It really hurt.
I was lying on the wet black asphalt.
Rain poured down on me incessantly, washing my blood away from my punctured chest. I could see a broken rib sticking out. My legs were bent in ways no human body should be. And I think I broke my spine too.
A hit and run.
Perhaps it was my fault for not checking the road just because the light was green for me to cross. A massive truck that was driving at what must have been its full speed did not care to stop. I was hit, I flew across the air, crashed into a lamp post and fell.
The truck - it just drove away.
I think.
So there I lay, just waiting to die.
My whole life flashed before my eyes - cliché.
There were some memorable moments. Some for good reasons, some for bad reasons.
But all in all, I just hadn't lived enough to have something of real value to hold on to.
I had a good family - an only child, deeply loved by the best parents I could wish for.
I did well at school. I'd never been bullied. I'd never been a loner.
My life was average in a good way that I was happy with.
But-
There was nothing that made me think that I didn't want to die there and then.
That's when she came to me.
I could hear the click of her heels on the asphalt even in the rain.
They echoed in the wet atmosphere in a way they shouldn't have, as if hollow walls formed in a circle around the approaching figure.
I caught a glimpse of a girl in the darkness, holding an umbrella.
She wore a black dress and black shoes.
And when she finally got to me, she shielded me from the rain.
The girl squatted next to me. Even in the darkness, her long and pale blond hair was almost glowing silver.
She extended her arm and, with the tip of her index finger, touched the end of my exposed rib. That sent a jolt of pain through my body.
Electrifying.
The girl leaned in and spoke, her voice a breathy whisper, but perfectly audible.
"You are going to die."
I swallowed blood, for it was hard to spit it out.
"I guess."
The blond girl tilted her head.
"You are not afraid?"
"I'm scared."
"To die?"
"Yes."
It was a real struggle to speak, but perhaps - perhaps I just wanted someone to talk to one last time.
"Why don't you ask me to help?" she sounded amused and curious.
Didn't I look horrifying to this girl?
It was as if the grotesquely mashed up body of mine didn't make her feel anything.
"I… just have no will to live."
"So you give up just like that?"
"I suppose…"
The girl didn't seem so amused anymore. I remember her expression to be that of boredom. I have no visual memory of her face anymore, just a memory of what I thought at the time.
"What a sad way to die."
"Equally… sad to live with no reason."
The girl suddenly giggled. The sound reminded me of a wind chime.
"Then maybe it is not your time to die yet."
I don't know why, but that suddenly sent a surge of rage through body, and I screamed.
"I'm fucking dying here! Can't you see it?!
I AM FUCKING DYING!"
I almost choked on my blood and I felt like my lungs whistled.
"The real tragedy-" the girl smiled, "is not that you are dying."
"What the fuck is it then?!"
"It's that you have nothing to hold you back," her voice was measured and calm.
"Oh, fucking hold me back from dying then!"
I panted. I was going to die sooner because of this bitch - I remember thinking that.
"Why don't you live? Maybe you will find something you want to cling on to. Maybe then you will beg and pray for someone to save you."
"Fuck you."
The girl didn't suppress her laughter. In the white noise of the pouring rain, her voice resonated. Crystal clear.
"If you want, I will let you live."
It was only then that I felt fear.
I was apathetic about my own impending death until just a moment ago, but when she said those words, I suddenly feared for my life that was about to be snuffed out.
"What are you doing to me?" I asked her as she stroked my bloody cheek with her hand. It felt cold but soft.
"What is your name?"
"Jonas."
"I want the full name."
"Jonas Vale."
"If you wish to live, I will let you live, but you have to promise me one thing."
At this point, I didn't even care to think whether she was joking or not.
I didn't want to die.
I really didn't want to die like that.
"I will… do anything."
"Anything?"
"Yes… please… save me."
The girl smiled. Soft. Maternal.
"Can you promise me that you will do your best to find a reason to live?"
"If I… had another chance… yes."
"Good. If you find something you don't want to lose, maybe you will learn to fear death."
"I'm fucking fearing death right now like you won't believe it."
"Very well. It seems you are already changing."
"So… what can you do for me?"
Then she grabbed my throat and started to squeeze.
"Fuck!"
That was the last word I could let out in this world as everything started to turn black.
As I lost my vision and even the sound of the rain was fading into nothingness, I heard a whisper in my head.
"Remember Jonas-"
I saw no light at the end of the tunnel.
I knew there and then.
There was no afterworld for humans.
Death was an eternal emptiness.
Her last words carved themselves into the back of my mind.
"Find what you love and let it kill you."