"Teacher! Teacher! Señorita!"
I suddenly stopped walking when a male student blocked my way, holding the project he was supposed to pass during class hours. I massaged my temples before holding out my hand. I really should stop letting them get to me, but I felt bad because he probably worked hard on this plate.
"Thank you so much!" He smiled and even threw a fist in the air. "Muchas gracias!"
"Ah, sí..." I nodded and just waved my hand to dismiss him.
It was another tiring but fun day being my aunt's assistant. She was teaching Architecture at one of the best colleges in Spain. It wasn't easy making friends here, especially since I've never really been good at it, even before. I always preferred being alone, but I knew I wouldn't survive out here without having people around me.
For some reason, I found other Filipino friends here. Some were students, while others were professors or architects in the same university where my aunt worked. There were quite a few of them here—some even formed their own groups. I could get along with people, but because of my job, I knew I wouldn't stay in one place for long.
To earn more money, I took on several part-time jobs while waiting for my aunt's promise to send me to graduate school after I worked for her for a year. I guess that was fine since I still hadn't fully adjusted to life here. Next school year, I'd be able to study again.
Aside from that, I'd been attending different conferences in various countries to further explore and expand my knowledge in architecture. My aunt often sent me in her place because of her busy schedule. I studied this for years—why not make the most of it, right? Maybe that was my way of convincing myself that I didn't waste all the knowledge I gained in school. Wasted... because I never really wanted it.
Maybe I'd learn to love it if I taught it. Maybe I'd learn to accept it if I lived it. Maybe... I'd finally find what I really want—because until now, I still don't know where my life is headed.
Am I just trapping myself here because it would be a "waste" not to?
Am I even happy?
That's what constantly runs through my head... when I wake up, before I sleep, even while I'm at school checking my aunt's students' plates. I could feel and see their passion just by looking at their work. Was I like that before? Was I satisfied with my own creations? What am I even doing now? I don't know anymore.
Should I have stayed in the Philippines to take on projects instead? Am I just wasting my time here? What am I really doing? But... why do I still feel like I don't know anything?
Is it because I don't want to know? Am I just forcing myself?
"Hello, Pa?" I answered my phone when my father called from the Philippines while I was waiting for the train. I had left the students' plates in the office—it was safer there than bringing them along my commute home. It often rained this time of year.
[Via, my child, how are you there? You're eating properly, right?] he asked worriedly.
"I'm fine, Pa. Just a little busy these days. Why? Is there a problem? Did you receive the money I sent for Aidan and Alysha's tuition?" I asked quickly. Every time he called, I couldn't help but worry that something was wrong.
[Yes, I got it. Thank you, my child. Oh, by the way, Aidan's about to take his senior high school exams. Are you sure you want him to study at your university? It might be too expensive for you.]
[Pa, is that Ate?!] I heard my younger brother yelling in the background. I shook my head at the sound of his loud voice.
"I can handle it, Pa. My savings should be enough until Aidan finishes college. I just hope Mira finds a job soon so she can help with Aly's tuition."
[How can she, when she doesn't even try! I'm sorry, my child... When are you coming home? One of your siblings' birthdays is coming up.]
"Hmm, the school year's ending soon, so my job will too. I'll see if I can come home for the vacation." I glanced at the clock. "Ah, Pa, the train's here. I'll call later. Take care! Bye!"
I quickly hung up as soon as he said goodbye. I didn't even get to talk to my siblings because they were busy studying. I just took the train and got off at the second station since I was meeting my friends. We were eating out since we all had a day off tomorrow.
"Avianna!" Isabel stood up and waved the moment I entered the restaurant. I smiled and walked toward the table. "Come here! You're just in time! We were talking about something! We got tickets to a concert!"
"Huh? What concert?" I asked, sitting next to Elena and placing my bag beside me. We weren't all the same age—only Elena was my age; the others were younger.
"Since you're all free tomorrow, why don't you come with me to my love's concert?! It's tomorrow, but I have two extra tickets because my two friends suddenly have work!" pouted Pauline, the youngest among us, who had just graduated from college.
"Oh my gosh! Say yes, okay?!" Pau insisted, shaking my arm. "We'll line up by 6 PM! I'll text you the address later! Okay?! Don't bail, por favor!"
"Of course! I want to see him too!" Isabel grinned, sipping her juice.
I had no idea what the two of them were talking about, but they seemed to understand each other perfectly. I didn't bother listening and just ordered my own food. While waiting, I checked my emails and replied to some students. They, on the other hand, talked about work.
That's how it usually went. Most of the time, I just listened and occasionally reacted. Ever since I was young, I preferred not hanging out in groups. For me, it was just a hassle... not until I met my high school friends. For some reason, the barrier disappeared.
After eating, I went home early to take care of some paperwork. I just rented a small apartment for myself—enough for one person since I lived alone. I was always alone... Ah, no. Back then, it used to be the two of us. But I lost that too.
The next day was just the same. I woke up early to clean my apartment, do more paperwork, cook breakfast and lunch, buy groceries, and then went back home to get ready for the concert. I knew Pau wouldn't stop bugging me—she'd been calling me nonstop to remind me.
I told myself I'd just go there to relax. I loved music... so maybe I'd enjoy it too. Since I was already going, I might as well make the most of it, right? It was free anyway. I wasn't in any position to refuse.
I just hoped I'd be familiar with the songs. Was it a band? I couldn't remember what Pau said yesterday. I didn't know if there was a dress code, so to be safe, I wore a white satin sleeveless top tucked into my high-waisted mom jeans, paired with white sandals. I thought it might get cold at the venue, so I put on a leather jacket.
I applied minimal makeup before leaving the apartment and took the train to the venue. It was quite far, but I had plenty of time, so I just listened to music while on the train.
When I arrived, I didn't take off my earphones because it was so loud. I didn't expect there would be this many people. I thought it was just a simple concert for bands—but apparently, it was a huge deal.
"Via! Over here!" Isabel raised her hand. She was tall, so I spotted her easily. I walked toward them, lowering my music to greet them. "Let's line up!"
Some people were holding banners and even wearing headbands. I didn't know how to react. All my life, I'd never idolized anyone, so I didn't understand what all this was for.
My lips parted when I saw a familiar face on one of the banners. I slowly took off my earphones when everyone suddenly screamed because a video appeared on the big screen.
"What..." I whispered, my eyes widening in shock. This...
"Is that him?" I asked Pauline, barely able to speak.
"That's Arkin! Yeah! Didn't you hear me? I said it yesterday!" she said excitedly.
I didn't know why, but my chest suddenly felt so heavy, and it was hard to breathe. I quickly looked away so they wouldn't notice the change in my expression. Was it too late to leave now? Would Pau be mad if I left?
I was here to have fun and enjoy the music... not to relive all the memories I had with him.
What should I do? I wanted to leave. I wanted to run away. I didn't want to see him. I thought that by leaving, I'd escape his fame. But why is his face everywhere I go?
"Pau..." I started to speak, but she grabbed my wrist and pulled me forward because the line was already moving.
"They're letting people in! Omg!" she squealed, her eyes sparkling with excitement. I just shut my mouth.
Whatever. Fine. With this many people, he wouldn't even know I was here. It would only last a few hours. I could endure it.
What I didn't expect was that we'd be standing so close to the stage the entire concert. If I'd known, I never would've come! I thought Pauline picked seats! I didn't care who was performing—I just didn't want to stand the whole time! My legs were aching already.
"Sorry, Via! I can read your face!" Pauline laughed.
I just shook my head and crossed my arms. I did nothing but stare blankly while waiting for the concert to start. I wasn't interested... but I almost fainted when the lights went out and the crowd around me screamed.
The screams were deafening and terrifying—terrifying because I was surrounded by people who loved him. I came back to my senses when the stage lights turned on and they called his name.
"I present to you, Larkin Sanchez!"
The crowd went wild, so I covered my ears.
I didn't know where to look. I looked down, hoping to escape his presence, but then he started singing. I looked up immediately.
He was wearing a semi-formal outfit, holding a microphone, smiling as he looked around while singing. Just like that, he captured everyone's hearts.
"Isabel, can I go to the restroom?" I asked.
"Sure, but it might be hard to come back!" she shouted over the noise.
"It's okay." I nodded and squeezed through the crowd toward the back, as far from the stage as possible. I didn't plan to go back, but Pau might get mad. The guard stamped my hand as I exited for the restroom... but honestly, I just sat on a bench inside the venue, staring blankly into space.
I could still hear the loud music from the concert, but it was muffled. I couldn't hear his voice anymore.
I wanted to go home already. I sighed several times and covered my face. My heart wouldn't stop racing because every memory came flashing back to me upon seeing him.
It was funny how we were almost inseparable ever since we were kids... But now, I couldn't stand being near him.
I didn't know how long I'd been sitting there. I was just passing the time until Pauline texted me, so I stood up and went back inside. I told her I was at the back of the standing area. I stayed there while everyone screamed in front.
I leaned against the railing dividing the standing and seated areas while they set up a chair and microphone stand on stage, the host talking. It must be near the end. I'd been gone quite a while.
I pursed my lips when Arkin sat on the high chair with a guitar in his hand. That view was too familiar. And... why the hell was he holding my guitar?
"Hello, this will be my last song," he said over the microphone with a small smile. His deep voice made the crowd go crazy. Some even looked sad that it was ending. Ah, that voice. It still had the same effect on me.
Last song. At least I caught the ending.
"I know, I know... I really had fun today." His laugh echoed through the speakers. "I hope it's okay for me to sing my first original song. I hope you guys still remember the lyrics."
What was he talking about? That song? I straightened up, growing uneasy. No... he wouldn't, right? He wouldn't dare.
"This song is about someone who wants to confess their love to their closest friend... but at the same time, is too afraid to risk everything they have."
My heart started racing faster as he spoke. I knew the song. I knew exactly what he was about to sing. Even before he said it, I already knew. No way... Why would he even—
"Sing with me. Here's Ginintuang Tanawin... One, two, three," he whispered before strumming his guitar.
"Lost in the middle of confusion
Tangled in the rhythm of emotions
Can't tell if this is just a dream
Feels like my heart is playing in the sky..."
Why now? And why did he look so pained while singing the song he wrote for me back then? Why this song? Wasn't there any other?
"Under the sunlight, you're there by my side
I stare at you, confused inside
Whenever I'm with you in
This golden scenery
Under the sky, I'm with you
As the wind blows, along with the tune
I feel your hand in mine..."
My eyes widened as I stared at him. I didn't know what to feel. Why was he singing this song now when he'd long abandoned it? And the crowd was completely clueless that the song came from his real experience.
"I hope you hear my prayer, my wish that you'd love me too
The orange sky I saw, drawn in your beautiful eyes..."
He kept strumming the guitar, looking around as if searching for something—or someone. The venue was silent now. Lights from the audience's phones swayed gently with the melody.
"Hidden within me is the longing
To stay right here beside you
Singing with the sparkle of your smile
I can only wish you'd look my way..."
I looked away immediately when our eyes met for a second—or was I just imagining it? Maybe I was wrong... but it was better to look away. I didn't want him to know I was here.
"Under the sunlight, you're there by my side
I stare at you, confused inside
Whenever I'm with you in
This golden scenery
Under the sky, I'm with you
As the wind blows, along with the tune
I feel your hand in mine
I hope you hear my prayer, my wish that you'd love me too
The orange sky I saw, drawn in your beautiful eyes..."
I wanted to leave already, but my feet were glued to the floor. I didn't have the strength to walk away anymore—it had all run out before.
"My mind is asking questions
Do you wish to hold me too?
Is this the end of... our friendship?"
Damn you, Arkin. That was the question that ruined everything we had.
"Golden scenery under the sky, I hope you know
As the wind blows, along with the tune, can you feel me too?
I hope you hear my prayer, my wish that you'd love me too
The orange sky, no longer forced
To be colored by your love..."
Everyone clapped and cheered for him until the lights on stage went out.
"Thank you so much," he whispered into the microphone.
I thought that was it. I thought I could finally breathe—
But then he spoke again.
"It was nice... seeing you again."
That was the last thing he said before walking away from the stage, leaving the audience confused.
But even after seeing him... nothing really changed.
I still don't want to be a part of his life.
I don't want to anymore.