"Now of all times?! Now of all times, what is this? Don't you dare mess with me!!!!!"
"Lisa!"
At those words I could say nothing. Hatred was clearly written across her face, and the glare she turned on me looked ready to curse me to death. She spun on her heel and left the shop. Ken hurriedly chased after her, but my feet would not move. I stayed seated where I was.
"Lisa…"
I had known. I had known how she felt about me. Ever since she dumped me she had made that clear over and over.
…It hurt. Even knowing it, it still hurt.
The girl I had loved for so long. I had fallen for her at first sight when we were little, kept holding that feeling the whole time, and just when I thought I had finally reached her…
The lively atmosphere that had filled the shop until moments ago vanished, replaced by an awkward silence. That was how fierce her outburst had been.
"U-um. Nozomu-san…"
At some point Ena-chan was standing beside the table. She held a bill in one hand, so she had probably come to take our order.
"…Sorry, Ena-chan. For making a scene."
"U-um. That's fine, but… aren't you going to chase after her?"
She looked back and forth between the door Lisa had stormed through and me.
"......"
I shook my head.
Unlike Ken, I could not chase after Lisa. Her intensity had been so strong that I could not take another step forward. I already knew she would throw her hatred at me. Every time we met she had directed that same gaze at me. If it had only been that, it would still have been better. The only one who would get hurt then would be me. That was how it should have been.
But this time was a little different. When Lisa's shout rang out and she turned on her heel, I saw the tears pooling in her eyes, ready to spill over. The moment I saw those tears, I could not move. I understood that not chasing her now was another form of the "running away" I was still doing, yet when I was confronted with the fact that my very existence had driven her that far, my feet simply refused to move.
In the end all I did was corner Lisa further, and I could do nothing.
"…I'm heading home for today. I'll leave the money here."
"Ah, Nozomu-san?!"
I placed the payment on the table and left the shop. I thought I heard Ena-chan saying something behind me, but Lisa's tears kept flickering in my eyes and I never registered the words.
"Haa haa haa haa haa…"
I ran through the night streets without looking back, simply running and running. My heart was nothing but a whirlpool of violent emotion, a raging torrent that would easily overflow if I did not throw it against something. To keep it under control I could only keep running without thinking about where I was going.
I did not know how long I had been running when I finally reached a field on the outer edge of the city and stopped. My breath came in ragged gasps, my legs trembled violently, and my shoulders heaved up and down.
"Haa haa haa haa… fue…"
Strength left my legs and I sank to the ground. Tears began flowing without end. There was no one around. Perhaps because I felt safe knowing no one would hear me, even more tears spilled out.
"Gusu gusu… fue… hic…"
What I remembered was the moment I was betrayed. In our first year I had been dating him, but then rumors started that he was cheating. Of course I did not believe them. I said it was nonsense, that it had no basis in fact. But then a friend told me she had seen him walking with a woman she did not know. Even while thinking there was no way, I went out into the night streets to check for myself. What I saw was exactly what my friend had said: him walking arm-in-arm with a woman I did not know. Nozomu and that unfamiliar woman, walking along looking happy and pleased. Little by little their faces drew closer until they overlapped. I could not watch any longer. I turned my back on the two of them and ran.
"Fue… gusu… ueee…"
"…Lisa."
A figure appeared behind me while I was still sobbing. When I turned around it was Ken. He had been chasing after me the whole time.
"…Ken."
"Are you okay?"
Ken came close and spoke to me. His kindness warmed my chest, but the tears flowing from my eyes showed no sign of stopping.
"Gusu gusu… s-sorry, Ken. For crying… for ruining our date… I'm sorry. But I… when I heard that I just couldn't hold it in…"
"Lisa, it's fine. It's okay."
Ken held me as my face crumpled from the tears. But I only kept crying and apologizing to him. In the empty field the only ones watching the two of us pressed close together were the spring insects.
Nozomu walked unsteadily through the night streets. His steps were uncertain, and he nearly fell several times. Lisa's expression from earlier kept spinning round and round in his head.
(In the end, I…)
Lisa had clearly been desperately holding herself back, yet she had been crying. Normally he should have chased after her. But Nozomu could not. The fact that he himself was the one who kept causing Lisa pain, and that this was the result of his continued running away, had been driven home to him and had become a heavy shackle inside his heart.
"…Haha. Fitting for someone who's kept running away…"
A self-mocking voice leaked out. He had been able to face the fact that he had run away, but in the end that act had hurt Lisa and continued to hurt her even now. His mind was a complete mess, and Nozomu no longer knew what he should do. The one thing he had been able to reconfirm was that there was no place for him at her side.
"Nooozooormuuu-kuuun"
While Nozomu was sinking into a sea of thoughts, a voice suddenly called from behind and arms wrapped around him from behind.
"Uwa! A-Anri-sensei?! What are you doing all of a sudden?!"
"What, you ask~~? I'm having you give me a piggyback ride~~"
"Guh, y-you reek of alcohol…"
The one who had latched onto him was his homeroom teacher, Anri. Her breath carried a strong smell of alcohol, and her face was red, making it clear she had drunk a considerable amount.
"A-are you drinking, Sensei…?"
"That's right~~. Sensei is an adult~~, so it's fine to drink until night~~"
As she spoke, Anri tightened the arms she had wrapped around Nozomu's body, pressing her full chest against him.
"Adults don't suddenly latch onto their students from behind…"
Being given a piggyback by a beauty while having her chest pressed against him was something any man would swallow hard over, but the current Nozomu did not even have the energy to enjoy it.
"Buu~~. Why does Nozomu-kun treat Sensei like a child~~"
She puffed out her cheeks in protest like a child, and the sight was exactly that of a large child.
(This person really never changes…)
Thinking of how completely his relationship with Lisa had changed, that thought floated up, but right now the "unchanging" quality Anri possessed made Nozomu happy, and a small smile appeared on his face.
"…Yes! Did that cheer you up a little?"
"…Eh?"
"Somehow~~ Nozomu-kun was walking along looking all dejected, so I thought I'd cheer you up~~!"
"…You could tell?"
"Yep!"
As expected, she seemed to have noticed that something was off about Nozomu. Well, the way he had been walking unsteadily earlier would have looked strange to anyone watching. The only one who did not know was the person himself.
"…Anri-sensei, I…"
"Mm."
"......No, it's nothing…"
He tried to talk about what had happened earlier, but a choking feeling rose in his chest and the words stuck.
"…I see!"
But she seemed to have no intention of asking anything further. That made Nozomu feel a little puzzled. After the battle with Sino and other times she had pressed him so hard it became exhausting…
"…You're not going to ask anything?"
"Hmm~~. I want to ask~~. But Nozomu-kun is in pain right now, right?"
"…Yes."
"I think talking would make it easier… but you don't look like you can talk about it yet, do you?"
"…Yes."
Just as she said, the current Nozomu did not feel capable of speaking about what had happened with Lisa earlier.
For a person to expose the inside of their heart to someone else required an enormous amount of emotional strength. Especially when the thing inside was large. Facing one's own past also required great emotional strength. In particular, past sins or shame, memories that were unpleasant for the person themselves, were especially so. The decision Nozomu had made to "face the fact that he had run away" meant facing something he had unconsciously avoided. In other words, it meant facing the mental pain that had been great enough to make him unconsciously escape.
Right now these two things had piled on top of each other, forcing an extremely large mental burden on Nozomu. Large enough that it was visible to the eye.
"So you don't have to force yourself right now. Last time I pressed you pretty hard without realizing you were still in pain… so, when you feel like you can talk about it, tell me, okay?"
"…Yes."
That was why the way she treated him the same as always, her consideration, made Nozomu happy.
"Good evening, Nozomu-kun. Sorry about that. It seems Anri caused you trouble 'again.'"
"What do you mean 'again'! I didn't do anything like that"
After a while Norn-sensei arrived. Apparently the two close friends had been drinking together today.
"No, she didn't cause any trouble at all. We were just talking a little."
Nozomu said that with a smile. The expression was still a little awkward, but compared to earlier it had improved considerably.
"…Fufu, is that so."
"Yes, that's right."
At Nozomu's smile Norn also smiled, and the two looked at each other. The one who found that unpleasant was the adult-child still on Nozomu's back. Or perhaps the child-adult.
"Buuuuuuu~~"
She puffed out her cheeks and sulked, looking for all the world like a child… and honestly it was quite cute. Seeing that, Nozomu and Norn began chuckling, which only made Anri thrash around on Nozomu's back even more. But even that gesture was childish and only made the two of them laugh harder.
"Mou~~! Both of you laughing at me~~!"
"S-sorry… pfft, kh."
"Kusukusu, sorry Anri. You're just too cute… fufu."
"Mou mou mou!! You're both so mean~~!"
While repeating exchanges like that, the three of them headed home through the night streets.
"More importantly, Anri. How about getting down from Nozomu-kun's back and walking on your own already?"
"Ehh~~"
(Ah, come to think of it I was still carrying her.)
Talking with Anri had lightened his mood a little, so Nozomu finally recognized his current state again.
(Ueh, th-this is bad. Anri-sensei's c-chest is…)
Only now did he notice the soft sensation of Anri's chest pressed against his back, and Nozomu's face turned red in an instant.
While Nozomu was agonizing over the sensation on his back, the conversation between Anri and Norn continued. Anri seemed to like Nozomu's back so much she refused to get down, while Norn tried to persuade her. Anri made dissatisfied noises but was eventually persuaded by Norn and reluctantly climbed down from Nozomu's back. The soft sensation disappeared from his back, and Nozomu felt a little disappointed…
"Oh? Did Nozomu-kun still want to keep carrying Anri?"
"N-no no. Th-that's not it at all."
Norn-sensei had completely seen through him. Nozomu flailed while answering Norn's teasing question. Norn watched him with a grinning face, clearly planning to tease him further. Honestly she was quite sadistic.
"???"
But Anri herself, true to form, seemed to have no idea what the two of them were talking about.
"Well then, teasing Nozomu-kun was fun, but 'Hey!!' it's already late, so let's head home."
"That's right~~. We have school tomorrow, so it's about time to call it a night~~. Well then, Nozomu-kun, see you at school tomorrow~~"
"Good night. Be careful on the way back."
"Haa~~. Good night."
Nozomu parted from the two of them and returned to the dorm. The heavy, unsteady steps from earlier had become considerably lighter.
The next morning, Nozomu was swinging his sword in the dorm courtyard from early on. This was not training. It was nothing more than a confirmation ritual of continuously speaking to himself inside. But right now Nozomu needed it. To sink into his own world while swinging the sword, to recall yesterday's events and everything up until now, and to sort them out.
What he had understood yesterday was that he himself was still continuing to hurt Lisa. In the end he never learned the root reason, and Nozomu's heart only grew more painful. He had asked because he thought learning the reason he had been dumped was the same as "directly facing the fact that he had kept running away." But the act itself was hurting Lisa. And the self who had kept running and still could not take another step. Even if he faced the fact that he had been running, the current situation had not changed at all.
"Besides, there are still other problems… huh."
When he concentrated, the chains wrapped around him came into view. The power of the great dragon lurking inside him. And the tragedy it might cause, along with the unpredictable future.
Honestly, these were problems that exceeded the processing ability of a single person. None of them were things Nozomu could handle alone. Yet when he imagined what they might cause, he could not consult anyone. To begin with, Nozomu had extremely few friends.
In addition, because Nozomu himself had been continuously rejected, the thought of "what if I'm rejected again" also hindered him from exposing himself.
In the end, no matter how much he swung the sword, no answer appeared, and only time continued to pass…