Shizuo could feel his body growing weaker and colder with every step he took. His face was drenched in a cold sweat and his hands felt like they were freezing.
He could hear his own voice inside his head, just criticizing every move he made. The common and mundane walk home became a hellish nightmare he had to endure.
He felt everyone's judgmental eyes on his skin. He walked faster… and faster... and faster. "Must… get… back… home…" He started hyperventilating.
When he turned the corner on to a pedestrian only road, he felt like he couldn't continue walking. He leaned against a telephone pole and threw his bag to the floor.
He sat on the floor, leaning against the pole, and his hands trembling. "Ohh, are you tired of running… I guess you're giving up again… how creative of you SHIZUO…," said a voice in his head.
"Please… get out of my head… I'm begging," pleaded Shizuo, facing the floor and holding his head.
"What did I ever do to deserve this torment," said Shizuo, tears welling up in his eyes.
But before his brown eyes could shed a tear, a familiar voice tore through the air like a sharp blade. "SHIZUO!!!" it called out to him.
When Shizuo looked up, he saw Nomura struggling to catch her breath. As soon as he realized it was her, he hid his face in his cold hands. With his lips quivering, he asked "W-What are y-you doing here?"
"I called out to you before, on the street… but you ignored me… Then, when you ran that red light, I got worried, so I followed you."
But when she finally caught her breath and looked at him, she immediately realized something was wrong.
She quietly sat next to Shizuo. "Hey… do you mind coming with me somewhere?" she asked, with a tender voice.
"W-Why?" Shizuo frantically started rubbing his eyes. "Cause I want to repay the favor." She got up and slowly grabbed Shizuo's bag, and she hummed slowly—just loud enough for Shizuo to hear—while waiting for Shizuo to compose himself.
Shizuo sat there for a moment more, listening to Nomura's humming. He could feel his stiff body slowly relaxing. When he felt ready, he rose slowly, but didn't say a word. But Nomura didn't utter a word either; she slowly walked, making sure Shizuo was following closely.
"We're here," she said quietly, standing at the entrance to the park. Shizuo couldn't believe his eyes. "I knew it… she is just toying with me… how could I be so foolish?" he thought, his face a mix of disappointment and sorrow.
His body instinctively started backing away. But Nomura could tell what he was thinking. She could see the reluctance on his face.
"Trust me," she said softly, holding out her hand. Without thinking, he grabbed her hand and let her lead him into the park. Her hand felt warm and comforting. Her grip was gentle, yet so firm.
As they walked in, Shizuo recognized the sound of shoes dragging against the gravel path. The empty park and cold breeze felt oddly familiar.
Shizuo realized that Nomura had stopped walking. She had let go of his hand. He could feel the warmth fleeting, and his fingers turning cold again, but Nomura looked back at him and reassured him.
"Don't worry… I'm not going anywhere." She hastily untied the swing set and returned to Shizuo. This time, she took both of his cold hands and led him to the swing set.
The swing gently moved as Shizuo took a seat. For a brief moment, he felt like a child again, small, weak, and uncertain.
Nomura sat on the swing to his left, still holding on to his hand.
"You're safe with me…" she whispered.
"The wind here feels nice… it feels like it can carry all that weight for you… it sweeps your voice away… and it won't judge you if you cry."
Shizuo faced her, trying to show a smile, but he couldn't hold the façade anymore. A gentle stream of tears started flowing from his eyes.
"WHY ME… IT'S ALL MY FAULT… THEY HATE ME… IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF ME" Nomura didn't say a word. She slowly got up from her swing and gently embraced him.
She softly stroked Shizuo's hair. "It must have been hard for you… It's ok now… I'm here for you…" Shizuo couldn't stop weeping.
"WHY… WHY WASN'T I ABLE TO STOP HER… WHY DID SHE HAVE TO LEAVE… I WAS COLD… SCARED… ALONE…" Shizuo's voice suddenly got quieter.
"I remember every spring I waited, excited… every belonging I was too afraid to throw out… every memory I kept buried…" He paused for a second, as if he was trying to stop the tears. But it was futile, as the tears kept flowing.
"Now… It feels like even my own father hates me…" he paused again, but this time his face was filled with anger.
"WHY MOM… WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A CHILD… YOUR OWN CHILD… YOU'RE SELFISH… YOU'RE HEARTLESS… I HATE Y—," his voice cracked. He calmed down to a soft and quiet sob, still in Nomura's embrace.
Nomura just listened for a long while, without speaking a word. She kept listening, gently stroking his hair. She stayed, holding Shizuo in her embrace.
When Shizuo's loud and heavy tears slowed down into a gentle stream and a quiet sob, she started humming a lullaby.
To Shizuo, each note was followed by the heavy knot tightening in his chest. Nomura could hear Shizuo murmur something underneath his breath occasionally interrupted by sniffles.
"I tried my best… I tried to be strong… every day… but I was afraid," he said, his voice cracking. "Ever since that day, dad slowly grew distant… it felt like he was an entirely different person… can you believe it has been almost a year since I last saw him, mom?"
Nomura knew the question was directed towards her, but she kept softly humming as her fingers traced calm circles in his hair.
Shizuo's murmurs didn't seem to stop. "Mom, did you know that dad has remarried… but the woman doesn't seem to like me very much," he kept speaking, as if he was having a conversation with a ghost.
"I remember every disgusting thing she has called me… and every nasty look…" his lips quivered as he tried to speak again, "B-But d-dad is nice enough to let me have my own apartment… a-and he also gives me an allowance… i-isn't he so generous, Mom?"