Several days later, at dawn.
"Oh no—I can't take it anymore! It's going to burst out! Hold on, sphincter muscles—!"
A handsome young man dressed in a dark gray robe, clutching his groin with both hands and looking utterly distressed, rushed into the restroom.
The boy—face beaming with joy—reached out to push open the door to the first stall, but it wouldn't budge.
Just as the lotus buds were about to bloom, the boy nimbly slipped into the second stall.
Crackling and popping…
After relieving himself, the boy knocked on the partition of the first stall and asked cheerfully:
"Hey, buddy next door! I forgot my tissues—can you lend me some?"
"Don't worry! I'll return them as soon as I'm done wiping! I guarantee you won't lose out—you might even make a little extra!"
But the other party didn't reply. Instead, a crimson, hideous ghostly hand slid a piece of parchment covered in Latin script through the gap beneath the partition.
Then, the mysterious figure in the next stall spoke in a hoarse voice:
"Do you want this piece of paper?"
His voice was extremely unpleasant. If Tengger's voice sounded like it had been kissed by an angel, then this one sounded like it had been strangled by Satan!
And it was the kind of bond that hadn't been broken to this day.
The boy frowned, picked up the parchment from the floor, examined it, hesitated for a moment, and then said helplessly:
"Um… alright! It's a bit rough, but something's better than nothing!"
After a while, the boy seemed to remember something important and knocked on the partition again:
"Oh, by the way—do you know where this is?"
Upon hearing this, the other party cackled and replied:
"Nowhere but Heaven can save you!"
"Heaven? No! This is the Celestial Master's Mansion on Longhu Mountain."
"...?"
———————————
Midtown High School cafeteria, New York.
"Damn it! Where did Dog Hole Creek go? The route should be correct—how come we can't find it…?"
Muttering to himself, Damian frantically stabbed at the fish on his tray with a fork.
For the past two days, he'd been investigating the whereabouts of several demons that had been summoned but not properly destroyed.
Originally, Damian hadn't wanted to get involved in cleaning up this mess.
But unfortunately, one blindly foolish demon had headed straight for Asia—specifically, East Asia!
Fine—if it stayed in Japan and behaved itself by killing, arson, robbery, and quietly developing its religious operations, then Damian would protect it no matter what.
But Dog Hole Creek just kept flowing into China!
Since the demon won't drink the wine offered to him, we'll just have to feed him cooking wine.
However, just as Damian was about to teach the demon a lesson in basic human decency…
…it vanished without a trace. Even Xiao couldn't find a single clue!
Thinking of this, Damian couldn't help but sigh.
After all, the other party was a hellish demon renowned for its cunning, treachery, and countless schemes—having lived for innumerable years.
Whether it was wisdom, experience, or strategy, these were things a kid like him—whose two lifetimes combined hadn't yet reached forty years and who'd spent most of that time in school—couldn't easily match.
He'd been too arrogant. Despite the precedent set by the Wind Demon, he still hadn't learned his lesson or remained vigilant enough against the demons of Hell.
This was absolutely unacceptable!
"Sigh… now we can only rely on Grandpa Lu."
That's right!
The first character Damian summoned was Diluc.
He hadn't thought too much about that choice.
The reason is simple: of the characters he currently has—Diluc, Xiao, Fischl, and Noelle—only Diluc can shoulder the heavy responsibility of being the bridgehead against external threats.
Let's not even talk about Xiao. Apart from those two blond guys and Zhongli, anyone who speaks to him ends up owing him five million Mora.
Put him in charge of external liaison? He'd turn a polite greeting into a fistfight in under five seconds.
Noelle is gentle and kind, and her sweet appearance easily wins people over.
But she's too kind-hearted—always eager to help anyone she meets, regardless of whether they're friend or foe!
That naivety could easily be exploited by malicious actors. And given Noelle's terrifying strength, the resulting damage might rival the Hulk's rampages.
Honestly, the number of Aihara Ryus who've died of sheer frustration could probably circle the Earth!
Fischl? Don't even get me started. Sure, her investigative skills are second to none—but her chuunibyō (delusional middle-schooler) persona more than cancels out that advantage.
And while Oz can help translate her dramatic proclamations, his talking-raven form is way too eye-catching. Osborn Industries and Pioneer Technology would both be lining up to dissect him for R&D.
Plus, let's not forget—Fischl is still a kid. Her immaturity, especially compounded by her chuunibyō tendencies, makes her a liability in serious diplomatic or strategic roles.
So, there's really no choice!
Sure, old man Diluc can be blunt and often wears a sullen, cat-like scowl—but he is a former noble of Mondstadt and now runs a major multinational business (well, the Dawn Winery, but let's call it what it is: a beverage empire). His emotional intelligence and business savvy are probably quite sharp.
In the real world, he'd be the domineering CEO type—cold stare, tailored coat, zero patience for incompetence.
If Damian could choose, he'd much rather summon either the wealthy Ningguang or Dori as his first character.
Diluc's success owes something to his family legacy—after all, he inherited the richest estate in Mondstadt.
But Ningguang and Dori? They built everything from nothing.
Ningguang was born in a poor fishing village, barefoot and penniless as a child. Through sheer cunning and business brilliance, she clawed her way to the top, becoming Liyue's elite power broker and a key political figure.
Dori, meanwhile, grew up in poverty in Sumeru. When her older sister died because they couldn't afford medicine, it forged in her an almost pathological obsession with Mora. She transformed that trauma into drive, eventually becoming a legendary merchant whose name echoes across Teyvat.
Summon either of them at the start of the game, and you're basically set for life!
At the very least, you'd have the financial foundation to handle whatever chaos comes next.
Still, things aren't that bad right now.
In the world of business, Diluc may not quite match these two powerhouse women—but he's only a hair behind them.
"Still no luck with that fish?"
Suddenly, a voice came from behind, startling Damian.
He turned and saw a girl he didn't recognize.
She had jet-black hair and an innocent, almost doll-like face—but she wore a sleek black leather jacket and carried a biker-gang aura that screamed "don't me
ss with me."
Seeing Damian's blank stare, the girl sighed in exasperation.
"Jessica Campbell. Your neighbor. And classmate."
Visit patreon.com/ShiroTL to gain access to 40+ chapters