Have you ever regretted making a decision in your life, a decision that would cost you pain, a decision that would always come back to haunt you, that's exactly how I feel. Regretting, wishing I never made the decision to go shopping that day, maybe by now my mom would still be alive, maybe by now we would do things like other moms and daughters; going outing, cooking together, driving around the streets maybe even go to mom's workplace.
I truly wished five year old me hadn't told mom that we should go to the mall that day, maybe if mom had refused saying she was tired or too busy with work we wouldn't have left the house that day .
I remember vividly how it all happened the lastest barbie doll collection was out and like every other girl my age I was in love with barbie more like obsessed with barbie, mom had just come back from work that evening I ran to her excitedly telling her about the new barbie collection that had been released. But before the barbie collection was released they had been advertising it all summer I told mom that the moment it was released, I really wanted to get the doll and she promised me saying no problem on the day it will be out we would go get it.
Dad was out of the country he was on a business trip in another country
Mom only begged me to let her freshen up, after that we were on our way to the mall , I was really excited about the doll because it was a way to show off to my friends that I had the latest doll .
The moment we arrived at the mall , I told mom that we should hurry up or else it would be sold out, calm down Cassie am sure we are among the first few to get this collection and true to her words we were even the first to get the doll. I was so happy that mom got the doll even though it was really expensive thank you so much mommy am so grateful, I love you. I love you too sweet heart just be a good girl and make momma proud. Yes mommy I would make you proud I remember saying that to her.
" Do you really want to do something fun" , what is that mom? Come with me she stretched her hands towards me. Do you know what a street food is ? Not really I replied, well it's like eating in the open you get to try different kinds of foods mom told me . Wow that's amazing, so is that where we're heading to, I asked in my cute little voice . Yup that's where we're going. Yaaayyy I screamed with my little lungs.
You're just too cute Cassie and that's one of the reasons I love you my dear . This was mom's word to me that night.
We had some much fun that night, I got to eat different food out in the open sky with a lot of people enjoying the vibe.
Young lady hope you had fun today ? Yes I did am so grateful mommy, thank you so much. You're welcome sweetie and thank you for having fun with mommy. I could still remember I had a wide smile on my face , you're just too cute my sweetheart. I giggled
Cassie I want you to have this necklace, you know it's my favorite necklace right " I nodded, good I want you to keep this and always remember that I love you and will always be with you, okay . Okay mommy, I promise to always keep it on .
That's my girl,muah she pecked my forehead. Now let's go home .
And that's where this story takes an ugly turn.
We were already on our way home and suddenly a force so great hit our car and the next thing I could feel was being tumbled about and after that I lost consciousness.
I could hear noise around me and I tried blinking my eyes , the light was blinding, I closed my eyes back , then tried to adjust to the light everywhere was so white , I held someone gasped beside me she's awake. Cassie can you see me? it was my dad I nodded, thank God you're okay sweetie . Where am I ? You're at the hospital dear you and your mom got involved in an accident , do you remember? It suddenly came back to me the impact , the crashing and noise . Where's mom? Is she alright? My dad went quiet and I could see the sadness his eyes when he said your mom we couldn't find her at the scene, but her blood was on the found on the scene, we don't know where her body is ? I could see he was on the verge on crying but he was holding it in . When he said these words to me I couldn't describe the pain i felt in my heart , my 5 year old self was in pain .
The doctors said it was a miracle you didn't sustain any injury at all your body was stressed due to the shock that happened so you went into coma my dear baby for about 3 days am just glad you're okay.
Anyone could see my dad was holding it in and that when that thought wash through me that it's my fault, if only I didn't request for that collection, if only I didn't tell mom to take me out , if ....
At that moment i just wanted to scream my tiny lungs out but I couldn't for some unknown reasons. I suddenly felt lost , I wanted to cry so badly but the tears wasn't coming, I was just lost , my 5 year old self was lost but in me I was wailing badly so badly within me ....
My dad saw the change in my mood,then I began to thrash on the bed, dad tried to hold me down but he could not , he called the doctors before I know I was sedated.