Two months passed after our case in court, and Misaki lost her life too. The doctor said she'd stopped responding a week before it happened.
What I felt back then was some mixed up version of grief and anger. I kept asking myself why I was even still alive. Why did it have to come down to Misaki sacrificing her life for mine. I wish it had been me instead. Honestly, there were times I didn't want to keep going either.
A few days went by where I kept skipping class. Even when I did show up, I couldn't bring myself to care about any of my lessons especially Math 1. Every time I walked into that classroom all those happy memories I shared with Misaki would just come rushing back like they happened only yesterday.
Mr Ichiro would talk to me every now and then. He'd always remind me that no matter how hard this is for all of us we still have to face the truth. We have to keep living even without Misaki no matter how heavy and painful it feels. But every time he said those things I'd just stay quiet. Misaki was hurt right in front of my eyes and that's what killed her. I can't just forget something like that. It feels like I'm going to carry this weight with me for the rest of my life.
Every Sunday when we go to mass with Mom and Dad or sometimes with Nanny Teresita and Matthew, I can't stop thinking about the promise I made to Misaki. I was supposed to wait for her at the altar while she walked down in that white gown. We were supposed to have so many kids together.
But even if I poured out every tear I have, even if I offered up my own life, none of it would bring her back. All of that is just memory now. Like a window I can only stand at, peering through whenever I want to remember her.
I've forgotten how to smile. I'm not the Anthony I used to be, the cheerful, playful, childish one. I don't want to let go of the past, I can't. I just want things back the way they were, back when Misaki and I were still happy together.
Mommy kept pleading with me, knocking on my door during the days I shut myself in my room and barely ate. She promised me she wouldn't stop until we got the real justice Misaki deserved.
Every time I ran into the three of them, they'd just laugh at me, flip me off, and call me a loser. Even seething with rage the way I was, I still managed to hold myself back. Since the incident stayed a secret, a lot of people asked me where Misaki was, but I never answered them. And it's likely that even Bryan and his minions had no idea she was already gone.
It was early morning then, exactly 3:00 a.m. I woke up and suddenly felt like stepping out. I passed by Mommy and Daddy's room, its door left slightly open. The lights outside were off, so the dim glow coming from inside their room was the only light around, which was why I noticed it right away. I moved a little closer to peek in, curious what they were still doing up at that hour. I could clearly see Daddy sitting at his desk, while Mommy was still asleep. Only the table lamp was on, and he was quietly cleaning a gun. Aside from being a businessman, Daddy had also trained as a reservist, back before he and Mommy got married.
After that, I snuck out of the house and took Misaki's and my bike. I rode it fast, not caring about the cold wind biting at my whole body. I tried to force all the rage out of my chest, but it still wasn't enough, not until they paid for what they did to us. I ended up somewhere far from home, a high point where I could see the whole city spread out below. That's where it hit me to just scream, to let out all the anger and grief I'd been holding in for so long.
I got off the bike and just let it drop to the ground. I took a deep breath and let my voice out until my throat nearly tore from screaming. But somehow it still wasn't enough. Like there was still something left, some rage still sitting in my chest.
"Misaki!" I screamed up at the stars, tears streaming down without stopping. I missed her so much it hurt. I knew it was impossible, but I still prayed she'd come back to me. I hoped that when I woke up tomorrow, she'd be right there beside me again.
How could they do this without a shred of mercy? Heartless bastards. Why couldn't we even get the chance to see justice done? How could they sleep so soundly at night after everything vile they'd done to us? How could they just go on like nothing happened?
I dropped to my knees, furiously yanking and tearing at the grass. After that, my forehead nearly pressed against the lawn as I punched the ground over and over. They will pay! Even if the law cannot give us justice, I will take it into my own hands. And I will make sure they suffer far more than everything I am going through right now.
The next day, I deliberately waited until Mom and Dad had left the house before I stepped out of my room. I greeted nanny Tessie in the kitchen with a smile. She was surprised at first, but she quickly sat me down at the dining table and prepared something for me to eat.
After I finished eating, I quietly took the knife while nanny Tessie was not looking. Then I showered and got ready for school. Before leaving, I went into Mom and Dad's room and rummaged through their cabinets and drawers until I finally found my father's gun.
I quickly slipped it into my bag and hurried out of the room, being careful not to be seen by nanny Tessie or her husband Baldo, who also worked as our driver.
"Hey, take care!" nanny Tessie called out to me just before I reached the gate. I cheerfully said goodbye to her. The moment I turned my back, the scowl and the fury returned to my face.
I arrived at the university by bicycle alone. Baldo had wanted to drive me, but in the end I managed to convince him to let me go by myself. The guard at the entrance gate smiled at me the way he always used to whenever I came in. That was how friendly I used to be, always smiling and greeting almost everyone.
I can no longer do that now. Of all the guards, he was the one I was closest to. It seemed he had been on leave for a few days, which explained why we had not seen each other in a while. He frowned and scratched the back of his neck when I walked past without acknowledging him. I simply continued inside with my head down, clutching my bag tightly. He was probably wondering about the way I was acting.
I still attended a few of my classes and flirted and put on an act with Sarah just so I could get her brother Bryan's number. Four o'clock in the afternoon arrived, and I could already feel the eagerness for my plan. I took Misaki's cellphone, which I still had with me, and typed a text message to Bryan. I pretended to be Misaki, hoping he still did not know she was dead.
"Can we meet today?" That was the message I sent him. I knew he had memorized my girlfriend's number, or that it might still be saved in his phone even now. While waiting for his reply, I was already inside the abandoned room, the very place where the incident had happened. I broke the doorknob just to get the door open because going there was now forbidden.
The messy room looked the same as before. The trash was still there, the chairs were still stacked up, and the place still smelled as if it had not been used in a long time. Nothing had changed except for the blood that had been scattered across the floor that night. It seemed their parents were quite good at wiping things clean, just so they could erase the horrible thing their children had done.
I sat on the chair where they had tied me before, turning the knife over in my hand. Even now I could still hear their laughter mixing with Misaki's cries.
"Misaki, is this you? Where are you? I'll come pick you up." As I read his reply, I could not help but laugh softly while shaking my head. Bullshit. This man is really full of himself.
To be continued