Zhou Jun's gaze dropped to Ma Yuan's face. He tried to read what secret lay hidden beneath that calm expression. But whenever his gaze met Ma Yuan's eyes, his heart began to grumble. Ma Yuan's eyes looked empty—as if no soul remained in that body.
Zhou Jun stepped closer to Ma Yuan. He slowly reached for Ma Yuan's head, intending to caress his beloved man's hair.
Ma Yuan startled slightly before trying to pull away. It made Zhou Jun's heart feel as though it were being sliced by a poisoned knife—slowly, bit by bit, until it grew hard to breathe.
"Ma Yuan…"
Zhou Jun called out, softly.
"I'm sorry."
He said as he knelt down in front of Ma Yuan.
"I'm sorry."
He repeated, lowering his head. Tears of guilt streamed down his face unbidden. He truly felt disappointed in himself; it was as if he had failed both as a lover and as a younger brother to Ma Yuan.
Hearing Zhou Jun's sobs, Ma Yuan's heart wavered. He knew Zhou Jun was innocent—he knew Zhou Jun was not like them. Yet his fear was beyond his control. He constantly felt trapped in a spider's web, with dozens of eyes watching him hungrily from the shadows.
"This is not your fault."
After gathering his courage, Ma Yuan finally spoke those words. He trusted Zhou Jun; he believed Zhou Jun would never hurt him. At least, that was what he had promised.
"No. It is my fault."
Zhou Jun replied, still bowed in regret.
"No—it's my fault. I'm sorry I made you worry."
Ma Yuan said as he wrapped his arms around Zhou Jun—the only man he allowed to know every inch of him.
"I just… feel… dirty."
His voice trembled as he spoke, and the words sent a shockwave through Zhou Jun's sanity.
Zhou Jun pulled back from the embrace quickly, his eyes locking onto Ma Yuan's face, searching for meaning in what he had just heard.
"Why?"
Zhou Jun asked, barely holding back his rage. No one had the right to call his Ma Yuan dirty—not even Ma Yuan himself.
"I'm… fil… thy."
Ma Yuan whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks. Zhou Jun's whole body trembled at the reply. He could already guess what Ma Yuan had endured. Stunned for a moment, he fought to keep himself from lashing out in fury.
"I'm sorry I've lied to you all this time. I'm not as pure as you think I am."
Ma Yuan spoke when Zhou Jun remained frozen before him. He must regret being with me, Ma Yuan thought. It's not his fault. I am the one to blame—an unclean sinner at the gate. How foolish I am.
"No, no, Ma Yuan. Listen to me. I will always be with you. If you are broken, I will mend you again and again. If you feel dirty, I will wash you clean, over and over, until my last breath."
Zhou Jun promised as he held Ma Yuan tightly. No matter what happened, he would never let go—Ma Yuan was his, and he would not release him even in death.
Zhou Jun eased his hold and let Ma Yuan weep out all his pain against his chest—gently, tenderly.
"I will wash away every trace of filth they left on your body and soul. Every last part of you."
Zhou Jun murmured, soft yet intense. Slowly, his hand cupped Ma Yuan's cheek, careful to make his beloved feel safe, wiping away the lingering tears.
This face… Zhou Jun's heart pounded as if it might burst. Seeing Ma Yuan teary-eyed drove him wild. You are only allowed to look like this in front of me. And… I am the only one permitted to make you cry.
Zhou Jun clenched his jaw—angry, yes, but also jealous beyond words; greedy to a frightening degree.
"Tell me what I must do to purify you. I need to cleanse every stain they left behind."
Zhou Jun leaned closer.
"Kiss me."
Ma Yuan answered plainly, his voice thick with longing—no shame, no hesitation. He only wanted to be made clean by his dear little brother as soon as possible; his lips still tasted bitter from the abuse he had endured the year before.
"As you wish."
Zhou Jun replied, pressing his lips to Ma Yuan's. He kissed gently at first, nipping Ma Yuan's full lips, then letting his tongue guide Ma Yuan's in a slow, intimate dance.
"Mmm…"
Ma Yuan moaned, following Zhou Jun's lead, meeting his rhythm. His tongue played back, drawing Zhou Jun's deeper until soft, wet sounds filled the space between them.
He sucked and sighed, one after another, refusing to break contact even for a moment.
Seeing how hungrily Ma Yuan clung to him, Zhou Jun pulled back slightly. His gaze swept over Ma Yuan's disappointed face.
"What now?"
Zhou Jun asked, stoking both their desires.
"I want more."
Ma Yuan whimpered.
"Don't worry—I'll give you everything. But for now…"
Before he could finish, Ma Yuan had pulled Zhou Jun's head back down, kissing him with deep urgency—eager to wipe away the bitter taste and forget the past.
Zhou Jun gently guided Ma Yuan back until he lay against the bed. Ma Yuan looked startled, but his need had already peaked; he could not wait any longer—he had to be fulfilled now, or he felt he might break.
Zhou Jun smiled and began unbuttoning Ma Yuan's pajamas slowly. One button… two… three…
But Ma Yuan, unable to wait, tore the remaining buttons open and tossed the pajamas aside.
"You're too slow."
He whined. Zhou Jun chuckled.
"What are you smiling at!?"
Ma Yuan huffed, turning his face away in a pout. "Are you enjoying seeing me this desperate? Idiot! I hate you!"
"Alright, alright, sweetheart. Where should I start cleaning you first?"
Zhou Jun soothed, turning Ma Yuan's face back to his. Seeing this side of Ma Yuan was a gift; he would never waste it.
"My shoulder. They bit me there. I want you to clean it."
The answer made Zhou Jun's heart race with rising anger, but he kept his calm—he had to treat Ma Yuan with the utmost care; one wrong move could shatter him, and he would never risk that.
Zhou Jun kissed every inch of Ma Yuan's shoulder, nipping softly.
"Ah…"
Each touch drew a moan from Ma Yuan, stoking Zhou Jun's passion further.
Zhou Jun lifted his eyes to Ma Yuan's flushed face and swallowed hard. God… how has this stoic man become so beautiful?
"Where else?"
"Chest."
Ma Yuan breathed. Zhou Jun laid his lips there, tending to every inch he had longed for—back when Ma Yuan would not let him touch this beautiful, pale skin.
"Mmm… yes… right there."
Ma Yuan sighed, biting his lip as pleasure sparked through him. Every time Zhou Jun's tongue brushed his nipple, his whole body trembled.
"Hah… mmm…"
He whined, tangling his fingers in Zhou Jun's hair as sensation flooded him, overwhelming everything else.
"How they touch you here?"
Zhou Jun asked, his hand caressing the sensitive pink nipple in front of him.
"They… sucked it… roughly."
Ma Yuan answered, eyes glistening, afraid Zhou Jun might stop—he was at his limit; waiting any longer felt impossible.
Zhou Jun ground his teeth together. Killing them would be too kind, he thought. I should make them pay in ways they can't imagine.
"A-Jun…"
Ma Yuan pleaded.
"Please… hurry… don't stop…"
Zhou Jun smiled darkly, tender yet intense.
"Impatient, aren't you, big brother? Maybe I should teach you a little lesson."
He kissed the nipple again—sucking gently, soothing it with his tongue.
"Ahhn…"
Ma Yuan melted into the sensation.
"Just… punish me… already… don't tease…"
"Where else did they touch you? I must make sure you are fully cleansed."
Zhou Jun asked.
"Lower… down there."
Zhou Jun gripped the sheets tight, channeling his fury there.
"Both sides?"
Ma Yuan nodded. Zhou Jun fell silent—his face burning with rage.
"Please… I want this feeling to go away. Clean me there… quickly."
Ma Yuan tugged at Zhou Jun, eyes pleading. Zhou Jun looked deep into him—saw how desperate he was.
"Alright. Even though we are not new to this, tell me immediately if it hurts. I will be gentle."
Zhou Jun kissed Ma Yuan's nose softly. Ma Yuan nodded, wrapping his arms tight around Zhou Jun's neck.
***
"Whenever you are ready… you can tell me what happened last year."
Zhou Jun said later, as they rested together.
"They lied to me."
Ma Yuan whispered, clutching Zhou Jun's hand, still shaken.
"It's okay. Take your time—don't force yourself."
Zhou Jun kissed Ma Yuan's forehead and held him closer, making sure he felt safe.
"I am always here. To protect you, and to heal you—whenever you need."
Zhou Jun said this. Even though his heart burned to know who had hurt his Ma Yuan, he would not cause Ma Yuan any more pain out of selfishness.
But he swore to himself that he would make every one of them pay for what they had done to his Ma Yuan.