Chapter one: heartbreak and horizons
I will never forget the day my bestfriend stabbed me in the back. The pain was like a knife to my soul I thought she was the only person I could trust but life had other plans.
Then that's when I met Chevelle my new best friend who walked into my life like a ray of sunshine. She listened,she cared and she was there when I needed her most with her by my side the wound started to heal, and I slowly started to rediscover myself.
But there was him_Jayson the person who made my heart skip a bit. I've had feelings for him for what felt like an eternity_three long years. We've been friends or so I thought. But deep down I knew he's never seen me that way it's like I'm stuck in limbo. Watching him live his life while I'm stuck in the same old feelings.l
How do I move on from someone who doesn't even think of me? Do I keep hoping that one day he'll feel the same way, or do I take a chance and risk losing our friendship?
The conservatives with my friend Chevelle were raw and honest. I confessed my feelings and she listened without judgement. "You're not the problem, kay. He just doesn't feel the same way." Her words were like a band_aid on a broken arm_they helped,but the wound still hurt.
I couldn't shake of inadequacy. I felt like I was the only one who couldn't get it right. I started to wonder if there was something fundamentally wrong with me. The more I thought about it the more I hated myself. Hopelessness crept in, and I felt like I'd never be good enough.
But Chevelle was there reminding me of my worth. She encouraged me to focus on myself, to move on. "There is someone out there who'll love you for who you are." She said. But my heart refused to listen. It was stuck on him and I couldn't seem to move on.
When he announced he was leaving for senior school, something inside me snapped. I decided I needed to take control of my emotions. I started talking to this other guys, someone who actually liked me back. His name is Collins. I knew my feelings for him weren't real; I was just trying to fill the void. But Collin was kind, and his attention was like a balm to my bruised ego.
We're not dating but, but we've been hanging out. He know I have little feelings for him but he is willing to wait for me to figure things out. Its complicated. Part of me feels guilty for using him as a distraction. And another part of me Hope's that maybe,just maybe I can learn to love him genuinely.
But the truth is, my heart still belongs to Jayson. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fully give it to someone else.