After enjoying an intimate time once again, Lana lay in Sil's arms. She truly missed him every time he left but the danger was too great, especially now. Hilston had found him once. It could happen again.
"Lana," Sil hesitated, "have I been clear in what you truly mean to me?'
"What do you mean?" she looked confused. "I know you love me. Though I do find it strange, after all this time, you feel you can talk to me but you still hang your head in front of others. Why are you still so caged?"
"You are the reason I'm growing up."
Lana raised an eyebrow. "The reason?"
His fingers gently caressed her arm as it lay resting on his chest. "When you attacked that bully in the cafeteria, Raten saw you. Of course that means Vorden did as well. While they watched, Raten called me from the back of my mind to watch as well. He and I were impressed with your …ferocity."
Lana giggled, "experience taught me it was the best way to head off some of the worst bullying."
Sil nodded, "I went to the back of my mind once you were done but I was interested. I had already been interested in Quinn because he reminded me of Caser both in his hair and his defiant eyes. But you. You were different. You were strong but chose to stay with those who were not. Like me."
Lana nodded. She tried to look into Sil's eyes but he was staring at the ceiling.
"It didn't take long that when you or Quinn were nearby, I was paying attention. On Blade Island, I refused to for the most part. I stayed in the back of my mind either crying or sleeping. I was so angry when I heard your story. Of what happened to you. The things a child should never witness."
Sil held her tighter but not enough to hurt her, "I realized a child could never truly protect the ones he cared about. It meant I would have to find the strength to take over my body and interact with someone. While I did so at the request of Vorden to help Quinn, I didn't know if he'd understand. Quinn seemed just as confused as me at times. But you… you knew about us from the very beginning…"
"Almost beginning," Lana chimed in.
Sil chuckled, "almost beginning. Then you showed up in front of us in that outfit… I was filled with a fear that I didn't describe to the others. A fear that you'd wear it in front of others. And I had a feeling. A possessiveness. I had decided you were mine and I wasn't going to share you. That no man could ever see you that way. I had intended to say that when I took over my body. Throwing the temper tantrum that I normally would have about how you should dress instead. But something happened."
Lana caressed his chest softly as she listened.
"When I regained control of my body I felt all these things… things I had never experienced before. I asked if we were friends, like a child would but my body wasn't feeling like a child. I was confused. I didn't understand. Before I took over, Vorden and Raten had been telling me not to do so. For weeks they kept telling me that I had to remain a secret. But I had to. I tried to understand them, the feelings. To get control of them. When we got to your little room, I realized I couldn't control my body around you. And I didn't want to."
"I didn't know what it was but I wanted it. I wanted you. When I saw how happy it made you, I knew I needed to do that to you as often as I could. Other than my teachers, I never made anyone happy," Sil chuckled as he revealed how innocent he was.
"I really didn't want to tell you my past. You were so hurt by your own. I didn't want to give you my pain as well. I decided to give you that little bit to see how you'd react. I'm ashamed to admit I was surprised at your reaction."
Lana smiled as he turned his head, gazed into her eyes, then kissed her forehead tenderly.
"I shouldn't have been. As much as I had watched you, listened to your conversations, experienced your kindness. I still questioned. I'm sorry for that."
Lana giggled. "You had right to distrust on that. You knew about my nightmares. I needed to earn your trust through our own interactions."
Hearing her words, he pulled her on top of his body. He wanted her as close as he could possibly achieve. "I… I was also afraid… talking about all the bad stuff … after we made each other feel so good… that it would ruin it. The emotions we shared, the moments. But you insisted. Always. Even if it was just a small memory. You are the reason I have been able to come to terms with some things. Quinn has given me the outlet to get it out but you are my reason. You had me doing and saying things I never knew I needed to say or do."
"The reason I still hang my head around others, that I feel uncomfortable is that I don't feel comfortable in most cases. I had Vorden and Raten my whole life, petty much. You are on their level, maybe even a little higher for me. No, definitely higher. They can't give me little angels to play with and read comic to." Sil chuckled.
Sil rubbed his hands tenderly down her back and spine. "I very much want them back. I miss them so much. I still feel I have a lot of growing up to do based on those I see around me. They are all so… responsible. And I'm still the spoiled child having others do for me."
Lana didn't argue or refute anything. She wanted him to be happy with who he is and, clearly, he wasn't.
"The truth is, I'm afraid. I want to spend all my free time with you. Be with you and the kids when Quinn doesn't need me. But even in front of all those people, Hilston was stronger. I need to get stronger. I can't lead him to you!"
"Sounds pretty responsible to me. Wanting us to be safe sounds pretty responsible, too. Even when it drives me crazy." Lana lifted her head and dragged her body so she was straddling him. "You had a grown-up power even when you were a child. Maturity has always been a conflict for you."
"I would wager that's why your confident when using your power but not the rest of the time. Not due to trusting issues but because you were always praised for your power and nothing else so you felt you were not good enough as a person. That's why Caser meant so much to you. You weren't just an ability to him. You were a person. He loved you and you loved him because he saw you. Just as I see you. You don't just want to be seen as a person but you need it because you were denied it."
Sil's eyes watered as he stared into the eyes of his wife. "Why?" His tears stared to fall, "Why did he love me? Why do you love me?"
"Because you have a beautiful soul." She gently caressed his chest as she gazed upon his face ending with his eyes. "Strength is hard-earned, yes. But a soul like yours? That is rare. I think that is why you were blessed with such power. So that you truly could accomplish being a super hero for those who need it. Because humanity needs people to care. To show that caring isn't something to be ashamed of but to be cherished."
Lana tenderly kissed each eye as they continued to leak like a faucet. She brushed her cheek against his, wiping away his tears on the way to his ear. "You are an amazing husband," she whispered in his ear. She lifted her head and brushed her cheek against his other cheek on the way to the other ear, "you are an amazing father," she whispered.
She lifted her head and brushed against the other cheek which was now almost dry, "you are an amazing person" she whispered again. She brushed against the other cheek which was a bit wetter than she anticipated, "I love you and I support you," she whispered.
While she was doing this, she noticed it having a positive effect as his tears were slowing down. Then she felt something behind her and realized it had another effect as well. Not wanting a good thing to go to waste, she kissed him deeply and passionately while scooting herself back just so.
They didn't get much sleep that night.
Just as they were ready for sleep, the babies woke for their night-time meal and change. They each took care of one and slept in each other's arms after putting the babies back to bed.
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