Vol. 9 pages 51 to 65 - NO GAME NO LIFE

—

"…It seems…I have underestimated my opponent once more…"

—given the murderous intent in her voice, it was quite clear that her pride

had taken a hit—

"—Wha…? Is it Ex Machina?! How—?!"

—all the while, Ino had recovered from stupor enough to shout, and the

Shrine Maiden was now on her guard. But leaving all that in the dust, Emir-

Eins— No, the Ex Machina just proceeded indifferently. That is to say:

"Lösen: Love Success Situation Forme—Checkmartyr—Prototype 0008."

This came not from Emir-Eins's mouth, but once again from the void—

from several voices. This time, the interior of the Annex of the Shrine was

rewritten into a different world. In contrast to the Shrine Maiden and Ino,

who watched aghast, Sora and Shiro watched calmly, sighing:

—Seriously. These guys could make the perfect stage equipment.

The events unfolding further confirmed Jibril's records. And just as the

echoing voice had said, this was the eighth time this space-rewriting shit had

gone down. Ninth, if you counted when they first showed up. It was getting

old. Per the book's writings, it seemed they added matter to rewrite the

scenery without changing the matter that was there. Complex lines raced

through space, forming polygons, rendering images. Intermittently,

chaotically, yet steadily, that which lay above the surfaces of matter—the

void—was filled at high speed by the 3-D textures spat out by Ex Machina to

build a virtual environment.

…Make no mistake, this was still the Annex of the Shrine. Still matted

with tatami. But no one would think it was in this state—not even the Shrine

Maiden, who lived here. Time, space, nay, causality itself were transcended

to loose a sight to behold—

"...…"

First, there was Sora, suddenly clad in a suit.

"…You wanna see my panties? I'll show them to you… Because I

love you, Teacher… "

"Oh, no faaair! Teacher's thing belongs to me! Right, Teacher? "

"Um, Teacher? When I think about you, I start to feel all funny…

down here. I wonder why?"

"Teacher! I want you to give me another…private health lesson.

Then there were girls wearing backpacks, spouting out lines that would be

difficult to write while sober.

…Altogether, there were eleven schoolgirls as small as Shiro—or even

smaller—who we are certainly not saying were elementary school–aged. So

here they were, after school in a virtual elementary school. Among the

transfigured Ex Machinas was a quiet girl in glasses and a tough little

tomboy. But all were in fierce competition for their one true love, Mr. Sora,

and a certain "fatal act." Something like that.

…A fearsome power had created an even more fearsome and ridiculous

sight. Everyone was dumbfounded. Only the girls in question continued to

clamor on.

"Ooooh… We'll never settle this at this rate…"

"Okay, then whoever makes Teacher feel the best gets to keep

him!"

"Okaaay!"

"All righhht, I'm not gonna lose, so watch my smooth, flat little—"

"Like hell, it's okay!! Knock it off, you psychos!!"

As their folly approached its inevitable conclusion—We should all just do

it first!—and the little girls began to pull off their clothes, at last, Sora's

mighty roar shook the classroom.

"Hell no, hell no! I'm not doing it with any of you! And none of you gets

to keep me, okay?!"

At the back of the classroom were Shiro, seated with her hand on her

cheek; the Shrine Maiden in a sailor uniform; and Ino, practically busting out

of his schoolboy uniform. They were all staring at Sora as if he were dirt, and

Sora yelled as if it were capable of chasing this fact from his awareness.

"Why nottt?! Because we're kids?!"

"Don't you know all characters depicted are age eighteen or over?!"

"Shut the hell uuup! That's not even the issue! All the organizations and

important people and stuff, they never listen to that kind of logic; if you're

gonna do that kind of crap, you gotta gate it at least! You wanna get melocked up?!"

After shouting the little girls down, at last, Sora clutched his head and

pleaded:

"…Please. I'm begging ya. Just, get lost for a while… 'Kay? …

Seriously."

As if they'd finally concluded that he meant it, the polygons broke. The

sunset classroom turned back into the good old tatami room as if nothing had

happened, and the self-described elementary school students of most dubious

legality reverted compliantly to their proper forms. Back in the Annex of the

Shrine with eleven non-loli maid robots, transcendental computers far beyond

oracle machines—scratch that, beyond hypercomputers—used their

staggering power for purposes most pointless and analyzed the data without

evident emotion. So—

"—Target sexual arousal index curve analyzed. Resistance factor

speculated. Initiating adjustment deliberation."

"Sexual arousal confirmed above baseline. Moral conflict speculated.

Searching for solution."

—Having freely laid bare Sora's sexual predilections, they calmly began

shifting home.

"Hey, don't just slander me and then leave!! King Sora loves boobies, too,

y'know?!"

Sora stood in the Annex of the Shrine, screaming at the sky as the

veritable shitstorm faded into nothingness, and then there was silence.

…Uh…

"…So. Would you care to explain?"

"Explain what? I told you, I'm just too popular with maid robots!"

The insanity had raged beyond comprehension. The Shrine Maiden was

too nonplussed to even be disgusted. Sora tore at his hair.

"They're telling me I gotta make babies with one of 'em! D00d, this is the

worst thing ever!!"

—That was the style of their approach. And note this was the eighth time.

It wasn't so bad at first. They'd come on to him doing it wrong in the

plebeian way that made you want to tell them off. Like, there'd be eleven

childhood friends going, "Let's go to school together! " Eleven childhood

friends he'd never seen before. And they wanted to go to school together.

They didn't have a clue about childhood friends or Sora's willingness or lack

thereof to go to school. Then, boom, there were eleven big sisters, eleven

widows…and so on…and so forth… What next, eleven samurai? He sneered,

and that was that—until…

"…But it doesn't seem you were entirely indifferent, does it, lad?"

"That's why I'm saying it's scary, d00d. Those Ex Machinas, they know

no limits… What a fearsome race—!!"

The Shrine Maiden's cool sarcasm was met by Sora with a trembling fist

and a puckered expression. Indeed…while their approaches had been so far

off the mark each time, with each trial, they grew closer and closer. Using

their absurd powers of observation, analysis, computation, and adaptation, the

Ex Machinas were able to infer from Sora's reactions what his preferences

were, and they steadily adjusted the scenario to hit him where it counted.

The fact that Sora was okay with Loli owed a great deal to the fact that his

little sister was just too beautiful. The Ex Machina had yet to get a read on

that, but their approximations were drawing ever closer—!!

"…Brother, you've got…a nosebleed…"

Even now, here he was, drawing Shiro's squinty condemnation. But Sora

blocked her opinion and her gaze with both hands and shook his head

melodramatically.

"NO. That's a big fat NO… Shiro, my little sister. Mark your elder

brother's words."

Out of a hundred healthy young men in the world, probably a hundred

would agree with this statement. It was his conviction. No. His faith! Sora,

thus, explicated the truth—!!

"Even if the lass be one he himself fancies not, he who is born male must,

of necessity, experience an unbridled yearning which enjoins him: I wanna be

popular with girls!! An ambition? Nay—it is the very driving force of what it

means to be a man—!!!!"

If there be any man who might dissent, let him step forth. I will then

humbly withdraw my long-cherished belief. Acting as they might be, they

were just the sort of luscious ladies he craved. Mistaken as they might be,

they were that sort of girl that had fallen in love with him! This being so—!!

"Reckon the seductions I have endured and observe the diamond bulwark

of reason with which I have stood out against them! Do you not find it

worthy of praise? Yea, and if not praise, certainly no blame—is this not so

—?!"

He was getting a little carried away by being popular for the first time in

his life. That he wouldn't deny—but! What man in the world could blame

him? Sora's impassioned case wound up.

—Clapping. Sighs.

The clapping was from Ino and Jibril, struck to the heart by this fine

speech, wiping their tears. The sighs were from the Shrine Maiden and Shiro,

unpossessed of any more attractive way to respond than to roll their eyes.

Bathing in a sea of both accolade and censure, Sora still acknowledged it:

That his dear diamond of reason had survived every trial unscathed owed

entirely to—

"Lösen: Love Success Situation Forme—Checkmartyr—Prototype 0009."

Wait—here once again, out of the blue, the polygons raced through the

room and distorted its aspect. Ex Machina's tenth rewriting of space, all told,

the sight—indeed, that very sight was that to which Sora owed the soundness

of his reason—that being—

"Heh. That girl who was saying she liked me? I feel sorry for her, but I

had to decline…"

"…Hey. I didn't ask you anything. What are you babbling about, you

pervbot?"

—Einzig.

The sunset streamed in from the small window. This seemed to be the

basketball club's room. Clad in uniform, Einzig languidly began dialogue

with no context. Sora, finding himself involuntarily in the same costume,

answered unenthusiastically, but—

"…Hmm, you ask why I declined?"

"I said I didn't ask anything! Nor do I care— H-hey, get away from me;

go away!"

With little regard for his opinions or consent, the kink machine advanced

on the frightened Sora with the smile of a true sportsman.

"Don't make me say it… The only one this unit— Excuse me, this man

loves is—"

"SHUT UUUUUUUP!! GAAAH!! GRAAAH!! STFUUUUUUUU!!"

The advances of pretty girl robots might have chipped Sora's diamond.

However, the advances of the flaming gay robot switched the focus from his

reason to his sanity and shriveled him in horror.

"You just try to finish that sentence! I'll run away someplace you can

never see me again!"

—You know, such as the afterlife! It was enough to make Sora shout. The

memories responsible for his horror spun through his brain like the zoetrope

of his last moments.

He wasn't going to let them win that easily. That was the resolve with which

Sora had begun his chess match against Ex Machina. But, of course, it ended

quite one-sidedly. He must have known it would. Even so…

"...Shit…"

"…Brother… It's all, right…okay…?"

Shiro hugged and whispered to Sora as he cursed at the board.

—I knew it. I'm not like Shiro.

Sora ground his teeth. No ordinary person could see through all the

possible states of the chessboard so as to call it tic-tac-toe. His opponent, Ex

Machina, had been a transcendent computer—there was no way he could out-

read them in perfect play. Even so, he'd lost tens of thousands of times to

Shiro. Regardless, he'd concocted countless strategies, countless conventions

to beat Shiro, which she'd thereafter beaten. He'd applied those, he'd even

tried to exploit the errors common to machines and misdirect them, but it was

utterly ineffective. As Einzig said with evident pleasure:

"…You truly are the Spieler… To force us into a stalemate…"

Yes, it ended in a stalemate—which meant abject failure.

He couldn't win. At some point in the game, Sora had decided as much.

So he'd focused on stalemating. The first player to move always has the

advantage in chess, and if he's only aiming for a stalemate, all the more.

…He'd played a transcendent computer that never fell for the same tactic

twice, always adapted, and he hadn't lost. Shiro aside, for Sora, wouldn't you

say that that was a phenomenal accomplishment? Might that not be what the

clinging Shiro and the watching Jibril and Steph were thinking?

But it was all for naught. One of the appended rules was A stalemate shall

constitute Ex Machina's victory. Whether he lost or he stalemated, the

outcome was the same. Even so, he'd simply insisted on his pride that told

him: Like hell I'm gonna let 'em win. This could not satisfy him. He gritted

his teeth at this travesty, this shame. But Einzig— No, Emir-Eins, too—

"—I could see your will in your play. You must be the Spieler."

—all the Ex Machinas grinned strangely at Sora.

...?

No one got it: neither Sora nor Shiro, neither Jibril nor Steph.

"Well then, in any case, it is our victory. Allow us to enforce our demands

as per the Covenants."

But apparently having no mind to explain, Einzig stood.

"Gahhhh! Shit! Okay! I lost, fair and square!!"

Sora unleashed an explosion of desperate self-righteousness. He could

mope and pout all he wanted, but it wouldn't change a thing. Regrets and

countermeasures were for later! The question at hand was what to do now?!!

Having so deftly transitioned his thinking, Sora pointed at Einzig and crowed.

"But guess what? You bastards—you never said when and with whom!"

And that was exactly what had been so queer about their demands. Sora

watched for a reaction.

These were the guys who had just trapped him so easily. They couldn't

have overlooked such a glaring flaw. There was something more. Some

ulterior motive. Sora's eyes searched for it. Einzig peered right back.

"Quite naturally. Who would dare to coerce love? It is your choice,

Spieler, whom to cherish."

"…Hmmm… I seem to remember someone being awfully coercive

recently, but maybe I'm just imagining things… That's the biggest surprise

today," Sora quipped.

Einzig smiled in earnest—or at least, as far as Sora could tell. Was it even

possible to see through a machine's lies? Wait, was it even possible for

machines to lie?

Einzig responded, "Yes…and thus, we would that you provide us

immediately with only specific information."

Sora squinted at him carefully. Despite the vague bullshit, there had been

one demand he'd have to comply with immediately. It was among the

additions: Immediately provide us with information about your preferences…

Sora still couldn't get what their deal was, or the point of such vague

demands. Perhaps when he found out just what they wanted, he could figure

out their intentions. Did they really mean to be his allies, or could it be—?

Sora glared as Einzig went on.

"Ex Machina suffers most indecorously from a dearth of information by

which we might be loved by you."

...

"You must be more specific! Under what conditions will you love this

unit? How must I express this love in order for you to accept it? It is the data

by which to unravel these puzzles that we lack!"

The Ex Machina girls nodded in unison at Einzig's speech. Sora was busy

groaning and holding his violently throbbing head, so Steph checked for him:

"Umm… So Sora is supposed to do…uh, you know, with just one of

you?"

They nodded back, Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

"…And…you each…want him…to pick you, alone…?" Shiro asked.

They nodded back, Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

"And thus, you desire to know what you must do for my master to love

you," Jibril added.

And they nodded back, Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Could it be—this was really all it was? Still holding his head, Sora looked

at Einzig and squeezed out his voice.

RETRODUCTION

It was in the Eastern Union's capital island—its capital city, Kannagari.

There lived the Eastern Union's creator, a golden fox whose residence was

known as the Shrine. Currently, in this place where Werebeasts came to

venerate her much as a living god—

"…You lot… I've been trying my best to keep my mouth shut, but…"

—there was the fox, first of all, whose patience at last wore thin as she

finally opened her mouth to speak. She was a woman with a monocle and fox

ears, her two large tails covered in lustrous fur. The founder of the Eastern

Union and the agent plenipotentiary of Werebeast, the Shrine Maiden,

watched—

"Hmm? Oh, we're just makin' ourselves at home. Don't mind us."

"…Keep calm…and carry on…"

"That you would fail to provide us with the grace of tea speaks volumes

about the quality of your country, does it not? …Oh. Pardon, now that I think

about it, I should scarcely enjoy to be served pet food. I must then commend

you on your excellent discernment of your place."

—as the group that had warped into the Shrine out of nowhere, without

any proper greeting, had proceeded to lounge on the sofas quite at ease. They

were Sora and Shiro, and the smiling Flügel Jibril, who scarcely had the

standing to lecture anyone about politeness. One other personage was

observing this brazen bunch.

"Holy Shrine Maiden. All you must say is 'Get out,' and I shall expel

these ruffians posthaste."

It was the aging Werebeast Ino Hatsuse, smiling as a blood vessel or twobulged from his face. Meanwhile, warping behind him upside down, Jibril

went on smiling back.

"Dear me. It seems a little doggy has announced that he will expel my

masters and their humble servant, yours truly. I must be hearing things.

Typically, even animals are able to exercise proper judgment in whom they

bite. "

"Ha-ha-ha, pardon me; I had imagined that even a birdbrain would

understand the Ten Covenants. However, put your mind at ease. Even

uncomprehending riffraff such as yourselves will be swiftly removed from

the property of the Holy Shrine Maiden upon the retraction of your

permission to stay."

—We still have a long way to go toward racial harmony, reflected Sora,

Shiro, and the Shrine Maiden.

Once Ino had finished exchanging piercing glares with Jibril, he turned to

Sora and Shiro.

"I expected that even you hairless monkeys would have perceived that

there were more important matters at the current juncture."

This section of the Shrine they had all gathered in was called the Annex.

Looking up, they saw five screens of various sizes suspended from the

ceiling. On them were five Werebeasts, presumably representing the Eastern

Union in games. One of those Werebeasts they knew well.

Fennec fox ears and a big tail. A little girl, now crimson all over. It was

Izuna Hatsuse in bloodbreak mode, running around the cyberspace city in

heated virtual battle.

"…Dwarf? …Hardenfell? Looks like an ass-handing."

It was the first time Sora had seen them, but, from the physical

characteristics, it would appear that the opponent was Ixseed Rank Eight,

Dwarf. A high race just below Elf—but against Izuna, they weren't playing

around so much as being played with. Other screens showed other opponents,

but they were pretty much all getting rekt.

"This I'll thank you for, loves. We've got all our bloodbreakers out in the

field, with the exception of us two old ones. And the fish are biting."

The Eastern Union had its full-dive VR games and its best gamers in full

operation. They didn't have time to chop all the fish that were coming for

their block, looking, presumably, for hints as to Sora and Shiro's true nature.

So, as she of course grasped that Sora and Shiro were the ones behind it and

acknowledged her indebtedness—

"So? You come knowing that we're busy, and you're in the way… Might

I ask what you're after?"

—she first gave a chuckle at Izuna's leaping for joy at victory and then,

back in her rhythm, she turned back to Sora and Shiro and asked.

"Sure. Frankly, we're just really uncomfortable at the castle right now.

Like, scared. So we came to hide here. You see…"

Sora's voice suddenly dropped an octave. The Shrine Maiden and Ino

narrowed their eyes.

"This shit is actually kinda serious. We need your help—especially

Gramps'."

"…Mine, you say…?"

—The Shrine Maiden and Ino knew a thing or two about Sora by now.

Sora, who always acted so aloof, so comfortable and audacious—was

actually just a poseur. He'd never say it himself, and he'd never admit to it.

But he knew this all too well, and since he had no mind to belie his true

nature, certain others—Shiro, for starters—knew it, too. There had never

been a time Sora was comfortable. Not once. He was always serious, always

trying hard, searching desperately for ways out, clinging for dear life to

Shiro. For this man to be evidently uncomfortable, and, of all things, to ask

Ino Hatsuse for help… Anyone could see it was no trifle that Sora was most

solemn to introduce.

"—I'm too popular. With maid robots. Save me."

"......"

I'm too popular. Ah, one of those lines all male-born individuals would

like to say at least once. A line that, when actually heard from another,

inspires the will to punch him in the face with all one's might. But, ah… At

last Sora felt he understood. I'm too popular. I've got too much money. Those

were the lines—but! When you were actually in a position to say those lines,

it really wasn't awesome at all!! Those guys actually had real problems.

Serious problems! Far too grave to be written off with envy and an "I

wish…"!!

"King Sora, it sounds as if the situation is in fact quite serious. Allow me,

Ino Hatsuse, to provide what little succor I can."

As the agonized Sora wept internally, Ino gallantly nodded and placed his

hand on his shoulder. With a warm and trusting smile, he added:

"If I may, Your Majesty… There is not a soul in heaven or on earth who

would love you. Please rein yourself in. This is a mere obsessive fantasy, an

idle delusion. I suggest that you take a nice, long rest."

Ino's pitying eyes made the subtext clear: Those babes of yours exist only

in your imagination.

"…Ino Hatsuse. Fetch my private physician…"

"I am at your bidding, O Holy Shrine Maiden, but is this not the ideal

opportunity to allow King Sora to pass away?"

"You say the chief of the Commonwealth is delirious? Think of what it

could mean for our country. Let's have him die some other—"

Sora would have interposed in the free discourse of the two.

"…Acquiring Master. Lösen: Asura-Apokryphon."

However, another person's voice echoed from the void, their presence

speaking much louder than words—

"Discovery: Master located at last. Reward: Explain reason for move to these

coordinates."

A maid robot stood in the Annex of the Shrine as if she'd been there all

along: the violet-haired Ex Machina, Emir-Eins, tilting her head quizzically.

In contrast, gaping even more bewilderedly than the Shrine Maiden or Ino—

"Hey, wai— How'd you figure out…? How'd you even get here?!"

—Sora thought better than to answer, Because I wanted to get away from

you guys.

"Reply: Reopened fissure in space left by Irregular Number. Time elapsed.

Apologies for making Master wait."

Emir-Eins apologized for entirely the wrong thing, and Jibril's face

appeared strained. Jibril had shifted them someplace Ex Machina wouldn't be

able to, as they couldn't see the place and didn't know it. She'd thought they

wouldn't even be able to track them, yet they'd reopened her hole in space. It

hadn't even taken an hour. One could hardly imagine Jibril's mental state, but