Chapter 4: Breakfast with Crabs and Other Disasters (Now Featuring Extra Divine Drama and Crustacean Chaos)
**MC POV**
The next morning, I woke up to the peaceful sound of birds chirping in the trees, their melodies weaving through the jungle like a symphony orchestrated by nature itself. For a fleeting moment, it almost felt like paradise. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves overhead, carrying the faint scent of blooming flowers and salty ocean air. The warmth of the sun filtered through the canopy, dappling the ground in golden spots. I stretched my tiny eight-year-old arms, feeling surprisingly refreshed after a night under our makeshift palm-frond shelter. Ah, yes—this isekai life wasn't all bad. No alarms blaring, no lectures to rush to, just me, the wild, and...
"BOMPH!"
A giant foot—well, giant for an eight-year-old—slammed down square on my chest like a divine hammer of judgment. Air whooshed out of my lungs in a pathetic wheeze, and my eyes snapped open to the horrifying sight of Aqua, still half-asleep, using me like her personal futon. Her blue hair was a tangled mess, one arm flopped over her face, and she was mumbling something about "more wine... stupid mortals..." as if she were dreaming of her lost goddess glory days.
"AQUA!" I roared, my voice cracking in a mix of rage and oxygen deprivation. I grabbed her ankle in pure, unfiltered fury—because who wouldn't after being treated like a doormat? "I swear I'll—"
Before she could even register what was happening, I yanked her leg with all the strength my kid body could muster and hurled her straight into the river. She sailed through the air in a graceful arc (okay, more like a flailing tumble), landing with a mighty splash that sent water spraying everywhere like a backyard sprinkler gone rogue.
Aqua: "Wha—?! GLUBLBLBL!! Help—blub—I'm drown—GLUB!"
She surfaced a second later, flailing her arms like she was trying to conduct an underwater orchestra, eyes wide in panic. And the best part? A fat river fish—slimy, silver, and very much alive—was stuck halfway in her mouth, its tail flapping wildly against her cheek. She looked like a cartoon character who'd bitten off more than she could chew... literally.
The sight absolutely broke me. I burst out laughing so hard I rolled across the ground, clutching my sides as tears streamed down my face. "HAHAHA! A goddess defeated by sushi delivery! Ohhh, that's priceless! Look at you—divine water deity, meet your new nemesis: the almighty trout!"
Aqua spat out the fish with a dramatic "PTOO!" and it flopped back into the river, probably traumatized for life. She glared at me, hair plastered to her face like a drowned blue mop, and shouted, "You barbarian! How dare you toss a goddess like common trash? I could have drowned! Or worse—swallowed that disgusting thing whole!"
"Swallowed it? You nearly made it your breakfast burrito!" I wheezed, still on the ground. "Admit it, that was hilarious. Ego, back me up here."
{Ego}: "Observation: Probability of subject 'Aqua' achieving accidental comedy gold: 95%. User reaction: appropriate. Suggestion: Capture more such moments for future blackmail."
One quick drying session later—me fanning her with a giant leaf while she complained about "subpar goddess pampering"—Aqua was sitting cross-legged beside the rekindled fire, still dripping wet and glaring at me with murder in her eyes. If looks could kill, I'd be deader than my old life back on Earth.
Aqua: "You. Are. The. Worst. Roommate. Ever. I demand reparations! A shrine! Offerings! At least a foot massage!"
Me: "Correction: I'm not your roommate. I'm your babysitter. And if you step on me again, next time I'll aim for the deeper part of the river. With rocks."
She puffed up her cheeks like an angry pufferfish, her face turning a shade of red that clashed horribly with her blue hair. She muttered curses under her breath—something about "smite him with holy floods" and "eternal bad luck"—while I cracked open a couple of coconuts I'd scavenged from a nearby tree. The milky liquid inside was sweet and refreshing, and I grilled some more fish over the fire, the aroma wafting through the air like a taunt to our empty stomachs.
Just when the food was ready—golden-brown fish fillets sizzling on our palm-frond grate, coconut halves filled with fresh water—Aqua dove in like a starving shark.
{Ego}: "Observation: The goddess has consumed exactly 1.7 times her share of food while contributing nothing to its preparation. Efficiency rating: 0%. Waste management advisory: User's portion at risk of total annexation."
Aqua's head snapped up mid-bite, fish flakes dangling from her lips. "W-What did that voice just say about me?! Is your head haunted?!"
Me: "It said you eat like a freeloading raccoon. Or maybe a divine garbage disposal. Either way, slow down— that's my fish you're inhaling!"
Aqua: "I AM A GODDESS, NOT A RACCOON! And this is tribute! You should be honored I'm even touching your mortal slop!"
I smirked, popping a piece of coconut into my mouth. "You're a goddess of whining, maybe. Goddess of Water? More like Goddess of Waterworks and Bottomless Pits."
She threw a coconut husk at me, which I dodged with a laugh. Breakfast devolved into a playful food fight—me guarding my plate like a fortress, her sneaking bites with exaggerated stealth that was about as subtle as a fireworks show.
After breakfast (or what was left of it after Aqua's raid), I decided it was time to train. The riverbank was the perfect spot, with that charged water node RBG had sneakily provided humming with energy. I stood ankle-deep in the shallows, moving through the motions of Bang's Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist—redirecting imaginary attacks like flowing water, absorbing force, then countering with rock-smashing power. Mixed in were Jiro's Knocking Techniques: precise strikes on vital points, meant to disable without killing, like poking someone's off-switch.
But combining the two? Harder than I thought. It felt like juggling two oceans at once—one fluid and graceful, the other pinpoint and clinical. My arms flailed a bit, my form sloppy, like a kid trying to pat his head and rub his belly while dancing the Macarena.
Meanwhile, Aqua sat nearby on a rock, "cheering" in the most annoying way possible. She waved her arms mockingly, imitating my moves with over-the-top flair.
Aqua: "Why are you punching the air? It looks stupid! Punch me instead! Or punch fish again—at least that's useful! Ooh, or punch that tree! Make it rain coconuts!"
Me: "…I'm going to punch you if you keep talking. This is serious training, not a comedy routine!"
Aqua: "Heeey! Don't bully the goddess! I'll curse you with eternal itchiness or something!"
Grinding my teeth, I muttered under my breath, "{Ego}, how long will it take to merge these styles into my own martial art? Like, a custom Sunny Special?"
{Ego}: "Estimated time: several years of rigorous practice, assuming no interruptions from environmental hazards or... emotional distractions. Alternative option: grant control to me for integration simulation. Estimated time: 4.2 seconds."
I froze mid-punch, water splashing around my feet. "…WHAT?! You can just... take over?"
Aqua: "W-What what?! Why are you screaming now?! Is the air fighting back?!"
Before I could respond, everything shifted. Suddenly, time stopped. The jungle froze mid-motion—the birds hung in the air like paused video game sprites, the river's ripples suspended like glassy sculptures. Even Aqua's dumb pout was stuck, her mouth half-open in mid-complaint, looking like a bad wax statue.
And I… was back in my old bedroom? The posters of One Piece on the walls, my messy bed, the faint smell of stale pizza crusts under the desk. Sitting on my bed, legs crossed like a smug villain from a bad anime, was none other than RBG, that cosmic Garou-lookalike with galaxies swirling in his eyes.
RBG: "Yo. You're wondering why I called you again, right? Simple. I'm bored. Eternity's a drag without some popcorn-worthy drama."
I clenched my fists, veins popping on my tiny forehead. "You bastard—why pull me out now? I was in the middle of training!"
RBG: "Shhh. Listen up, kid. I've decided to make your life harder. Fun, right? From now on, the One Piece world? Yeah, I'm upgrading it to Cardinal World durability levels—think Slime Tensei vibes, where everything's tougher, bouncier, and way more explosive. Oh, and for extra spice, I'm sprinkling in some tasty monsters from Toriko. Gourmet beasts that could eat Sea Kings for breakfast. Don't say I never gave you anything."
My jaw dropped so hard it nearly hit the floor. "You—you what—? You're turning this into a monster mash-up? I didn't ask for hardcore mode!"
RBG: "Don't thank me all at once. Go be entertaining. Or die trying—either way, ratings gold up here." He winked, then snapped his fingers, and the world dissolved in a swirl of colors.
I roared into the void: "I FUCKING HATE YOU, RBG!!! YOU SADISTIC COSMIC PRICK!"
Time resumed with a jolt. The birds chirped again, the river flowed, and Aqua... well, my rage face must've been something else because she froze for once, eyes wide like saucers. Then, to my utter shock, she shuffled forward hesitantly and... hugged me? Her tiny arms wrapped around my neck, her head pressing against my chest like a clingy puppy.
Aqua: "I-It's okay… I don't know why you're mad all of a sudden, or why you're yelling at the air like a crazy person, but… it'll be okay… Probably. Unless it's my fault, in which case, oops?"
I blinked, stunned. For one fleeting second, she almost felt like a proper companion instead of a walking disaster. Warm, supportive, kinda... sweet? But then reality hit: she was still in the body of an eight-year-old, and I was too. This was just depressing levels of cute overload.
I sighed, patting her back awkwardly. "Damn it… this is just weird. Thanks, I guess."
{Ego}: "Probability the goddess is genuinely concerned: 84%. Probability she is attempting emotional manipulation for more food rations: 12%. Probability I am… irritated by this interaction: 4%."
I narrowed my eyes, pulling back from the hug. "…Ego, are you jealous? Like, AI tsundere mode activated?"
{Ego}: "…Negative. Irritation stems from illogical emotional displays reducing training efficiency. Recommendation: Resume punching air immediately."
Heh. Even my skill was getting tsundere vibes now. Who knew an ego could have an ego?
Later that day, with the sun climbing higher and the jungle heating up like a sauna, we explored deeper into the island. The foliage grew thicker, vines dangling like party streamers gone wrong, and the air hummed with insects that sounded like tiny chainsaws. I noticed trees whose fruits looked edible… and also had teeth? Sharp, fang-like protrusions around the stems—definitely RBG's Toriko influence kicking in already. Great, now even snacks could bite back.
Aqua, of course, was too busy pointing at random things like a hyperactive tour guide. "Ooooh, look at that tree! It's so tall! And that flower—it's blue like my hair! And—AAAAAHHHH!! WHAT IS THAT?!"
A massive Giant River Crab lunged out of the water, its shell glistening like armored bling, claws snapping with the force of industrial shears. It was the size of a small car, eyes on stalks glaring at us like we'd insulted its mother.
Aqua: "I HATE CRABS!! They're pinchy and gross and—SAVE ME, SUNNY!"
She bolted behind me, clutching my shirt like I was her human shield, nearly yanking me off balance. "Do something! Use your punchy stuff!"
I cracked my knuckles, adrenaline pumping. Time to test the fusion. My body flowed like water, redirecting the crab's massive claw strike with Bang's graceful deflection—sliding around it like oil on a pan. Then, channeling Jiro's precision, my fist struck out, hitting a vital point on its underbelly with controlled force.
"FLOWING SEAL FIST!"
The crab froze mid-motion, legs twitching like it was having a bad dream, before collapsing with a heavy thud that shook the ground. Steam rose from its shell—wait, was that from the impact or just jungle humidity? Either way, victory!
Aqua peeked out from behind me, eyes sparkling. "Wait wait wait—'Flowing Seal Fist'? Really? That's your name for it?! That sounds so lame! Like a bad kung-fu movie reject!"
Me: "Shut up! It sounds badass! Epic! Like something Luffy would yell!"
{Ego}: "Correction: Naming sense = questionable. Alternative suggestions: 'Aqua-Dunk Punch' or 'Crab-Crusher Special.' Probability of user accepting feedback: 2%."
"NOT YOU TOO! Traitor!"
Dragging the unconscious crab back to camp was pure hell. It was heavy as a boulder, smelled like river muck mixed with old gym socks, and Aqua kept nagging the whole way. "Hurry up! My arms are tired from... supervising! And watch out for that root—oops, too late!"
I tripped, face-planting into the sand, crab landing on my back. "AQUA!"
But once we got it back and grilled the meat over the fire—cracking open the shell with rocks, the flesh inside steaming and juicy—oh gods, the taste. Sweet, rich, perfectly tender, like gourmet seafood from a five-star restaurant. Toriko monsters for the win?
Me: "This… is divine. Literally better than anything back home."
Aqua: (mouth full, cheeks bulging) "Mhmhmhmhm—delish! More!"
{Ego}: "Observation: The goddess is again consuming your portion. At current rate, user starvation imminent in 3.2 days."
Me: "AQUA! Spit that out! That's my claw!"
Aqua: (gulp, smirking with crab juice on her chin) "…Too late. Finder's keepers!"
I buried my face in my hands, groaning. "I'm going to starve to death because of you, aren't I? Death by divine gluttony."
Aqua: (grinning wickedly) "Yep~. But hey, at least I'll mourn you... over seconds."
That night, full stomach or not (mostly not, thanks to her), we collapsed by the fire under the starry sky. Aqua clung to me in her sleep like a koala on a eucalyptus tree, snoring softly. I stared at the twinkling lights above, pondering my messed-up existence.
"Why… why is this my life? Isekai'd, kid-ified, paired with a crybaby goddess, and now fighting gourmet crabs?"
{Ego}: "Answer: Because RBG is a sadist. Probability of future escalations: 100%. Recommendation: Stockpile food away from subject 'Aqua.'"
Couldn't argue with that. But as annoying as it all was, with the fire crackling and Aqua's warmth against my side, it didn't feel entirely awful. Just... hilariously doomed.