Bali put her head on her knees and let the tears flow freely for the first time since she had been captured. The disgusting witch, who looked like a man half-rotten in his grave, had just left after threatening her with the possibility of her shadow being severed if she did not help them find Lucy.
"Stupid girl," she mumbled through her sobs, not caring that her tears made the hair around her face stick to her cheeks. She stayed like that for a long time, just letting herself fall apart and letting all her negative and pessimistic thoughts have their way in her mind. After a while, she wiped her nose and cheeks with the blanket and sat up again, hugging her knees to her chest. Pessimism wasn't her normal internal state, and her capacity for it was small. She had had a long enough pity party and was ready to focus her fear and energy on coming up with a plan.
"What's wrong with your face?" a familiar voice said, startling Bali and making her look up to see Milo standing there staring at her. She must have been so distracted she hadn't heard him come in; plus, that damn door was so quiet when it opened.
"Nothing," Bali replied, wiping her face with the backs of her hands to make sure there were no stray tears she had missed.
"It looks like you've been crying," he said more gently.
"I wasn't," she replied without looking at him.
Milo sat down next to her and leaned against the wall, taking Bali by surprise. He had never come this close to her before, and she looked sideways at him, but he looked down at his hands, letting their shoulders touch but not looking her in the eyes.
"Why do you work for these monsters?" she finally asked him, knowing that there would likely be a very adolescent storming off after she did so. To her surprise, he seemed to be thinking, and after a few moments he replied.
"I don't remember things like I should since I gave up my shadow," he said quietly.
Bali looked horrified for a moment, realizing that in the dimmed light she hadn't noticed the lack of a shadow; but now that she looked, it was clear there was no shadow coming from any part of him.
"Why did you give up your shadow?" she asked him, trying not to let her disgust show in her voice.
"I wanted magic. They said if I gave them my shadow, they would give me magic in return," he replied, still not looking at her.
"And did you get it?"
At this, Milo shrugged and said, "Sort of," and then added, "I can do small tricks, like close and open doors and light a candle from a distance. Party tricks."
"I'm sorry," she said sincerely, making him look up at her for the first time. His green eyes had a depth and an innocence that contrasted his current circumstances and again made Bali want to protect him.
"You shouldn't be kind to me," he said, looking away.
"Why not? You've been kind to me," she replied, nudging him with her shoulder.
"Were you crying? Before I came in?" he asked, looking at her again.
"So what if I was," she replied, and Milo shrugged and looked away again.
"Why did you want powers so badly?" she asked him.
Milo didn't reply at first, but then said, "I'm not sure. Ever since my shadow was taken, I haven't been able to think clearly, and I can't remember things like I should. It comes in broken images and bad dreams mostly. It's hard to know what was real and what wasn't."
"How old were you when you gave your shadow up?" she asked him.
"Eight or nine. I joined the order hoping the witches would give me magic. They said I was useless and only gave me enough power to fulfill their end of the bargain but not enough to make me powerful."
"Witches are great at partial truths and deals that stab you in the back," Bali replied knowingly.
"What does she look like?" Milo asked her suddenly.
"Who?" Bali asked in surprise.
"The shadow eater?" he said.
Bali was surprised by his question and wondered what had made him ask it—this boy who might be a man, who looked an awful lot like Lucy, who worked for witches and had no shadow. It was all a little suspicious, and she wasn't sure if describing Lucy to Milo was a good idea.
"Never mind, don't tell me," he said suddenly. "I don't want to know anything that might help the witches."
"Tell me about your family," she said to change the subject.
"I don't remember them," he said icily.
"But you said you betrayed your family, so you have to remember them a little?" she prompted.
Milo stood abruptly and walked toward the door but stopped just shy of opening it and stood in the shadows, motionless for a few moments as if he were wrestling with something. To Bali's relief, he left the door and walked to the other side of the small room to sit opposite her instead.
"I betrayed my sister," he said quietly.
"You… you remember her?"
"Sort of. It's like trying to remember a dream instead of a person. I know we were close once, a long time ago. I made her a promise but I didn't keep it. I lied to her, and I left her all alone, and now she's dead," he said so quietly Bali could barely hear him.
"How do you know she's dead?" Bali asked.
"I have this nightmare," he said slowly. "I'm a kid again, and I'm coming home. I left her when I promised her I wouldn't, and when I went back she was dead."
"Just because you had a nightmare doesn't mean it really happened," Bali said, thinking of Lucy and wondering if she was the sister he was remembering.
"You don't get it. I have the same one every night. It's vivid and feels so real. It's… horrible," he said.
"That's terrible, Milo. I'm really sorry," she replied. Milo looked up, and she smiled.
"Thanks."
They sat for a few minutes in amicable silence, sharing the feeling of intimacy that only comes when you are vulnerable with another human being. After a while, Bali cleared her throat and said, "Are you sure you don't want to let me go? We could escape together, you know."
"I can't. You don't understand. They have my shadow. They keep it locked up, and if I don't do what they say, they are going to feed it to the shadow eater," he said, sounding desperate.
"Feed your shadow to the shadow eater? Why?!" she asked, incredulous.
"They said they wouldn't if I do everything they command me to. I've done so many terrible things for them," he said.
"But why? I thought if they took your shadow, then they would have control over you anyway?" she asked. "Do they control you?"
"No," he replied, sounding guilty, as if the fact that he was functioning from his own free will but still choosing to serve the witches was evidence of his cowardice.
Bali did not say anything else. She had never heard of someone keeping their free will after losing their shadow, and she couldn't fathom why the witches would feed Milo's shadow to Lucy, though she felt certain that they were still going to do it, no matter what they told the boy. It was seeming more and more likely to her that Milo and Lucy were in fact brother and sister and that their lives were still intertwined even though they themselves seemed oblivious to it.