A/N: Before you guys ask, no this isn't the one that entity spoke of, this is different.
Hope you guys have fun reading this chapter.
Cheers!
[Blood Diary Entry]
I looked behind me one last time before diving into the darkness of the city.
Of course, I felt bad about not going with them. I could feel the anticipation in Rebekah's voice, but as I am right now, I'm not the best of companies.
My mind has been in disarray ever since that entity talked with me.
Let alone the disturbing experience, what truly unsettled me was that she managed to silence the memories in my body.
I had a day or two to think as Darian and Darian alone, and what I managed to conclude didn't sit well with me…
Honestly, I am scared.
My mind was already quite mature for a child, even before I became a vampire. Now, aside from some impulses my child brain gives me, I am starting to think more and more like Sol'Vahr.
And that is not at all a good thing.
He was an isolationist, someone who became obsessed after losing the only person he had ever cared about.
I can learn a lot from him, but that is the crux of it: I can learn from him, but I must not become him. Otherwise, eventually, I might become something even worse than Niklaus on his worst days.
I am Sol'Vahr in a way, but Sol'Vahr is not me. That distinction alone is what may save me from the indifference and cruelty of my immortality.
But saying that is easier than actually putting it into practice.
More than once, I have been guided by my instincts, and like a headless lamb, I followed them blindly. I now know that these instincts stemmed more from the blood memories of him, rather than my own.
Nothing bad has happened yet… As it seems, it has guided me to beneficial situations.
But what if someday it judges something to be beneficial to me, but that something will bring misery to my family?
This thought alone kept me awake ever since I came across it.
As I was lost in my musings, I found myself walking inside a quaint little park.
A fresh clearing of nature amidst the chaos of this city.
I smiled a little before finding an empty bench and sitting on it.
I watched as people walked past me, not really caring all that much, granted that some paused for a second at seeing a lone child in the middle of the night. But ultimately, they all chose to mind their own business.
I hugged my knees close to my chest and rested my forehead on them. Shrinking into a Darian-sized ball.
I spent some 10 minutes or so like that before I felt a hand gently touching my shoulder.
My eyes narrowed, and I looked up.
To see a blonde woman looking at me with a kind but also worried expression.
'What is it with me and blondes?'
Though I quickly recognized the vampire in front of me.
Lexi…
The 'therapist', and emotional anchor of my ancestor. One of the few actually 'good people' amongst vampiric ranks.
"Are you alright, kid? Where are your parents?" She asked, still keeping a bit of distance so as not to startle me, I guess.
I tilted my head to the side.
How peculiar… She doesn't appear on Sol'Vahr's instincts… It's like I'm seeing a blank spot.
Mistaking my gesture, she worriedly spoke again. "Do you not have any parents? But that shouldn't be right… You are dressed nicely."
I chuckled seeing her in that flustered state.
She heard me and frowned for a split second.
"My mom is out with her friend," I said.
"And she just left you here?" She asked with a frown.
I shook my head. "They wanted me to come with them, but I wanted to be alone."
"Huh? But you're a kid!"
"So?"
"So, it's dangerous for a kid to be alone in the night." She said, exasperated.
"I can handle myself."
She gave me a dry but amused look. "Look, kid, there are things out there that even the toughest of adults wouldn't be able to handle, let alone a little child."
I sighed. "Whatever…"
"Do you want me to help you find your mother?"
"No."
She pursed her lips and massaged her temples. Then she sat by my side, crossing her legs elegantly.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"You don't want to find your mother, so the least I can do right now is keep you company to make sure you're safe."
"I don't need it."
Her eyebrow twitched. "You're a rude one, aren't you?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Let's treat this as me giving myself peace of mind."
"Do whatever you want." I turned my gaze towards the distance.
"Something is bugging you. Do you want to talk about it?"
"And why would I talk about my problems to a total stranger?"
This time, she was the one to shrug her shoulders. "It can help."
I gave her a fleeting glance before looking back to the trees in the distance. "It is personal, and somewhat complicated."
"So, let's hear it then. I have heard I am awesome at 'uncomplicating' things."
"You're annoying."
Her eyelids twitched. "And you're much too rude for a little brat. Besides, you talk weird for a child your age."
"You're not going to drop this, are you? Why don't you just go away? I can handle myself."
"Not happening. So, you can either talk to me, or we can sit here in awkward silence."
I sighed out loud. "What do you think about reincarnation?"
My question caught her off guard, as she blinked several times, trying to make sense of my words. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, past lives and all the good stuff."
"Are you alright in the head, kid?"
I gave her an unamused look. "If you're going to be like this, I'm fine with the awkward silence you spoke of."
"Sorry about that," she scratched her head, "it's just a bit of a curve ball. Anyways… What do I think about reincarnation, huh? Well, it seems like a big burden."
I looked at her, indicating for her to keep talking.
"I'm not completely sure, as I've never experienced that myself. But is that what's bothering you?"
I nodded my head.
She looked at me curiously. "What is it like?"
"It's heavy to carry someone else's burdens and expectations."
She gave me a knowing look. "It always is."
"What is bothering you exactly?"
"I- I don't want to be like him."
"How so?"
"He wasn't a very good person… And the way he lived his life doesn't sit right with me. I'm afraid of becoming someone I would hate."
She looked at me with one of the kindest expressions I ever saw. "I can't say I can give a solution to your problem as I've never heard of reincarnations before." I raised an eyebrow. "What I can say is that you should delve into that feeling whenever you can."
"What feeling?" I asked, confused.
"The one where his actions don't sit right with you. And you should try and ask yourself if what you're doing is really what you want, till one day you don't need to anymore—if that day ever comes, that is. But I also want you to remember that everyone changes, at every second of every minute, so don't be afraid to change. Just make sure you are happy with your changes."
I gave her a soft smile and nodded with my head.
She got up and stretched herself. "Well then… I am off."
"What about your gallant act of staying by me to protect me?"
She laughed. "I now believe you can handle yourself."
"How so?"
"Just the way you behave, kiddo."
"I see…"
"Anyways, until we meet again. My name is Lexi, by the way. What's yours?"
"Darian."
She nodded and started walking away. "See you around, Darian."
With that, I was left alone with my own thoughts again.