I scanned them first.
F-3, F-3, F-2, F-2, F-2.
Names popped up too, but honestly? They already looked like background characters so I didn't bother memorizing anything.
They marched in a straight line like five idiots on a school trip, chatting loud enough to alert every monster from here to Sector 60.
They were so loud even silence would've reported them for noise pollution.
Yeah. Perfect. Natural selection's gonna have fun today.
I dipped into the void for one second and popped out right behind the last idiot in line.
Boom. Party of six. No one noticed the extra idiot.
Not a single head turned.
Beautiful.
These guys…
If common sense were a bloodline, they'd be rank Z-minus.
Natural selection's working overtime today. Mankind's speedrun 0%.
I cleared my throat. "Morning."
They all said "morning" without turning around.
Honestly, if I stabbed one of them right there, the others would probably still greet me.
My brain actually froze for a second.
I could walk into their house, pet their dog, steal the TV, and they'd still offer me tea.
Real "please rob us" energy.
"So," I asked casually, standing right behind the last guy, "what's today's job?"
The F-3 guy at the front waved a hand lazily.
"Oh, you know… grab the Azure Vein Root before the other rookies get it."
"Mm. Productive," I said.
He nodded, proud like he just made the mission himself.
I swear, there was so much empty space in his head I could use it as storage.
"BUT," another one whispered — loudly — "we got another target today."
I tilted my head. "Another herb?"
"No, no," the leader said — all serious, like he was dropping some ancient wisdom — "a person."
"Oh? And who're you killing?"
"Some guy named Shen Yan."
I stumbled for half a second.
Wow. Plot twist. The target was me the whole time. Shocking. Totally didn't see that coming.
"Shen Yan?" I repeated. "Sounds serious."
"Yeah," he puffed his chest. "Orders from above."
Of course. Because idiots always know someone above.
They talked like they were part of some elite black-ops unit when they could barely operate their legs.
"Above who?" I asked, playing dumb.
"Above Instructor Zhao."
I blinked innocently behind them and asked,
"So who's this Instructor Zhao?"
In my head, I added, you guys talk about him like he's your celebrity crush.
The leader clicked his tongue immediately, annoyed.
"Bro, what's wrong with you? Instructor Zhao. Our instructor. The D-rank guy who yelled at us this morning. Ring any bells?"
I heard someone groan up ahead.
"Bro, seriously? You didn't hear him? What were you doing — sleeping with your eyes open again?"
I slapped my forehead lightly.
"Ahh— right, right. Totally. Forgot. I was half-dead this morning. Stayed up too late, stupid hangover, everything sounded like someone reading a bedtime story."
They nodded like that made PERFECT sense.
Their combined IQ could maybe light up a candle… once.
I pretended to sound concerned.
"Wait, wait—Zhao himself gave the kill order? Damn. What did this Shen Yan guy do, steal Zhao's wife?"
I heard the guy in front of me scratch his neck and go,
"Nah, man. Instructor Zhao didn't explain crap. He never does. Just yelled 'Eliminate on sight' like we're attack dogs or something."
I almost nodded along.
Yeah, that sounded like a guy who'd order someone's death between mouthfuls of breakfast.
I blinked slowly behind him.
Amazing. They didn't even know why they were trying to kill me.
Real villain energy, no brain cells attached.
I rubbed my chin.
"Makes sense. So how do you even know who Shen Yan is? You seen him before?"
The guy in front of me puffed up a little.
"Oh, Instructor Zhao described him perfectly," he said, all proud like he solved world peace.
I raised an eyebrow. "Describe him."
He cleared his throat like he was about to announce the winner of an award show.
"A skinny loser with a dead-fish face. Black hair, short. Black eyes. Walks like he's apologizing to everyone he passes. Total coward vibe. Used to be some 'theory genius' or whatever, but that was before people found out his bloodline is trash — Rockhide Ape. Yeah, we can even scan it on the card if needed."
I just stood there behind him… listening to my own character assassination.
Wonderful. What a beautiful biography.
Wow. They roasted me so hard I almost clapped. Didn't even get a ticket.
He kept ranting like he was describing some mythical creature only he had seen.
"Basically," he finished proudly, "a nobody. You'd forget him even if he was breathing down your neck."
Yeah, write that on my tombstone. Maybe add sparkles too.
But he wasn't done.
"Oh, and—" The leader sounded even more proud now. "He sent us a photo too."
…A photo?
He tapped his card.
A hologram popped up — my face.
My very tired, very sleep-deprived, extremely unflattering face.
I blinked.
"…Wow. So the card can do this too."
Great.
Another feature I didn't know about.
Scanner, map, mission feed, now portable wanted-poster maker.
I stared at the back of his head.
I swear, if I knocked on his skull, the echo would give me instructions.
He stared forward like God gave him one brain cell and it was already tired.
"…bro," I whispered, "that's literally my biography."
They didn't hear me.
So I asked louder,
"Hypothetically… if Shen Yan was walking right behind you right now…"
I heard all five of them start laughing at once — loud, stupid, and way too confident for people who didn't even notice I was breathing down their necks.
"Behind us? Impossible!"
"He wouldn't dare come close!"
"He's probably hiding somewhere crying!"
"That trash? Please. He'd probably faint just seeing us."
Their laughing was so stupid I felt my IQ drop just by standing there.
I reached forward and put my hand on the leader's shoulder.
He twitched — tiny jump, like I pressed a cold drink on his neck.
Still didn't turn around.
These guys truly believed stealth didn't exist unless it tackled them.
"…uh… what do you want?" he said.
I leaned in a little, close enough that my breath touched his ear.
"Turn around."
He finally turned — slow, like his brain was buffering.
His face emptied out fast.
"…Sh–Shen… Yan…?"
I gave him the nicest smile I had — the "yeah buddy, your goldfish died" smile.
"Yeah. That skinny loser with the dead-fish face. You nailed it."