Handa Sota scream was so blood-curdling that everyone instinctively turned, a collective chill running down their spines.
The women in the vicinity were, relatively speaking, less affected.
Every single man, however, reflexively clenched their butt cheeks, a phantom pain shooting straight to their crotch.
Someone's lips trembled, the words barely slipping out:
"B-Boiled… eggs…?"
But what truly horrified everyone present was the sight of Kobayashi Satoru.
Handa had only gotten the lower half of his body splashed and was already screaming as if his life depended on it.
Satoru, on the other hand, had taken more than half of the pot straight on his back!!
"Kobayashi-kun—!!"
"Hey, kid!!"
Sakura lightly covered her lips, her violet eyes shaking so hard that she was utterly speechless.
Ayaka reacted fastest—she dropped Mikami and Maeda in an instant, abandoning them to rush directly to Satoru's side.
Her face was just as tense, etched with worry; even standing this close, she could feel the scorching heat radiating off him. One could only imagine how terrifying the actual temperature of the water had been.
Normally, water above 45 °C could already cause significant burns; boiling water was more than double that intensity!!
Mikami and Augusto froze solid, exchanging a swift, terrified glance.
Both saw pure terror reflected in the other's eyes.
Splashing someone with boiling water… if it caused serious injury, that could genuinely be life-threatening! Beating someone up was one thing, but attempted murder was a completely different crime altogether!
Mikami gritted his teeth, a flicker of desperation in his eyes.
Enduring the throbbing pain, he scrambled back to his feet, slipped through the bewildered crowd, grabbed the still-groaning Handa with Augusto's help, and the two of them dragged their friend straight out through the side exit.
Maeda was half a beat too slow to react, but when the trio reached the door, she finally stumbled after them, her movements clumsy and panicked.
Most of the customers were young people who had never witnessed anything like this before. Adhering to the unspoken golden rule of "don't get involved," not a single person attempted to stop them from fleeing.
Ayaka started to give chase, a furious resolve hardening her features, but one look at the retreating scum and then another at the utterly dazed Satoru—she chose to stay, her loyalty unwavering.
"Say something, damn it!" Ayaka's voice was on the verge of tears, laced with frantic worry. "Did you pass out from the pain!?"
She frantically yanked out her phone, intending to call an ambulance, but her fingers were shaking so badly that she mistyped the number several times. Finally, she got 119 right and was about to hit call.
A hand with distinctly defined knuckles and long, slender fingers pressed down gently on hers, stopping her.
It was still warm.
Ayaka looked up, her gaze meeting Satoru's. He was staring at her, a strange blankness in his eyes.
"I'm fine," he stated, his voice calm despite the chaos.
But the shock etched onto his face was no less profound than hers.
Because he himself had absolutely no idea why he was fine.
Judging from Handa's excruciating state, the water had definitely been boiling.
Yet, the part that had hit him felt… lukewarm at best, a baffling sensation.
"How the hell are you fine!?" Ayaka demanded, her voice rising in disbelief.
"…" Satoru had no immediate answer, his mind racing to process the anomaly.
He flexed his fingers, rotated his wrist, then reached back to touch his spine. The heat had dissipated remarkably quickly; a gentle spring breeze wafting in from the door even felt cool against his skin now.
Zero pain.
"WHO THE HELL—"
Just as Satoru was questioning his entire existence and the laws of physics, a thunderous roar exploded from deeper within the establishment.
An old man, instantly recognizable as a chef, stormed out from the kitchen. He wore a traditional apron, and a pristine white mustache, shaped distinctly like the Japanese character 一 (ichi), adorned his upper lip.
"Which bastard stole my pot!? People even steal this now!? No wonder they say Tokyo is full of thieves—" he fumed, his voice booming.
Then, under everyone's bewildered and slightly stunned stares, the old man spotted the thoroughly soaked Satoru and abruptly froze, his rant dying on his lips.
"…Kid… don't tell me you got splashed with boiling water?"
Satoru nodded reflexively, still somewhat in a daze.
"HOLY SHIT!" the old man roared, astonishingly, in perfect Mandarin Chinese, making Satoru flinch.
Realizing he was, in fact, in Japan, he immediately switched back to Japanese:
"My heavens—that was the water I use to cook ramen!! You—" He stared hard at Satoru, his gaze scrutinizing. Seeing the boy completely unfazed, his brow furrowed in confusion and concern.
'Oh fuck.'
Satoru internally cursed too, a sudden, mortifying realization dawning on him.
No wonder nothing had happened—it was ramen water…
So the joke skill "Absolute Defense (Ramen)" didn't just protect him from finished ramen scalding him; it even negated damage from "unformed" ramen water!? The sheer absurdity of it made his head spin.
Satoru fell silent, tilting his head slightly, a profound sense of bewilderment washing over him.
'This is weird as hell.'
Honestly, kicking the brat out of the way had been pure, unthinking reflex; he hadn't had any time to prepare himself for the impact. The instant the boiling water had hit him, his brain had screamed a single, desperate thought: 'I'm done for, I'm dead!!'
And yet, he was saved by the most utterly useless comedy skill in existence.
The old man, being a seasoned veteran, was far more direct and pragmatic than the two girls, who were still stuck in the "are you okay?" stage of panic.
He grabbed Satoru's wrist, meticulously checking his arms and shoulders. He then spun the boy around and began pressing all over his back, searching for any sign of injury.
That back should have been the worst-hit area, yet under the old man's probing fingers, there wasn't a single mark—no redness, no blistering, nothing.
Satoru's expression remained perfectly normal, utterly devoid of any pain or discomfort.
"Strange…" The old man muttered, his hand sliding lower and—SMACK—landing squarely on Satoru's butt.
Satoru's hairs stood on end; he whipped around instantly, eyeing the mustachioed old man with deep suspicion.
The old man stroked his mustache thoughtfully, a perplexed look on his face:
"Tsk. You felt it, but no pain? …No injury at all?"
"Yeah," Satoru admitted, a shrug in his shoulders. "I'm really fine."
"Fine!? How!?" Ayaka immediately objected, her voice sharp with disbelief—she had watched the boiling water hit him with her own eyes, witnessed the steam, felt the radiating heat.
"Hmph. Back in the day, this old man studied Chinese medicine," the chef declared coolly, puffing out his chest a little. "They called me 'Gynecology Sage Tang Bohu' on the rivers and lakes. One look and I know if someone's burned. But this… this is weird…"
"I… trained Iron Shirt at Shaolin Temple before." Satoru offered, his voice surprisingly convincing.
Bullshitting Lv.5 activated—the lie just rolled off his tongue with effortless believability.
But this particular lie was so outrageous that even the perpetually innocent Sakura doubted it, her brow furrowing slightly:
"I heard from Grandfather that 'all martial arts under heaven originate from Shaolin'… but isn't Shaolin in China? Has Kobayashi-kun been to China?"
Satoru gave a mysterious, knowing smile:
"The Hawaii branch of China's main Shaolin headquarters."
Sakura and Ayaka exchanged bewildered glances—half-believing the sheer conviction in his voice, half-not.
The old man, however, clapped his palms together in sudden realization:
"So that's how it is! This old man heard that Master Shouchong of Shaolin has been traveling the world to spread Shaolin culture. Never thought you, kid, would have such a karmic connection with him!!" His eyes, now wide with admiration, scanned Satoru from head to toe.
"Such profound gongfu at such a young age—truly rare."
Satoru: '…It actually worked??'
-------------------------------
I've already uploaded 20 chapters of this story on Patreon!
If you enjoy it, come check out the latest chapters in advance.
Here's the link:
[pat*eon*com/DaoistRoeoNQ]
Thank you so much for your support!!!