The living room still smelled faintly of lemon polish and coffee. Sunlight slipped through the half-closed blinds, warming the freshly vacuumed rug. I sank into the couch, stretching my legs, finally letting myself breathe after cleaning every room in the house.
"Lena, I think he hates me," I groaned.
She'd dropped by during her lunch break, thoughtful as always, still in her office blouse and heels that clicked softly on the floor. She set her purse down and gave me a look somewhere between amusement and pity.
"Come on, don't be ridiculous. How can he hate you?" she said, reaching over to pat my head. Her nails were perfectly manicured; mine were chipped and dull. The gesture made me conscious of my greasy hair. I hadn't had time to shampoo it in days. Between morning sickness, fatigue, and endless chores, I barely had time for myself.
"He barely even looks at me anymore," I said quietly. "He's always irritated and—" I glanced toward the hallway, lowering my voice to a whisper. "We haven't had sex since I got pregnant."
Her mouth formed a small O of surprise. "Come on, Star, some men just aren't into pregnant women. I mean, it's Adrian. He's always been obsessed with you."
"Yeah," I said, though the word felt hollow.
"Hey," I began, lowering my voice even though I knew no one else was home. "Do you think he's seeing someone else?" The words came out quieter than I meant them to, but they'd been sitting in my throat for days.
"What?" Lena blinked, then laughed softly. "Adrian? Please. That man follows you around like a puppy. If he was cheating, I'd know. I'd kill him before you even found out."
"Don't joke," I said, my voice small. "I just… I don't know. He's been distant. He doesn't look at me the way he used to."
She leaned forward, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "He's not cheating. He's probably just tired. Men are babies when they're stressed."
I wanted to believe her. I really did. "Maybe. It's just that sometimes, when he gets home, it feels like I'm invisible."
"Star," she sighed, squeezing my hand. "You overthink everything. You've got a whole baby growing inside you, of course things feel different."
I looked down at her hand over mine, at her perfect nails, the faint scent of her perfume. "You always make things sound so simple."
"That's what I'm here for," she said with a grin. "I'm your big sister, remember? It's my job to talk you off the ledge before you lose your mind."
"Still," I murmured, half smiling, "I don't know what I'd do without you. Don't tell anyone this, but if I ever lost you, I think I'd be the most heartbroken."
She laughed and reached over, pinching my cheek. "You're such a cutie, Star."
I forced a smile, but the warmth in her touch made me suddenly aware of my skin, my face, everything that wasn't perfect. "Do you think I should lose some weight?" I asked. "Maybe if I did, he'd like me again. Or maybe I could get hair extensions, or dye it blonde like yours. Just to look… even a little like you."
For a second, Lena's expression flickered—something unreadable passing through her eyes. Then she laughed, light and easy. "Now you're just overthinking things."
"There are gyms nearby," I said quickly, trying to sound hopeful. "They have classes for pregnant women. It could be good for the baby."
"Don't be ridiculous, Star." She leaned back, reaching for her glass of juice. "I worry about you. You'll only hurt yourself. And you're already busy enough as it is, isn't that enough exercise?"
"I guess you're right."
"I'm always right," she teased, taking a sip. "Enjoy your pregnancy. Eat what you want. You can lose the weight later. And with Adrian—just try to be more considerate, okay? He's probably just stressed."
She was older than me, always wiser, always right. Even back at the orphanage, she'd looked after me when no one else did. We never got adopted, but somehow we found family in each other.
Trying to lighten the mood, I nodded toward her purse. "Is that the new bag? It looks so pretty and expensive."
"Yeah, isn't it neat?" she said, pulling it closer so I could admire it. "This guy I've been seeing is so obsessed with me. He keeps buying me things."
I smiled. "Well, you deserve it. You're a sweet person."
"Aww, thanks, Star. That means so much coming from you." She leaned over and hugged me, her perfume wrapping around me, warm and thick like incense. When she pulled back, she pouted. "By the way… I need to borrow some money."
The words sat between us, sticky and uncomfortable. I twisted my fingers together. "I–I just lent you some last week, you haven't paid back. Adrian is really upset at me—he thinks I'm spending carelessly."
"I know, Star, but I really need it." Lena's voice softened as she tugged gently at my arm. "I'm behind on some bills, and I don't know what to do."
"I mean… Lena, you're working. I don't even get that chance. And I'm always working with a really tight budget."
The words slipped out before I could stop them. I shouldn't have said that. My stomach tightened, a faint pulse of guilt rising in my throat.
Her smile faltered, just slightly, and I rushed to fill the silence. The words almost slipped out—last week my bra snapped, and I had to sew it back together—but they never came. I swallowed them instead, because for some reason it felt embarrassing to say out loud.
"You say that like you're not the one with a trust fund," she said finally, her tone sweet but sharpened around the edges. "You don't have to work for the rest of your life. Your parents already did that for you. Mine were drug addicts who abandoned me."
I hated when my voice made her sigh; it always meant I'd done something wrong again.
"I'm sorry, Lena. I didn't mean it that way." I reached for her hand, trying to fix it—to fix everything. "It's just that Adrian handles the money now. We're paying for Vivi's private school, Mother's women's club, and Father needs his allowance or he starts taking loans again. Adrian says the company hasn't been doing well. We put so much into it, and it's not profitable yet. The only money I have left is for baby things. I'm sorry, Lena. I really am. I'm so low on cash right now."
Her eyes hardened, the corners of her mouth twitching like she wanted to hide her irritation.
"Are you for real?" she said after a beat. "The baby isn't even coming any time soon. I'll pay you back next week."
"I—" I hesitated. My chest felt tight. "Of course. Just pay me back whenever you have it."
I wanted to make it right, even though the car seat I'd been saving for was only on sale this month.
Her mood brightened instantly, and that was enough for me. She squealed and hugged me tight, squeezing the breath out of me.
"Thanks, Star! I know I don't say it often, but I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Me too," I muttered, though it came out small and sad.
She pulled back, beaming, and thrust a paper bag into my lap. "See? I'm not a completely useless friend. I got you donuts on the way here. Triple-filled, just how you like them. Promise you'll eat them all. You know I hate when food goes to waste."
The scent of sugar and fried dough filled the air, warm and heavy.
"Oh—my phone's ringing. I have to get back to the office," she said, scooping up her fancy purse, the one Adrian would never buy for me, not even if I begged.
The front door clicked shut behind her, and the house fell silent. Only the hum of the refrigerator remained.
I looked at the paper bag she'd left on the table, warm grease marks blooming through the bottom. Inside were triple-chocolate donuts, still warm, still perfect. I reached in and took one, the sugar dusting my fingertips as I bit into it. The chocolate burst across my tongue, smearing at the corners of my mouth.
I told myself it was fine. I could always shop for the baby another time. It didn't matter that I'd been looking forward to it all week. That's what love was, wasn't it? Sacrifice—for the people you cared about. She really needed it. She would do the same for me.
I took another bite, swallowing the sweetness and the sadness together until they tasted the same. I kept eating—another bite, then another—anything to dull the hollowness I felt inside.
When I reached into the paper bag for one more, my fingers met only grease and crumbs. The bag was already empty. I hadn't even noticed.