I always thought that if my life ever changed in an epic way, it would be because I won the lottery or discovered that I had a rich relative I didn't know about who left me their entire inheritance.
But no. Fate decided to be original. Too original.
It all started on a random night. I just wanted to get home, take a shower, eat something decent, and go to bed to play video games and watch videos until I fell asleep like a responsible human being... at 3 a.m. Something quiet.
I had just left work riding my bike, happy because, miraculously, they paid me on time. I was even thinking of treating myself, maybe a double cheeseburger and a Coca-Cola. Yes, I was dreaming big, I know. It was in that moment of financial weakness that I heard that damn melody announcing my tragedy.
"Hey, buddy... come on, I want to ask you something," said a voice from behind, one of those voices that you instinctively know doesn't bring advice on self-improvement.
I glanced over and there they were, two experts in "taking other people's belongings without consent." They had the official look of the trade: sweatshirts, half-on balaclavas, and that expression that says, "cooperate or you'll wake up as local news."
"Friend, lend us your cell phone, we need to make a call... it will only take a moment, it's urgent," said the more creative of the duo.
I don't know about you, but when someone talks to me like that, my instinct tells me to run away. And so began the most epic—and ridiculous—bike chase of my life.
I pedaled as if my landlord, the tax collector, and my mother with a flip-flop in her hand were chasing me at the same time. I dodged potholes, cars, stray dogs, and even a man in flip-flops who almost became collateral damage.
"Turn around, you jerk!" one of them shouted, as if I were going to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'll turn around and let you rob me."
I made a sharp turn onto a street I didn't remember seeing before. This was no time to question maps or traffic signs; my survival was my priority.
As I rode on, the buildings began to disappear. The light from the streetlights grew dimmer... until there were no streetlights in sight. The pavement turned to dirt, and the only sound I could hear was my bike, my lungs suffering, and my life passing before my eyes in an uninspiring way.
"When did this become a forest?" I said between gasps, because talking to myself has always seemed normal to me... right?
The trees grew on either side as if they had decided to appear just to ruin my night. The branches looked like hands trying to grab me, and in my head I was already imagining the headline of my death:
"Man dies mysteriously in unregistered forest. Thieves confused because guy disappeared before being robbed."
The ground became uneven. The bike skidded and flew through the air, and I... well, I performed a circus-worthy stunt, but without applause, without a safety net, and with a painful ending. I flew through the air and landed on a bush with more thorns than affection. After my last thought, "Why do these things happen to me?", everything went black.
I woke up with a sharp pain in my head, much worse than any hangover I'd ever had. I groaned before opening my eyes and seeing... the sky. A beautiful blue sky, with birds singing as if it were a Disney movie.
"Okay... I'm still alive," I muttered, "Or I'm in a poor version of heaven."
I tried to sit up, but something felt... strange. My hands were small.
I frowned and blinked several times, even slapping my cheeks twice to see if it was a dream. Wrong. It hurt. So it definitely wasn't a dream... or it was a very convincing one.
"No. No, no, no... What kind of Benjamin Button is this?" I said, looking at my fingers, now shorter, thinner, and without that tired look of an adult trying to pay taxes.
I stood up (or tried to, since my center of gravity had clearly been updated). Then another detail caught my attention: my clothes.
My pants looked like a circus tent. They literally reached my chest when I pulled them up. My shirt was so big that I could have used it as a hospital gown, and my shoes... well, let's not even talk about that.
"Great... I've been rejuvenated and I have no idea where I am," I complained. "They didn't even leave me my adult body so I could have some advantage! Where's the logic in that?"
I stood up, holding my pants with one hand so they wouldn't fall down to my ankles and humiliate me even more. I took a few steps and confirmed my suspicion. I was shorter. Much shorter. If I used to be 5'11", now I was... 4'9"? 4'10"? How old would I be now? 11? 12?
"Perfect," I sighed. "This isn't an isekai anymore, this is multiversal bullying."
I looked around.
The forest was still there. Huge, silent... but not the kind of relaxing silence, this was the kind of silence that said, "Something is watching you and waiting for you to get distracted so it can attack and eat you."
I took a breath and thought of two options:
A. Sit down and cry until I dehydrated (valid).
B. Walk and try to figure out where the hell I was (less valid, but more productive).
"Well, plan B it is," I said to myself, pulling up my pants once again. "If there's one thing I've learned from watching so many series, it's this: don't stay in one place for too long, especially in a situation like this.
I started walking, trying to walk upright, but let's be honest, a child in oversized clothes holding up his pants every two or three steps does not inspire respect. If anyone saw me, they would think I had escaped from a boarding school or that I was a failed experiment from some secret government facility.
The trees were tall, somewhat twisted, with leaves that blocked out much of the light. I couldn't hear any cars or people, and there were no stores in sight. I was definitely no longer in my city... or my country... or, with my luck, even my world.
As I walked on, the forest began to change. The air felt cleaner, the vegetation more alive... as if someone had put HD filters on nature. I don't know if it was hunger, fear, or both, but I swear I saw a plant move its branches as I passed by. I think it was waving at me.
"No. It's just my imagination," I said.
I kept walking without a fixed destination, but with the sole objective of getting out of there and not dying of cold, hunger, or shame. My plan was simple: find people and ask for help... hoping they weren't the "we want to rob you and make you a slave" or "let's burn this strange child for witchcraft" type.
Although with my luck, that could happen too.
And of course... it did.
After walking among the trees for about ten minutes, I heard voices. Lots of voices that didn't sound very happy.
The voices grew clearer, mixed with the crackling of fire and collective murmuring that didn't bode well. If I've learned anything from history and movies, it's that when there's an angry mob with torches, someone is about to have a very bad day.
I tightened my pants (my eternal companions in misery on this adventure) and moved forward carefully. I got close enough to see flashes of light between the trees. My heart was racing because I didn't know if I was about to find rescue... or become part of the menu.
I hid behind a bush, although calling it a "bush" is generous—it was more like three branches with some camouflage complex, but it was the best I had. I crouched down, trying not to make too much noise... failing epically when I stepped on a branch that sounded louder than my self-esteem breaking at the end of the month.
"Shhh... please cooperate," I whispered to the bush, hoping it could help me.
I poked my head out from between the leaves and watched the scene unfold:
A group of about thirty people, dressed in authentic medieval clothing, not the kind you find at a mall fair, surrounded a kind of makeshift wooden platform. In the center, tied to a post, was a boy of about... 10 or 11 years old, perhaps. He was terrified, tearful, his face dirty and his hands tied.
"He's a spawn of the devil!" shouted a bearded man with a vein in his neck ready to burst.
"He used witchcraft! We saw it with our own eyes!" added a woman who had the attitude of someone who complains on Facebook when their neighbor plays loud music.
I swallowed hard.
Witchcraft.
Oh no. This had the potential to turn into something like the Salem witch trials or the Spanish Inquisition... I was betting on the former.
The crowd was shouting, waving their torches and sticks. There was excitement, anger, and zero desire for dialogue. If this was the Middle Ages, I didn't want to stay.
The boy pleaded, his voice breaking.
"I didn't do anything! I didn't want... I didn't want it to happen!"
Happen what?
My brain wanted to know, but my legs wanted to run away. Both were solid arguments.
A man stepped forward with a torch. He was the typical medieval leader, extremely convinced, very loud, and with zero capacity for self-criticism.
"Light the fire! Burn him before his evil spreads to us!"
That's when I knew I had two options as an observer.
Run away before I became dessert, or stay and see what happened.
Obviously, I chose the less safe but more interesting option. Because if anything defines me, it's poor decision-making under pressure.
Just as the man brought the torch close to the pile of wood... everything changed. A strong wind swept through the clearing. Torches flickered, some covered their faces.
Four figures emerged from among the trees, advancing calmly but with a presence that said, "Yes, we are important, please note the epic aura." They weren't running, they had that air of a dignified entrance in a movie trailer.
I couldn't see their faces clearly at first.
One wore a deep green cape that moved as if it had a life of its own. Another had a dark blue robe adorned with symbols that seemed to glow. A third wore reddish clothes, with an air that screamed, "I hug trees and I can beat you with a stick if I have to." The last one wore something resembling brown or yellow, I'm not sure, elegant and with a kind look.
I didn't know who they were, but my brain started connecting the dots as if putting together a puzzle.
The woman in blue stepped forward and spoke in a voice that could silence a dragon out of politeness.
"Is this how you treat a child...?" Her tone was calm but with a latent threat underlying it. The kind of threat that says, "Do that again and I'll turn you to dust, sweetheart."
The man with the torch opened his mouth to protest, but the man in red raised his hand and the flames of ALL the torches were instantly extinguished.
BOOM. Nervous cries were heard, someone lost their balance, and I almost applauded... but I held back.
The man in green approached the child, whispered something, and the ropes that bound him fell away like dust. The boy fell into his arms, crying but safe.
My plan was simple: stay hidden so as not to attract attention and wait for the four magical heroes to take the child away, then run away without stopping.
But the universe, as always, said, "Another one of your plans? Canceled."
I barely moved a little to get a better angle when my foot hit a treacherous root and I... well... rolled.
I rolled downhill, among the leaves, the branches, my dignity, and my life mistakes. I tried to grab onto something, but all I managed to do was hug the ground. Finally, I landed right in front of the four mysterious saviors with all the elegance of a noodle falling off a fork.
I lay on my back looking up at the sky while my pants threatened to slide down to my ankles as a final act of humiliation.
The four of them looked at me.
The crowd looked at me.
Even the child they wanted to burn alive looked at me.
And I just wanted to evaporate and disappear like a cloud in the sky.
"Um... hello," I said, raising my hand as if I were awkwardly greeting an acquaintance on the street.
The one in blue narrowed her eyes suspiciously, the one in red raised an eyebrow as if to say, "This will be interesting," the one in green almost smiled with... mockery? and the one in brown analyzed me to see if I was some exotic creature or just an idiot with very bad luck.
One of the villagers shouted.
"Another witch! He was hiding!"
A witch, ME?
For the first time in my life, people assumed I was powerful... Should I deny it? Accept it? Run away? Cry?
My brain went into survival mode. It proceeded to lie with confidence.
"Yes!" I said too quickly. "I can do... that too. What you do. The... magic and... shiny things."
WHY did I say that? Why do my brain cells only support me in stupid things? I cursed in my head.
The four of them looked at me as if I had just announced that I could turn water into wine. The woman in brown narrowed her eyes, crossed her arms, and leaned slightly toward me.
"Do you... practice magic, little one?" she asked in a kind voice, but with an undertone that said, "If you lie, I'll turn you into table salt."
"Sure," I replied, trying to sound confident, as if my oversized clothes weren't about to fall off at any second. "Obviously. Magic... in full HD." My fingers made a strange gesture that I didn't know was supposed to be a spell or an attempt at a ninja salute.
The one in blue looked at me with utter skepticism.
"Interesting... And what's your name?"
That's when I froze.
I couldn't say my old name. If I was going to embark on a magical adventure, my name had to be epic, memorable, worthy of respect. My brain quickly began to rule out options.
Kevin — Sounds like I'd get expelled on the first day of school.
Merlin — Too obvious, copyright lawsuit.
Gandalf — Wrong universe, I don't want any trouble with Tolkien.
I needed something magical... but not ridiculous. Something that when I said it, people would think, "Wow, this kid is loved by destiny!" My heart was pounding, my hands were sweating, and my pants slipped another inch.
"My name is..." I said, inhaling as if I were summoning ancient power.