I never planned to save the world. Honestly, I never even planned to save my own breakfast. But destiny mixed with a slight accident involving a toaster and cosmic energy had other plans.
My name's Kai Ardent, and according to the Global Hero Association, I'm the strongest hero who's ever lived. According to my mom, I still don't call enough. Both statements are true.
It all started three years ago on a perfectly ordinary Tuesday. I was just another college dropout with a questionable haircut and an addiction to cheap ramen. Then, during a storm, lightning struck my apartment. But it wasn't normal lightning. Scientists later called it "Primordial Energy," a once-in-a-million-years cosmic phenomenon. I just called it "the day my hair turned permanently silver."
The next morning, I sneezed and accidentally disintegrated a mountain. A week later, I yawned and created a black hole the size of a peanut. People freaked out. Governments panicked. One guy on the news called me "the apocalypse with good intentions."
At first, I tried to keep a low profile. But when a giant mutant hamster named Lord Nibbles attacked New York (don't ask how that happened), I was the only one strong enough to stop him. Long story short, I punched him into orbit. Accidentally. And… well… he may still be up there. Orbiting. Forever.
After that, the Hero Association basically forced me to join them. "With great power comes great responsibility," they said. "With great responsibility comes free pizza," I replied. I signed the papers the same day.
Now, three years later, I'm known as Ardent, Earth's #1 hero. My powers? Unlimited. My control over them? Questionable. My luck? Absolutely cursed.
Take today, for example. My mission was simple: stop a villain from blowing up a bridge. Easy, right? Wrong.
The villain, calling himself Professor Kaboom, stood in the middle of the highway with a detonator in hand. Cars honked, people screamed, and news drones hovered above us. I stepped forward, trying my best to look heroic and intimidating.
"Give up, Kaboom!" I shouted. "Surrender now, and I promise not to accidentally vaporize your house this time."
"NEVER!" he yelled. "You may be strong, Ardent, but you're reckless! One day, your power will destroy us all!"
I sighed. "Yeah, probably. But let's deal with that later, okay?"
I flicked my wrist, intending to disarm him gently. Instead, the entire detonator exploded into a shower of confetti. I blinked. He blinked. Somewhere, a child started clapping.
"Did… did you just turn my bomb into party decorations?" Kaboom asked, stunned.
"Apparently," I said. "New power. Didn't know I had that one."
Before he could recover, I tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Unfortunately, "lightly" for me meant launching him into the nearest police station about two miles away.
Another victory. Another mess. Another day in the life of Earth's most overpowered, underqualified hero.
People always ask me if I enjoy being the strongest. The truth? Not really. It's exhausting knowing that every sneeze could level a city. Every hiccup might split reality. And yet… deep down, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because no matter how many mistakes I make or how many moons I accidentally blow up I know one thing:
I'm the only one who can protect this world.
And for better or worse… I plan to keep doing exactly that.