Twist.
Turn.
"...shiiiiiia-"
The table cracked as the steel whipped large gouges in the wood.
Naruto blinked, looking at the all but massacred pieces of furniture.
"...well shit." The blond muttered curiously, peering at the long chain. "Who woulda thought...?"
"...whuzaaa...?" Came a sleepy voice.
Naruto turned to see a sleepy, obviously hung-over Sasuke-chan in the door.
"...brokesmuthin?" She mumbled. "...where?"
"Just the table." Naruto shrugged.
"Oh." She nodded sleepily, scratching her bare belly.
Naruto sighed.
"...Do I even want to know why you have a loose, bare-belly shirt and silk pants on?" He asked tiredly.
"Comfy." Sasuke-chan said with a yawn, before grabbing the freshly made coffee Naruto made just a few minutes before and chugging it without even swallowing.
Naruto blinked.
"That was hot, you know." He pointed out. "It was boiling just a few minutes ago."
"The pain. The pain." Sasuke-chan deadpanned, before shaking herself more into wakefulness. "...man... what have you done to my table?" She muttered.
There was a brief tremor and Naruto winced.
"...no worse than what I just did to your zen garden."
Sasuke blinked owlishly.
"...dude... you just did NOT blew up my fabulous rock garden." She said, eyebrow twitching. "I specifically put the big fucking seal there as a warning!"
"Ah. So THAT is what blew up." Naruto snapped his fingers. "Good to know."
"You ain't LISTENING!" Sasuke-chan hissed, looming over him. "This garden was the ONLY FUCKING PLACE that Itachi HATED in the whole compound! I kept it fucking pristine! It was my fucking anti-weasel oasis! I could reach my Itachi-hate zen there! And you just blew it fuck UP?!"
"Feh. You're whining like an old hag. Get over it." Naruto sniffed.
"Old hag? OLD HAG?!" Sasuke growled, pulling down her top. "Do THOSE look 'OLD HAG' to YOU?! HUH?!"
"...get away from me, you bastard!" Naruto snapped.
"Correct form's a bitch when I'm like this." Sasuke-chan sniffed. "How many times do I have to tell you?"
"I'm not catering to your fucking delusions." Naruto snorted. "And stop flashing me, you freak." He blinked. "Didn't you hate being called a bitch?"
"I hate being called a skank." Sasuke-chan shrugged. "But I can be a first class bitch."
"Yep." Naruto started nodding, before he caught himself. "...son of a-!"
Sasuke-chan smirked, lighting a menthol cigarette.
"Point for me." She said smugly.
"...freak."
"So, what's on the agenda?" Sasuke, in his male form again, lazed on the roof, while Naruto worked on a large scroll below.
"Well, I think we can swing by the Coral, like we talked about."
"Coral?" Sasuke perked up. "That's near-"
"Yeah, yeah... We can get your little fucking toy as well."
"Cool." The Uchiha relaxed, puffing on his cigarette. "Why Coral, though?"
"Because from what I remember, it will have that little fucking twerp Hideki. I intend to clean this fucker out for every penny he has." Naruto smiled evilly. "Siccing his daddy on me, would he? He may be the daimyo's son, but no one fucks me over!"
"Man... he doesn't remember that. Fuck, technically it ain't happened!" Sasuke sighed. "Give it a rest."
"Screw that. Let him explain to his daddy why he lost everything he had and ended up in debt." Naruto growled. "He gets on my nerves anyway. Don't complain - you get to play."
Sasuke blinked.
"I do?"
"You do."
"...Heh... heh heh heh..." Sasuke grinned nastily, shifting to female. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
Naruto cringed.
Sasuke loved his, hers... whatever, 'queen bitch' laugh far too much.
"Shut the FUCK up you freak!" The blond snapped. "I'm trying to work here!"
Sasuke glared, Sharingan spinning.
"Don't interrupt me when I'm in my happy place!" She hissed venomously.
"So, we've got the summoning..." The jinchuuriki closed the scroll, placing it on the pedestal. "Now..."
With a single seal, over twenty clones appeared.
"You know the drill, guys." He threw a small scroll each. "Seal up. Self release in case of any changes. One gets unsealed every shift. Self dispel about the same. You see the change on the seal, summon."
The clones nodded, reaching for the brushes he left behind and starting to craft the simple containment arrays.
He never cracked the Hiraishin, though not for the lack of trying. But summoning himself? Oh yeah. He could do that. The scroll was huge and without Kage Bunshin helping with the drawing it would take at least several days to create. Not to mention he sincerely doubted anyone save himself, or maybe the Hokage would be able to use it. It required enough chakra to kill any normal jounin immediately simply via chakra exhaustion.
'...fuck. I still don't get how could Yondy get over that limitation...'
His clones would monitor the scroll and after a signal, yank him and Sasuke back via previously prepared sequence.
It cost enough power to make even him tired, but was worth it.
'Pity I can't simply mark places and go to them. Those scrolls are bitch and a half.' He grimaced.
"Yo, bastard." He looked up to Sasuke, who was playing with his yo-yo. "You up to buying us a ship?"
The Uchiha threw him a long, suffering stare.
"Can't you simply build us one?" he grumbled.
"I could, but for one, it would take time, for two, it would require a thousand clones working AT the place. I can't send them so far, without sealing them first. They fade over a distance longer the kilometer."
And that was a real pain in the ass.
Since he had such huge chakra reserves and the Kyuubi, he could cheat by simply sealing them in the scrolls and having them unseal each other over time, since the fading process was gradual. Still, that shit was tiresome as hell.
"...and yet another boat I'm buying that you'll end up blowing the fuck apart." Sasuke sighed, jumping down and pocketing his yo-yo.
"You want to be there in three days or two weeks?" Naruto said pleasantly.
"Yeah, yeah... I still say we need to get something that flies one of these days."
"Well go and steal Doto's airship, then." Naruto said sourly. "I'll wait for you."
"Who said anything about stealing." Sasuke shrugged. "Build one, oh great scientist."
"The fact that I have no freaking idea how aside, I don't have time, materials or humongous amount of cash, tools and resources for that and..." he halted, his eyes unfocused.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Next time around we're going to Snow country." The blond said finally.
"Stealing the airship?" Sasuke asked with interest.
"No. You reminded me of something. One of their chakra armor units has a functional glider built into it. I want to see how it works."
"There was also this Deidara guy... doesn't he use some kind of clay... thing to fly?"
"Yeah. Mechanics of that escape me, but I can look into it." Naruto nodded. "But that's for later. Go and buy us that fuckin' ship. I'll join you later on. I need to have a thing or two bought."
Sasuke nodded, vanishing in the swirl of Shunshin.
A second later, a clone appeared in front of Naruto, a scroll in his palm.
"That was quick. Complete?"
The clone shrugged, dispelling itself.
Naruto blinked as the info hit him.
"...oh yeah..." he chuckled, putting the scroll into one of his pouches. It would make the travel quick, if incredibly hard on the ship. "Eh. I'll need to seal it together anyway. Or it'll fucking break apart."
It was a pity Konoha wasn't closer to some port. He'd just do like the last time and use a thousand clones to build himself a ship.
"Well, no sense in stalling, hmm?" He looked at the chain he had hauled from the kitchen.
The weapon, for that was what it was, was incredibly interesting. Tenten just wanted to create a more responsive, more resilient weapon by allowing it to channel chakra easily. Only instead of making it channel as one, she made each link channel on its own. While it SHOULD be a failure, since each piece had channeled a little less power than the last, bleeding it off until lost its potency halfway through flowing through the weapon - well, unless you overpowered it to the freakish degree Naruto could. But Tenten was a blacksmith, while Naruto was a seal master. Where she saw a failure, Naruto saw promise.
A huge promise.
He had spent a whole morning tweaking each link with a simple, if effective seal, burned with home-made acid straight into the metal and later blood-marked.
If he was right...
He grabbed the long chain.
"Well, let's see..." He channeled a bit of energy through the chain.
A blond eyebrow rose up.
"...Nothing?"
He increased chakra.
Then again.
And again.
His eyebrow twitched.
"...Okay, now I'm starting to get a little-" he blinked as the weapon fell apart in his hands. "Well fuck."
The blond sighed forlornly, turning to the exit.
"Back to the drawing bo...ard?" he stopped, hearing a faint jingle.
He moved his body.
Nothing.
He moved his hands.
"...and here it is..." The jinchuuriki muttered hearing the metallic sound again. "What the hell?"
He raised his hands slowly, only to notice a faint tug on his fingers, forearms and elbows. His eyes widened.
"...oh you're SHITTING me!"
The blond turned to see the pieces of the chain follow the movement of his fingers, arms and hands in general.
"...oh my..." Naruto breathed. "Now this... this might have... potential." He grinned.
The blond was humming happily, his new toy slung over the torso diagonally.
The thing was bloody awesome once he started to understand just what it could do. He couldn't wait to see the envy on the bastard's face - Sasuke would be crying that he didn't notice the weapon earlier, and Naruto just found the awesome alternative to the stabby things Sasuke loved so much.
"Him and his fucking sword... bah." Naruto snorted. "Who needs that thing?"
Still, the thing was wicked cool. With emphasis on wicked.
'Well now I have my own toy. Heh heh.' The jinchuuriki grinned. 'When Sasuke sees it...'
He halted, frowning.
'...what is she-'
"Uzumaki."
Naruto sighed at the severe tone.
'...Geez...'
"What do you want, Ino?" He turned to her.
"What I want to know is what have you done to Sasuke-kun!" She snapped angrily.
"...me?" He blinked. "What the hell are you-"
"Don't lie to me, idiot!" She growled. "I saw that... that..." She scowled. "What did you do to him, dead last? When forehead girl told me that he used that... stuff. I didn't believe her but the way he's acting it is OBVIOUS he's not okay!" She grabbed his by the lapels. "What have you done to my Sasuke-kun, dead last?!"
Naruto blinked owlishly.
"...Uh, I have no idea-"
"I saw him henge into a girl! A GIRL!" She snapped. "And I saw how she... he... aaarrggh! Whatever! This is YOUR jutsu! You think I don't know?! What is that? Some stupid BET or something?! I demand you release him at once and-mmmppphh!"
Ino froze as Naruto's lips met her own.
The other blond grabbed her roughly, his hand sliding down her spine in a way that left the girl suddenly shuddering as a wave of warmth hit her.
She moaned, opening her lips, only to have their kiss grow hotter and more involved with each passing second. Ino didn't even notice when he stopped holding her and SHE instead started holding him. Drawing him in with almost savage need as she grabbed his hair, kissing him wildly. Her leg slid over his outer tight and...
Ino blinked as Naruto let her go and she slid down, kneeling dazedly.
"...whaaa?" She muttered, flushed and trembling slightly from the sudden lack of warmth her impormptu kissing partner's body provided.
"Yep. Still shuts you up as good as always." Naruto nodded with satisfaction. "Toodles, Ino-chan."
The blonde sat on the path, blinking owlishly.
"...huh?"
"So she ain't here?"
The older man shook his head.
"She left for some sort of training with her team." Kazuya explained. "Is something the matter?" He eyed the chain over Naruto's arm.
"I just wanted to show her something." Naruto tapped the chain.
"You actually bought this?" The old man said with interest. "It is fairly useless for its price."
"Is it?" Naruto smiled faintly and the older man's eyes widened as several of the links seemed to 'break away' from the weapon.
"...Well now this wasn't in the original design..." he muttered with surprise.
Naruto grinned.
"So, where can I find her?"
Naruto winced at the familiar smell of menthol.
"Aren't you supposed to be buying us a fucking ship, bastard?" He said with irritation.
"Already did." Sasuke said lazily, twirling his yo-yo. "An agent here in Konoha had a nice boat for sale. Little big but we should be okay with Kage Bunshin."
"Oh." the blond blinked. "Wait... you mean we could have bought a boat HERE instead of haggling THERE each time and we didn't know it?!"
Sasuke shrugged.
"...oh this is SO fucking unfair..." Naruto muttered.
"Well at least we know now." He looked at Naruto. "I met the blonde pest sitting on the side of the road. What did you do to her?" He asked with interest. If Naruto had good fangirl-stunning jutsu...
"Remember that thing Anko did to me the second time?" Naruto smirked.
"The 'welcome back' kiss, with groping and all?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Well, that was as close to sex as it got without penetration and with the clothes on." He blinked. "...you didn't."
Naruto grinned.
"You did." Sasuke sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"And I even pressed a nice set of near-orgasm points. She's a nice quivering mass of raw nerves now. Heh." The blond whistled cheerfully.
"She's a pest! Why the hell do you even bother?"
"Well unlike you I tend to be a gentleman." Naruto sniffed.
"...says the guy who threw a naked kunoichi in the pile of nettles after tattooing her ass, back and breasts. Without painkillers."
"She deserved it." Naruto shrugged. "Besides, it was a nice tattoo."
Sasuke nodded.
"And the one in front was cool." He smirked. "She couldn't wear the bra for so long..."
"See? All kinds of benefits." Naruto said pleasantly.
Sasuke popped his cigarette in his mouth, lighting it with a snap of his fingers.
"So, the hell we're waiting for?"
"I need to show something to Tenten." Naruto smirked. "I finally figured how this thing works." He frowned. "And dude... this is the freaking last time I tweak with something while drunk. I never know just what the hell I did afterwards."
"You say that every damn time." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "So, what the does this thing do?"
"Wait and see. We're here." He pointed out.
"...oh gods. Not HIM." Sasuke shuddered, looking at Gai, who was hugging Lee and ranting about 'flames of youth'. "This guy creeps me out."
"Hey, you spent some fifteen-odd repeats learning taijutsu from him." Naruto pointed out. "If anything, you should be inoculated to this stuff."
"Are you kidding?" Sasuke glared at him. "The exposure only made it WORSE!"
"Wuss."
"Spend some time learning from him and THEN we'll see." The Uchiha scion scowled only to halt and pale. "On the other hand, don't. Please. Just don't."
They were crazy as it was. The world didn't need a second Maito Gai clone around, especially one with Naruto's mind, volatile nature and determination.
"Yo, Tenten!" Naruto waved enthusiastically.
The girl stopped trying to plant a handful of kunai in Neji's chest and blinked, looking at the waving blond.
"Oh. Hey Naruto." she looked at the chain and winced slightly. 'He's probably here to give it back... damn!'
Neji frowned, looking at the duo. The last Uchiha he, of course, recognized at once. The other escaped him until he heard the name.
'Ah. Uzumaki Naruto, the loser from the year below us.' He scoffed.
Why would Tenten associate herself with such trash was beyond him.
"Sorry, we're training and-" Tenten started, only to blink as she felt Gai's hand on her shoulder.
"And you must be the youthful students of my esteemed rival!" He said, looking at the two oddly. "I must say, I am surprised!"
Naruto blinked, while Sasuke scowled.
"What brings you here, my youthful comrades?"
Naruto looked at Gai.
To be honest, even after so many repeats, he couldn't figure the man out. On one hand, he was nuts. His enthusiasm or his dedication weren't faked in the least. He appeared to be over enthusiastic, corny, outlandish and over the top moron he looked like, but...
There were moments when something flashed through that 'garish moron's' eyes. Something both deep and unsettling. All nins had a darker side but... it wasn't it. Gai freaked him out. The man was far from stupid and almost absurdly observant in some ways.
And now he was giving them far too odd look to be considered just idle curiosity.
"I heard my esteemed rival was harsh with his two cute pupils." He nodded sadly. "Suspension... But worry NOT!" the man took his infamous 'nice guy' pose. "Tis a tough love, but love none the less! One must be harsh at times to show true kindness! This is the compassion of the master! Do not despair, young comrades! Under those strenuous conditions, your youth will bloom like the grass breaking old concrete! So much stronger! So much more youthful!"
"Gai-sensei!" Lee said, tears in his eyes. "You are an inspiration to us all!"
Naruto backed up a step, while Sasuke nervously reached into his pocket for another cigarette.
"...how SAD!" Gai's eyes shone. "HOW SAD! Your sensei's harsh lesson drove you into the clutches of the un-youthful addiction!" Tears appeared in the older man's eyes. "But fear not, the youthful students of my rival! I, Maito Gai, the magnificent Green Beast of Konoha, shall stand with you in your hour of trial!" He smiled widely. "You are not abandoned! I will help you to rekindle that great burning spirit of your youth inside your youthful SOULS!" His eyes blazed.
"...huh?" Naruto blinked.
Sasuke piched the bridge of his nose.
"Remember, taijutsu only! And Lee, my cute student, remember that it is only sparring!"
"Yes, Gai-sensei!" the mini-Gai nodded enthusiastically, taking a standard Gouken stance in front of Naruto. "Whenever you're ready, Naruto-san!"
"...why am I doing this again...?" The blond muttered with irritation.
"Because if you don't, he won't shut up and will keep hounding is for a week." Sasuke said flatly. "Just kick his ass and we can get the fuck out of here before he gets more of his... ideas." The Uchiha heir shuddered.
Neji raised an eyebrow.
"Do not give him false hope, Uchiha. His fate is that of a loser."
"NEJI!" Tenten snapped.
"About the only loser I see here is you, Hyuuga." Sasuke said with a bored tone, twirling his yo-yo up and down lazily.
Neji snorted.
"Big words for somebody who can't let go of foolish toys."
Neji's eyes widened, before chakra exploded.
Tenten blinked in astonishment.
'...that's the Kaiten! But why would Neji-?'
Sasuke yanked back the yo-yo, raising an eyebrow.
"Surprised, Uchiha?" Neji sneered. "This is the Hyuuga Clan's power. The ultimate defense of Kaiten, backed by the eyes superior to any dojutsu in the world." He smirked. "Those eyes see every-"
The kaiten erupted again as yo-yo blurred.
Neji frowned, spinning.
'Fool. I see his every attack. What is he trying to accomplish?'
Sasuke twisted his wrist calmly, letting the yo-yo twist and turn, hitting kaiton from several angles time after time in a red blur, repelled by the chakra barrier.
Time and time again, the red toy was repelled.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, snapping his hand rapidly.
"Sasuke-san, Neji's defense is-" Tenten's eyes widened as the blur of chakra thinned, vanishing.
For a moment, there was a brief triumph on Neji's face, before a loud snapping sound resounded in the air. Neji's eyes bulged and the Hyuuga genius squeaked and slumped as Sasuke calmly snapped his yo-yo back.
Neji's eyes teared up, a faint whimper making out of his lips.
Tenten and Gai stared at the defeated genius with sheer disbelief.
"This is a yo-yo." Sasuke deadpanned at the Hyuuga, who was clutching his groin and whimpering in agony. "Bitch."
There was a loud crash and Gai and Tenten blinked, seeing Lee's silhouette swinging by them with a loud scream. His leg was held by the kusarigama, only to be yanked up and then down again by Naruto who was standing on one of the taller trees and swinging his chain. Judging by the fact that Lee looked greener than his jumpsuit, it was far from the first turn.
"You give?" Naruto called to the spandex-clad boy.
"N-N...ever!" Lee shouted back heroically.
"Suit yourself." Naruto shrugged, channeling a little bit of chakra into the chain and snapping it upwards, releasing the young taijutsu user.
Needless to say, with the velocity and rapid nature of the move, as well as Lee being rather sick after the mad swinging that Naruto had been subjecting him to, Lee's landing was far from graceful or painless.
Even Gai winced as Lee broke a tree, falling through the branches with a dull thud.
Naruto raised an eyebrow looking at his chain.
"...you know what, I think I'm beginning to get your fascination with that yo-yo of yours..." He muttered to Sasuke walking up to the group. "Something wrong?"
Tenten just pointed at Neji.
Naruto's eyebrow shot up as he looked the whimpering mass of pain that used to be a proud Hyuuga prodigy some yo-yo KO before.
Naruto looked at Sasuke, who shrugged, snapping yo-yo up to his palm.
"You just absolutely had to do it, didn't you?" Naruto scowled. "This your fucking time of the month or something?"
Tenten walked into her home in a slight daze. While seeing Neji... well, owned so casually was beyond surprising, the chain was something else.
'...how?'
The weapon was useless. It was supposed to be able to detach, true, but... Nowhere near this level of complexity. Naruto just had shown her the basics - she was far from stupid. And yet she didn't understand what had been done to that chain. In a span of... what, a day?
"Interesting friends you make, Tenten."
The young weapon mistress yelped, before calming down.
"GRAMPS!" She growled. "Kami... Would you STOP doing that please?!"
The old man chuckled.
"Now what kind of fun would be that?"
Tenten gritted her teeth. It was pointless. He had been this way since she could remember.
"How has your training gone?"
"It didn't." Tenten sighed, putting her weapons away. "Or rather it ended with both Lee and Neji in the hospital."
"So, young Rock managed to score some hits on the infamous Hyuuga pride?" The old blacksmith smirked. "Good for him."
"Actually, Lee got manhandled by the very chain I sold Naruto yesterday. Neji..." Tenten didn't know if to wince or to smirk. "Well, let's just say that he'll be singing soprano for some time."
Kazuya chuckled.
"Couldn't happen to a better person."
"Gramps! Don't say that! He's my team-mate." Tenten snapped. "...even if it IS technically true..."
The old blacksmith chuckled, before frowning thoughtfully.
"We had a most interesting visit from one of our patrons today. Yes... Most interesting visit." Kazuya nodded. "Have you seen your chakra kusari-gama lately?"
"The one I sold to Naruto? Yes." She nodded. "I saw what he had done with it. Not only had he got it to channel properly but that string thing and disconnection..." Tenten shook her head. "I never even thought that was possible."
"Oh it isn't." Kazuya sat by the table, lifting a pipe with a thoughtful look. "Not unless the weapon had been helped along by an accomplished fuuin master.
Tenten's eyes widened.
"...master? But..."
"I wonder... who could have helped that boy...?" Kazuya frowned. "Those kinds of seals... Jiraya-sama? Hmm..."
"Actually... Naruto didn't mention any help..." Tenten said slowly.
Kazuya blinked, before frowning.
"Tenten... I find that hard to believe. This kind of work isn't something a novice can do, no matter how talented. One would need to know his craft, be taught it for years. For a freshly minted genin to be taught it since..." He trailed off, his eyes widening.
"Gramps?" Tenten asked tentatively. "Grandpa?"
"...I should have known. Of course, it doesmake sense..." Kazuya mumbled, almost biting his pipe. "That old monkey...! Heh."
"...I have no freaking idea what you're talking about, gramps." The girl muttered flatly.
Kazuya looked up, a spark of almost uncanny excitement in his eye.
"Tenten, what can you tell me about this Uzumaki Naruto?"
"So which port are we talking about? The northern or the-"
"Neither of them, actually." Sasuke pointed at the map. "Little to the south of Konoha there is a small, midland fisher bay with a river. I told them to get the boat there. From there we can navigate easily to the open sea."
"Not bad. Saves us a few hours of travel, at the least." Naruto scratched his chin thoughtfully. "From there on we can go to the shores of Sunflower Island."
"Going around Kiri would be faster." Sasuke grumbled.
"Yeah, and either get attacked by pirates, crash on one of the reefs or get jumped by Kiri nins. Especially with you on board." Naruto rolled his eyes. "Excellent idea. Just freaking genius right here."
"Feh. I can take them." The Uchiha sneered, taking a drag from his cigarette.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. This is my vacation time. Fighting can wait." He rolled the map. "So let's grab the stuff and get the hell out of here. Road-trip time."
"Well there is one small problem with that." Sasuke frowned thoughtfully. "We kind of can't."
Naruto halted, turning to Sasuke.
"...what did you just say?" He asked in a dangerous tone.
"Hey, you're the one who wanted it to be squeaky legal clean." Sasuke shrugged. "As suspended nin, we need the papers signed by our commanding officer to leave the village."
Naruto slumped.
"...oh hell..."
"Why are you so damn concerned about the legalese anyway." Sasuke frowned. "Let's just grab our stuff and go. They're gonna give us... what, a C-class rating? At best. That's like saying 'come back whenever you want to'."
"I want it to be squeaky clean and LEGAL because there is a nice little festival in Wind's capital three weeks from now. One that happens every ten years, lasts for a week. Free booze. Free food. And ladies get free reign. Now Suna is allied with Konoha - the very moment we get there as missing-nin..." Naruto snapped his fingers. "They get us like that. Infiltrate one city I can. Drink, whore and have a good time for a week straight as a wanted man under the nose of the ANBU that will be swarming that city I can't."
"Ah." Sasuke nodded. "I was almost afraid you became all law-abiding all of a sudden."
Naruto threw Sasuke a withering look.
"Don't insult me, bastard."
"...son of a bitch!"
Sasuke blinked.
"Gone! Gone, that apathetic fuckin'...!" Naruto snarled, kicking at the wall.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, noticing the indentation.
"Chill, moron." He said calmly, despite his own irritation. "What do you mean 'gone'?"
"His neighbor said that he asked her to water his plant and said he'll be back in a week." Naruto said darkly. "Wasn't he supposed to have no life?"
"Well, that would explain why he didn't bug us more..." Sasuke said thoughtfully.
"I'm not waiting for that fucking copycat." Naruto seethed. "I want a road-trip!"
"Geez, we can get wasted and whore around in Konoha, you know." Pointed out The Uchiha scion. "And there are plenty of lonely hotties around."
"But Coral has the Ramen Festival. Konoha DOESN'T." Naruto snapped angrily.
Sasuke snorted.
"This explains so much."
"Shut up! This is serious!" Naruto turned on his heel.
"Where are you going?" Sasuke blinked.
"To the Hokage."
"...you want to petition Hokage for a road-trip?"
"Yes."
"That's kind of overkill."
Naruto glared at his friend.
"When it comes to quality ramen there is no such THING as overkill!"
"...and you call me disturbing." Sasuke muttered. "As if the Hokage is going give you a permission to leave the village to gorge on twenty different kinds of ramen.
"Not twenty but seventy six." Naruto sniffed haughtily. "Follow my lead, and it's going to be okay."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Oh ye of little faith." Naruto sighed and patted Sasuke's back. "Trust me. I know what I'm doing."
Sandaime Hokage blinked owlishly.
"You want me to revoke the orders of your jounin sensei to do... what?"
"Promote interpersonal relations and tactical cooperation of the elements of Team 7 by the recreational bonding experience." Sasuke said seriously.
Naruto nodded solemnly.
"We decided that our lack of cooperation and personal animosities can prove a danger to the cohesive nature of the team." He said gravely. "After our last brain-storming session helped along by the experienced council of older shinobi in the informal setting, we decided that the lack of teamwork would prove fatal to any future endeavors of team 7."
"Would that informal setting be perchance the Indigo bar, assisted by stimulants in the liquid form?" The Sandaime raised an eyebrow, his tone mildly sarcastic.
"Hokage's wisdom is astonishing." Naruto nodded seriously, followed by Sasuke.
"Yes. It is indeed the true treasure of experience for us, young genin." The Uchiha said solemnly. "As Hokage-sama would surely understand that in the spirit of the Konoha cooperative values, we want to request a permission to leave the village for such bonding exercise. To promote teamwork values, of course."
Sarutobi didn't know if to laugh, scowl or simply stare at the audacity of the two young pups in front of him.
Not only did they trick the secretary into coming here, but that they could say something like this with the straight face...
Still...
"And how would this... bonding tactical exercise go?"
Sasuke coughed.
"We have managed to secure a boat in an excellent condition, ready to set sail the moment we enter. We would proceed to Coral country, to use the tropical climate and relaxed atmosphere to settle our differences and work out a teamwork pattern that is satisfying to us both."
"I see..." The Sandaime frowned thoughtfully, lighting his pipe.
While he was rather loathe to let either one of them out of the village...
A paper caught his eye.
'Hmm... This just might be useful...'
"And why there is no mention or your third team-mate, or your commanding officer?" He raised an eyebrow with amusement. "If it is to be a team building experience..."
"Kakashi-sensei is not available at this point." Sasuke pointed out. "And both of us have... satisfactory relations with our remaining team-mate."
"Oh is that so. Unavailable, you say. Hmm... Yes." Hokage muttered. "I remember him informing me of two week leave for some private matters." He tapped his desk. "But then, you two were suspended for a reason. Unprofessional conduct unbefitting of Konoha shinobi, I believe?" Sandaime leaned forward. "In light of that kind of circumstances, I am rather... leery of letting you go."
The both boys kept their faces impassive, but Sarutobi could notice the slight tensing of their shoulders.
He chuckled inwardly.
'Not today, boys. This old dog has plenty of tricks left in him.'
"However... I think we might work something out." He smiled faintly. "I have an assignment from the daimyo of Coral country, a simple search and retrieval mission. However, it would require the shinobi assigned to it to travel from one island to another on a possible goose chase. I was thinking of rejecting it, despite the status of the request. Now you mentioned that young Uchiha had bought a sailing boat, hmm?"
Sasuke and Naruto nodded warily.
"I have a deal for you, gentlemen." Sarutobi said pleasantly. "You act as the chartered boat for the duration of the mission and I let you out of the village to have your... teamwork exercise." He smiled. "I might even drop the demerit from your pay and add it as the official mission to your files."
"Hey... she's niiiiice." Naruto breathed, looking at the sleek, honey-brown boat. "How much did she cost you?"
"More than I want to remember." Sasuke shook his head. "You better win big, dobe."
"No sweat. If anything, with this beauty we can go to Coral, then to Moon and back if we're feeling particularly greedy." He smirked, tapping the boat's side. "Sexy little thing, aren't you? Mmm! Oh yeah. I'm gonna ride you fast and hard."
"Not too hard." Sasuke scowled. "I want her to last. You are NOT tinkering with her."
"But-!" Naruto protested.
"No. She's cool. She's sleek. She's NICE. And she STAYS that way. Get me?" The raven haired teenager growled.
"...coward." Naruto muttered. "But you'd understand the need, baby, right? The need for speed? Mmm?" He nuzzled the wood. "Yes you would, yes you would!"
"And you call me a freak?" Sasuke smirked, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked at the sky. "Hmm..."
He grabbed his bags, walking into the cabin.
"Hey, she's even got a kitchen!"
Naruto blinked, walking on deck and looking it over curiously.
"You're kidding."
"Nope. Fully stacked too. She's like a home!"
"And a luxurious one, at that." Naruto muttered, inspecting the wood and the quality of the varnish.
Everything was simple, but excellently made. No sign of opulence anywhere - just solid craftsmanship.
"Sweeet." He muttered, throwing his stuff in the cabin. "She even has small separate rooms. Nice piece of a boat. Covered control room, too." He walked out, shedding his jacket. It was hot as hell as it was. "Well, that mission might not be so..." His eyes widened.
"...oh shit..."
Sasuke walked up from the cabin, a white t-shirt instead of his usual blue bell-collar shirt on.
"What is-" he blinked. "...hey, isn't that...?"
"Yep." Naruto nodded.
"And didn't you...?"
"Yep."
"Permission to come aboa...rd...?" Inuzuka Hana trailed off looking at the blond mop of hair.
Then down at the face.
"Well would you look at that..." Hana purred with a decidedly predatory grin.
Hana blinked as she saw the gaggle of blue-clad (you are NOT wearing that shit!) clones moved around the ship, unfastening the mooring lines, setting sail and working about every little detail in complete silence and without missing a step.
"It amazes me every time I see it."
She turned to the side with a surprise, only to see a young, raven-haired woman in what was probably one of the skimpiest bikinis ever.
Aside from a loose jacket and pair of round sunglasses, she had nothing else on and Hana could see that yes, the girl had gorgeous figure models would kill for.
Only...
She sniffed, her eyes widening. The smell was similar, if female and...
"...Uchiha...?" She muttered with disbelief. "What the...?!"
"Getting a tan." The neo-girl shrugged, grabbing a white mattress and unrolling it on an upper deck. "The sun's great. Shame to waste it." Sasuke-chan peered over her sunglasses. "Don't worry, the dobe has everything in hand."
"...not that but..." Hana muttered, eying the large, though not huge and quite perky breasts.
"Oh. Those? Cool, ain't they?" Sasuke smirked "Wanna see?" She leaned forward.
"...huh?" Hana blinked, before taking a step back. "No, no...! I mean... I don't need to!"
"Suit yourself. Wanna join me?" She pointed at the deck. "It's a few days till we reach Coral. Getting some sun wouldn't hurt."
"...ah. No. thanks. I... don't have a bathing suit." Hana shook her head slowly.
"That?" Sasuke shrugged. "That's just for port. Naruto would have a fit otherwise. Once we are on the open sea I can do it properly."
Hana blinked owlishly.
"...you mean...?"
"Girl, you expect me to waste this gorgeous body with some tan lines?" Sasuke-chan sniffed. "Please."
"...oh. Right." Hana nodded slowly. "I think I'll... join Uzumaki by the controls."
"Whatever floats your boat." Sasuke-chan sat on the mattress. "Ah. Before you go, could you rub the oil on my back?" She pouted. "There is no Naruto clone around when he's needed. So like a man."
Hana entered the small room with a steering wheel, only to blink at Naruto who was sitting comfortably on the chair by the steering wheel, putting some tobacco into a brown pipe.
Which wouldn't be all that surprising, if not for the fact he had somehow managed to get his hands on an actual captain's jacket, with shiny buttons and all. It was unbuttoned, resting on his shoulders like a coat. Hana was surprised to find that it actually looked good on him, giving him kind of sophisticated roguish appeal.
In front of Naruto there was a clone, also in blue.
"...the sails are in perfect conditions, the ship is fully capable of leaving the dock on your command, captain."
"Very well, Mr. Uzumaki," Naruto nodded gravely, putting the pipe in between his teeth and making two lazy seals. A small arc of electricity started jumping back and forth in between his fingers and he used it to light the tobacco. "My sincere congratulations to the mechanic Uzumaki and first mate Uzumaki. Splendid job as well, Mr. Uzumaki."
The clone preened, standing at attention.
"Thank you sir!" It hesitated. "Sir..."
"Spit it out, Mr. Uzumaki! I don't have all day." Naruto snapped gruffly, puffing his pipe.
"Umm... it is... Sasuke-chan... sir." He swallowed. "The crew tried standard operating procedure of 'avoid the bikini' but... We seem to have failed."
"...good gods!" Naruto mumbled, paling. "Who could have allowed such thing to happen, number one?!"
"The investigation is underway, but so far we... don't know." The clone swallowed. "Shall we stop her?"
"Not 'her', number one! We are not catering to the bastard's delusions!"
Two clones behind the 'number one' look at each other.
"...but she's kind of hot, you know." Shyly pointed out one.
"Yep." The other nodded. "Crazy as all get out, but you can't argue with knockers like these."
"Mr. Uzumaki, Mr. Uzumaki!" Thundered Naruto. "I shall NOT have this... this... MUTINY within my subconscious! I don't care if she is prime grade S hotness of her awesome majesty Mitarashi Anko herself!"
All clones lowered their heads in reverence.
"For she is the true babe." They mumbled in unison.
"Yes, yes she is." Naruto nodded sagely. "But I do not care in this deviant's case! We do NOT cater to the bastard's delusions!" He halted frowning. "Though off the record, Mr. Uzumaki, she IS a seriously hot piece of eye candy." He muttered thoughtfully.
"Aye, captain." Number One smirked.
"Please inform the first mate Uzumaki that we are setting sail immediately. There is no sense in waiting."
"Aye sir. The course?" The clone raised an eyebrow.
"We are setting sail for Coral Island, Mr. Uzumaki."
The clone nodded.
"Aye, aye, sir. Coral Island."
The clone coughed, making several seals.
"Attention, all hands! Attention all hands!" Hana winced at the sudden thunderous quality of the voice.
'...some kind of sound jutsu?'
"The ship is setting sail immediately. The crew is expected to perform it's duties and not leave their assigned stations. The guests are reminded not to trouble the crew for the duration of the procedure. And the crew is NOT supposed to eat RAMEN instead of working!" The 'Number One' glared at the fore of the boat. "Yes, I am talking to YOU, sailor!"
One of the clones put away a steaming bow of cup ramen sheepishly.
There was a brief stint of furious activity on the deck, until it became more sedate. The 'Number One' turned to Naruto.
"Captain, the 'Enterprise' is ready to set sail on your command." The clone said formally.
Naruto smiled faintly, puffing on his pipe.
"Make it so, Number One."
Hana just stared as the clones unrolled the sails.
"Mr. Uzumaki, instruct the crew to prepare the sails for Daitoppa the very moment we are out of the bay. When we hit the open sea, please release the Furou scrolls at medium capacity."
"Aye, captain."
Hana's eyes widened.
Who in their right mind used an A-rank jutsu to propel a ship?
Scratch that, who the HELL named a jutsu 'rough seas' and what did it do?!
'I have a bad feeling about this...'
TBC...
Glossary:
Furou – lit. 'rough seas'