If Only that Night

Going out with you after so long ago was… I'm not sure how to put it other than to say it was one of the best nights of my life. And it's not just because I got to spend time with my best friend. Sure, being with you again after so long was fun, but that wasn't the best part of the night. The best part was how we interacted. I wonder if you remember it the way I do, because in my mind it almost feels like a dream. There we were, just hanging out, playing bowling, normally enjoying our game when I felt you hook onto my arm after my turn was up. At first, I didn't think much of it — we've been that close before. But as the night went on, I started to feel something else besides the happiness of just being with a friend, because that's when everything slowly escalated. We went down a rabbit hole of emotions that night, doing everything in our power to stay close to each other…whether that meant holding hands, hugging, or sitting so close that it would take God himself to separate us. The only thing that we hadn't done but was racing through my mind was kiss. It would've been perfect but I held back because I didn't want it to get…not weird but I felt like 1 if I had taken it that far there was a chance that being close to you would've ended and the night possibly awkward and 2 I knew if I had done it and we both accepted that I wouldn't want to let you go and it would've been that much harder for me to watch you go and leave back to Germany. But It was after that…after those moments of thought that I realized what that second emotion I was feeling was. I had thought it had died…that I had killed it and buried every last bit of it deep inside of me. But it turns out that wasn't the case. It turns out I didn't dig deep enough, because that love I had felt for you so long ago came back like a tidal wave and washed my indifference away. And now...hearing how you feel and knowing what's to come…my heart aches all over again more than any rejection. But with all that said I just want you to know that no matter what happens…no matter how far we are from each other and no matter what we are to each other…I would always love you no what happens.