1 Getting kissed.
I was on the way to the hospital, grandpa is still in a coma, I must admit, it was not to visit grandpa, but the college students that were reading stories to him, while he was riding high on some experimental drug. That Daphne was a stunning beauty, Tracey was not far behind in the looks department, Susan and Hannah could be anyone's wet dream. Eluna? Well, she is Eluna, her theories of alternative universes, and fantasy worlds are mind-boggling.
That professor Gotha? In my opinion, he lost a few screws, trying to influence the subconsciousness with some experimental drug, by reading stories next to him, then looking for brain activity. Grandpa had donated his body to science after he is dead. He said the students need something to learn on, so they might as well admire his godlike body while they cut him up. Knowing that, professor Gotha had asked permission to mum for these experiments. Doctors already had giving up on grandpa, there was no way he could survive, or return to normal.
Anyway, we already said our goodbyes to grandpa, and the extra days we have with him are a bonus. Did I mention the college students? They are the extra bonus. We told them he was a Harry Potter fan and wrote several fan fiction's about it. Susan and Hannah jumped on the idea and started to read the Harry Potter books to him. Daphne had a kinky side, she was reading smutty books to him. I found that out when I was listening at the door. Tracey read fan fiction to him from his favorite author Sinyk.
Well if he is somehow conscious, I wonder what he will be dreaming.
My mind was with Daphne and her slutty books, Tracey, Sue, and Han with their very short skirts, and Eluna… her too. Well… that was the last thing on my mind when I crossed the street… I never thought I get hit by Truck Kun. I am pretty sure I did not survive that.
/\
Opening my eyes, I looked at the ugliest thing I ever laid my eyes on. A big black thing was kissing me, it released me, dropping me after that kiss. What the hell? My whole being reacted to that… that… whatever that thing is, I raised my arms in front of me, to push it away. I felt something burning inside of me, I wanted the burning feeling to get out of my body. Unconsciously I pushed the burning feeling to my arms, in one hand I had a piece of wood, the burning feeling rushed through it.
White-hot flames came out of that piece of wood, setting the black whatever on fire. Another one was next to it, I turned to it, still spouting white flames out of that stick.
Now both things were set on fire, shrieking they turned away... floating away? They didn't get far though, after fifty yards they turned into a pile of ash. Walking cautiously over there, I spread the ashes with my foot, I noticed two medallions and some bones. These are monsters? And these are their drops? Am I in a game?
I picked the medallions up, on one side it read: Ministry of Magic, on the other side: Askaban… the stick in my hand looked a lot like a wand. A boy my age was getting up, a big fat boy. In the distance I could see an old batty woman running to me, waving a carpet bag to us.
Alright, that truck did a number on me. How in God's name did I end up here? This is Harry bloody Potter! Worse, it is book five, so snake face is back alive, and I am Harry fucking Potter?
Don't tell me, I am in a coma? Fuck, they put me next to grandpa? Nurse Granger is going to give me sponge baths? Daphne is going to read smutty books to me? Crap, this sucks.
/\
The batty old woman, Mrs. Figg I suppose, came closer yelling to me to keep my wand out. A stupid comment, I was still holding it in my hand. Dudley stood up, shaking on his legs. The medallions went in my pocket, I will hold on to those, some of the bones too. It will serve as evidence for the hearing later.
"Dudley, breath slowly in and out, focus, the bad things are gone, now, gather your fighting spirit, so we can walk home. You are too heavy for me to lift you. " Meanwhile Figg was cursing Mundungus Fletcher for abandoning his post. I was curious though, it always was a hot topic at home between mum and grandpa. Mum supporting Dumbledore is a good guy, grandpa supporting Dumbledore is a criminal and child abuser. Well… there is one way to find out.
"So, you are a witch too? Why didn't you say something?" Mrs. Figg cringed at my question.
Figg: "I am not a witch Harry, I am a squib, I was put here to keep an eye on you, sorry I had to pretend not liking to have you over, or they wouldn't do it again." Points for grandpa on this one.
"So you knew they treated me bad? That they hate me, never allow me a happy moment to myself? Why didn't you tell someone? Who put you here anyway?"
Figg: "I know they are treating you bad Harry, I told Dumbledore numerous times, but he said it was for your own safety to live there." Dumbledore thinks about my safety, half-point to mum.
"So, he knew that I have been sleeping in the cupboard under the stairs? For ten years? Getting table scraps to eat? Beatings at accidental magic?" Dudley was still dazed, but was listening to our conversation.
Figg: "I told him Harry, but he would not listen. He said it was the safest spot for you in Britain."
"Tell him about the attack but not about this conversation Mrs. Figg, it will get you in trouble with him. I will get my own answers from him." The memories from Harry joined with mine along the way, it was making my head pound. At the house, Petunia watched us approaching the door, and opened it, glaring at me she asked: "What have you done to my Dudley you freak? Duddikins? What has he done to you?" Figg was running to her house to warn Dumbledore.
"I saved his life, that is what I did. We were attacked in the park by dementors. I destroyed them both. So you better show some gratitude." The owls from the ministry, Mr. Weasley, Sirius, and Dumbledore gave their messages.
It was strange to see all the conversations happening exactly as in the book. Vernon wanting to slap me around, the owls, and Dumbledore's howler. This got me thinking, how the hell did they get here so fast? We were just a few minutes in the house, the walk home lasted ten minutes tops. So they write a letter, walk to the owlery, tie it to a leg, and send it off to me. Do those birds teleport? There is no way they can get here so fast.
What I do know now, that I am going to screw canon. I am not going to wait like a pig in a slaughterhouse. I followed the discussions between mum and grandpa, so I have several options to chose from. Now I have to mess with their minds.
"Enough! Uncle, I am leaving this place for good. I suggest you move too, on the hearing, my living conditions will be brought up, once they hear about the cupboard under the stairs, they will visit you."
Vernon: "What do you mean boy? Are you threatening me?" Petunia paled at my comment.
"It is not a threat uncle. What you put me through is a crime, in the wizarding world and in yours. Or do you think it is normal to let a child sleep in a cupboard under the stairs? Feed me table scraps? If the wizarding police get their hands on you, I don't think you will survive a year in their prison." I looked at Petunia who was shaking like a leaf.
"Aunt Petunia, I estimate you have a week, maybe two. Make the best of it." Upstairs, I started packing, I released Hedwig and told her to fly to Diagon Ally, and wait there for me. I paused, what am I thinking? Taking the knight bus? Hell no! I will capitalize on my knowledge of the story.
"Dobby? Can you come over?" Dobby popped in: "Master Harry Potter sir called Dobby?"
"Dobby, I was thinking, I need help, can I hire you? Make you my elf?" Dobby had almost steam coming out of his ears.
Dobby: "Master Harry Potter sir wants Dobby?" Of course, I want Dobby, he is loyal and adores me.
"Only if you want to Dobby, or can I hire you for two months. With pay of course." Now I am channeling grandpa. Take all the advantages you can think of, screw canon, only fools wait for that disaster to happen.
Dobby: "Dobby wants to be Master Harry Potter sirs elf sir. Dobby wants it very much."
I smiled: "How do we do this Dobby? Do I have to say something or write a contract?"
Dobby blushed: "Dobby already have bonded with master Harry Potter sir. When master Harry Potter sir freed Dobby from the bad master, Dobby needed another master, or Dobby would die, so Dobby bonded with master Harry Potter sir when Dobby hugged Master Harry Potter sir." Man, that is a lot of masters and sirs.
"Dobby, just call me Harry, or master Harry, Harry sir, or master Potter. Now I remember Winky, how is she? Does she have a new family?"
Dobby's ears dropped: "Master Harry, Winky is feeling bad, the magic from Hogwarts, is been keeping Winky alive, but Winky wants a family, she be dying soon." Alright, advantage number two.
"Dobby can you bring Winky here? I will take her in my family, so you won't be alone." With a pop Dobby was gone, within a minute he was back with Winky in his arms. The poor thing was in a bad shape.
I looked at her and asked: "Winky, do you want to be an elf for House Potter? Do you want to be a proper elf again?" Dazed she made eye contact with me, some of my talks seeped through in her mind.
Winky: "Yous be wanting Winky for House Potter? Yous wanting bad Winky?"
I smiled at her: "Only if you want it too, you will be working alongside Dobby. I will visit Gringotts today and see if I have some buildings to live in. Winky, do you want to be an elf for House Potter?"
Winky straightens up: "Winky wants to be an elf for House Potter."
I laid my hand on her head: "I accept Winky in House Potter, for as long as she wants." There was a flash of light, I wonder how I missed that when Dobby bonded with me.
"Winky, pack my things here, take them along with you. Dobby, now, can you bring me to Diagon Ally at Gringotts doorstep? Rent a room at the leaky cauldron under a fake name, here are some galleons to pay in advance, make the name Clark Kent, see that you can remove all tracking spells from my things. Winky, put the trunk in there, and get cleaned up." Goodbye Privet drive, see you never again. I nicked a hoody from Dudley to hide my scar.
/\
Dobby popped me at the doorstep of Gringotts, I hurried inside and looked for a free goblin. A counter got free, so I approached the teller.
"Good day master teller, is it possible to talk to my account manager? The name is Harry Potter." Yeah like I was going to follow grandpa on his ridiculous greetings.
The Goblin teller kept his cool: "Do you have your vault key?" Crap, it was with the Weasleys.
"No, I don't have my key, it is with the family that I stayed with last year on the holiday."
Teller: "Then I need a drop of blood to confirm your identity." A prick later, I was put in a waiting room. Ten minutes later an old Goblin came in.
Old Goblin: "Mister Potter, why did you wait for years to come in here? We have been sending owls, and you never responded." Grandpa is winning the argument with mum. Evil Dumbledore it is.
"Well account manager who never introduced himself, I never got any mail from here, the first letter that I received was my Hogwarts letter. I suppose you go and talk to Dumbledore."
Old Goblin: "Mister Potter, apologies, my name is Skinscraper, I have been managing Potter accounts for over thirty years. I will have a talk with Dumbledore. Now, what can I do for you?" This will need some thoughts, I have to channel grandpa here.
"First, I want to confirm some things. I am muggle-raised, so I don't know any rules or traditions of the wizarding world and the Goblin nation. They said my name is an old one, what does this mean? Am I a Lord or something? Then, I was forced to compete in the Tri-wizard tournament, a tournament meant for adults. So am I declared an adult by that?"
Skinscraper raised his eyebrow: "That is the duty of the parents, Godfather, or magical guardian to teach you the workings of your house and the wizarding world. House Potter goes back for more than two thousand years, it is a Most Ancient and Most Noble House. It has two votes in the Wizengamot. I believe Dumbledore has the proxy votes now. You are the last of your House, so you can claim emancipation on your fifteenth birthday. Being forced to compete in the Tri-wizard cup does indeed make you an adult.
The rules said that participants under age need permission from their parents or guardians. I looked the rules up when I found out that you had to compete, I send an owl with my findings to you." God dammed, very evil Dumbledore. He better not come too close to me, grandpa taught me karate from age five, I don't need a stick to do damage. I am going to follow grandpa's path here.
"Now, how do I claim my Lordship? And my parents will, I want to know what is in it."
Skinscraper answered: "You need a witness from the ministry and the Goblin nation except me. Wait a moment, I will see if someone is free, at this hour there are always ministry officials in the hall."
"Check if they are death eaters, I don't want them to find out. If possible Madam Bones." He nodded and went to the entrance hall. He knew the department heads came to settle the accounts around this time.
/\
He spotted Madam Bones, she was accompanied by two girls. Skinscraper approached her and with a whispering voice: "Madam Bones, can you be a witness to a claiming of a Lordship? The person in question specifically asked for you. You can bring the young ones along with you, Madam Bones, this is a very important moment, some strange forces are working here, and you are best to deal with it."
Madam Bones: "You made me curious account manager, Susan, Hannah, come with me, we can always come back. This sounds important, and you can learn from this experience." In passing, Skinscraper whispered something in the ear of a messenger and led the three witches to his office. On the way, Madam Bones explained to the girls what was going to happen.
Madam bones: "We are going to be a witness to the claiming of a Lordship. There has to be an official from the Ministry present, and one from the Goblin nation, except for the Lord's account manager, usually it is the supervisor. This surprises me however, there wasn't going to be a claiming this year." The girls were excited about this opportunity, this does not happen every day.
Skinscraper opened the door from his office and let the females in, Susan and Hannah were speechless when they saw Harry Potter. I stood up and gave a bow, already recognizing Susan and Hannah, so this must be Madam Bones. The girls were looking good though, especially Susan grew bigger in the upper body department.
"Good day Madam Bones, Miss Bones, Miss Abbot, thank you for willing to witness my claim."
Madam Bones was surprised: "Mister Potter, I did not know that you were seventeen years old, care to explain it to me?" she could already guess, but the girls need to know why.
"Certainly Madam Bones, I am an adult. Two different things merit that. The Tri-wizard tournament was meant for adults, I was forced into competing by my so-called magical guardian, so he declared me fit to do an adult job. Second, I am the last of my line, so I can claim emancipation at fifteen, which was a couple of days ago. If you have some spare time after the claiming I like for you to witness the reading of my parents' will. A will that was illegally blocked by Dumbledore." She nodded at my request. The doors opened and some big Goblins came inside, I noticed Madam Bones stiffening, these guys were not simple. I better cut back on the funny comments.
Skinscraper: "Mister Potter, Madam Bones, Miss Bones, and Miss Abbot, I am honored to introduce our account director of the London branch, Lord Ragnar. This claiming is important enough to have him witness it. Lord Ragnar, This is Mister Harry Potter, soon Lord Potter. He is here to claim his Lordship, but there are many irregularities on his account and life. He claimed to have never received any letter from us. Last year he was forced to compete in that tournament, I send a letter on how he could get out of it without losing his magic. His magical guardian had just to declare he was not permitted to compete. Dumbledore forced him to compete in that tournament when he knew it took only a few words from him." I thought about that.
"No he could not, he is not my legal magical guardian. That would be Sirius Black, my godfather."
Madam Bones: "That can't be Mister Potter, when you go to Askaban, you lose all rights and positions for the duration of your stay there. You lose it after the conviction."
"Madam Bones, first, My godfather did not betray my parents, that was Peter Pettigrew. And my godfather was never convicted because they never gave him a trial. I witnessed Peter Pettigrew being alive at the end of my third year, I even told minister Fudge, he didn't even listen to us, too eager to have Sirius kissed by a dementor.
Dumbledore knows it too, but he refuses to do anything, if he does, then he loses his grip on me. Sirius is Lord Black, the reason Fudge wants him dead is that Malfoy junior is the next one in line, and Malfoy is greasing the pockets of Fudge for years. But we are going off-topic here, how do I claim my Lordship?" Ragnar grinned, this is turning out better than expected.
Ragnar: "Raise your wand, and claim your lordship in your own words. If the claim is valid, the ring will appear on your finger. If not, there will be one more attempt possible, after that, you lose all claims to the lordship." Now I am going to channel grandpa, and screw the wizarding world a new one.
"I Harry James Potter, Claim the lordship of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Potter. I ask to be judged by magic." Tadaa! A ring appeared on my finger, the enchants on it sprung alive, and several flashes went off all over my body. Madam Bones raised her eyebrow, dropping her monocle.
Madam Bones: "The ring removes tracking spells and monitoring charms, Lord potter, that was a lot of them." Meh, let us go grandpa style.
"I have another claim if you allow me, Lord Ragnar?"
§I Lord Harry James Potter, claim hereby the Lordship of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Slytherin, by blood and right of conquest. I ask to be judged by magic!§ Some tense seconds and Slytherins ring appeared on my finger. Another set of flashes. I felt my mind cleared of a burden.
"Well, I was the heir of Slytherin after all. Lord Ragnar, I am on a roll now, I have two other claims, do you permit it?" Ragnar's grin became wider and wider: "Go ahead Lord Potter, you are brightening my day already."
We go all out now: "I Lord Harry James Potter-Slytherin, claim hereby the lordship of Griffindor by blood, valor, and achievement. Let Magic be the judge of me!" It took almost a half minute, but the ring went on. Susan and Hannah, stood there slack-jawed, watching me claim Lordship after Lordship.
"Lord Ragnar, I have one left, but I expect there is a curse on it. It is the Gaunt ring. Can you have a curse breaker standby please?" A few commands set everything in motion, ten minutes later, a few old goblins entered the room.
I got an idea: "Lord Ragnar, this scar is a curse scar, can someone examine it? I was attacked by dementor's today and got kissed by one" That got them yelling and screaming. The girls did the screaming. Well, I was channeling grandpa, sorry mum, but in this universe, Dumbledore sucks big time.
Ragnar: "You got kissed by a dementor? How are you alive?"
"I do not know, the bastard stole my first kiss too. I killed that thing for it. I was saving it for someone special." I glanced at the girls, they blushed bright red.
Madam Bones: "Someone special?"
"Yeah, more specifically, female and around my age." Another glance and the color deepened. Buttering up to pretty girls is always a good idea.
Ragnar: "Wait a moment, you killed a dementor? Those are supposed to be impossible to kill."
I smiled, while I took my loot out: "Well, this is what is left from it." and I showed the bones and medallions to Madam Bones and Ragnar.
Madam Bones: "Those are ministry control medallions. Those dementors were sent from the ministry. Only a few have access to them. Lord Potter, can I have these as evidence? Lord Ragnar is witness that you gave it to me."
"Be my guest Madam Bones, you have the reputation of being honest, so I trust you. But we are diverting again, can someone inspect my scar please?" Grandpa told me, always try to over bluff my opponents, with words or actions.
An old Goblin waved his knife over my head, got an angry expression on his face, and started cursing. He was yelling at Ragnar, poking his knife in all directions, to stay safe, I took a few paces back.
Ragnar: "Lord Potter, we are surprised you are even alive, you have the residue of a Horcrux behind your scar. Bonebreaker here said the Horcrux was sucked out by the dementor. I suspect that Horcrux saved your life." I have to play stupid now, knowing what a Horcrux is, will raise suspicion.
"I will be surprised too if I only knew what a Horcrux is. I suspect it is something from Voldemort, I have this scar for as long as I can remember."
Ragnar looked at Madam Bones: "Madam Bones, are the young misses allowed to hear this?" Madam Bones looked at the girls, they straightened up and showed that they wanted to know. She nodded at Ragnar. Brave girls, I like them already.
Ragnar started to explain: "A Horcrux, is the vilest of all evil magic. It is soul magic that tears the soul apart and stores a piece of it in a container. To do that, you have to torture and kill an innocent life, meaning a child under three years, or members of your own family. Not only that, you have to enjoy the act, wanting to do the vile actions. That will tear the soul apart, and with a ritual, that piece will be stored in an enchanted container. I suspect Voldemort wanted you to be the victim for a Horcrux, Lord Potter." I have to build on that.
"I met him when he possessed a teacher in my first year, it was connected to professor Quirrel's head. I killed it when I touched him, he burned to ashes, and the wraith floated away. In my second year, I met Voldemort again, Malfoy senior planted a cursed diary in Ginny Weasley's books, she became possessed too and released the basilisk, the one that was dormant in the chamber of secrets. After I killed the basilisk, I stabbed the diary with a basilisk fang. There came black ooze out the book and a scream from Voldemort. He told me his real name there too." Grandpa was right, piling on the revelations, one after another was lots of fun.
The room was going crazy with my statements. Casually telling them you killed a basilisk in my second year, the knowledge he made another one, was making the old goblins go berserk.
"The last Lordship that I want to claim, is that of House Gaunt, from Voldemort's mothers' side. At the third task, he was bragging that he killed his father and grandparents. His name is Tom Marvolo Riddle, I looked it up, and the Gaunts' last Lord was Marvolo Gaunt, he had a daughter, Merope Gaunt, a squib. I suspect that ring has some nasty curses on it. So by your leave Lord Ragnar? I Harry James Potter-Slytherin-Griffindor, claim hereby the Lordship of the Ancient House of Gaunt by right of blood, and conquest. Let Magic be the judge of me."
I was taking a risk, summoning a Horcrux on my finger is all kinds of crazy. A minute passed, then the ring appeared on my finger, the other three rings were shielding me from the curse, I took the ring off and dropped it on the floor. The old goblins circled around it, waving their daggers over the ring, they began cursing again. After ten minutes a black cloud left the ring with a scream.
Ragnar cursed: "That gets the count on three Lord Potter, that man is completely crazy."
"It can get worse, Lord Ragnar, If Voldemort gives a Horcrux to Malfoy, it means he has more stashed away. I guess Bellatrix has one too, she was his lieutenant, along with Malfoy senior. I would check her houses and vaults."
I picked the ring up, asked it was safe to equip it. After confirmation, I put the ring on. Should I claim Peverell too? Grandpa was using that to do his spin-offs. Nah, I haven't got the wand yet. I would give the memories if I knew how to do it. Now, what do we wreck next? Ahah, the will.
"Skinscraper, can you get the will please? Madam Bones, Lord Ragnar, can you represent your offices with this reading?"
Skinscraper opened the will, and started to read:
Last will of Lord and Lady Potter / Evans 27 October 1980
All previous wills are hereby forfeit.
Well, if this is read, we are both dead, probably killed by Voldemort.
To set things straight, we are going in hiding under a fidelius charm, our secret keeper will be Peter Pettigrew, and we will use Sirius Black as a decoy, under protest of my wife that is.
To our friends we leave:
To Sirius Black 100 000 galleons and 10 000 annually to take care of Harry as sworn Godfather. Keep him save Sirius, let Alice help if it's too much
To Alice Longbottom nee Brown 100 000 and 10 000 annually if Sirius is not able to as sworn Godmother, let Harry and Nevvy be best of friends
To Remus Lupin 50 000 and our cottage at the seaside, you know where it is.
To Peter Pettigrew 50 000 and the apartment you are renting in London, Dumbledore recommended you, and we trust you too. If it is proved you betrayed us, everything is void.
To Andromeda Tonks nee Black, 20 000 for my favorite niece
To Nymphadora Tonks, Harry's favorite babysitter, 10 000 at the age of 17, or marriage
To Amelia Bones 10 000 we heard of the attack, take care of Susan, I hope she can be friends with Harry
To Veronica Greengrass nee Rivers 10 000 I hope Harry and little Daphne can be friends to
The list goes on with friends and shopkeepers and 1 other stand out
To Albus Dumbledore 50 000 and 5 000 annually for the order, for casting the fidelius and keeping us safe.
Now we have the reason Dumbels blocked the will. If he knew I was here, he will be shitting bricks.
The last nail in his coffin followed.
For Harry's magical guardian, we have in descending order:
Sirius Black, Godfather by ritual.
Alice Longbottom nee Brown, Godmother by ritual.
Andromeda Tonks nee Black.
Veronica Greengras nee Rivers.
Amelia Bones.
If nobody above is able or willing, to take care of Harry, he can be adopted into a magical family, only if they swear a magical oath, not to belong or sympathize with Voldemort and his death eaters.
If none is found, a magical or muggle orphanage.
Harry is never ever to be placed with my sister, she hates magic, and after a few pranks from Sirius at our wedding, she and her husband hate us, and all about magic.
For the Guardian on the muggle side, we select Theodore Tonks, our lawyer, and assign 4 000 Annually
At the end
Witnesses :
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
Griphook
/\
"Well, if I kill that old bastard, will I get arrested? That Griphook was the first goblin I met, he guided me to my vault, I suspect he is working for Dumbledore."
Ragnar fuming: "Not anymore, we have our way to get some answers, and we will get them from him." some guards left the room.
"Madam Bones? I would have loved to live with you and have Miss Susan as a sister. I do not know Miss Greengrass, only from classes, but I never noticed that she had those buttons pinned on. I was dropped on the doorstep of my aunt Petunia, with a letter, that they had to take care of me.
I know, because with every beating I got, after accidental magic, my uncle was raging about that even the freaks didn't want me. At the end of my first year, I asked Dumbledore to stay in the castle, because my relatives don't want me. Every year he sends me back to that place.
Today, I have left that home, and won't be going back. I do not want them arrested, they were victims too, being forced to live with a being that scares them. After the dementor attack, I got an owl telling me that I will get expelled, and my wand will be broken. Then, after an intervention from Dumbledore, there will be a hearing.
I doubt that idiotic minister will listen to reason, I heard that undersecretary of him is worse than a death eater, I won't be surprised she is the one that sent those dementors to me." I looked around and told the last item.
"On the night of the third task, Barty Crouch Junior, sabotaged the portkey of the trophy, and I got transported to Little Hangleton, on a graveyard, where Peter Pettigrew did a necromancer ritual, he used the bones of Voldemort's father, Peter's flesh, freely given, and my blood, forcefully stolen. That ritual gave Voldemort a new body. He gave a speech, waiting for his {imperioused} followers to come. Madam Bones, there are a lot of them. Or very influential or working in the ministry. Fudge didn't want to believe me, he had Barty kissed before any interrogation could be done by Aurors, Dumbledore had questioned him under veritas serum. Well… that is all that I have. What do I do now? I have rented a room in the leaky cauldron under a false name. Skinscraper, do I have houses? Apartments? A cave?"
Madam Bones was the first to snap out of it: "You will be living with me Lord Potter, as in your parents will. Can you provide that memory?"
"How on earth do I do that? It is inside my head!"
Madam Bones: "We can extract a copy of your memory. Concentrate on the memory that you want to extract, put your wand to your temple and think about pulling the memory out." Here goes nothing, I did just as I was told, I concentrated on the memory, from the talk to share the first place, and taking the trophy, until I got back, slowly I pulled some silvery thing out of my ear. Pretty disgusting if you think about it. I put it in a vial and gave it to Madam Bones.
Ragnar commented: "We can look at it here, we have one that can project the images above the pensive." Madam Bones was curious as well. We moved to a bigger room, we gathered a lot of attention, soon the room was filled with spectators.
I sat between Susan and Hannah: "Miss Susan, miss Hannah, it will not be a happy show. In this memory Cedric will get killed, there will be torture and fighting." They nodded and took my hands. The memory started, Cedric's death, so casually dismissed. The ritual, Voldemort's speech, and the death eaters. Madam Bones was watching it like a hawk, imprinting the names to memory. Half of the time, the girls had their faces buried in my arms. After it ended I decided to show the basilisk kill, maybe I get some money out of it. From the fraud Lockhart, until I stabbed the diary, and Ginny woke up. I noticed Bill Weasley in the audience, looking at me with a complicated expression.
I beckoned him closer, when he sat next to Hannah, I told him: "Bill, tell your family to cut ties with Dumbledore, or they will go down with him. I like your family, they were the first that made me feel welcome, even if it was on orders from Dumbledore. I have enough evidence against that old goat to put him in Askaban. He played God with my life, and I bet he has your family in a death grip as well. Let me guess, he is giving scholarships to your brothers and sister, and said it was not exactly above the table? Tell your dad that I will pay for your brothers and sisters' education. If they ever want to pay it back, they can, free of interest."
Bill: "What happened today Harry? The whole order is looking for you. We asked your relatives but they were packing and talking about leaving the country?"
"What order Bill? Why would they care about me? I was in my room for a whole month, without you caring about me, one meal a day, not even enough to fill my stomach. Every night I have nightmares about what happened at the third task. Where were you? Then dementor's attacked me and Dudley, Some Mundungus had some cauldron business while he was supposed to guarding me. Now tell me, Bill, didn't they notice how I was treated? They were sitting on our lawn for a month, are they blind? Stupid? Is it funny to look at me getting abused? That old bastard even had the nerve to tell Hermione and Ron not to write, and if they do, not telling me anything. Tell that order to fuck of and die." I showed my lord ring to Bill: "Tell the old goat his days of playing god are over. His puppet will not dance at his tune anymore." The show was over. I asked loudly if they want another one. The Goblins cheered. So I showed the troll, Quirrel, the spiders, freeing Dobby, the dementor's, the first task.
It was late in the evening when we left Gringotts. Madam Bones, fuming at the teaching staff of that madhouse. I told her about my house-elves, who were waiting for me at the leaky cauldron.
Madam Bones: "We apparate to my house, you can call on your elves there. Then I add you to our ward stone."
"Madam Bones, my presence at your house will put You, miss Susan, and miss Hannah at risk, tomorrow I will see if I have some properties to live in. You are already a target, for being strict and fair. I don't want to bring extra danger to your door." Although picturing Susan and Hannah in their nighties, makes it tempting to stay here.
Madam Bones: "I can't force you Lord Potter, but I prefer that you live with us for now, until September. You can always find a home at the end of your Owl year. Addy, Biddy, can you come, please? Can you bring the girls home, I will take Lord Potter." They nodded and popped away with the girls. Madam Bones grabbed my arm and apparated me to her home. Bloody crap! That was nasty, the feeling that you were pulled through a tube, as in the cartoons, was awful. Susan and Hannah guessed it was my first time and were giggling at my expression.
Madam Bones: "You can call your elves, while I add you to our wards."
"Dobby, Winky? Can you check out the Leaky Cauldron, and bring everything here? We will be staying here for a month. Try to get along with the local elves. They look nice." They nodded, Winky was already looking better. When I was added to the wards, I was led inside.
"Madam Bones, is it possible to get something to eat? I only ate this morning, and am a bit hungry." Getting kissed, and the time I spend in Gringotts made me forget it, but now it was back with a vengeance. Susan and Hannah led me to the kitchen and let their elves prepare some food.
Madam Bones: "apologies about that Lord Potter, I should have realized you were hungry."
"No need to apologize Madam Bones, and please, everyone, call me Harry, I have yet to get used to all that Lord stuff. I only claimed them to get my freedom and keep it." A few sandwiches later I felt a lot better. I introduced Dobby and Winky.
"As I said earlier, I will visit Gringotts tomorrow and see if there are some places to live in. Dobby and Winky can prepare them to live in. they also are allowed to help out here, and assist your house-elves. I don't know much about the wizarding world, the rules and traditions are strange to me, nobody told me anything. So if I do something wrong, tell me about it please." That will cover all my bases.
Susan and Hannah looked at each other, Susan: "Don't worry Harry, we will tutor you on our customs."
I smiled at them: "Thank you both, it will help a lot." Addy showed me my room, Bones manor was big, three floors, with a lot of rooms. My room had a bathroom connected to it, so I was finally away from the Dursleys.
In bed, my mind went over the day's events. Killing a dementor, instead of chasing it away with a Patronus changed the timeline. There are some suspicious similarities with grandpa's fan fiction. Is Tracey reading grandpa's fan fiction to me now? The Lordships, the will, it was almost word for word the same. Evil Dumbledore, although if you think about it, what normal man put a baby on a doorstep, at night in November? Never checking upon him? Letting him abused and starved for ten years? No matter the excuse, the abuse, and malnutrition could be avoided with a few house calls. He deliberately allowed Harry to be abused. Anyway, if he gets in my reach, then his wand will be mine, probably several of his bones will be broken, some nuts will be cracked, and his lemon drops will go the wrong way up.
While thinking about revenge I fell asleep.
2 How to use a Patronus.
The next morning Dobby woke me up for breakfast. Quickly I washed up, brushed my teeth, and searched for the kitchen. This place is a bloody maze, I am certain that I opened some doors a few times.
"Addy? Ah, can you show me where the breakfast table is?" Addy nodded and led the way. Two doors further… Addy showed me the room, I was the last one to arrive.
"Sorry for being late, I got lost in the house and could not find you."
Madam Bones smiled at my comment: "You probably opened the door of my office, it is spelled to confuse curious, nosy little girls so that they get lost in the house for ten minutes. How did you get here so fast?"
"Well, I asked Addy to show the way. That is a good way to defend your office. Is the house also defended that way? What happens when enemies attack? For example, if death eaters find out I am living here, and want to eliminate me and your family?"
Madam Bones looked serious at my question: "When death eaters attack, the wards will hold them long enough for you to escape through the floo, and for me to call for back up. They will not get in the manor."
"There are many flaws in your defense Madam Bones, for example, there are a lot of death eaters and sympathizers at the ministry, at the moment of the attack they just have to disconnect the floo for maintenance to trap us inside this house, anti apparition and portkey wards around the house and we are served to Voldemort on a plate. Another way is a death eater in your Aurors force to get in here to stun you in the back, and they have them in your force Madam. Do I need to point out some more flaws?"
Madam Bones was stunned at my analysis: "For a boy that did not grow up in our society, you seem to know a lot, Harry. Those are the methods the death eaters used in the war before he was killed by you."
I started laughing at that comment: "Please Madam Bones, don't be silly, how in Merlin's name could I have killed Voldemort? Trow a dirty nappy at him? I can see it happening, Voldemort was killed by the Nappy of Death. A nappy, so powerful that they even could not find his body. No, I suspect my parents did a spell or some other magic, so his Avada rebounded to him. I was just the target. That magic recognized me as his killer when I claimed the title of Gaunt, is that the magic that rebounded the curse was locked in me. So did I in a way kill him?
I read about the war in some books and listened to stories from my classmates, there is so much wrong in those stories that I think there is more than one force in the wizarding world that wants to grasp for power."
Madam Bones was confused: "How do you mean Harry, there are other organizations that are against us?" I nodded, recalling the discussions between mum and grandpa, I have so many flaws to expose it isn't even funny anymore.
"Well, let's start with how Voldemort put a taboo on his name, there is nobody that could use that to our advantage? Have a single bachelor without family stand in an open field surrounded by Aurors and let him yell his name. Kill everyone that pops in, after you erect your own anti-apparition and portkey wards, when they are all killed, do it again. On one day you could have killed half of his force. After a few days, they will be afraid to even respond to that taboo.
Next, why in Merlins and Morgana's name didn't the ministry put a taboo on those three unforgivable spells? Why didn't they research ways to detect people that are under the Imperio curse? Just telling the wizards the spell is unforgivable, and that is enough? Wards to detect the mark on their arms?
And who is blocking all those solutions Madam Bones? I bet it is the same one that put me with my aunt, deliberately going against my parents' wishes."
Now, I think I have given her enough to think about. Just one more thing: "You can send messages with your Patronus, correct? How do you do that? I can do a normal one, and like to learn to send messages with them."
Madam Bones was surprised, I exposed flaws in their way of doing things, over and over, so she could not deny the facts anymore. She gathered her thoughts and responded.
Madam Bones: "To give a message with your Patronus, you just have to concentrate on the message and the person you want to send it to. Why didn't your parents used them to warn Dumbledore? Or Black? This is getting out of hand Harry, I have to go to the ministry now, and sort things out."
Quick thinking I said: "Madam Bones, let your Aurors sign a magic contract, to not be a part of an illegal organization, or one that is working to overthrow the ministry. Especially the guards of Fudge and yours. I suggest warning the other department heads. Is there a way to dispel the Imperio?"
Susan and Hannah were following the conversation, the revelations and conspiracy theories that I was explaining to them got them thinking.
Susan: "That is right aunty, if a goblet can bind a person to it just by putting your name in it, you can bind Aurors to not take part in illegal organizations."
Madam Bones: "I will look into it, Girls, Harry, it will be late today. You have given me a lot to do Harry. I hope I am on time to stop everything. I will send a rookie to act as an escort and protection." She left, we finished our breakfast in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
Xxxxx
Hannah: "Harry? Sorry for thinking in our second year that you were responsible for those attacks. We were scared that we were going to be next, and were looking for someone to blame. From now on you have my complete trust. Can I do something to make it up to you?" Now if this was my grandpa, he would ask for something crazy, a kiss, or some other lewd stuff. Mum always said he was an old horny geezer, he even admitted it. Looking at Hannah, I was tempted to follow gramps' example, Nah, I am fifteen years old, I had my share of girlfriends already, and was crushing on college girls a day ago.
"I would like to be your friend, Miss Hannah, yours too, miss Susan, I don't have a lot of friends out of Griffindor house, none, as a matter of fact, I can work on being your friend for this month. Although I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me. I am a trouble magnet after all."
Susan: "We want to be your friends, and Harry, call us Susan and Hannah, or Sue and Han for short. For what it is worth, I am sorry for my second year too, we saw yesterday what you were up against, Han and I were having nightmares of it. What happened to the basilisk after that?"
"Thinking about it, that is a good question, I don't know. I guess it is still down there." Susan and Hannah looked at each other with a grin. I could swear they had galleon signs in their eyes.
Susan: "My Lord Potter, as the slayer of a basilisk you are the owner of the carcass. You can sell it for a lot of galleons. The hide alone will bring in a fortune, the venom, and teeth too. The meat is probably spoiled, or it is so magical that it is preserved. We need to have it examined by experts."
Hannah: "Oh yes, My dear Lord Slytherin, that carcass will bring in a nice profit. You can look at this as us starting our tutoring session in wizarding customs. You kill it? Then you own it, although there are some restrictions on that. People need to be in mortal danger from it, you can't go into a dragon preserve and claim the bodies after you kill them… Sue… the whole school was in mortal danger from the basilisk." Susan gasped at that comment, the consequences were dire. That was a lot to take in. I have an idea of the consequences, life debts, a favorite topic of gramps, a lot of fanfictions were using it in their stories, mostly to expand the harems. Now, are Susan and Hannah going to tell me?
Susan: "We have to ask aunty, there is a spell that can reveal it. It is too important to speculate on it, we wait for her to come home." I can live with that, she is honest, and shoved the responsibility to the adults.
"I am missing something here, but I can wait for tonight. Now, how do we sell the snake? Put an ad in the Daily Rubbish?" Yep, I am channeling grandpa on this, it is fun to do.
Hannah: "Best not in there, there are firms that deal with that kind of products. Greengrass is one of them, Daphne is in our year, we used to play a lot together before Hogwarts. Sue, can we invite her over? I bet she is at home, they usually go on holiday in July."
Susan: "Breakfast is done, we give Harry some books to read on our customs while we go to Greengrass manor, and talk to Daphne. Can you agree to this Harry?" I looked them in the eyes, searching for clues, well, I never was good at judging characters.
"Do what you think is best Susan, I must tell you, the death eaters will probably try to get support and allies. So they will first visit the Slytherins. Trust Daphne, if you want, but be wary of the adults, although Daphne's mother was in my parents' will, she will be alright too. I will stay in the library, reading the books." In the library, Susan gave me three big tomes, telling me to start with those.
I raised my eyebrow: "Are you planning to stay a week at the Greengrass mansion? Woman, do you have any bigger books? You are killing me, are there so many rules? That will take forever to learn."
Hannah: "Live with it Potter, we had to go through them too, so don't expect any pity from us." Grumbling about being bullied by beautiful girls I started reading, Susan and Hannah left with a smile on their faces. I read through the first book, the ins, and outs of the wizengamot, the responsibilities of the Lords, and the privileges that come with it. The second book was the history of the Ancient families, it provided me a lot of munition to shoot at those pureblood idiots. I searched for Fudge and Umbridge, so I have the ammo I need. The third book was about laws, now, to understand the legal terms, I need to study it for years, so I skipped it through, just reading the headlights, which reminds me to contact Mr. Tonks. In my parents' will, he was appointed as my lawyer. So I will visit Gringotts after lunch.
Xxxxx
Addy led a guest in the library, a young woman with pink hair, the rookie I suppose, I already guessed her identity.
"Auror Tonks? Are you assigned to protect my body?"
Tonks was on high alert: "How do you know me? We never spoke to each other."
"You wound me Tonksie, you used to babysit me, I bet you even changed my nappies… You saw me naked! Did you do unspeakable things to me? Making me burp? Giving me a sponge bath? Wipe my butt?"
Tonks was confused: "How do you know that? I never told anyone this. How do you know who I am? Where are the other girls?"
I smiled: "Hold your wand Tonksie, I remember you from the first year, a puff that hexes everyone that calls her by her birth name and can change her body at will. The hair gave it away. The babysitting I heard yesterday in Gringotts in my parents' will. Congratulations, by the way, you got ten thousand galleons from dad and mum. Now, be a good babysitter and teach me the messenger Patronus."
Tonks growled at that remark: "You have to be a bit older kid, to practice magic out of school."
"Nah, Tonks, you need to be an adult. And behold, before you is standing one. Even a Lordy one" I showed the Potter ring.
"Now all that is left, is to take care of my enemies, Voldemort and Dumbledore."
Tonks was surprised: "How come is the headmaster your enemy? He is the leader of the light! He is fighting evil!"
"Well, then he can start with killing himself, he is the biggest bastard at the moment." I started to explain what he did to me, she had the decency to blush when I cursed the idiots that were guarding me last month.
"Can you imagine it, Tonks? They were taking shifts in guarding me! I only got one meal a day, had to do chores, cook, and clean. And they were enjoying the show! I have nightmares each night, and that bastard even forbids Ron and Hermione to write to me. And all the time those idiots were just looking. Last night Bill Weasley called them the order, they better leave that order, because they are my enemies now. I told my story to Madam Bones, Dumbledore's days are numbered, and anyone connected to him will go down too. I warned Bill to distance himself and his family from that old goat, I hope he warned the rest of them too." If she still wants to kiss the old man's ass after my story, then she can stuff it.
"Well Tonks, he knew Moody was an impostor, after being friends all those years, there is no way he could have missed it. Didn't Moody have some code words to determent he is the real one? Anyway, I told Madam Bones Sirius is innocent, so he will have his trial soon. Now, teach me how to do a messenger Patronus, or you can look at my body, guarding it."
I took my wand out and concentrated on my message, I cast my Patronus, hey, I am in fanfiction for sure now, it wasn't a stag, but a dragon, gramps was a fan of dragons, he put them everywhere. The Patronus gave his message: "Sirius you old dog, stop licking your balls." Dammed it was close.
Tonks was laughing: "That would scare the old dog. Concentrate more on the one you want to send the message." A good idea, my second try went great, my Patronus walked to Tonks and said: "Nymphadora I find you very sexy."
That got me on the receiving end of some stinging hexes. Dobby popped in front of me: "Missy not be hurting Master Harry Potter sir."
Tonks fumed: "Then he better don't call me sexy!" Dobby looked at her: "Missy is not sexy? Master Harry's heart is beating faster when Master is looking at missies legs, or boobs, behind, and…" that was my hand covering Dobby's mouth. He was digging my grave there."
"Sorry about that. I won't ever call you sexy again, is that better? Although that would be a lie. Alright, I won't tell to you but will tell others that you are sexy. How is that?" Dobby was saving me from her hexes.
"Sorry Tonks, I shut up and train my Patronus messenger." Soon every five minutes a Patronus left the mansion, Tonks was surprised I could handle so many, and still was going strong.
All over the country, my Patronus dragons were making waves.
At Malfoy manor Lucius got one: "Hey Lucy, does your mudblood master already knows you gave his diary away?" Well… he does now.
Wormtail was next: "Wormtail, now that you did the necromancy ritual, does it mean you are the owner of Tommy Voldemort? After all, you provided the flesh for that homunculus. Try to let him call you Master."
After a few minutes Tom got one too: "Tommy Riddle, son of a muggle and a squib, you have my respect, fooling your slaves in telling them you are a pureblood, do those idiots really believe Voldemort is a real name?" It was a bit embarrassing that the message was told in a packed room, while he was punishing Lucy and Wormtail.
Nott got the next one: "Lord Nott, did you know that once you die, all titles go to the next? Even when you come back alive?"
Crabbe Senior: "Voldemort is a mudblood, you is an idiot."
Goyle Senior: "You got branded by a mudblood."
Parkinson: "Dumbass, he even likes his snake more than all of you. Try to kill it if you dare."
Sirius: "Hey old dog, stop licking your balls."
Hermione: "Sorry Hermione, a dementor stole my first kiss, I was saving it for someone special, now it is gone."
Molly: "Don't worry Mrs. Weasley, I am safe, talk to Bill."
Fred: "Fred! I have found the way to know who is who."
George: "Less handsome twin, tell your less intelligent twin, I can tell you apart."
Ron: "ROARRR, hey Ron, how do you like my new Patronus?"
The Daily Liar: "Lord Potter, Slytherin, Griffindor, will remember the treatment he received by this corrupt gossip paper."
McGonagall: "Professor, prepare the Lord's quarters for my next term, those guys in my room snores too loud."
Moody: "Did you ask the old goat why he let you rot in your trunk? Was it for the greater good?"
Lupin: "Hey Moony, check my new Patronus out, I think my first kiss caused the change."
Susan: "Beautiful Susan, stunning Hanna, lovely ice queen, it is almost lunchtime, and I am bored. Safe me."
Snape: "Hey grease ball, did you ever try to teach? Copying a recipe on a blackboard is not teaching, it is just lazy."
Tonks: "Miss Tonks, do not hex me, but I find you are beautiful, also contact your dad, my parents appointed him as my lawyer. SEXY!"
That was fun, I got a stinger, but it was worth it.
Tonks: "You have learned the messenger Patronus, it was a perfect message. Most can't do the voice volume and just ramble the message in the same tone and volume. To whom did you send all those messages?"
When I told her, she paled: "You send one to Moody? If you ever tell him I helped you learn that spell then I will spank your ass."
"Hey, then I will report you for sexual harassment."
Tonks laughed: "Try it shorty, most of those old pervs will just make fun of you, hoping to get spanked by me too."
I gasped: "You are an SM mistress? Do you have whips and paddles? A leather outfit? Does your mum know this?" I took my wand out and closed my eyes, concentrating. Tonks jumped me, straddling me on my stomach, yelling to stop it. At that exact moment Susan, Hannah, Daphne, and Tracey came into the library. I must admit, it was a strange situation.
Susan: "Harry? Why is Tonks on top of you? If you have urges, then do it in your room." I can do that?
I grinned at Tonks: "You heard Susan, either stop or we go to my room."
Tonks: " Lord Harry Potter, if you send that Patronus to my mum, then you will find out how good I am with a whip." Too bad she stood up after that comment, it felt rather nice having her riding on top of me.
"Fine, I was only joking, telling your mum your sexual preferences is bad taste."
Tonks had steam coming out of her ears: "I am not an SM Mistress Harry. Stop telling people or I will kick your ass."
"ok, sorry Tonks I stop now."
Susan: "Harry? Are you bullying Tonks?"
I shook my head: "If we just stood up and blushed, what would you have thought? I was having some fun with Tonks, she used to babysit me, remember yesterday? It was told in my parents' will? She was threatening me with a spanking, if I told professor Moody she helped me with my Patronus. I threatened her with her mum. Hello Miss Greengrass, Miss Davis, I promise I can behave, if the situation calls for it. Now, I am not good in those noble customs, do I have to kiss your hands, or am I wrong?" Tonks started giggling, commenting this is going to be fun to watch, I gave her my stink eye.
Susan: "Only once Harry, if you are formally introduced, and you don't kiss the hand, brush it with your lips. I might as well introduce you now.
Lord Potter, may I introduce you to Heiress primary Daphne Veronica Greengrass from the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Greengrass, and Heiress secondary Tracey Ellen Davis of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Davis. Miss Davis, Miss Greengrass, may I introduce to you, Lord Harry James Potter. Lord of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Houses of Potter, Slytherin and Griffindor, Lord of the House of Gaunt."
I brushed the hands: "Ladies, I am glad we only have to do this once, imagine going through that every time, you will waste hours of your life. If you want, you can call me Harry, I consider the friends of Susan and Hannah, as my friends as well."
Daphne: "You are right Sue, he needs tutoring in our ways before he causes blood feuds."
Tracey: "Looking at miss Tonks, he is almost there." I swallowed, glancing at Tonks. She huffed and looked the other way.
"ok, I admit my ignorance, how do I correct this situation? I never wanted to insult Miss Tonks. Tonks? Please forgive me?"
Daphne: "You suggested to inform her mother that miss Tonks has sexual preferences that are not common, so smudging her honor. She can ask for compensation to appease her sense of honor. It can be monetary, a job or goods, or even marriage. Remember Lord Potter, in the wizarding world, a girl's most precious thing is her honor. We are a small community, and starting rumors that can ruin our reputation, reducing the chances on a good match, that can get you killed."
I nodded, finally understanding: "Miss Tonks, I realize now what I did wrong, you may ask for any compensation to get over the insult. If I may suggest, I can ask Sirius to welcome you back into House Black, but saying it out loud, made me realize you can ask that to Sirius yourself and he will do it. So ask away."
Tonks: "Anything? Even marriage?" I swallowed: "Even marriage." Now I only hope Daphne wasn't trolling me about honor and stuff.
Tonks: "I will think things over, Lord Potter."
Hannah: "Good, Harry, to whom did you send messages? Be glad we were alone in Daphne's room when it came in, and I already told Daphne you need tutoring in our customs." I summed the messages up, with every name the girls paled more and more.
Tracey: "Sweat Morgana's dirty underwear, we are looking at a corpse, he does not know it yet, but he is dead."
Daphne: "Miss Tonks, I suggest a marriage, you would be a wealthy widow. Just don't stand next to him when they come after him."
That was not funny: "Hey! She was appointed to protect me, so she has to stay next to me. Alright Tonks, Griffindor? Potter? Gaunt? Any takers for Slytherin?" The words were only a second out of my mouth when I realized my mistake. I was in a harem fanfiction, so offering a marriage was a red flag. Worse, I was in gramps fanfiction, he raked them in with the dozen.
The eyes of Daphne and Tracey were shining.
Susan: "Harry? Did you read the book about our laws?" Dazed I looked at her, is she serious?
"Susan, that book is a foot thick! Of course, I did not read it. I just skimmed the contents."
Daphne: "Lord Potter, you, as a head of four Houses, offered negotiations to all girls present, for a marriage contract. You are a Lord, so everything you say has weight. As for me, I want to accept an offer for a consort contract, so that my children will be of House Greengrass."
Tracey: "Personally, I had an agreement with Daphne to be the main wife, so she can continue her line. I want to accept your offer for House Slytherin Lord Potter. I bet Daphne wants to be consort Slytherin." Crap, me and my big mouth. How do I escape? I looked at Susan for help.
Susan: "Hannah and I have the same agreement, she as the main wife, me for consort. Harry, if you are serious, then Hannah and I will take your offer. We saw what you did at Gringotts, and told it to Daphne and Tracey. I doubt we will find someone better. We like to be in House Potter if you want us." Crap, gramps is screwing with me. Can I say I don't want you? Those four are bloody gorgeous. Tonks was looking at those four, feeling her chances slipping away.
Tonks: "I decided, Griffindor for me Lord Potter." I resigned in my fate, I am the main character in a harem story, so I doubt I can escape. So let's go with the flow.
"Alright, remember, I have not a clue how to proceed. Personally, I want to accept you all, but are the parents not needed for this? Tonks? Your dad is supposed to be my lawyer. Girls? What is the next step?"
Addy: "That be lunch Lord Potter, everything is already on the table."
Xxxxx
At lunch Daphne commented on my Patronus: "That is a very impressive Patronus you have Lord Potter. Did you know that the animagus of a person is usually the same as their Patronus? The odds to have a magical animagus form are astronomically high. But you have a chance to have one."
"Please, call me Harry, if you intend to marry me, then you can start with calling me by my first name. I did not know the animagus form is usually the same as the Patronus, I do know the Patronus form can change sometimes, mostly lovers that change their animals, my dad had a stag, my mum's changed into a doe. Do some of you have a Patronus?"
Tonks: "That is Newt material Harry, I am surprised you can do that already."
I shrugged: "Been doing it since the third year. It is not that hard to learn to be honest. They say focus on a happy memory, but it is focusing on the emotions of that happy memory. Once you got that, the rest is easy. It even doesn't have to be a memory, a happy emotion is fine too, although a bit harder." The girls were paying attention.
"Tonks, I am curious, the trace, does it know who does magic? How does it know if you are an adult or not? Olivander put a timer on it? I have been doing magic for hours, and not one owl came."
Tonks: "The trace, does not monitor the magical houses, that takes too much magic, also the wards will shield the children from detection. Never tell anyone I told you that."
Hannah: "So we can practice here? That is fantastic!"
Tonks: "The reason we don't tell the children, is if they are practicing alone and accidents happen, they could be dead before anyone notices it. So if you decide to practice, make sure there is someone around. Harry, you did ask this, so they are going to practice the Patronus, don't you?"
"Guilty, Tonks, now that Volly is back, the death eaters from Askaban are going to be set free by Volly. The dementors will follow him also, he will promise them free reign in Britain, so why would they stay on an island sucking a few hundred peoples happiness, when there are fifty-six million people in Britain."
Daphne nodded: "Susan showed some memories to dad, the graveyard scene was horrifying. Dad activated our war wards after witnessing it. He told me he was planning to match Astoria to House Malfoy, but there is no way in the seven hells he will sell her to those maniacs. He was grateful for the memory, and is warning his allies for things to come." Lunch was soon over. I need to visit Gringotts, and told the girls so.
Susan: "That is fine Harry, we will visit our parents, and I will talk to aunty when she gets home. Ask the goblins for advice and ask your lawyer to come." I was thinking of something different.
"Dobby, Winky, Addy, and Biddy can I ask you something? You can not use violence on humans, is that correct?" Addy nodded: "That is correct Lord Potter, we are oath-bound to never harm any human."
"But, you can clean everything from a magical person, clothes and stuff?"
Addy: "Yes, Lord Potter, we can clean everything from wizards and witches."
"Alright, If some wizards and witches are trying to get into the wards, especially when they are wearing masks, I want you to wash their clothes, make certain that all nic-nacs are removed from their bodies, for example, portkey's and potions, then those wizards are bringing firewood with them, just collect it and throw it into the fireplace. I guess standing outside in their underwear is a bit cold, so wrap some blankets around their bodies. Make sure the blankets stay on, so tie some ropes on them so it does not fall off.
As with all good elves, it is normal that the guests don't see you. If you do it that way, Madam Bones will be happy that she has clean guests. Can you do this for us? It will make miss Susan and miss Hannah happy too." The girls were watching me corrupt four completely normal… three completely normal elves and turn them into sentinels. Daphne was going over the loopholes I exploited, the terms I used for their tasks were well inside their job description.
Daphne: "Tracey, these are good elves, let us instruct our elves to do the same. Lord Potter, Harry, we will talk to our parents about your offer, we watched the events of the graveyard, and in the Chamber of Secrets. They will not object. Can You provide the original memories for us? So my dad can show it to his contacts." Sure why not, more things to screw canon sideways… although I have yet to experience the screwing, I never got further than a hand job. But… with five potential wives, there is bound to be some action. I provided the memories and put them in some vials. Happy they said goodbye and left. Susan and Hannah went to the Abbot house.
I looked at Tonks and asked: "What happened just now? Did we get conned by four girls? Don't get me wrong, they are very beautiful and smart, so are you by the way, but it feels they steered me in that direction."
Tonks: "Get used to it Harry, it is still better than getting to look for one yourself"
"Alright, I get it, I am off to Gringotts, do you want to come along sweetheart? Aw, not a good name? How about sugar? Honey? Alright, alright no sugary stuff, so Love? Darling? Tell me one yourself then."
Xxxxx
Dobby and Winky popped us at Gringots' doorstep. Tonks sent a Patronus to her dad, and we got in. At a teller, I asked for a meeting with Skinscraper.
In Skinscraper's office, he asked what he could do for me.
"Well… can I present to you, my fiancee Tonks, no first name. Aiming for Lady Griffindor. The two lovely girls that were with Madam Bones, Susan Bones, and Hannah Abbot, are interested to be Lady and consort Potter. At lunch, miss Daphne Greengrass and miss Tracey Davis were visiting and showed interest in Slytherin House. Miss Bones and miss Greengrass are for the consort position so they can continue their Houses. Well. I am now curious that I can support them, do I have properties? Businesses? Shares in shops? Do I have money?"
Skinscraper: "Lord Potter, on your suggestion we examined the vaults of Bellatrix Lestrange, we found another abomination, we put the contents of that vault in yours, minus a twenty percent penalty of course. If it is possible to bring Lord Black in here, then we can hurt that organization."
I looked at Tonks: "Bring him here love, put some disguise on him and ask Dobby to pop him here. Yes, I know, you are in that silly order, the blushing gave it away. Skinscraper, can Dobby pop him right inside here?" After a nod, Tonks disappeared.
"She has asked for her father to come. Ted Tonks was supposed to be my guardian and lawyer. Now tell me, are there surprises waiting for me? Hidden marriage contracts?" I cant trust gramps, he is throwing wives in the story from all sides. I am only here for one day and have already five fiancees.
Skinscraper: "No Lord Potter, no marriage contracts. Here is the list of properties, most of them are rented out, two require repairs. The property that you are interested in is the Manor in Wales, there are traces of burglary, for some reason the elves transferred to the Vineyard in France. The manor in Wales is now guarded by... I believe family, you will see for yourselves. There is also a ranch in Texas. I believe you will be interested to know, you have twenty percent shares in the Daily Prophet. Here is the sheet with the vault's contents."
Potter head vault
32.706.000 Galleons
5450 sickles
1200 knuts
Family jewelry worth 3.000.000 Galleons
Several books, artifacts, and paintings
25 trunks with unidentified contents
Potter trust vault
2500 Galleons
refilled on birthday till 10.000 Galleons
Evans Lily vault
600.800 Galleons
350 sickles
50 knuts
5 trunks with unidentified content
Peverell heirloom vault
Several books and paintings and artifacts
opens only for the worthy heir.
Gryffindor vault
80.000 Galleons
Several books and heirlooms, spelled to return after death
10 trunks with unidentified contents
Grimoire
Slytherin vault
1.800.750 Galleons
Several books, spelled to return after death
Grimoire
Gaunt vault
10 books spelled to return after dead
OK… the Lestrange vault added to mine… feels nice, I have to send a Patronus to thank her. I knew in gramps fanfiction there were only twelve million galleons, so getting twenty more, I will thank her every day, it is the least I can do.
"Are there loans that need paying or debts to our house? Or was dad giving his fortune away?"
Skinscraper: "House Potter has 5 big loans outstanding, 1.000.000 to Dumbledore, 5.000.000 Galleons to the ministry, and 500.000 to the order of the phoenix. No payments are being made after 1981."
"Alright, go after Dumbledore, take all he has, the interests and penalties upped to the maximum you can get. While in his vault, check for Potter Heirlooms, those elves went to France for a reason. Go for the Order too, if Dumbledore was responsible for the finances then skin him too. But I suspect he has a patsy to take the blame."
Tonks senior came in, after the greeting we let him read the will. Tonks cursed like a sailor, swearing he will go after that old bastard for every knut he has. We showed the loan he has at House Potter, Tonks got a scary grin on his face.
Dobby popped in with Tonksie and Sirius. Without saying a word Tonks gave the will to Sirius, the anger on Sirius's face was telling he found out who was responsible for his stay in Askaban.
"Skinscraper, can you get a healer here? I suspect that Sirius has potions and compulsions on him."
The fury of Sirius was visible, he was practically glowing.
"Sirius, You need to claim your Lordship today. It will help against both enemies, I already convinced Madam Bones of your innocence, I showed my memory of what happened in that graveyard. I will summon Arthur Weasley to bear witness to your claim. Skinscraper, can I cast a messenger Patronus to summon Lord Weasley?" After a nod, I sent it on his way.
Sirius: "Harry, this is bad, what else has that man done to us? I do know I am kicking the order out today."
"Sirius, hold on to the punishment of the Weasleys, I think Dumbledore has them cornered with the student scholarships, there is no way Arthur can afford to send seven children to Hogwarts, without some fishy manipulation from Dumbels. Then we have the naive ones, Tonksie for example. I do think that Ron is told to guide me, and shield me from other houses. Although, if he is told to do that, or being homeschooled, then the choice is obvious. Hermione was added after I saved her from a mountain troll. I think she is not spying for the goat. The twins are alright."
"Skinscraper, can you give me the account statement from my trust vault for the last ten years?"
Skinscraper: "I have them here from the day it was made." We soon found out who was paying the scholarships of the Weasleys. The amount of the redraws matched perfectly with the number of Weasley kids at Hogwarts.
Sirius: "Account manager Skinscraper, can you ask the Black account manager to come here please? I have a feeling we need to shake the wizarding world."
Meanwhile, Tonks and Tonksie were whispering to each other, I guess the marriage came up. I am not that eager to marry, but if it means banging five wives... hey, I am a teenager, and being horny is in my genes, I am told. Also, I doubt this is real, this is gramps fanfiction for fucks sake. I don't know what will happen, but this one will have his cherry popped... five times in a row.
The Goblin healer came in, we explained the situation, and the old Goblin started waving his dagger at Sirius. He frowned, waved again, looking angry, waving some more he began swearing-in… there is no way they name their language Gobbilyletoot? Gobbblegook? Fuck it, I call it Gobby… no that sounds like a house-elf. Fuck everyone, he started swearing in his language. After an angry conversation with Skinscraper, he left.
Skinscraper: "Mister Black, you can not claim your Lordship, a few years ago, they gave you a potion that sterilized you, you are unable to produce an heir. There are several compulsions on your body, and a loyalty potion on an alchemy base, I suggest you appoint an heir, the next in line is Malfoy junior. Our healer is getting the flushing potions, to get everything out of your system, you can not appoint an heir under the influence of potions."
"What if he blood adopt an Heir? I mean, everyone is better than Draco Malfoy. It will probably end up in Voldemort's pockets"
Sirius: "Harry, I named you my Heir, the day I was made to be your godfather. With the war going on we all had made our wills, I even blood adopted you. I knew grandfather did not kick me out of the family, no matter what my mother claimed." Crap, there is a trap in there, I just know it.
"Master Tonks? As my lawyer, do you have any advice? Make Tonksie Lady Black?"
Tonksie jumped into my arms: "You do that for me? Do you really want me? Please don't tell me you are joking."
"I mean it Tonksie, I would be crazy to reject a stunning beauty like you. I am a teenager remember? You are fun to be with, powerful, did I already said beautiful?"
Sirius was stunned: "Huh? What in Merlin's name happened? You were with Tonks? When?"
Tonks Senior: "I like to know that too."
"Well, Madam Bones appointed Tonksie as my bodyguard today, she taught me to do the messenger Patronus. I was joking around with Tonksie, but I got her upset. Then the Girls ganged up on me, now I have a fiancee, and four parents will be negotiating contracts soon. I don't know how it exactly happened. Like I said, I am a teenager, so getting five girls… four girls and one woman, is a dream come through.
To be honest, five beautiful, smart women want to marry me. Sirius, they want Me, they saw what I did in the graveyard and the Chamber of Secrets, and they still want me. Most would run away screaming. I never had anyone wanting me, so they will be my first priority. I am not kidding myself that this is love, but I will try my best for it." Tonksie was still clinging to me. I am not complaining about it though.
The healer came back with some vials, Sirius was led to the restrooms to flush everything out. The Black account manager came in, a fast conversation in Gobbelyglook?... their language, made him approach me.
Black manager: "Lord Potter, Skinscraper informed me that you have a high chance to become Lord Black, my name is Blackdagger, and hope to continue to run the account."
"I hope so too Black dagger, I need skilled advisers. I just hope the ring accepts me."
Arthur Weasley came in, surprised with the persons present, and Tonksie still hanging on my arm.
Arthur: "Harry? Why did you call me in here? We were looking all over Britain for you."
"Lord Weasley, I called you here as a ministry witness to a Lord claiming, a claim for House Black. You don't have to look for me anymore, I am emancipated, and don't need babysitters telling me what to do. Blackdagger, do you have a Goblin witness? Or will the healer act as one?"
Blackdagger: "The healer is well respected, and will act as a witness Lord Potter."
"Excellent, now, Lord Weasley, did you have a talk with Bill? I am serious about Dumbledore, that scum will suffer for his crimes."
Arthur: "Harry, we can't abandon him, there are things that bind us to him."
I smiled sadly: "Those binds came out of my trust vault Mr. Weasley. Those scholarships? Just a trick to gain some slaves, who are happy to serve their benefactor. Am I right?"
Arthur: "He stole from you? Oh, Merlins' dirty underwear! He stole from you? He gave your money to us, claiming that it was from his private account. We were so grateful, we would kiss the ground he walked on. What are we going to do now? I can't afford to pay it all back!"
Tonks: "Arthur, you did not steal a knut. Dumbledore did steal it, we are going to demand it back from Dumbledore. Whoever received that money is of no concern to us. The thief is Dumbledore."
"I told Bill, that I will pay for your kids' education. This time the money is legit, you even don't need to pay it back. You were the first family that made me feel welcome. If someone wants to pay it back, there will be no interest on it."
Sirius came back in, a bit unsteady, but looking better.
Arthur walked to him: "Sirius, Dumbledore stole from Harry! He told me it was from a private account! My boys were going to school, paid with stolen money! I know we are at the bottom of society, but we were proud, to be honest, and honorable. I can never hold my head up again after this shame."
Tonks: "Arthur, as Lord Potter said, the crimes of Dumbledore are not yours, he exploited a weakness, to have grateful helpers, eager to do his bidding. Just cut ties with him, he will go down soon. Now we have to get ready for the claiming of Lord Black."
Blackdagger: "Lord Potter if you are ready? Claim it in your own words."
"I, Harry James Potter, Lord of House Potter, Griffindor, Slytherin, and Gaunt, claim hereby the Lordship of House Black by blood. Let the magic be the judge of me!" After a few tense moments, and the ring appeared on my finger.
I looked at Tonksie: "Dear, you don't even have to ask. Skinscraper, Blackdagger, I want to do some declarations if you will allow it. Thank you, I Harry James Potter, Lord of House Black, take Andromeda? Drucilla Tonks, back into House Black. Her husband and daughter are welcomed in House Black, her dowry and allowances will be given from the date of marriage. Sirius, what do I do with Narcissa and Bellatrix?"
Sirius: "Look at their contracts first, if they are breached, you can reclaim their dowry, also check for debts due to House Black, Tonks? Any words?"
Tonks: "Also check for outstanding contracts with House Black. Manager Blackdagger can you gather this info?"
Blackdagger: "It will take ten minutes."
I looked at Tonks Senior: "Master Tonks, I would be honored to have your daughter as my Lady Black, can we discuss this with my godfather as a witness?" I was channeling several fanfictions now, it sounds a bit pompous, but I want to impress the in-laws… Crap, I am only fifteen, I have yet to receive my first kiss from her, and am negotiating for our marriage? Dammed grandpa, this fanfic is killing me.
Tonks: "I would like it too, but my wife will never forgive me if she is not involved. She is very protective of Nymphadora."
Sirius smiled at that: "No problem Ted, after I kick the order out of my house we will talk at home. Don't worry Arthur, you and your family are welcome to stay."
"Master Tonks, there will be talks of contracts with House Bones, Abbot, Greengrass, and Davis. Those four girls of my age have let me know to be interested in marriage. Bones and Abbot for House Potter, Greengrass, and Davis for House Slytherin." Arthur looked like a kid standing in line for free candy.
Mr. Weasley: "Lord Potter, I would be honored if you would consider my daughter for House Griffindor. Ginny is from a young age eager to be the wife of Harry Potter." Crap! I knew it! This is the plot forcing his way in. There is no way to refuse him, not without humiliating his family.
"Lord Weasley, to be honest, Ginny is smart, beautiful, and I noticed she has a crush on me. Any guy would be lucky to have her, me included. But first, ask her if she is ready to share me with five others. I am happy to accept her as a wife, but she will not be the only one. Even I don't know how this is going to work. Until yesterday my main worry was to have at least once a day some food, for me and Hedwig." Man, my head hurts, pretending to be a Lord is exhausting. Fun for a while, but still a pain in the ass.
Blackdagger returned with the paperwork, In grandpa's story, the Carrow twins have a contract, I am curious who will be the victims. Probably me. We looked over the contracts, Lestrange failed to produce a child with Bella, failed to pay the loan back. They had the nerve to loan several million galleons, the ones that are in my vaults now. Narcissa produced an heir, but like Bella, loaned several million without paying a knut back, it seems both had already cut the cake and divided it among themselves.
"Blackdagger? Do I have enough proof of crimes against House Black? They deserve to be kicked out, do you agree?"
Blackdagger: "Yes Lord Black, but the decision is yours." I know Narcissa loves Draco, she would betray Voldy for him, too bad Draco is a pain in the ass. Bella doesn't need to be thought over, the bitch is toast.
First I reclaimed the loans, with the penalties for not paying on time, I confiscated the vaults and properties from House Lestrange, then I did the same with Malfoy, I gave him a week time to pay for the loan, but the penalties and interest for all those years would be taken from his vaults. Next, I dissolved the marriage of Bellatrix, for failing to fulfill the contract, and claimed the dowry back. Narcissa could have her husband, I just kicked her and junior out. It felt good kicking junior death eater out of the family. I smirked at Tonksie and commented we have to speed the baby-making up for an Heir. I got a smack to my arm for that, figures, starting to talk about babies before the first kiss, is a big turn-off.
"Next, The Daily Liar, do House Black have shares? I want to put a muzzle on that paper. Then, do any death eaters have loans to house Black? I want to bleed them dry."
Blackdagger: "twenty percent of the Daily Prophet, Lord Black. No outstanding loans, they have them with house Malfoy, the only thing left is a marriage contract that you just activated. You just made yourself the last in your line of House Black." Crap, the plot is screwing me over.
I winched: "Alright, tell me about it." Sirius was grinning, wife number seven was on the way.
Blackdagger: "A contract is activated when House Black has only one male Heir, it is with House Greengrass." Bloody hell, Daphne is going to be mad.