Chapter 18
This Is Why I Never Wanted to Feel Anything.
It was the last week of school.
The halls were emptier.
The teachers were softer.
The board was half-erased.
People were already saying their goodbyes — to friends, to classmates, to a year that changed more than just grades.
And I knew I had to tell him.
Today.
No more delays.
No more pretending.
No more holding it in.
He met me by the back staircase.
The same one where he gave me the rose.
Where he smiled like I was the only thing in the world that mattered.
And now?
I had to break that smile.
"Keif," I said softly, voice already shaking. "I need to tell you something."
He tilted his head. "What's wrong?"
I swallowed.
"My parents… they're transferring me. Me and Fatima. To another school."
His face didn't change right away. Just… blinked.
"Oh," he said. "Like… for real?"
"It's five minutes from our house," I said. "It's closer. Safer. They made the decision weeks ago. I didn't want to tell you."
"Why?"
I looked down.
"Because I knew this would happen."
The silence after that felt like the earth was holding its breath.
And then—
"I get it," he said quietly. "I just… I didn't think it'd be this soon."
And that was it.
That one sentence shattered me.
I didn't cry loud.
Not at first.
But the tears came fast — like I'd been holding back a flood and someone finally opened the dam.
He reached for my hand.
I pulled it back.
"This is why I didn't want to feel anything," I whispered, voice cracking. "This is why I didn't want this. You. Us. Because it hurts."
"Jay…"
"It HURTS, Keifer."
I didn't care if someone heard.
Didn't care if Fatima was watching from around the corner.
I was just tired.
Tired of pretending it didn't matter.
Tired of thinking it wouldn't end.
Tired of knowing that I let someone in just to lose them.
Fatima found me first.
Wrapped her arms around me before I could fall to the floor.
Yuri was nearby, quietly sitting beside Keifer, both of them silent.
"I'm sorry," I said over and over.
And Keifer?
He just looked at me like he wanted to say something.
But didn't.
Because maybe he knew it too.
There was nothing left to say.
That night, I sat in my room.
No bracelet.
No scrunchie.
Just the mirror.
Pressed to my chest.
I didn't cry this time.
I just stared at the ceiling and whispered:
"This is why I never wanted to feel anything."
End of Chapter 18.