Greg was teaching Seraphine the blacksmith's song when the screaming started. It had been a peaceful afternoon. Seraphine had shown up at his workshop with a notebook and what she claimed was "purely academic interest" in his work methods.
They'd been sitting outside, Greg demonstrating the rhythm of the tune while Seraphine tried to follow along, her usually perfect composure breaking every time she hit a wrong note. Then a farmer came running into the village square, his face pale with terror.
"Monsters! Coming from the Darkwood!" The man collapsed near the fountain, gasping for breath.
"Dozens of them! Shadow beasts and corrupted wolves! They're headed straight for the village!"
The peaceful atmosphere shattered instantly. Villagers rushed out of their homes, some grabbing whatever tools they had, others herding children to safety. The village chief appeared, looking grim but determined.
"How long do we have?" he asked the farmer.
"Maybe an hour, maybe less." The farmer coughed. "They were moving fast, and there's something wrong with them."
"Their eyes glowed purple, like they were being driven by something unnatural."
Seraphine was already on her feet, ice crystals swirling around her in preparation for combat. "Corruption magic."
"Something in that forest is spawning corrupted creatures." She turned to Greg.
"You need to evacuate. If this is a dungeon break, the entire village could be in danger."
"We can't evacuate," the chief said.
"Not everyone, not fast enough. Our only hope is to hold them off until help arrives from the nearest garrison."
"That could take days," Lylia said, emerging from her restaurant with her magical ladle already in hand. Marina appeared moments later, her frying pan strapped to her back like a shield.
Greg looked at the gathering defenders. Lylia, a retired knight with a soup ladle. Marina, an adventurer with cooking equipment. Seraphine, a powerful mage who probably could hold off the monsters alone but would exhaust herself doing it. A handful of farmers with pitchforks. It wasn't enough.
"I need a weapon," one of the younger men said, looking at Greg desperately.
"Please, Master Greg. I know you don't make them, but my family is here. I need something to protect them."
Other voices joined in, pleading for swords, spears, anything that could fight off the coming horde. Greg felt his old instincts rising, the part of him that knew exactly what weapons they needed and how to forge them.
He could make a blade that would cut through shadow beasts like paper. Armor that would turn aside corrupted claws. He had the skills, the materials, the system. But then he'd be right back where he started, creating tools of death.
"No weapons," Greg said firmly, and several faces fell. "But I have another idea."
"Chief, you said the monsters are corrupted, right? Driven by something unnatural?"
"That's what it looked like," the farmer confirmed.
"Then we don't fight them," Greg said. "We purify them."
Seraphine frowned. "Purification magic requires holy priests or specialized artifacts. We have neither."
"We have me," Greg said, already heading back to his workshop. "And I'm about to make the most ridiculous thing yet."
He pulled out his finest iron and the oak wood from a tree that had been blessed by local spirits. His hands moved with purpose as he shaped a farming hoe, but this time he poured very specific intent into it.
The runes appeared in golden light, far brighter than usual. They spiraled up the handle and across the blade in patterns that looked like growing vines and blooming flowers.
[Crafting Complete!]
[Item Created: Holy Hoe of Purification]
[Quality Rank: SSS]
[Special Properties: Indestructible, Purifies corrupted land and creatures, Creates zones of holy ground, Accelerates natural growth]
[Special Effect: Any corrupted being struck by this hoe will be cleansed of dark magic]
[Achievement: Weaponizing Peace]
[The gods are impressed despite themselves]
Greg stared at the notification. "Weaponizing peace. Sure, why not."
He brought the hoe outside where the defenders had gathered. The tool glowed with soft golden light, and everyone could feel the warmth radiating from it.
"You made a farming tool," one of the farmers said uncertainly.
"I made a purification tool that happens to look like a hoe," Greg corrected.
"If those monsters are corrupted, this should cleanse them. Return them to normal animals or dissipate them entirely if they're pure corruption."
"That's insane," Seraphine said, but she was studying the hoe with fascination.
"The amount of holy energy condensed into this tool is equivalent to a high priest's blessing. How did you channel divine power through a farming implement?"
"I asked it nicely to purify things," Greg said. "The system did the rest."
"You asked the metal nicely," Seraphine repeated flatly.
"Works better than you'd think." Greg held out the hoe. "Who wants to be the one swinging it?"
"I'll do it," Lylia said, stepping forward. She tested the weight of the hoe, nodding approvingly.
"Good balance. Similar weight to my old training blade. Though I never thought I'd be going into battle with a garden hoe."
"First time for everything," Marina said. "I've got your back with my frying pan."
"This is the strangest battle preparation I've ever witnessed," Seraphine muttered, but she was already casting protective barriers around the village. "And I once saw a dwarf fight a dragon with a beer keg."
The monsters appeared at the edge of the village twenty minutes later. They were exactly as the farmer described. Wolves and shadow beasts with glowing purple eyes, moving with unnatural coordination. Dark miasma clung to them like fog, and the plants they passed withered and died.
"Here they come!" someone shouted.
Lylia stepped forward, the holy hoe held ready. "Stay behind me. Let's see if this works."
The first corrupted wolf lunged at her, snarling with purple-tinged saliva dripping from its jaws. Lylia swung the hoe in a perfect arc, the blade connecting with the creature's side.
Golden light exploded outward. The wolf yelped, not in pain but in surprise, as the dark corruption burned away from its body.
Within seconds, it transformed back into a normal wolf, confused and frightened. It turned and ran back toward the forest, no longer under the corruption's control.
"It works!" Marina whooped. "Keep going!"
What followed was possibly the strangest battle Greg had ever witnessed. Lylia moved through the corrupted creatures with the grace of a master swordsman, but instead of cutting them down, she was purifying them with a garden hoe. Each strike burst with holy light, cleansing the corruption and returning the animals to their natural state.
Marina backed her up with the frying pan, deflecting attacks and occasionally stunning creatures with well-placed bonks to the head. Seraphine provided support with ice magic, freezing corrupted creatures in place so Lylia could purify them safely.
The villagers watched in awe as their defenders literally gardened their way through a monster horde. "We're saved...!"
"This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen," the village chief said.
"Welcome to my life," Greg replied.
But then the real problem emerged from the forest. A massive corrupted treant, easily twenty feet tall, its bark twisted with dark magic and its branches ending in claw-like appendages. The source of the corruption.
"That's what was spawning the corrupted creatures," Seraphine said.
"An ancient treant corrupted by dark magic. Lylia, that hoe might not be enough for something that size."
"Then we need a bigger hoe," Marina suggested.
"Or," Greg said slowly, "we use it for its actual purpose."
Everyone turned to look at him. "What do you mean, Master Greg...?"
"It's a hoe," Greg continued. "For tilling earth."
"What if instead of hitting the treant, we purify the ground around it? Cut off its source of corrupted energy."
Lylia's eyes widened. "That's actually brilliant. If we cleanse the earth it's rooted in, the corruption will have nowhere to draw power from."
"I'll freeze it in place," Seraphine said. "Give you time to work."
She raised her hands, and massive ice formations erupted around the treant, locking it in place. The creature roared, thrashing against its icy prison, but held firm.
Lylia ran forward with the holy hoe and began tilling the ground around the treant's roots. Each strike of the blade sent golden light spreading through the earth, purifying the corrupted soil.
The effect was immediate. The dark miasma began to dissipate, the twisted plants straightened, and color returned to the dying grass.
The treant's roar turned into a groan of pain as its source of power was cut off. The purple glow faded from its eyes, and the twisted bark began to straighten.
Within minutes, it had transformed back into a normal ancient tree, majestic and peaceful. Seraphine released her ice magic, and the newly purified treant simply stood there, swaying gently in the breeze.
"Did we just save a corrupted forest by farming it?" Marina asked.
"Apparently yes," Lylia said, looking at the holy hoe with new appreciation.
"Greg, this is incredible. We didn't have to kill anything. We just purified them."
[Quest Complete: Purify via Peaceful Means]
[Reward: SSS-Rank Achievement]
[Title Unlocked: Guardian of Peace]
[Special Reward: Recipe for Purification Tools]
[The gods admit this was pretty impressive]
[Even the war gods are taking notes]
The villagers erupted in cheers. They'd defended their home without a single casualty, without even needing to kill the attacking creatures. It was unprecedented.
Greg watched as Lylia returned the hoe to him, her expression thoughtful. "You know, when I retired from the knights, I thought I'd never be part of something meaningful again."
"But this? Protecting people without violence? This feels more meaningful than any battle I fought."
"That's the idea," Greg said.
"Peace isn't just the absence of war. It's actively choosing to solve problems without violence."
Seraphine approached, her notebook out but her expression softer than usual. "I need to completely revise my report."
"Your philosophy isn't just idealistic nonsense. It's practically revolutionary. You're creating a new school of defensive magic based on household tools and farming implements."
"I'm just making things that help people," Greg protested.
"You're changing how we think about power and protection," Seraphine countered.
"That's more significant than any weapon."
As the village celebrated their victory, Greg couldn't help but smile. Maybe his peaceful revolution was working after all. One ridiculous farming tool at a time.