All flash of memories i remember a lot pretty hazy and a lot pretty clear. So eager to write those clear one. More than my those life where I had Baek Suho, Wei Jiwu. Xiao Lin made me create huge feelings for him. The momentarily. I don't care about if I like him or love him that way, more than that I just crave his closeness's, clinginess's, his lovesickness. Like they makes me drunk. I am addicted, and i am not getting my dose all those years. A rock like me expected to carry my flower my Xiao Lin with me.
Days past like that with hopeness of finding him, until one day i dreamt something so different. not any of my memory, not as dream. But like a message. A direct message from someone helping me to know about all those things. As like i was waiting for all my life to know exactly why this happened to me. My Xiao Lin. To break my doubt, sure he didn't left me.
I woke up panting heavily like i felt i had grabbed a thousand weight full carriage i took for miles to reach.
My whole body were sore. Then i remembered every simple thing, and my eyes like lingering in horror.
The next morning i was all froze like i got drained out from a death right now. It took me whole day to recover. For the courage to follow up next. I could feel my whole body trembled to take that action. To know further more. Because i might cant take anymore. I cant bare again seeing him with those sacrifices for me he did behind my back. I can't add more pain. But i am also curious. Why the hell those all happened. Why god made me that vulnerable. Why I couldn't do anything for him while he gave me everything he could. Every little thing for me.
The whole day i tried to going out, scroll my phone, start back at gaming or anything to distract me. But i was still in the fear.
Should i really take the step?
The memory unfolding straight front of me?
And I did. Seeing him again. Unveiled everything.