Chapter 3: Diaper Diplomacy and the Art of the Strategic Drool
Ethan spent the next few days in a state of intense mental activity, all while maintaining the outward appearance of a gurgling infant. Lady Elara and Sergeant Gruff, bless their oblivious hearts, remained blissfully unaware that their little Lord Ethan was currently navigating a complex System interface and plotting his escape from babyhood.
The SYSTEM: TUTORIAL MODE remained active, a constant guide in the corner of his vision. After examining his Status, Ethan decided to delve into the Skills section.
He focused his mental energy on option "2."
The screen flickered.
SYSTEM: SKILLS
Passive Skills:
- Enhanced Learning (Innate): +10% Experience Gain (Due to Reincarnation)
- Baby Charm: +1 to Charisma, -5 to Logic (Active)
- Strategic Drool (Locked): Requires 5 Reputation Points
Active Skills:
- None (Seriously? Not even "Cry on Demand"?)
Ethan frowned. Passive skills were nice, but he needed something active to work with. His eyes drifted back to "Strategic Drool." Five Reputation Points? What kind of skill cost that much for a baby?
He focused on the skill description.
SYSTEM: SKILL DESCRIPTION: STRATEGIC DROOL
Allows the user to precisely control the flow, viscosity, and trajectory of their saliva. Highly effective for distracting enemies, short-circuiting electrical devices, and general comedic effect.
Ethan stared at the description. This… this was brilliant! "Strategic Drool"? It was ridiculous, it was absurd, but it was also potentially game-changing. He could see it now: short-circuiting enemy armor, distracting guards with perfectly aimed globules of spit, and generally wreaking havoc with his infant-based bodily fluids.
Five Reputation Points. He needed to earn those points. Fast.
But how? He couldn't exactly apply for a job or start a business. He was a baby!
Then, an idea struck him. A truly terrible, yet undeniably brilliant idea. He glanced at Lady Elara, who was humming a lullaby as she embroidered a tiny tunic.
Above her head, the label shimmered: [Lady Elara - Dutiful Mother. Level 30.]
Dutiful. That was the key. He needed to exploit her Dutiful Mother instincts for Reputation Points.
He started to cry. Not a wail, mind you, but a soft, pathetic whimper. He channeled all his inner acting skills, summoning up images of abandoned puppies and broken video game consoles.
Lady Elara immediately dropped her embroidery and rushed to his side.
"Oh, little Ethan, what's wrong?" she cooed, scooping him up and rocking him gently.
Ethan continued to whimper, occasionally adding a strategically placed sob for extra effect.
Then, he waited.
A few moments later, a new message appeared.
SYSTEM: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
SYSTEM: "MOTHER'S MERCY" - SUCCESSFULLY MANIPULATED A NOBLE THROUGH INFANTILE WAILING. REWARD: 1 REPUTATION POINT.
Ethan nearly choked on his own drool (non-strategic, unfortunately). It worked! He was a terrible person, but it worked!
He continued his performance, occasionally pausing to assess the effectiveness of his crying. Each tear, each whimper, was carefully calculated to maximize his Reputation Point gain.
After about an hour of relentless sobbing (interspersed with moments of genuine baby-related discomfort), the messages continued to roll in.
SYSTEM: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
SYSTEM: "DIAPER DIPLOMACY" - SUCCESSFULLY DELAYED BATH TIME THROUGH ADORABLE PROTESTS. REWARD: 1 REPUTATION POINT.
SYSTEM: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
SYSTEM: "STRATEGIC SPIT-UP" - MANAGED TO PROJECTILE VOMIT ON SERGEANT GRUFF'S MUSTACHE DURING TACTICAL REFUELING. REWARD: 2 REPUTATION POINTS! (BONUS FOR DIFFICULTY).
Ethan blinked. Two points for the mustache incident? Apparently, the System appreciated a bit of chaotic good.
By the end of the day, Ethan had amassed a grand total of six Reputation Points. He had successfully manipulated his caretakers, weaponized his bodily functions, and generally acted like a tiny, Machiavellian overlord.
He could finally unlock "Strategic Drool."
As Lady Elara tucked him into his ridiculously ornate crib, Ethan stared at the SYSTEM: SHOP option. He had a skill to learn, a world to conquer, and an absurdly large amount of drool to unleash.
His reign of terror (or, you know, adorable, baby-sized chaos) was about to begin.
End Chapter 3