It all started good. I thought I had found peace, love, and strength, but I was wrong. I started digging my own grave, my own self.
I started my journey with Jacob just like yesterday. Jacob is tall, dark-skinned, and handsome in a way that makes people turn their heads. At first, everything felt easy — the way he smiled, the way he laughed at my silly jokes, the way he made me feel like I mattered. I thought I had finally found someone who could hold my heart gently.
Yeah… I said it. I love you. But you made me regret everything. The corner space where we used to meet and have fun, laugh, and just be ourselves… now it feels like a trap. One day, out of nowhere, rumors started spreading — not because someone saw us, but because someone twisted your words, your laughter, the things you whispered to me… and painted me like I was the one who did something shameful. What was ours, our little world, turned into poison overnight.
You heard the rumors but instead of telling me ....
Jacob… he heard the rumors. But he didn't tell me. He didn't defend me, didn't fight for me, didn't even look at me like he believed in us anymore. He just said, "Let's keep our relationship a secret for now." That line… it cut deeper than the rumors themselves.
When I heard that, I turned the relationship off. Seven months — gone. I was hurt, but I told myself to take it off my mind. My eyes were full of tears, but I steezed up — forced myself to smile, laughed at jokes I didn't find funny, nodded when people talked, acted like everything was fine. Nobody had to know how shattered I really felt inside.
I started healing little by little, picking up pieces of myself from the ground. I forced my heart to breathe again, though every now and then, I'd catch a glimpse of Jacob somewhere, and my chest would tighten. I still don't know the full truth about the rumors. Who started them? Why me? And why didn't Jacob stand up for me? That question lingered like a shadow I couldn't shake.
I really miss the three-hour video calls. The eye contact that made me feel like I was the only person in the world. The kisses, even just imagined, replaying in my head. I miss the way he talked, the tone, the little words that used to make me smile without thinking. And yet… I can't stop asking myself why he wanted a hidden relationship. Am I not good enough to be seen? Is my life that worthless? Am I a bad person? Thoughts keep swirling in my head, never letting me rest.
I saw him again… I don't know if it was a dream or reality. My life felt like it just crashed. I called him after all, but he said he was busy. That means I'm not valued anymore. I'm valueless to him. I cried and smiled at the same time, my heart heavy but trying to stay alive.
Looking at my best friend, my mirror, I told myself, "I will heal. I'm not perfect, but I'm good." Good without anyone. I threw myself into my work and my business. I made them my best friends. I became a little more naughty, playful, loud — people noticed, but they didn't know why. I posted pictures, laughed, acted like nothing else existed… but that was my way of healing. My shield. My armor. My escape. I've been that.
Yeah… he came. He came to my shop. Not just a casual visit, but one of those moments that make your heart skip, like the world slowed down just for him. I sold to him, tried to keep it classy and professional, my hands steady, my smile wide — but inside, my body betrayed me. A bit harsh, tense, shaking from the inside. Has he really moved on? That question hit me hard, coming back to me again and again.
I smiled at him, kept it professional, kept it cool. But my heart… my heart wanted to scream, to cry, to ask everything I'd been holding in. And yet, I held it down. I sold. I smiled. I acted like nothing else existed. But inside, the weight was still there — heavier than ever.
I thought about all the little things I missed: our secret conversations, the way he looked at me in silence, the small jokes no one else understood, the moments when I felt like I belonged completely in his world. And even though the rumors and secrecy had shattered everything, my mind replayed those memories like a bittersweet movie I couldn't pause.
I told myself every day that I would heal. That I was good enough on my own. That my life wasn't defined by someone else's approval or judgment. I focused on my work, my laughter, my independence. I made my business my best friend. I made my smile a weapon and a shield. People noticed the changes in me — my energy, my confidence, my playfulness — but they didn't know why. They couldn't see the nights I cried alone, the quiet moments when the weight came back. My social posts, my laughs, my boldness… that was my way of surviving. My way of saying, I am still here, I am still me!
I replayed everything again and again in my head, but I still didn't know anything about the rumors. What could it have been? Has our forever now ended? It hasn't vanished. Are we really done? That question kept coming back to me.
Like, for real, I kept telling myself, I'm chosen and I'm blessed. Ohhh, really! That meant we were done. I realized everything wasn't love; it just felt like manipulation.
Now, it my time of concluding, yes I saw it, he posted a picture with a girl, that means he moved on. And now he blocked me.
Yet, I still didn't know the reason he moved, or why he wanted a hidden relationship. Was it a rumor? Or was it that I wasn't enough for him anymore? That thought kept coming to my head.
Whether a rumors or not, I'm now less concerned, I'm healed now and better. My strong girl is now back but I still say it to myself I'm not going to give up on love.
He had moved on, and I would move too. I'm better. I'm blessed. People should be after me, not the other way around. I said it with a smile to my mirror, my best friend.
Even with everything, I didn't tell anyone. My best friends had once betrayed me, so I wasn't trusting anyone again — except my mirror.
Moving on was hard. I didn't know why we had parted, but I still had to…
Another journey began....