Years passed. The Gems and my father never got off to the best of starts, especially with me in the middle of it all. Garnet and Amethyst hid it with some ease, but Pearl... she never did. To her, I wasn't Rose, and I never would be.
Sometimes I think that moment in the van, when we all seemed to be trying for something semblance of togetherness, was just a slip, a brief illusion that couldn't last.
Well... it doesn't matter. Although, to be honest, I don't know how I didn't see this in the series. To be honest, these topics were never covered, and maybe that was normal. Much less so with me, because I'm not like Steven when he was little; I have a conscience, and I'm not made of pure unconditional love.
Still, I think about the possible future effects and prepare myself little by little. Not as much as I should, I admit, but my body still holds up better than the average child's. Improvement is improvement, and that's enough for me to keep going.
I'm currently eight years old. The Gems are building a kind of cabin, the typical little house where they want me to live with them. It wouldn't be a problem for me, but the issue is my father. Moving would mean leaving him a little more alone, and although it would be more comfortable for both of us, I can't help but feel that heavy feeling in my chest.
I hope you understand, Father. It's not like I'm moving to another continent: it's barely twenty minutes away. Besides, honestly, you've been a good father. You let me do everything that doesn't pose a risk for someone my age, and you taught me how to fix the car. I love that about you.
And well... that's about it.
About training... I confess I feel a little guilty about my slow progress. Are you wondering why? It's simple: I forgot something fundamental. Feelings are the key to using my power. So yes... I've been focusing only on the body, while that part, the most essential, was forgotten. I guess that void I was in before, that strange space where I lost track of myself, affected me more than I care to accept. And I still have a lot to deal with.
A year has passed. My feelings are still afloat, always churning inside me, but the truth is, I feel stuck. I'm strong enough to summon the Pink Diamond Shield, though only for a limited time. I guess because I'm so small, I can't fully maintain it yet.
Still, it's an achievement, isn't it? I wanted to tell the Gems what I achieved, but when I saw Pearl's face... I better kept it to myself. I don't know if it was disappointment, concern, or just that habit of hers of projecting myself in the third person, but something in her gaze made me feel it was best to keep quiet. Maybe she's too used to comparing me, to looking in me for something I'll never be.
Either way, I keep my progress to myself, even though inside I feel like I'm growing more than they imagine. I've even come to think I've surpassed Amethyst in age, although I hope I'm wrong in that assumption.
And speaking of Amethyst... right now she's standing in front of me.
Hey, man," she would say with a smile. "Shall we get some chips?"
Of course, I would answer with a childish smile.
That way, we would both walk.
"What good chips they sell here," I would comment upon seeing the chip stand that appeared in the Steven Universe series.
I would definitely say in my childish voice, as we continued walking along the beach.
Silence followed us until Amethyst spoke:
"Hey, Steven," she said a little nervously.
"Yeah?" I answered calmly.
She, noticing my calmness, relaxed a little, but continued:
"I know you notice Pearl's changes."
She looked at me after saying that, and I remained calm.
"Yeah?" I replied, looking at her.
Well... I hope you forgive her and understand her, she said, stuttering a little from nerves, though she quickly managed to control herself.
I know it's not easy, I said with my childlike face, serious in my own way, to lose someone. Now imagine me, who never even met the person she's grieving for.
Amethyst would tense up. I would look down, and my gem would shine as if responding to my own call. Amethyst, surprised, would stare at me with that brilliance.
But I wouldn't say anything. Was my mother strong? How do we find out? Was she strong? Friendly? Someone trustworthy? Did she have her secrets? I don't know if I can handle this legacy, I would say, my head slightly lowered.
Amethyst would try to comfort me, but that would remain an attempt. I quickly looked up, a tear falling from my eye, which I quickly wiped away. I thought I was tough, but it seems I'm still not strong... or I'm just as much of a crybaby as the original.
As I was saying, looking out at the sea:
I don't have a mother, Amethyst. I don't have a female figure to look up to. Can I look up to someone I don't know what they looked like? I can, but I won't. I'll forge my own path, and I'll be known as Steven Universe, not Rose Quartz's son. I want to build my own destiny. No Rose, just Steven.
I smiled at her with a thousand-volt expression. Amethyst was silent for a few minutes, a calm silence, not at all awkward. Then she giggled and said:
And I thought you'd be depressed, but it seems I worried too much. You're not weak, Steven. Keep going.
I would have looked at her happily, but when I saw the cat-shaped cookie clock in my hands, I was startled.
"Oh no, my dad's going to kill me! I have to go, Amethyst, I have to watch the soap opera with my father." Goodbye, a-a-and goodbye!
So, Steven ran off, leaving Amethyst alone on the beach. She sighed, staring at the horizon, as a figure approached her side.
"So what do you think?" Garnet asked, without her glasses this time, her gesture showing her commitment to Steven.
Amethyst, with a thoughtful expression, replied:
He's strong... too strong. Is it because of his gem half?
Garnet narrowed her eyes. She tried to see Steven's futures, but she couldn't. There were too many, an endless sea of possibilities that overwhelmed her. It's almost impossible to keep track of them all, she thought. Still, deep inside, she felt a doubt: With the way things are playing out... I don't know if we can trust him.
"And how did she take the Pearl thing?" Garnet finally asked.
Amethyst slumped her shoulders and, with an air of resignation, replied, "She understands. She knows what it's like to not have someone important. Humans have mothers, and well... Rose is gone, so she lost someone too."
Garnet was silent for a moment, just staring in the direction Steven had disappeared. Then a small smile appeared on her face.
Let's go, Amethyst. We have to finish the house."
She nodded without adding anything else, and together they started back.
end of chapter 3.