Kai Langford - January 2121
The world seems to stop the moment Ethan disappears beneath the ice.
One second he is standing there, and the next the frozen surface shatters beneath his feet, swallowing him into the dark water below. I watch helplessly as the ice closes over him, the sound of cracking spreading across the lake long after he vanishes from sight.
"No..." The word leaves my mouth before I even realise I have spoken.
I can't think. I can't process what has just happened. All I can see is Ethan disappearing beneath the surface, and all I can feel is the familiar weight of helplessness settling over me.
I know this feeling.
I have spent years watching people make choices for me. Watching them decide whether I am useful, whether I am valuable, whether I am worth saving.
I refuse to stand here and watch someone I love be taken away. My body moves before my mind can catch up, and I step towards the broken ice.
A hand grabs my arm and pulls me back.
"Kai." Noah's voice is unsteady, and when I turn towards him, I see the fear in his expression.
"You can't go," he says, his grip tightening. "The ice is too thin. You'll fall through too."
I shake my head, pulling against his hold.
"I have to get to him."
"Kai, listen to me. If you go out there, you'll end up trapped under the ice with him."
His words should reach me, they should make me stop. But they don't.
Because Ethan is down there.
I pull his hand away and step forward again.
"I have to go."
The sharpness in my voice makes Noah hesitate, but only for a second before he reaches for me again.
"Kai!"
I look back towards the lake, and that is when I notice the wolf.
She stands on the other side of the ice, her body tense as she stares at the place where her pup disappears beneath the water. She moves forward, desperate to reach it, but stops herself at the last moment.
She knows, the ice will not hold, that she will only become another victim.
She wants to save her pup just as badly as I want to save Ethan, but unlike me, she understands that rushing forward will only mean losing them both.
I understand that feeling. The desperate need to protect someone, the willingness to destroy yourself if it means they survive.
My eyes drop to the restraints around my wrists.
The cuffs.
The thing keeping my shadows locked away.
Without them, I can reach Ethan.
Without them, I can do something.
"Take them off."
Noah looks at me, confusion crossing his face.
"What?"
"The cuffs."
His expression changes immediately.
"Kai..."
"Now."
There is no time to explain, no time to argue and for once, Noah listens.
His hands move quickly, unlocking the restraints around my wrists. The second the metal releases, I feel the familiar pull beneath my skin.
The darkness that has always answered me.
My shadows.
They move across my hands almost instantly, curling around my fingers like they have been waiting for me to call them back.
The cuffs fall onto the ice but I don't look back.
I raise my hand towards the lake, and my shadows pour out across the frozen surface. They spread beneath my feet, strengthening the fragile ice as I run towards the hole.
The lake groans beneath me and cracks stretch across the surface, chasing after me like the ice itself is trying to drag me down, but the shadows hold it together as I keep moving.
Every instinct tells me to slow down, to be careful, to think, but thinking has never saved anyone.
When I reach the hole, I don't hesitate, I wrap my shadows around my body and dive into the freezing water.
The cold hits me instantly.
It isn't just painful.
It is familiar.
For a moment, I am back inside GenX's facilities, trapped beneath layers of glass and metal while people watch my body react to things no one should have survived.
I force the memories away... I need to get to Ethan.
I push deeper into the darkness. The water is murky, making it difficult to see more than a few feet ahead, so I spread my shadows out around me, searching every direction.
Nothing. The seconds disappear too quickly and panic begins creeping in, wrapping around my chest as I search harder.
No.
I am not too late.
I can't be.
Then I feel something, a faint connection. I turn and push deeper into the water, following the feeling until I see him.
Ethan.
His eyes are closed, and his body is motionless, but his arms are wrapped tightly around something.
The wolf's pup.
Even unconscious, even when he is the one who needs saving, he is still protecting someone else.
That is who Ethan is.
I reach him and grab hold of him, pulling both him and the pup closer as my shadows wrap around us.
I turn towards the surface and push upward, but as I look above me, my stomach drops. The hole is gone, the ice has shifted, sealing the opening.
There is nothing but frozen darkness above us, tor the first time, fear truly reaches me. Not because I am afraid of dying, I accepted that possibility a long time ago.
I am afraid of failing. I shift Ethan and the pup against my side, then place my hand against the ice above us.
My shadows spread across the frozen surface, searching for a weakness. I gather every ounce of power I have left, then I strike.
The ice explodes around my fist, breaking apart into hundreds of fragments that scatter through the water.
Light pours through the opening above. I pull Ethan closer and force myself upwards.
My head breaks above the water, and I immediately begin coughing as the freezing air rushes into my lungs. For a moment, all I can do is breathe, my chest burning from the cold and the lack of oxygen, but I force myself to keep moving.
Ethan is still unconscious.
That is the only thing I can focus on.
I tighten my grip around him and use what remains of my strength to lift him out of the water and onto the ice. My shadows coil beneath him, helping support his weight as I pull myself up after him. His body feels far too still against mine, and a feeling I refuse to acknowledge settles heavily in my chest.
"Kai!" Noah's voice cuts through the sound of the wind and cracking ice.
I look up briefly, just long enough to see him and Finn waiting at the edge of the lake. Without wasting another second, I reach for the pup still held within my shadows and send it towards them.
Finn reacts instantly, catching it before it hits the ground. He understands what needs to be done, and I trust him to handle it.
Because my attention is already back on Ethan.
He isn't breathing and the sight makes something inside me drop.
His skin is pale, his lips have turned blue from the cold, and his chest remains completely still. For a moment, everything around me disappears. The wind, the voices, the freezing water dripping from my clothes.
All I can see is him.
"Ethan."
My voice comes out rough as I pull him closer.
"Wake up."
There is no response.
I place my hands against his chest and start pressing, counting without thinking as I force his heart to keep moving. Then I lean down and breathe into his mouth, ignoring the cold that has settled into my own body.
Nothing.
I continue.
I don't allow myself to think about the possibility that he won't wake up. I don't allow myself to imagine what happens if I fail.
I have spent my entire life being too late.
Too late to stop GeneX, to stop my father... to save myself.
I refuse to be too late for him.
"Please," I whisper as I continue pressing against his chest. My hands are shaking, but I don't stop.
I press against his chest until my arms ache. I breathe life back into him because I refuse to accept a world where he doesn't open his eyes.
Then suddenly, Ethan's body jerks forward.
His eyes snap open as he coughs violently, water spilling from his lungs as he fights to breathe.
Relief hits me so hard that my entire body almost gives out. I pull him against me, wrapping my arms around him tightly as he continues coughing.
"Thank god."
I hold his head against my chest, feeling the weak but steady rhythm of his breathing.
He is still shaking, still struggling but he is alive and I can't make myself let go.
"Never do anything like that again," I say quietly into his wet hair.
There is more fear in my voice than anger, but I don't know how to say it any other way.
"Sorry," he manages to whisper, his voice raw and damaged from the water.
He clings onto me, searching for warmth, but the cold radiating from my own soaked clothes makes it impossible for either of us to recover out here.
I shift my grip and lift him into my arms. As I carry him back towards the others, Ethan weakly turns his head.
"Where's... the pup?"
"It's with Noah and Finn," I answer, frustration slipping into my voice.
He follows my gaze, and I see his expression change when he notices what is happening. Finn stands in front of Noah, one hand raised protectively while the pup trembles infront of him.
The mother wolf is no longer across the lake. She has made her way around and now stands between the the pup and the others, her teeth bared as she watches them.
I immediately quicken my steps. Before I even reach them, I drive my foot into the ground. My shadows explode outward, shooting across the earth in sharp spikes that stop just short of the wolf.
A warning, not an attack. The wolf freezes, staring at the darkness surrounding my feet and for a moment, neither of us moves.
She sees the threat, but she also understands something else. I am not trying to hurt her. I know what it means to fight for someone you love.
Slowly, her aggression fades.
She looks towards her pup one final time before approaching and carefully taking it between her teeth. Then she turns and disappears back into the forest. My shadows continue to drift around my feet as I watch her leave, only fading when Ethan begins violently shivering in my arms.
"The fireplace is on," Noah says urgently. "Quickly, inside."
I follow after them, only now noticing the cold finally catching up to me. My body begins to shake, and exhaustion settles over me as the adrenaline fades.
My shadows slowly crawl up my arms and across my skin, wrapping around me in an attempt to keep my body warm.
When we step inside the house, the warmth from the fire immediately hits us.
Finn is already moving the coffee table aside to make space while Noah grabs every blanket from the sofa and brings them over.
For once, nobody needs to say what needs to happen. Everyone simply moves. Because we all know how close we came to losing someone today.
Finn and Noah disappear into the kitchen to make something warm to drink.
I gently lower Ethan in front of the fire, making sure he is close enough to feel the warmth before I start pulling off his soaked jacket and shirt. The cold water has soaked through every layer, and his body is still trembling violently beneath my hands.
I throw the wet clothes to the side and turn back to him, watching as he struggles with his boots. Before he can fight with them any longer, I reach forward and pull them off for him.
He is too exhausted to argue.
I remove the rest of his soaked clothes quickly, more focused on getting him warm than anything else. The sight of him sitting there, shaking and pale, brings back the image of him lying beneath the ice.
The stillness.
The silence.
The fear that I was already too late.
"Shouldn't... we take this to the bedroom?" Ethan manages to joke through his shivering.
Normally, I would have responded. Normally, I would have made some sarcastic comment back. But I can't, I am too angry... Too scared. And if I open my mouth right now, I don't know what will come out.
Instead, I grab the blankets Noah left beside us and wrap them tightly around Ethan.
He watches me quietly, his expression softening as he notices the way I avoid looking at him. Then his hand reaches through the blanket and finds mine.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I didn't mean to scare you."
I look away, I can't look at him because if I do, everything I have been holding back since the lake will break through.
The moment I saw him disappear.
The moment I thought I had lost him.
The helplessness.
The fear.
All of it is still sitting beneath my skin, waiting for an excuse to come out.
My shadows shift around my feet, moving restlessly with my emotions. They curl around my wrists, searching for something to hold onto, something to control.
I look down.
The small indents where the cuffs had been are still visible against my skin.
The restraints... I need to get them. They are still outside.
I carefully pull my hand away from Ethan's.
"I need to get the cuffs."
I stand, taking a step back, but immediately, Ethan grabs my wrist.
"Where are you going?" His voice is filled with concern.
"They're still outside."
I try to pull away, but he doesn't let go. Instead, he pulls me towards him with more strength than I expect, and I almost fall onto him. Before I can push myself away, his arms wrap around me and he pulls the blanket around both of us, trapping me against him.
"Ethan." My voice comes out frustrated. "My clothes are still wet."
He ignores the protest. His hands move carefully as he grabs the bottom of my jumper and pulls it over my head.
"Just stay here," he says softly. "Just for a moment."
I stop. Because when I look at him, I realise he isn't just tired. He is scared. His eyes are heavy, his face pale, and there is something vulnerable in his expression that I rarely see.
Like he is barely holding himself together. Like he is afraid that if he lets go, I will disappear.
The anger inside me weakens and I pull him towards me again, holding him tightly.
For a while, neither of us says anything. The fire crackles beside us, filling the silence.
"I thought I was going to lose you," I finally admit.
The words are quiet, almost too quiet but they are the truth.
Ethan's arms tighten around me.
"I'm sorry." He says it again, but this time it sounds different.
Not like an apology.
Like he understands.
"Why couldn't you just leave the wolf alone?" My voice shakes despite how much I try to control it.
I hate that it does.I hate that he can hear how afraid I was.
Ethan pulls me closer.
"Because I couldn't just leave it to die."
I close my eyes... Of course that is his answer. Even when he was the one drowning, he was still thinking about saving something else.
That is what makes Ethan who he is and it is also what scares me the most.
Even after everything he has been through, even after the world has taken so much from him, he still cannot turn away from something that needs saving. He sees something suffering and his first instinct is to reach out, even if it means putting himself in danger.
It is one of the reasons I love him. It is also one of the reasons he scares me.
"You could have died," I say quietly.
Ethan's expression softens, and his fingers tighten slightly around mine beneath the blanket.
"I know."
I shake my head.
"No. You don't."
My voice is quieter now, but I can't stop the words once they begin.
"You don't know what it felt like watching you disappear beneath that ice. You don't know what it felt like thinking I was too late."
The room falls silent.
The fire continues to crackle beside us, slowly filling the cold air with warmth, but I can still feel the memory of the lake. I can still feel the weight of him in my arms when he wasn't breathing. I can still remember the fear that settled in my chest when I thought I was about to lose him.
Ethan lifts his hand and gently touches my face.
"Kai."
I look at him.
"I do know how it feels. I almost lost you once"
His heart beats hard at his words. I lean forward and rest my forehead against his.
"You can't keep doing this."
A small, tired smile appears on his face.
"You mean saving injured animals?"
"I mean making me almost die of fear."
The smile fades slightly, replaced by guilt.
"I'm sorry."
I close my eyes.
"I know."
And I do.
I know Ethan never means to hurt me. I know he wasn't thinking about himself because that is simply who he is. He would rather put himself in danger than walk away from someone who needed help.
But sometimes I wish he understood that he is someone worth saving too.
"You should have came and got me" I whisper. "you don't have to carry everything alone,
Ethan looks at me quietly.
"Neither do you."
The words catch me off guard. Because I know he is right. I spend my entire life throwing myself between danger and the people I care about, pretending that it doesn't hurt, pretending that I don't need anyone else.
But Ethan has always seen through that.
He sees the parts of me that I try to hide. The parts that are scared, the parts that are tired, the parts that still need someone.
I pull him closer and he immediately settles against me. His breathing slowly steadies as the warmth from the fire reaches us, and for the first time since the lake, I allow myself to believe that everything is okay.
My shadows, which had been restless and moving constantly around us, begin to calm. They curl around us gently, no longer searching for a threat that isn't there.
"You know," Ethan murmurs after a while, his voice barely above a whisper, "you jumped into a frozen lake after me."
I glance down at him.
"Yes."
"That was reckless."
I raise an eyebrow.
"You jumped into the lake first."
"Well to be fair, I fell." He gives a weak laugh.
The sound makes my chest tighten in a way that has nothing to do with fear. I brush a strand of wet hair away from his face and press a gentle kiss against his forehead.
"I love you," I whisper.
Ethan's eyes soften as he looks at me.
"I love you too."
For years, I thought my life would always be about surviving.
About fighting.
About being useful.
But sitting here with Ethan wrapped in my arms, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the warmth return to his body, I realise something I never expected.
I don't just want to survive anymore.
I want a life.
And I want it with him.