."
Futaba's body paused, then quickly returned to normal. She opened the refrigerator to help Shinra get the large bottle of drink not finished yesterday.
"So?"
"She asked me to choose one of two."
"Your choice is?"
"I chose neither. After all, it's your own business; what right do I, an outsider, have to decide."
Joy or anger couldn't be seen on Futaba Rio's face. She broke the Dove Biscuit brought by Shinra from the middle, separating the head and tail.
"So that's it. I thought you would choose her."
"Why?"
"Because she sends you photos. If you chose her, it should be easy to get photos or whatever in the future, right?"
"Feel like I would be killed by Mai." Shinra said.
"She won't tell Mai-senpai." Futaba Rio affirmed.
Because even she didn't plan to tell Mai-senpai about this. Once told, she felt they might not even be able to be friends. Futaba Rio didn't want to see that kind of thing.
But hiding it from her would always make her conscience suffer condemnation. Therefore, Futaba felt it would be fine if Shinra chose the other self.
Of course, she still hated the other party.
"What about you? Will you tell her?" Shinra asked.
Futaba Rio glanced at Shinra and didn't answer.
Sometimes not answering is actually an answer.
"Is that so..." Shinra felt a bit tricky.
The two Futaba Rios gave him the feeling of a time bomb. He felt no matter which one stayed, a slight mistake would make the Shuraba (carnage/jealousy scene) erupt in advance.
This referred not to the Shuraba between Yukino and Mai, but between Futaba and Mai.
Shinra wasn't a fool; he could naturally see Futaba's thoughts about him. Neither of these two Futabas hid it, unknown if it was because of Adolescence Syndrome.
"Is there no possibility of reconciliation between you?"
"Maybe yes, maybe no."
"What kind of answer is this?"
"Don't know."