(Colton Cypraes)
(14 years Old)
I think something is wrong with me, I can't stop looking at him. Every time I look at him, there's this feeling deep in my chest that I can't describe. Is it wrong that I find him attractive, sort of? I think something is wrong with my brain. I can't be feeling like this for him, it's wrong, right? But I can't help it when he says my name. I need to be checked by a doctor. I'm going crazy, this isn't normal.
"You like him, don't you, Colton?" My mother surprises me.
"Wha....wha...what...no I don't."
"It's okay, son, I'm not gonna hate you for it, you know."
"I think so, is it not wrong to mom?"
" It's not if anything, it's cute, plus your dad and I kinda figured it out. You didn't hear this from me, but your dad and I kinda," she's full-on smiling, "were wondering when you'd figure it out that you liked him."
I am beyond shocked at this stage, my parents had been suspecting this whole time.
"Yo...you...you guys knew and you don't hate me for it, I thought I was not normal," relief washes over me.
"Honey, we have all been there, having crushes on people, sometimes even friends, but honey, you have to know it doesn't change anything even if you turn out to be gay."
Now I'm confused about what even being gay means. As if she sees the puzzled look on my face, her smile falters.
" It's when a boy likes a boy or when a girl likes another girl, it's okay and it's normal."
Just then, my father who was listening in on our conversation, came out of the corner and ran his hand through my hair with an understanding face.
"Colton, are you coming!" The subject of our topic shouts out to me, "Ooh...am sorry am I interrupting something?" Even when he's puzzled, he's kinda hot. Whoa, am I even allowed to say that? Is it okay to call him hot? Yeah, I am never calling him hot Infront of anyone, it gives me an eerie vibe, nope, cute, he's cute, that feels much better??.
"Sorry, I'm coming, and no you are not interrupting anything. If anything, thanks for saving me."
"Ooh, well, you're welcome." He deadpans.
"We should get to the pool so that I can show you a new style of swimming I learned when we went on vacation."
I don't know if he can hear the nervousness from my words. "Oo..okay, are you sure it wasn't something important?"
"Nope, it wasn't. We should go, please," I full-on beg, and he gives me that look that I can't decipher. Probably nothing, I shouldn't read too much into it.
The boy in question, whom I have the biggest crush on, is my best friend in the entire world, yeah, I'm one of those people-BFFs for life, whose friendship began way before we were even born.
My parents and Finn's parents have known each other since college, and since then they've been friends. Something about not choosing family and finding family, I don't get grown-up language.
Finn is two years older than me, and we do everything together. Sometimes it feels like we are twins, we complete each other's sentences and we even have sleepovers where we share almost everything, even the very little secrets we have. I know he has a crush on this girl named Melissa, every boy in our class does, she's quiet, and her voice is like that of a princess. Did I also mention she's here at Finn's birthday party? He's turning 16 this year. That's why everyone from our class is here at his poo, including silent Melissa.
I have never liked Melissa. I just have this feeling I can't explain where I don't like her, or seeing her close to Finn rubs me the wrong way. Finn has caught me many times glaring at her and has warned me against glaring. Can you blame me? She's taking all his time. I know she's not right for him. Wait, how do I know what's not right for him? Growing up sucks. Is there a manual for all these feelings? God, I need help.
I don't think I'll give him the special gift I have prepared just for us.
Immediately the party ended, my parents decided to stay behind, but I faked being tired and Sebastian - our chauffeur- had to take me home. We decided to take a little break when we passed near a small playground. It was beautiful, more than that, it was elegant in a place like this. Whoever built it knew what he was doing. On my way to throw the gifts I had prepared for both Finn and me, I saw a lonely little boy by the swing, oblivious to anything.
His curly hair was...I don't know..how did I not know? That's weird. Why can't I move or think of anything? What's wrong with me today? I'm always a forward person, why can't I move, damn it. I don't think he notices my presence.
"Phew!" Why am I relieved? He's a stranger, but I can't put my finger on it. What's this warmth I'm feeling? My ears are burning. Okay, what's wrong with me? I slowly sat down on the swing next to him. Something in my stomach just flipped. I think I ate something that doesn't agree with me.
After the weird conversation I had with him, I felt, it felt calm. Is that even possible for me to talk to a stranger and feel calm? Okay, something in me is broken. I need to get checked by a doctor. I could see it in his eyes, though he was sad, but I couldn't do much. I hope he'll be happy after today.
When classes resumed, I kept wondering about the boy. Something then just clicked.
"His name, I didn't get it!" The class went quiet.
"Mr. Cypraes, will you stop interrupting my class!" Miss Camella, our music teacher, warned me through her glasses. The whole class burst into laughter. I kinda felt small. Finn, however, was not smiling. He just looked maybe sad, I didn't know it was weird if you ask me.
"Whose name didn't you get?"
"No one, I was just imagining it, don't worry, Finn, Finnegan."
"Oh..ooh okay." He looked kinda hurt, I mean, I wasn't lying per se, he needed to be a secret, only my secret, plus he had Melissa.
"Mr. Cypraes and your friend need I remind you we are in class?"
"Sorry, Miss Camella !" Finn and I said in unison, then looked at each other. There was that smile again. I couldn't put a finger on it.
"Hey Colton, wait up."
"Yeah, Finn?"
"So I was thinking of inviting Melissa to our table at lunch, is that okay with you?" Well, there goes any hope I had with him.
I didn't want to sound angry or rude, but I didn't seem to hide it as words just came out of my mouth.
" What! Why! I mean, sure, if that's what you want, but I thought the table was our thing alone."
"Hey, it's okay it is, we are just expanding a little bit, don't worry, it's still our thing, okay Colton." I just shrug, I mean, what else can I do?
All week, as Melissa and Finn got to 'know each other,' my dreams always lingered on the boy by the swing, his dreamy eyes, his soft curly hair, his sweet voice.
It's the same dream every day, today though it's a sleepover. I can't help but admire Finn's face, but my stomach doesn't do the weird flippy thing. That's weird I do have a crush on him though he's hot. I hope I get to meet him one day, the boy by the swing. Sometimes I hold onto the other piece hanging on my chest and squeeze it, hoping my wishes come true.