A jolt and she wakes up ready to pounce on anyone but there's nothing, and it's simply a reflex that made her feel that way. She looks at the watch on his wrist and sees it's a little past six in the morning, so she fixes her things and starts jogging up and down the stairs for almost an hour, checking once again across the rooms for more stocks or useful tools.
After clearing out all the floors, she returns to her room, cleans up and packs up everything she had deemed useful for her travels, especially the jacket that still looked new and unblemished, tapping it as if saying 'good job for being found and staying undamaged up to this point'.
With backpacks in front and at the back, she goes out and salutes to the hotel that sheltered her for the night, taking the road south to reach the ramen shop next town as what the maps have shown her when she was checking out the nearby places when sleep hasn't visited her yet at midnight.
Another day to spend surviving.
She reaches an area near an abandoned town lot, grasses overgrown and several rats running across the lawn towards the houses, most likely carrying large infestations of pests, but no one would bother going back just to clean it up so she lets it be.
Lying on the grasses looks like a hybrid bike, probably left while the owner left in a car, or the owner was not fast enough to ride it that it's left while they ran for their dear life, whatever it is, now it's a tool that will bring her ease so she bows down to it and starts placing one of the backpacks in the basket in front of it, wearing the other, and she rides downtown.
In half a day she's standing on the ledge of another abandoned building's rooftop, and with the sun about to set in less than an hour and darkness starts to take over at one side. Looking below, there's nothing but abandoned cars to fall on, and she lets her eyes roam around the surrounding buildings and facilities.
A gym across the street, just beside a sports equipment shop. There's a school nearby for primary and high school students, with the gates left open. She hears a screech and almost loses her balance, but she manages to jump back into the gravel floor of the rooftop, squinting in pain due to the thinned out sole of her tennis shoes.
She lowers herself in a way that she could hide behind the ledge, and slowly lifts her head to watch the bunch of cars coming into a halt on the school she had just looked at a while ago.
A guy comes out first pulling with him a woman with a swaddle of cloth hugged in her chest, and the others follow suit while carrying with them boxes of perhaps supplies and whatnot and she hurriedly comes off the rooftop, walks straight into the office space where she had placed her bags initially and started preparing to leave once the sun sets.
In her mind, nothing good comes out of being around other people during this time and instead of finding happiness for finally seeing someone else and not just her reflection she felt herself tense up more as time went by, and as the first gunshot rings across the town she hugs her knees once again, fists clenched and eyes sealed tight. After the series of gunshots died down, she hurriedly took her things, almost stumbling in the process and comes out, looking back at the school before she rides her bike for the escape.
Then she notices.
Gone were the lights. Nor the cars. Nor the skid marks where they halted earlier. Nor any traces of the men who were supposed to be staying there. It looked the same as it was when she was standing on the ledge, with gates wide open and litter all around.
She slowly walks along the path towards it, reaching the edge and watching the grounds with nothing but trash and leftover body parts. Just like how it has always been.
And she realizes.
There were no people. No gunshots. No lady with a child.
She clenches her fists once again, almost bruising her palm with her raggedly cut nails.
She's all alone, as it has always been. And will be, most likely.
Slowly she waddles with the two backpacks back towards the building and settles again for the night, only eating another pudding and a protein bar, almost puking but stops herself from doing so. More like, forces herself not to, or it would be a waste of food and energy expedited just to get it.
She can still force herself to hold on. She needs to make herself believe so.
Finally, she falls asleep after locking the door and staying in the space under a wooden office table, not minding the cold of the night by hugging her two backpacks and with the help of the jacket she found the day before. Though her feet felt kind of swollen from all the walks she had, she doesn't take off her shoes and just sleeps with it, still remembering the false memories that flashed across her head earlier in the day.
And another night passes.
--
Just like she's always done, she skims across the rooms she can open, even finding a box of unopened markers which she ends up using to scribble across the hallway near the exit doors. Mostly nonsense, some messages towards anyone she could think of, unspoken secrets, harsh truths and wishes. She only stops when she notices the lights start to flicker, and thinks that perhaps, one of these days, electricity will falter too and then she'll be left in total darkness.
By then, even nights might feel unwelcoming too.
She comes out and salutes towards the building that sheltered her for the night, then proceeds to cycle again towards the closest store she had found in the maps.
She almost screamed in happiness after seeing an aisle with left chocolate bars, until she heard an actual scream but instead of cowering, she approached the source and sees at the end of the aisle for canned goods a guy in almost tattered clothes lying on the floor, throwing cans and litters towards what looked like a rabid dog, foaming in the mouth but still barking and howling towards him.
Taking with her a piece of broken mop she took hold of a while ago after entering the store, she pierced the dog without any warning, right below the ribs almost killing it but she lets it run away. She looks at the shocked face of the stranger and ignores the change in expression on him before returning to looking at stocks in another aisle. It'll probably be gone in a while.
She reaches the aisle with chocolates once again and hauled it towards her backpack, while the figure still follows her, yapping about being thankful and about being left by his friends and without anyone to turn to, ended up being in the mess she saw earlier.
She ignores it. It'll probably disappear soon.
By then, she had started to think of walking back into another abandoned building that she had checked earlier that day but he's still there beside her.
Like an actual person.
But she doesn't speak up. Not yet. Perhaps the hallucination is just lasting for a little longer this time.
It'll be gone soon.
"Um, thank you, so much, really."
And it speaks to her. Yet, she kept her silence. Perhaps it's just some new form of her hallucination. Or her mind's starting to get worse than it used to.
Either way, not so much of a good news.
"Can I… can I do anything to help? I owe you my life after all."
His expression reminds her of the puppy her friend had taken in and was amiable towards her despite ignoring or not playing with it. And it doesn't change the fact she still feels the same way. Attachment is a heavy one to carry.
Instead of doing anything else that would seem like a response, she walks into a different aisle where she had left her bags, takes them and starts walking back to the road she took earlier in the day, towards the abandoned building she had chosen for the night. It was an unfinished structure for a high-rise condominium supposed to open about five years from now. And it would also mean that it's all for the better.
Empty. Desolate. Unapproachable.
"I can help you with your bags if… if you don't mind."
An illusion offering to help? This is quite new for her, so she simply looked at him with a questioning expression, before proceeding to walk once again. Her bike was left and hidden under some used tarpaulins beside the building's entrance, wanting to roam around on foot to look at things properly while there is still enough light to look around.
But he's still there.
"I… I mean… are you angry with me? I'm sorry, really sorry about earlier. I looked helpless, didn't I?"
She kept on ignoring him and proceeded to enter the building, going towards the unfinished rooftop, setting her bags as pillows and stares at the surrounding areas.
"Is something the matter?"
She looks back at him after hearing him ask, then looks back at the road, walks on and is now standing on the ledge despite the gust of winds starting to get stronger.
"H-hey! No! Don't do anything rash, you've helped me earlier didn't you? You're stronger than me!"
She ignores the voice, drowning every sound with her memories. Looking around the city, she notices it coming to life. The streetlights now lit with the shade of amber, the nearby amusement park now filled with families and roaring laughter, and the road beaming with life. And then there were the screams, followed by blood painting the pavement, and pieces of bodies flung around like balls being batted.
She falls backward and the stranger hurriedly runs towards her, catching just in time before she hits the gravel and cement floor. By this time, she's clutching her ears like she's always done, trying to take shelter in silence that she never, ever gets.
"I don't know what's happening but I'm here, okay? You need to breathe, breathe with me please."
Worry fills his voice, but she doesn't notice, as she doesn't hear him. It's still the cries for help that's running across her mind, and it will take some time to deafen the sounds again. Just like every other night.
And he doesn't ask further.
To both of them it was a new encounter with someone, and it might feel like a good moment, knowing what the situation they're in, but he knows it would mean differently for each. For him, meeting his savior was a beacon he longed to have. To the other, he might be an unnecessary existence. It's how each of them faced or coped up with the changes. He can't judge her, nor can she automatically adjust to his presence just like that.
He decides to sit at a distance when he sees her calm down a bit and after positioning her far from the ledge and into the side of the rooftop blocked by an upper extension. Sleeping might be the last of his worries right now, but his body is screaming for rest after all the interrupted naps.
He then drifts off to sleep, watching her cradling herself, still crying.