"I can't do this. This won't work", I cried out to God. For some unexplainable reason my professor decided that it was a great idea to make everyone give a presentation and I had the LUCK to be the first one. So I did what every panicked and stressed child of God would do. I weeped and cried out to God. And prayed. After all, I managed to procrastinate for an entire week and am currently regretting my decision. I should not be allowed to make so many decisions. So then I was sitting in the University's library trying to find some material for my presentation. Unfurtunaly the only thing I found was panic, anxienty and the fear of failing. Great. Absolutely great. So I decided to bring this matter to Jesus. Just like I did the last half an hour. It does not seem to work. Trying to lay my worries and anxienty and fear into his hands, was like trying to get rid of a hot potato, that you decided was a great thing to hold in your hands. But not hot in like oh it's a little bit hot, but hot in like it's burning my hands and will remember my existence to bother me later. So I tried to put this hot potato into Gods hands. But for some reason I had the genius idea to take my problem, after I just put it into his hands, back again. Only to give it to him and take it back again. And again. And again. At this point I should give this stupid game a name. Unfortunately after even more time in the library and no found books whatsoever, I decided the internet was my new best friend. It would not let me down like the library, hopefully. On my out to get back on the campus I continued to cry out to God. In my head, of course. "Please God, please help me. Please bless my teacher with an funded impromptu trip to Italy. Or Hongkong. Paris. I don't know. Or please make him forget that I have to start with the presentation. I have it ready for my next class. Please! I need help. This will ruin academically. I need a hand with this", I cried out in my head. And God really has humor, because I nearly dripped over my own two left feet, only to see a tiny plastic hand on the ground. I stopped out of shock and stared at the teeny tiny plastic hand. Was he serious? "This is not funny, Abba. I really need a hand", I said out loud. All of a sudden a gush of wind came and moved the tiny hand in front of my feet. "I'm serious, Abba", I nearly shouted out loud. But God being God absolutely knew about it. With slumped shoulders I went back to my student dormitories to cry and start with my presentation. Once I was back in my bedroom I collapsed on my bed and let out a deap sigh. This was going to stress me out. I just knew it. This would be the downfall of my good grades and I probably would have to repeat the year. I started crying and couldn't calm down anymore. Frustrated I picked up my bible and started reading. Philippians 2:14:"Do everything without complaining and arguing." Seriously? Abba, I'm crying my eyes out here. I'm stressed and practically academically ruined. But I will do it. For you. Because I want to be a good daughter. So I will do it for you. I wiped away my tears, sat up and started with my research. I was not even half done with my research when I felt completely lost. Tears began to pool in the corners of my eyes. Well, it is time for distraction or I would lose it again. But for real this time. I took my phone and wasted at least half an hour on Instagram. Christian memes. Food for the soul and easy to digest. Until I saw a notification on my school calender about papers that I already wrote yesterday. But I still clicked on it. However I did not see my presentation on my calender. That can't be! So I checked the next week and lo and behold my freaking presentation was on the 15th but 25th. I stared at my phone. I stared on the wall. Then I stared at my phone again. What? Confused I placed my computer on the desk and laid down on my bed. I nearly had an entire week for this. An entire week! How did I misread that? Great. Now I stressed myself for nothing. This was an emotional roller coaster I did not want to ride a second time. Staring on the ceiling I thought about my life, my stress, my reactions. Now that I found out that I was anxious for pretty much nothing I finally calmed down. And I found my reactions pretty funny. Well, in retrospect. I started praying:"Okay. Seemingly I did not remember the correct day. And I have even more time than I need! That's great. Thinking back, I might have overreacted. After all it is not as stressing as I previously thought. Am I being dramatic? Was I too dramatic? " Whoops.
But good news my grade was not in danger of being ruined.