Chapter 4: The Archive of Forgotten Passwords
Ne's new assignment came with a warning: "Do not attempt to guess."
The Archive of Forgotten Passwords was located in Sub-Level 7B, past the Department of Eternal Loading Screens and adjacent to the Hall of Unread Terms & Conditions. The air smelled like expired cookies and regret.
A glowing terminal greeted him.
Welcome, Intern Ne.
Please enter your credentials.
Ne typed: neintern001.
Incorrect. Try again.
He tried NeJobRocks.
Incorrect. You now owe us 3 soul fragments.
Ms. Koi appeared, hovering upside down. "You forgot your divine password, didn't you?"
"I didn't even know I had one!"
She handed him a scroll. "This is your recovery phrase. Do not read it aloud."
Ne squinted. It said: "Banana, entropy, fax machine, betrayal, glitter, 404, Ne."
He whispered, "This feels like a curse."
The terminal beeped.
Password recovered. Welcome back, Ne. You have 1,204 unresolved password tickets.
---
The first ticket was from a soul named "xXShadowWolfXx."
Forgotten Password: "My crush's birthday but reversed"
Hint: "I think it was March or maybe June?"
Ne sighed. "This is going to be painful."
He clicked "Divine Guess Protocol." A hologram of a teenage bedroom appeared—posters, lava lamp, and a diary labeled "Top Secret (Do Not Read Ne)."
Ne opened it. The crush's birthday was June 12. Reversed: 2106.
He entered it.
Access granted. Soul redeemed. Also, cringe detected.
---
Next ticket:
Soul Name: "Grandma Dot"
Forgotten Password: "The name of my cat in 1973"
Hint: "He was orange and judgmental."
Ne summoned the Divine Pet Registry. Thousands of orange cats appeared, all judging him.
One hissed. A label popped up: "Sir Meowington III."
Ne typed it in.
Correct. Soul memory restored. Grandma Dot now remembers how to bake cookies.
---
Halfway through the queue, Ne encountered a locked file labeled "God's Netflix Account."
He hesitated. "Should I…?"
The terminal whispered, "Only if you dare."
Ne clicked it. A popup appeared:
Password Hint: "My favorite apocalypse."
He typed: Flood_2.0.
Incorrect. You are now subscribed to Divine Prime.
Ms. Koi reappeared, now wearing a hoodie that said "Streaming Is Eternal."
"Ne," she said, "never guess the Almighty's binge list. Last intern got trapped in a 12-season drama about sentient bread."
Ne nodded solemnly. "Understood."
---
As he clocked out, the terminal printed a receipt:
Password Recovery Success Rate: 92%
Soul Fragment Debt: 3
Emotional Damage: Moderate
The coffee machine beeped.
You tried to guess a divine password. Naughty.
It dispensed a cup labeled "Shame Roast."
Ne drank it anyway.