Both of them lay sprawled out side by side under a bright blue sky, with the sun shining down intensely.
The knight half-opened his eyes and caught sight of green trees and soft, neatly trimmed grass — so inviting it almost called him to lie down and take a nap.
—Ouch... my head's spinning. Where are we supposed to be?
—Ugh, I have no idea... but what I do know is that this doesn't look like the interdimensional void —said Joaquín, shielding his face from the sun's rays.
—What do you mean you have no idea!? You're the one who cast the spell!
—And you're the one who made it fail! You shouldn't have resisted it! —Joaquín yelled, completely agitated.
—Oh, forgive me, Dark Lord. My deepest apologies for not dying on time! How inconsiderate of me as a human being —the knight replied with dripping sarcasm.
The knight went quiet for a moment, suddenly paling as a thought crossed his mind.
—Or maybe... maybe we're already dead!
—Speak for yourself! The last thing I want is to spend eternity next to a brainless knight!
—Ah... my honor, my life... I see it all flashing before my eyes...
—Hey! Are you even listening to me!?
—Yeah, yeah, whatever you say...
The knight ignored him and fell silent for a few seconds, letting out a long, deep sigh.
—Anyway... fighting right now won't help. We won't figure out where we are like this. Besides—
The knight brushed his open palm over the grass and said:
—You know... when we're not trying to kill each other... this feeling of peace isn't so bad.
Joaquín also touched the grass lightly and exhaled a long, relaxed sigh.
—Yeah... feels like this place is some kind of sanctuary amidst all the conflict.
—Yeah. It's been a long time since I've seen a sky this blue, or trees this green and full. Thinking about it, and comparing it to our world of chaos and war... it makes me want to protect this little bit of tranquility —said the knight, raising his arm toward the sun as if trying to touch it.
—For once, I actually agree with you on something...
—The breeze flowing over my body isn't bad either. It's refreshing, compared to always swinging my sword around.
—Yeah... feels like a nice, gentle wind.
—Yeah...
—...
Both started sweating. Slowly, they turned their heads to look at each other. No words were needed — they both realized the same thing.
—Aaaaah! —they screamed at the same time.
—My eyes! This is the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my life! —shouted the knight, covering his eyes after seeing the Dark Lord's naked, tan body.
—Hey, don't go overboard, man...
—Put some clothes on, you degenerate!
—Have you looked at yourself!? We're the same, idiot!
The knight looked down and froze as he realized he too was completely naked — except for his helmet.
—Oh, right... I was wondering why my armor felt so light... and why I couldn't feel my greatsword anymore.
—Ha! Now it's just a tiny sword.
The knight turned toward Joaquín with fiery red eyes, walking toward him like an enraged beast.
—What did you just say, you mediocre fool!?
The mage screamed in disgust, stepping back in panic.
—Aaah! G-get that thing away from me!
The scene was suddenly interrupted by murmurs growing louder in the distance.
—Huh...? —they both said, looking around.
A group of children were staring at them. Some were taking photos with their phones, while others screamed and ran away.
—Wait a second... seriously, where the hell are we!? —the knight, wearing nothing but his heavy helmet, looked up quickly. A colorful sign hung above them.
It read in large, cheerful letters:
"Happy Childhood Daycare."
The knight began sweating buckets. His face under the helmet went pale.
—I-I don't really know what that sign means, but it gives off a dangerous aura...
—You're telling me, sir! —said a firm voice as a hand landed on his shoulder.
Turning around, the knight found a man in uniform looking at him calmly.
—Police. Please, I kindly ask that you raise your hands and come with me to the station —said the officer, flashing his badge and tipping his cap politely.
Then, he pulled a small device from his pocket and held it up.
—But first... could you blow into this, please?
The knight frowned at the strange glowing object held up to his face.
—I've never seen such a bizarre artifact. I don't trust it one bit... Why should I blow into it? —he said, tapping the edge of the device suspiciously, as if it were a low-tier magic trap.
—Oh, so you're refusing to cooperate, huh? No problem —the officer said with a smile—. I'll give you two options: either you blow here —he pointed at the device— or here!
He then pulled a taser from his belt and switched it on. Electricity crackled across its prongs, reflecting off the knight's helmet like a sacred thunderstorm.
—A device that can use electricity without a spell!? —said Joaquín, jumping back with a look of astonishment.
The knight lifted his chin proudly.
—By the honor bestowed upon me, I must risk my life in every moment of danger, fighting against evil to create a world where justice reigns and people can smile again.
—And that is why... —the knight continued, suddenly turning around.
He grabbed the mage by the shoulders and placed him right in front of the officer.
—My brave companion has been moved by my words and has decided to take the first step like a true man!
Joaquín turned toward him, a vein pulsing on his forehead, his face a picture of pure inner combustion.
—Where's your honor now, you bastard!?
The knight leaned in and whispered:
—Listen... this is our chance to escape. You're the Dark Lord, right? Why don't you use one of your spells to get us out of this?
Joaquín paused, thinking for a second.
—Hmm... Now that you mention it, maybe an invisibility spell could work...
—I'm leaving it in your hands —said the knight, stepping back slowly as if entrusting him with the fate of the entire kingdom.
The mage pressed his palms together and began chanting.
—My steps are like silk, my body like air... Disappear!
Suddenly, light began to emanate from Joaquín's palms, growing brighter and brighter. The officer, right in front of him, shielded his eyes from the glow.
—Haaa! —shouted the mage, closing his eyes as the energy burst forth.
When it was over, the officer lowered his hand —and froze. Joaquín's ears were gone. The sides of his head were completely smooth and shiny, as if someone had polished them.
—Umm... what just happened? —the officer asked in utter confusion.
The mage blushed faintly as he realized the spell hadn't worked as intended. Tears welled up in his eyes as he slowly turned toward the knight, who stood petrified. Then, a spark of inspiration hit the knight, and he shouted:
—Oh no! It can't be! —he exclaimed, pointing at the mage's head—. That...! Could it be... the famous disease of invisible ears! It's super contagious!
Without hesitation, he grabbed Joaquín by the shoulders and pushed him closer to the officer's face.
—Look at him! He's so malnourished and weak... If we don't act fast, who knows what might happen to him!
The officer broke into a cold sweat, his expression a mix of panic and discomfort.
—O-okay! I'll call the paramedics right now! But please... keep him away from me!
He quickly turned around and pulled out his phone to call an ambulance.
At that moment, the knight hoisted Joaquín up with one hand and bolted down the road.
—Now's our chance, Joaquín! Run!
The officer turned just in time to see the two suspects sprinting down the street —completely naked.
—Hey! Stop right there!
But before he could even take a step, the two had already turned the corner and vanished from sight.
The officer stood staring at the horizon, utterly defeated.
—Why does this always happen to me...? How am I supposed to explain this to my boss!?
[And thus began the new urban legend of the Naked Perverts.]
---
To be continued in Chapter 2...