The sun rose on the Microbials Asset Logistics Center (formerly Eliza's kitchen) with the quiet, devastating clarity of a final audit report. The air, usually smelling of aggressive yeast and Caleb's efficiency, now had a new layer: the faint, sweet scent of last night's passion, mixed with residual spelt flour.
Eliza woke up draped comfortably across Caleb's ergonomic chair, her head resting on his chest, which, despite all its professional hardness, made a surprisingly excellent pillow. Caleb, meanwhile, was fully awake.
He wasn't moving, but his eyes were open, staring intensely at the ceiling as if calculating the structural load-bearing capacity of the drywall.
"Good morning, Vance," Eliza murmured, nuzzling his neck. "I must say, your efficiency metrics were surprisingly high during the Unscheduled Overnight Audit."
Caleb stiffened slightly. "Eliza. We must address the current scenario with immediate clarity. The romantic engagement of the lead partners introduces numerous uncontrolled variables into the business model."
He reached for his phone, which was on the floor beside him, and with one hand, started typing.
"I've already initiated a new private file: V&C Romantic Merger—Risk Assessment."
Eliza sat up, highly amused. "You're auditing the kiss?"
"I am establishing a baseline for sustainable operation," Caleb corrected, his tone returning to his familiar, clipped efficiency. "Specifically, we need to address the following high-risk factors: Proximity Bias, Conflict of Interest, and Loss of Objectivity in Asset Valuation."
Eliza grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "How about we start with the High-Value Data Point: Morning Cuddles? You can't put a spreadsheet between us anymore, Caleb. We merged. We're in this, for better or for worse, and for highly profitable Einkorn."
She kissed him, a soft, deliberate kiss meant to short-circuit his analytical brain. It worked; his grip on the phone slackened for exactly 1.2 seconds.
"I propose an immediate Inter-Partner Communication Protocol," Caleb said, trying to regain control. "Any discussion related to romance, affection, or the blue yarn must be scheduled for after 5:30 PM. From 7:00 AM to 5:30 PM, we are a purely transactional entity."
Eliza laughed, hopping off the chair. "Deal, as long as you agree that all 'Purely Transactional' decisions must be filtered through a Qualitative Joy Index before execution."
"Acceptable, provided the Joy Index is weighted against the Net Negative Outcome Projection," Caleb conceded, sitting up. He looked rumpled, exhausted, and more human than she had ever seen him.
They were about to dive into the massive triple-batch of Einkorn when a new email notification sounded. Caleb checked it instantly.
His eyes widened, and this time, the surprise was not romantic; it was purely financial shock.
"Eliza. Mrs. Vanderhoof. She has preemptively ordered a new custom starter. It's for her daughter's wedding."
"That sounds lovely," Eliza said, grabbing the yeast tub. "What's the theme? 'Enduring Love'?"
"No," Caleb said, reading the request aloud, his voice strained. "She wants a starter named The Vow of Volatility. It must be hyper-sensitive to external emotional shifts, prone to spectacular collapse, and require the couple to maintain a high-stakes, dramatic relationship to keep it alive. The cost of maintenance: $5,000 per month."
Eliza stopped stirring. "$5,000 a month? That's not a starter, Caleb. That's a microbial metaphor for a toxic but passionate marriage."
"It's the single highest-value microbial asset ever conceived," Caleb corrected, his eyes gleaming with the dangerous thrill of maximal profit. "And we are the only ones capable of producing it. This is our Maximum Income Event."
They looked at each other. Their romance had just begun, but their business had entered a terrifying new phase of emotional exploitation, all thanks to a ludicrously expensive, high-risk sourdough starter.
"Well, Vance," Eliza said, her heart pounding with a mixture of fear and excitement. "Looks like we need to study volatility, both microbial and marital. Good thing we're now conducting real-world research."
Caleb managed a slow, calculated smile. "Indeed. We must document all findings thoroughly, Eliza. For the sake of the Vow of Volatility's narrative integrity, of course."