This April, the weather in New York was unlike many that came before. No usual chill nor dampness. It was warm and the tree buds were in full blossom. I thought this was a sign. That long winter of my tenure as the head coach and the head of basketball operations at Pasadena Collegiate Institute will finally end. How foolish. Maybe it indeed was a sign of spring and new beginnings, but definitely not for me.
"Scheiße!"
Again. It is happening again.
I glance back at the jumbotron.
106-79. Maybe we will score once or twice more, but it won't make a dent.
Madison Square Garden – a perfect place to end your career. Only a couple of seconds are left. In the last couple of years, I have often thought and wondered about how my journey will conclude. I loved to think that I would go out with a loud explosion. Turns out it's just a puff of smoke.
Involuntarily, I go back in time and remember my own playing days far, far away from here, in Eastern Germany. I have never won any titles back then. It seems like I won't be winning anything now. When my playing career was at its sunset, before the last game, my coach, god bless his soul, said "You can't breathe enough before your dying moment."
Old fox was right, this suffocating feeling has grabbed my heart as if it wants to tear it out and just doesn't want to let go.
"BZZZZZZ!"
The buzzer drags me back. My hearing returns to me with a sudden flow of a myriad of unintelligible noises. I hear everything. I have lost.
Without thought, words, or glances, I just left the arena. Some will call it poor sportsmanship. I don't give a shit, not anymore.
Outside, the air was warm. The kind of spring warmth that lies – promising rebirth to everyone but me.
~~~~~
On Air
Marv Albert:"And this is over – the final score, 106 to 85. Pasadena's dream ends in the Elite Eight, and so does the tenure of Erik Kuhlmann. A dazzling run of ideas, yes – but once again, no Final Four. He exits the Garden tonight with his team out of sync, his players looking lost down the stretch, and – let's be honest – not the best display of sportsmanship in those final minutes."
Steve Kerr:"Marv, look, when you've poured your entire career into trying to break the mold, to reinvent how the game is played, of course you're going to be extremely upset when it slips away like this. That's human. Erik Kuhlmann is a visionary, maybe the most influential coach never to make a Final Four. The frustration you saw – that comes from caring too much, not too little."
Marv Albert:"Still, four trips to the Elite Eight, four collapses. At some point, it becomes the pattern, not the exception. Brilliant in November, breathtaking in February… and by March, the legs are gone, the system frays, and Kuhlmann's teams are watching someone else cut down the nets."
Steve Kerr:"And yet, Marv, every coach in America has taken at least something from his playbook. Every young player who's been through his program talks about the freedom, the pace, the belief in the three-ball and fast-pace offense before it was fashionable. You can say he never finished the job – and you'd be right – but the way the game will be played ten years from now? That'll be his fingerprint."
Marv Albert:"So Erik Kuhlmann leaves Madison Square Garden tonight as he so often has – brilliant, admired, impossible to ignore… but leaving us all wondering what might have been. The man who will always be remembered as the beautiful loser…"
Steve Kerr: "And yet, even as his chapter closes, March Madness 2014 keeps rolling on. The tournament doesn't stop. Tomorrow the country will be buzzing about who advances, who survives – but for Erik, tonight, this is the end."