Chapter 9: A Calculated Prank and a Hokage's Hope
The hallowed halls of the Hokage Building, usually a place of quiet efficiency and murmured strategy, had been transformed into a scene of pure, unadulterated chaos.
"Uzumaki Naruto, you stop right there! How dare you pull on my beard!" roared a Jōnin, clutching his newly asymmetrical facial hair.
"You little brat! That was my... my family jewels!" yelped another, hobbling in a pained crouch.
A female Chunin, her face flushed a brilliant scarlet, pointed a trembling finger. "You... you little pervert! Don't let me catch you, or you'll be scrubbing the mission room floors for a month!"
Naruto, a blur of orange, wove through the crowd of high-level shinobi with an apathetic expression. He had managed to offend, annoy, or mildly injure a significant portion of the Konoha elite who were gathered to receive or turn in missions. He was a hurricane of childish insolence, and he was leaving a trail of furious, sputtering ninja in his wake.
[Ding! Detecting that the host is being pursued by a group of Jōnin, your momentary movement is extremely excited and has reached the Perfection Level!]
A new, refined understanding of evasion and footwork flooded his muscles, but Naruto's internal reaction was a frown. 'Is this the only gain?' he thought, ducking under a sweeping arm. 'It's not enough. I need more. I need to make a real statement.'
It was time to reveal a fraction of his hand.
"Shadow Clone Technique!" he yelled, skidding to a halt in the center of the main lobby.
There was a chorus of puffs as three identical Narutos materialized beside him. The pursuing Jōnin skidded to a stop, their anger momentarily replaced by sheer disbelief.
"Shadow Clone? That's a B-Rank ninjutsu! How does he know that?"
"It doesn't matter! I'll take the one on the left!"
"I've got the middle!"
"The right is mine!"
In a perfectly executed diversion, the three Jōnin were lured away, each chasing a phantom down a different corridor. The real Naruto didn't even wait for the smoke to clear. The moment their backs were turned, he focused on a special kunai he had planted near a potted plant earlier that morning. In an instant, the world folded around him, and he was gone, reappearing silently in a secluded alcove with a clear view of the Hokage's office window. The Flying Thunder God Technique had served its purpose.
He took a deep, steadying breath. The first act was over. Now, it was time for the main performance, and his target was none other than the Third Hokage himself. He had to sell this perfectly.
He waited exactly five minutes, allowing the initial commotion to die down slightly. Then, he burst from his hiding spot, putting on a spectacular show of being out of breath, and sprinted straight for the Hokage's office, taking the stairs two at a time.
Inside the office, the Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, was meticulously reviewing a stack of mission reports. The air was thick with the sweet scent of his pipe tobacco. An ANBU agent materialized in a silent shunshin before his desk.
"Lord Hokage," the agent reported. "Uzumaki Naruto has breached the building. Shall I intercept?"
Hiruzen slowly set down his pen and removed the pipe from his mouth, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "No," he said, a faint, almost nostalgic smile playing on his lips. "Let him come. It's been over half a year since I've spoken to him properly. I suspect this is just one of his famous pranks."
Though he hadn't visited in person, Hiruzen had kept a distant, magical eye on the boy. Over the past month, however, the boy in the crystal ball had seemed different—quieter, colder, no longer shouting his dream to the world. A deep, paternal worry had settled in Hiruzen's heart. 'Has the village's treatment finally pushed him toward darkness?'
His thoughts were cut short as the office door flew open. A small, round object arced through the air.
"Lord Hokage, down!"
Three ANBU operatives—Yūgao Uzuki, Hayate Gekkō, and Tenzō (Yamato)—flashed into existence, forming a protective wall in front of the Hokage's desk, their bodies tense, ready to neutralize any threat.
But no explosion followed. Instead, the object released a massive cloud of smoke that filled the room. As it cleared, a dozen Narutos stood grinning before them.
"Multiple Shadow Clone Technique?!" Hayate Gekkō coughed out, his shock evident.
Only Hiruzen's experienced eyes dropped to the floor, noting the lack of substance in the clones' shadows. "An illusionary clone... but with this level of realism? Has he truly refined the basic technique to such a degree?" He was impressed, and a flicker of relief washed over him. This was still the work of a mischievous boy, not a brooding villain.
"Old man! Take this!" one of the Narutos shouted.
There was another series of puffs, and the dozen Narutos transformed. In their place stood more than a dozen stunning, provocatively dressed women, each winking and blowing kisses.
"Seduction Technique: Harem Jutsu!"
The effect was instantaneous.
Pfft! Pfft!
"Gah!"
Tenzō, ever the stoic, immediately clamped his hands over his masked eyes, muttering a curse about "youthful indiscretion." But Yūgao Uzuki and the Third Hokage himself were not so resilient. Twin streams of blood shot from their noses, and they stumbled backward, knocked clean off their feet. Even the unflappable Hayate Gekkō was visibly flustered, his face turning a deep red.
"Huh? One of you has will of iron, eh?" the transformed Naruto taunted, his eyes locking onto the one ANBU who had shielded their eyes.
[Ding! Host has defeated ANBU Operative Yūgao Uzuki. Your swordsmanship is very up-to-date and has derived Konoha-ryū Swordsmanship: Dance of the Crescent Moon!]
[Ding! Host has defeated ANBU Operative Hayate Gekkō. The host has learned the ninjutsu: Escape Technique!]
[Ding! Host has defeated ANBU Operative Tenzō. The host's Wood Style talent has been successfully awakened!]
[Ding! Host has defeated the Third Hokage. The host's Fire Style, Water Style, Earth Style, and Lightning Style talents have all reached the Advanced Level!]
A torrent of new knowledge and affinity flooded Naruto's being. It was a staggering haul.
"Hehehe! Suckers!" Naruto's voice echoed as the clones dispersed into puffs of smoke. The real Naruto, his mission accomplished, turned and fled the office, his laughter echoing down the corridor.
"Lord Hokage, I'll pursue him!" Yūgao Uzuki pleaded, scrambling to her feet, her embarrassment warring with her duty.
"No, Yūgao. That won't be necessary," Hiruzen said, rising slowly and dabbing at his nose with a handkerchief. A genuine, hearty chuckle escaped his lips. "It was just a boy's prank. A bit... unorthodox, but harmless in the end. It's actually a relief."
Yūgao found this reaction strange. There was an unmistakable note of happiness in the Hokage's voice. But before she could ponder it further, her gaze fell upon her lover, Hayate, who was also discreetly trying to stem his own nosebleed. Her eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Hayate," she hissed, her voice dropping to a deadly whisper.
Hayate Gekkō froze, the blood draining from his face. "...I can explain?"
(End of Chapter)