Chapter 167: The Keynote of the Unseen
The Inter-Dimensional Convention Center (IDCC) was a structure that defied both physics and common sense. It existed in the "White Space" between saved files—a neutral zone where the carpet was 100% "Industrial Beige" and the air smelled of "Stale Danishes" and "Photocopier Toner."
Ne Job stood at the entrance, staring at a massive banner that stretched across the lobby: "WELCOME INTERNS: YOU ARE THE SUB-PROCESSORS OF REALITY."
"It's a bit on the nose, isn't it?" Ne Job remarked, adjusting his charcoal-grey trilby. He flashed his ID badge at the security scanner—a hovering eye that looked like it hadn't been updated since the "Early Alpha" phase of the universe.
"ACCESS DENIED," the scanner buzzed. "STATUS: INTERN. REQUIRED: SUPERVISOR ESCORT."
"I am the Root Administrator for the Bureau of Cosmic Alignment," Ne Job said, his voice dripping with 7.5% "Bureaucratic Fatigue." "I literally 'Merged' the multiverse ten minutes ago. I'm the Keynote Speaker."
"ERROR," the eye replied. "KEYNOTE SPEAKERS MUST BE LEVEL 90 'MANAGEMENT AVATARS'. YOU ARE CURRENTLY MAPPED TO 'LEVEL 1: COFFEE RETRIEVER'."
The VIP Green Room (The Storage Closet)
Assistant Yue appeared beside him, her visor glowing with a "Slightly Embarrassed" pink. "CHIEF. IT. SEEMS. THE. 'CONVENTION. SECURITY. PROTOCOLS'. WERE. WRITTEN. BY. THE. 'OLD. GUARD'. THEY. DO. NOT. RECOGNIZE. THE. 'ROOT. DIRECTORY. MERGE'. TO. THEM, AN. 'INTERN'. IS. A. 'NON-PLAYER. CHARACTER'."
"Of course," Ne Job sighed. "I run the universe, but I can't get past the 'Front Desk'. It's 100% 'Poetic Irony'."
They were eventually escorted—not to the Grand Ballroom—but to a "Green Room" that was actually a "Converted Janitor's Closet" in Sector 7-G. Inside, Ao Bing was busy trying to "Symmetrize" a stack of plastic chairs, while Princess Ling was testing the sharpness of her dagger on a "Complimentary Stress Ball."
"This place is 100% 'Depressing'!" Ao Bing lamented, his leopard-skin robe looking dull in the flickering fluorescent light. "The ceiling tiles are 'Misaligned'! The 'Acoustics' are 'Null'! How can you give a 'Keynote' in a place that looks like a 'Budget Spreadsheet'?"
"It's perfect, Bingy," The Muse said, floating near the ceiling. Her hair was currently a "Subtle Silver-Grey" to match the professional atmosphere. "Ne Job isn't here to represent 'Glory'. He's here to represent the 'Invisible Workforce'. The ones who 'Type the Dialogue', 'Render the Shadows', and 'Fix the Scripting Errors' while the 'Heroes' take the credit."
The Buffet of Broken Promises
While Ne Job prepared his notes (written on the back of an "Eviction Notice" from the Regency Realm), Barnaby the Goat had wandered into the "Interns' Buffet."
It was a sad affair. There were "Digital Pretzels" that had no "Texture Files" and "Invisibility Juice" that was just lukewarm water. Barnaby, however, had found something 100% "Explosive": a tray of "Unfinished Plot-Points."
"BLEAT!"
As Barnaby chewed on a "Twice-Baked Mystery," his horns began to spark with "Plot-Convenience." Suddenly, every intern in the buffet area found their "Motivation" levels spiking to 100%. A "Squire" from a Fantasy Realm suddenly realized he was "Underpaid," and a "Code-Monkey" from the Cyber-Punk Slums decided he was tired of "Debugging" the villain's monologues.
"WE. HAVE. A. 'SITUATION'," Yue reported, watching her "Live Feed." "THE. 'INTERNS'. ARE. 'REBelling'. THEY. ARE. REFUSING. TO. 'GENERATE. THE. BACKGROUND. NOISE'. REALITY. IS. STARTING. TO. GET. 'AWKWARDLY. QUIET'."
The Keynote Address
Ne Job walked onto the stage of the Great Hall. The room was filled with thousands of "Low-Level Assets"—the people who make the world look "Real" but never get a "Name Plate." In the front row sat the "High-Level Executives"—glowing orbs of light who represented the "Market Interests" of the Multiverse.
The Executives looked bored. One of them was literally "Checking its Stock Portfolio" in the air.
Ne Job stood behind the podium, which was 7.5% too short for him. He tapped the microphone. The feedback shrieked, a sound of "Digital Pain."
"Hello," Ne Job began, his voice dry and echoing. "My name is Ne Job. I am an Intern. And according to your 'Security System', I don't exist."
The hall went silent.
"For 167 chapters, I have been told that 'Success' looks like a 'Promotion'," Ne Job continued, glancing at the glowing Executives. "But I've realized that 'Management' is just a 'Filter' for 'Reality'. You guys sit up here 'Broadcasting' the 'Vision', but the Interns... we are the 'Kernel'. We are the ones who make sure the 'Sun' rises at the right 'Hex-Code' and the 'Gravity' stays at 9.8 meters per second squared."
He pulled out the Source-Code Stylus.
"Right now, there's a 'Strike' in the Buffet. The 'Smiting' isn't being 'Logged'. The 'Quest Rewards' aren't being 'Distributed'. The universe is 100% 'Manual' right now, and you 'Executives' don't even know where the 'On-Button' is."
The Executive Override
One of the glowing Orbs floated upward. "Enough of this 'Sentimental Data'!" it boomed, its voice sounding like a "Gold-Plated Trumpet." "You are an 'Intern'. Your 'Value' is 'Disposable'. We will simply 'Re-Image' the 'Convention' and 'Replace' you with 'Automated Scripts'!"
The Orb raised a "Beam of Light," intending to "Delete" Ne Job from the stage.
But the beam hit Ne Job and "Reflected." "You forgot one thing," Ne Job said, a witty, sharp grin appearing on his face. "I am the 'Root Admin'. I've 'Merged' the 'Archives' with the 'Operating System'. To 'Delete' me, you'd have to 'Delete' the 'Concept of a Story'."
Ne Job touched the Stylus to the podium.
"Yue! Initiate 'The Open-Source Initiative'!"
The Great Decentralization
The Convention Center didn't explode; it "Shared." Suddenly, every "Intern" in the hall felt a surge of "Admin Privileges." The Squires got "Dialogue Trees." The Roommates got "Character Arcs." The "Background Assets" got "High-Resolution Textures."
The "Executives" began to dim. They weren't being "Killed"; they were being "Down-Sized." "From now on," Ne Job announced over the "System-Wide Speakers," "Reality isn't a 'Top-Down' structure. It's a 'Peer-to-Peer' network. If you want a 'Prophecy', you have to 'Submit a Request' to the 'Local Archivist'. And the 'Coffee' in the breakroom is now 100% 'Free'."
The Archivist's Log
The "Janitor's Closet" was gone, replaced by a "Co-Working Space" that stretched across the stars.
LOG: CHAPTER 167 SUMMARY.
STATUS: "Multiversal Intern Convention" successfully "Disrupted." Management "Archived" as "Consultants."
NOTE: Power is 100% better when it's "Distributed." It reduces the "Server Load" on my "Sanity."
OBSERVATION: Barnaby the Goat has been voted "Union Representative" for the "Chaos Elements." He is currently "Negotiating" for more "Glitch-Flavored Oats."
P.S.: Princess Ling is teaching the "Regency Heroines" how to "Dual-Wield" fans. It is 7.5% "Terrifying."
Assistant Yue walked up to Ne Job, holding a "Golden Tablet."
"CHIEF. THE. 'NEW. SYSTEM'. IS. 'ONLINE'. BUT. WE. HAVE. A. 'NEW. USER. ERROR'. SOMEONE. IN. 'SECTOR_INFINITY'. IS. TRYING. TO. 'UNINSTALL. THE. ENDING'. THEY. WANT. THE. 'STORY'. TO. GO. ON. 'FOREVER'."
Ne Job looked at the "Interface," then at his team.
"Forever, huh?" Ne Job asked. "Well, that sounds like a 'Storage Issue'. Better call 'The Architect'. We're going to need a 'Bigger Sandbox'."