Chapter 37: The Snag of the Side-Quest
The "Plot Hooks" emitted by The Muse's new holographic guitar were supposed to be harmless background noise—the narrative equivalent of elevator music. But by 0900 Cycles, it became clear that a "Plot Hook" in the Bureau of Cosmic Alignment was a physical hazard.
Ne Job was crossing the Grand Lobby when a literal glowing, silver hook—shaped like a question mark—swung out from a nearby thought-bubble and snagged the gold braid of his hat.
"What in the—" Ne Job grunted, jerked backward.
"Don't fight it, Commissioner!" Assistant Yue shouted, herself suspended two feet off the ground by a hook caught in her holographic belt. "It's an Unfinished Side-Quest! If you resist, the narrative tension will snap your neck!"
The Tug of the Tangent
The Bureau was suddenly a forest of silver lines. The Muse, oblivious to the chaos, was strumming a rhythmic chord. Each note sent out a fresh batch of hooks that latched onto anything with a pulse or a filing system.
"Help!" Architect Ao Bing cried, being dragged toward a pneumatic tube by a hook labeled: THE MYSTERY OF THE LOST CAR-KEYS (SUB-PLOT B). "I don't even own a car! I build cities of glass and light! I don't have time to look under the sofa of reality!"
Pip was the only one having a grand time, swinging from a hook labeled THE SECRET ORIGIN OF THE SMALL WRENCH. "Whoa! This one says I might be a long-lost prince of the Screw-Driver Kingdom! I've always felt a bit royal!"
The Weight of the Irrelevant
"Muse! Stop the music!" Ne Job bellowed, his feet finally leaving the floor as his hook began to pull him toward a dark corner of the Archive labeled SECTION 404: THE DEPARTMENT OF UNREQUITED CRUSHES.
The Muse stopped strumming, her eyes wide. "I can't! The guitar is playing itself! It's hooked into the 'Meanwhile...' energy we leaked in the last chapter! It wants to fill all the gaps in the story!"
Ne Job looked around. The Bureau was grinding to a halt. The important work—the balancing of human trajectories, the alignment of the stars—was being ignored because everyone was being pulled into "Minor Errands" and "Character-Building Backstories."
The 7.5% Tangent-Cutter
Ne Job realized that you couldn't just unhook yourself. These were narrative obligations. To get free, you had to finish the quest—or find a way to make it irrelevant.
"Pip! Use the wrench! We need to adjust the 'Importance' of these hooks!"
"On it!" Pip yelled, unhooking themselves from the Prince-quest (with a look of minor regret) and swinging over to Ne Job. They clamped the very small wrench onto the silver hook pulling Ne Job's hat.
"This quest says you have to find out why the Clerk Ghost is crying!" Pip noted.
"He's a ghost, Pip! He's supposed to be melancholic! It's 100% part of his job description!"
Pip twisted the wrench. The silver hook turned from a question mark into a simple period. The tension vanished, and Ne Job dropped to the floor with a thud.
The Great Unhooking
"We have to de-prioritize the sub-plots!" Ne Job commanded, grabbing his silver stapler.
He didn't staple the hooks; he stapled "Standard Extension Forms" to them. "By the power of the High Commissioner, I hereby grant these side-quests an Infinite Postponement! You are all moved to the 'Bonus Content' section of the DVD release!"
The Muse joined in, using her 7.5% sparks to "over-expose" the hooks, making them so bright and distracting that they eventually burned themselves out. One by one, the staff dropped from the ceiling. The Architect landed in a heap of yoga mats, looking 100% done with the morning.
The holographic guitar, deprived of its targets, let out one final, discordant twang and dissolved into a puddle of violet ink.
The Return to the Main Plot
The Lobby fell silent. The silver lines vanished, and the "Meanwhile..." bubbles popped like soap suds.
Ne Job straightened his hat and walked back to his desk. He opened his ledger, his hand trembling only 7.5%.
LOG: CHAPTER 37 SUMMARY.
STATUS: Side-Quest infestation cleared. Narrative focus restored.
NOTE: I have officially banned 'Meanwhile...' from the Bureau's vocabulary. From now on, it's 'Consequently.'
OBSERVATION: A story can have too much flavor. Sometimes, you just need a plain, un-hooked Tuesday.
P.S.: I found the Clerk Ghost's keys. They were in his pocket. He's a ghost; he'd forgotten he had pockets.
The Muse sat on his desk, looking sheepish. "Sorry about the hooks, Ne Job. I guess I got carried away with the 'Bonus Content'."
"It's fine, Muse," Ne Job said, looking at the Semicolon. "Just... next time you want to play a solo, make sure it doesn't involve my dental records or the Architect's childhood trauma."
Pip bounced in, holding a single, tiny silver hook. "Hey, Commissioner? This one didn't dissolve. It says: TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER."
Ne Job sighed. "File it, Pip. Under 'Inevitable'."