RNGesus stood on a scorched earth, ploughed by tactical nuclear weapons, and exhaled deeply.
"This is truly… a bit too crazy…"
The scene before him could no longer be described as a simple "battlefield." It was a true mountain of corpses and a sea of blood, where the blue-gray bodies of the T'au and fragments of human black military uniforms were mixed, twisted and carbonized by the high temperature, covering the entire ground.
Countless wrecks of armored vehicles, like skeletons gnawed by giant beasts, were piled up in this vast armored graveyard, still emitting wisps of black smoke.
Of course, he wasn't lamenting the mountain of corpses and sea of blood.
Although even he himself found it incredible, RNGesus had grown accustomed to corpses and could now disregard them. The "madness" he was lamenting referred to the total value of the armored vehicles blown up as bait and expendables, which was roughly equivalent to Perditia's annual industrial output.
Of course, that was the output before he left. RNGesus was unsure what Perditia was like now.
"Hey," Pyro's voice pulled him back to reality from his thoughts. He shook a bulky, pistol-shaped firearm, black and white, in his hand. "Found it. Let's head back."
Name: Portal Gun
Type: Other
Quality: Epic
Effect: Creates a special single-person quantum channel capable of traversing physical space; controls objects of a certain distance and mass using an anti-gravity device
Note: Aperture Science friendly reminder: Never try to shoot one portal at the ceiling above your head and then another at your feet. This is playing with your own life—though it's quite funny.
"Thank goodness you found it, otherwise we'd be stranded on this T'au Empire planet," RNGesus sighed in relief. "The transport supply ship must be about to depart by now, right?"
"What's there to be afraid of? If worst comes to worst, we'll just die and respawn," Pyro didn't seem to care much. As he spoke, he raised the Portal Gun and casually fired a shot at the ground in front of him. A softly glowing energy ball shot out, forming an oval-shaped portal with a blue border on the ground. The other side of the portal led directly to their room on the transport supply ship; they could even see a half-finished, long-cold cup of coffee on the table.
The two walked to the portal. As RNGesus was about to step in, Pyro reached out and stopped him.
"Wait," Pyro said with a serious expression. "I think we need a little ceremony."
"You want us to shout a slogan and jump together?" RNGesus saw through his thoughts immediately. "Is the slogan 'You jump, I jump'?"
"Uh…" Pyro's plan was instantly exposed, and he was speechless for a moment, then offered a very constructive suggestion: "Can you pretend you didn't think of it and ask me, 'What are you planning to do?'"
"Sigh…" RNGesus sighed helplessly and cooperatively asked, "What are you planning to do?"
Pyro immediately puffed out his chest, cleared his throat, and said in a solemn tone: "Ready, one, two, three… You jump, I jump!"
With that, the two jumped into the portal together.
After a slight sensation of weightlessness, they returned to their cramped room on the transport supply ship. After Pyro carefully placed the Portal Gun into the spatial device provided by the Military Committee, the two accepted a patrol mission and began to walk around the massive transport supply ship.
"Why don't you sell the Portal Gun?" RNGesus asked casually along the way. "Pure tech items of Epic quality like this are being hyped up to hundreds of thousands of dollars by those Adeptus Mechanicus players, right? With a bit of negotiation, I'd estimate your Portal Gun could fetch a million. Selling it would make you financially free for a while."
For players of this game now, earning exp and then drawing good items through lotteries to sell has become one of the driving forces of their gameplay.
Pyro shook his head: "What's the rush? I probably only get to draw something like this once in my life, so I'll definitely play with it enough before selling it… Besides, I've had someone appraise it, and the materials used to make this Portal Gun are unique to the 'Portal' universe, so repair and maintenance are big problems. Just that alone would probably keep it from reaching the million-level price."
As the two chatted, a voice interrupted: "Excuse me, are you Helldivers from Perditia?"
The person asking looked like an ordinary sailor on the transport supply ship, but the two still habitually glanced at the top of his head to confirm there was no glowing white name.
"Yes, may I help you?" Pyro stopped and replied.
"Indeed!" The sailor's face immediately lit up with excitement. "Your deeds have spread throughout the entire ship! I've never seen Astra Militarum so courageous and radical! Suicide trucks, nuclear bombs leading the way—it's so cool! How long have you two served in the Helldivers?"
The person's rapid-fire questions made Pyro a bit flustered: "Counting the time, probably three or four months?"
"Three or four months?!" The person immediately looked at them with respect. "That strong?! My guys and I discussed how long we would survive in your legion. We unanimously agreed that surviving thirty minutes would be a blessing from the Emperor! How did you do it?"
Just as Pyro was scratching his head, wondering how to answer this tricky question, RNGesus placed his hand on his shoulder and politely said to the sailor, "Sorry, we have a mission to attend to, so we can't chat much."
"Uh, okay, I wish you a successful mission." The person's face showed obvious disappointment.
RNGesus pulled Pyro away. After they had walked a certain distance, Pyro asked in confusion, "Is there something wrong with him? I thought he was quite enthusiastic; I actually wanted to chat a bit more."
"It's not that there's something wrong with him; it's that there's something wrong with you," RNGesus said softly.
He stopped, looked into Pyro's eyes, and asked seriously: "After you finish chatting with him this time and establish a good rapport, what will you do when you excitedly find him next time, intending to continue your last conversation, but he gives you a polite and puzzled expression and asks, 'Sorry, may I ask who you are…?'"
Pyro fell silent.
"The immortality of the Helldivers is in a collective sense," RNGesus patted his shoulder and continued walking. "As individuals, it's better to have less contact with NPCs. This is good for us, and good for them."
"The less they know, the better..."