The sky split open—not because of an alien invasion, dimensional rupture, or kaiju emergence, but because the protagonist had just sprinted out of the bathroom for the seventh time in one hour. His expression alone suggested that the fate of the multiverse was hanging by a single, trembling thread.
"Is this… the end?" he muttered, leaning dramatically on the nearest wall. "No monster has ever defeated me. But this… this is different. This enemy fights from inside."
A bright light suddenly formed in front of him. A giant figure emerged, majestic and undeniably ridiculous. It wore a porcelain crown. Its body was shaped like a premium flush tank. Its eyes glowed with the authority of someone who had seen too much.
"I am the Toilet God, Guardian of Digestive Fate," it boomed. "You have summoned me through your suffering."
"I didn't summon anything," the protagonist replied. "I just ate the wrong laksa."
"Exactly," the Toilet God declared. "That laksa was a trial. And you have failed spectacularly."
Before the protagonist could argue, the Toilet God raised a plunger like a divine staff.
"You are experiencing Level 4 Intestinal Turbulence. Few mortals survive without permanent emotional damage."
The protagonist took a deep breath, gathering what little strength remained.
"Tell me," he asked solemnly, "What must I do to survive this ordeal?"
The Toilet God nodded, impressed by his resolve.
"There is only one path. Hydration. Rest. And absolutely no spicy food for 48 hours."
The protagonist fell to his knees. "No spicy food…? Truly, this is the cruelest punishment."
The Toilet God placed a porcelain hand on his shoulder.
"Rise, warrior. Even heroes take sick leave. Today, your battle is not with monsters, but with your own digestive system."
A pause.
Then the Toilet God vanished with a flush that echoed through the cosmos.
The protagonist stood alone, mentally defeated, physically exhausted, and spiritually humbled. He staggered toward the bed like an injured veteran returning from war.
"Very well," he whispered. "Today… no chapter. Tomorrow, maybe. But tonight… isotonic drinks and sleep."
And thus ended the most anticlimactic yet profoundly educational chapter of his life.
T/s: I will update tomorrow.