The first rule of avoiding someone: never, ever make eye contact.
The second rule: if you do make eye contact, act like you were actually staring at something else, preferably the wall, because walls don't have feelings.
The third rule? Simple. Run.
These were the sacred doctrines of Operation Avoid Ethan, as drafted by Kai Phillips, fifteen years old, Year 11, professional ranter, amateur ninja.
"Okay, Kenta," Kai whispered that morning as they walked to school. He crouched dramatically beside a hedge, ignoring the odd looks of passing parents. "From this point on, we enter stealth mode."
Kenta blinked. "We're… just going to school."
"Exactly," Kai hissed. "Which means danger lurks behind every corridor. Ethan Hunt is out there. Waiting. Watching. Ready to rope me into the cliché of 'best friends forever' like some slice-of-life anime sidekick. I refuse. I will not be another trope."
Kenta tilted his head. "But… isn't that exactly what the sidekick would say before becoming best friends anyway?"
Kai froze. "…Don't you dare anime-prophecy me, Kenta."
---
At school, the mission began in earnest.
Kai ducked behind doors whenever he heard Ethan's voice. He took alternate staircases, detoured through the library, and at one point disguised himself by holding a random book in front of his face. The book happened to be Introduction to Advanced Chemistry, which he didn't understand a single word of, but sacrifices had to be made.
It didn't work.
"Oi, Kai!" Ethan's cheerful voice echoed down the hall.
Kai flinched so hard he nearly dropped the book. He turned slowly, and there Ethan was—tall, messy blond hair, casual grin plastered across his face. He had the aura of an NPC programmed never to despawn.
"Fancy seeing you here," Ethan said.
Kai's brain short-circuited. Fancy seeing you here? Of course you're here. This is school. Everyone's here. That's the POINT.
"Hah… wow," Kai stammered, sweating. "This… library, huh? Full of… words." He laughed nervously and bolted into the nearest classroom like a cartoon villain fleeing the scene of the crime.
It wasn't even his classroom.
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By Tuesday, Kai escalated his tactics.
He ate lunch in the bathroom, balancing a sandwich on the sink. "This is peak anime loner behavior," he muttered. "Next thing you know, someone's going to open the door dramatically and declare me their rival."
The door creaked open.
"Kai?" Ethan's voice rang out.
Kai nearly inhaled his sandwich whole. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"
Ethan tilted his head, utterly unfazed. "Oh cool, I was looking for you! Why are you eating here, though?"
Kai slapped the sink dramatically. "Because walls can't betray me, Ethan! That's why!" He shoved past him and stormed out, sandwich crumbs trailing behind.
---
Wednesday wasn't better.
Kai left class two minutes early, certain he had finally outsmarted fate. He strode through the empty hallway, humming victoriously. "Ha! Outsmarted the script. Not even the anime gods can…"
He turned the corner and slammed straight into Ethan.
Books went flying.
Ethan blinked. "Oh, hey Kai."
Kai lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling in despair. "…Teleport jutsu. He's using teleport jutsu. That's the only explanation."
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By Thursday, even Kenta was teasing him.
"You know," Kenta said as they walked home, "you rant about Ethan so much, it's like you're already friends."
Kai gasped. "Don't you dare say that cursed sentence. This is exactly how the anime scriptwriters get you. Next thing you know, there's a training montage, heartfelt speeches, and boom…instant bromance."
Kenta shrugged. "Sounds fun to me."
Kai clutched his chest dramatically. "Traitor number two. First Dad, now you. Is there no loyalty left in this cruel world?"
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Friday arrived, and Kai was running out of stamina, both socially and literally. He slumped in his seat, praying Ethan wouldn't find him this time. Maybe the universe had given up. Maybe luck was finally on his side.
"Hey, Kai!"
Kai's forehead hit the desk with a loud thunk. "Of course," he muttered into the wood.
Ethan leaned over his desk, grinning as usual. "You've been busy this week, huh? I kept looking for you."
Kai groaned. "You mean you were 'hunting' for me."
"Eh?"
"Don't 'eh' me. Ethan Hunt. Hunt. Like the spy guy. You're literally living up to your name."
Ethan laughed, unfazed. "You're funny, Kai. We should hang out this weekend."
Kai sat up, eyes wide in horror. "Weekend?!"
"Yes, weekend," Ethan said cheerfully. "There's a football match, workplace match, you know? My dad's playing. I'm going with him. You should come too!"
Kai's soul left his body. No. Nope. Not football. Not the cursed sport. This is how it starts. First, it's a 'fun little weekend outing.' Next thing you know, I'm sweating on a field, screaming like a background extra while some bloke named Dave scores a hat trick.
He opened his mouth to refuse when the bell rang and he disappeared like he was never there.
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That evening, the house was unusually quiet. Kai lounged on the sofa, controller in hand, utterly absorbed in a FIFA match. His player had just pulled off a slick through-ball when he heard Dad's voice from the kitchen.
"Mm, yes, I'll bring my boys. They'll enjoy it."
Kai's ears twitched. No. Please no.
"I'll see you all at the match tomorrow then," Ade continued warmly.
The controller slipped from Kai's hands. He shot upright, eyes wide. Workplace… match? Tomorrow?
He stomped to the kitchen, pointing an accusatory finger at his father. "What did you just say?"
Ade looked amused. "Football match. My company's yearly friendly. We're all going."
Kai's soul crumbled. "Why...why would you say that so casually?! That's not casual information, Dad, that's life-altering trauma!"
From the hallway, Kenta popped his head in. "Ooh, football! Can't wait!"
Kai whirled on him. "Traitor!"
Ade only chuckled, already turning back to wash dishes. "Be ready by ten tomorrow."
Kai collapsed against the wall, muttering like a man awaiting execution. "So this is how it ends. Betrayed in my own home. I should've known… The universe is out for me…."