I lay on the hospital bed as I looked into my son's eyes. He held my hand strongly as he cried. "Mum please don't go," he cried out to me as he held my hand.
"I'm sorry you have to see me like this," I said to him. "I know you're angry with me. I know you must hate me for not having managed to convince your father to make you, his heir.
I recounted the resentment my son had built up towards me in the last years.
Anthony then roughly shook his head. "Mother what are you talking about!?"
His reaction caught me off guard perhaps he didn't want to say it out loud so as not be rude but I didn't mind. "I've noticed don't talk to me as much and he always seemed angry with me. I'm sorry I failed you." I said to him.
He then let out a tired sigh. "You still don't get it, do you? Your never cared to. You've always been like this," he complained disappointed in me.
"What do you mean?" I asked him weakly in confusion.
"You only ever focused on making me the heir father chose. You thought that's what I wanted but it wasn't. All I ever wanted was to spend time with you. Everywhere I went I was ostracised and bullied for the situation we are in. My life has been a living hell. The one thing that could have better was at least having you around. But all you ever did was chase after father. I never cared about being the heir. I accepted that Father hates me. But at least you could've been there for me! I really wish you could have spent more time with me."
My eyes widened in horror as I looked into the eyes of my now 16-year-old son. All these years I thought I was doing everything to help him. Turns out I was doing everything wrong. How could I have been completely oblivious to how he felt?
Now knowing that I'd basically wasted my time I was ashamed of myself. How had I not noticed before. It's now on my death bed that I realize it. When it's far too late.
"Now I'm about to lose you and I'll be all alone," he said as he continued to cry. Watching him cry pained me immensely. To know that I had failed my child was a hard pill to swallow.
Suddenly, I couldn't breathe, and my chest began to constrict.
"Mum! Mum!" Anthony yelled out to me in panic. My body wasn't responding though and I continued to shake.
He ran to the doorway of the room. "Help! I need some help in here!" I heard him scream. I assumed it was to the hospital staff. My vision became blurry as I convulsed. I heard footsteps enter the room in a hurry.
"She's going into respiratory failure!" I heard someone yell.
In the distance I heard the familiar voice of my son, he was crying. It was awful knowing I was traumatising my son. I wished I could fix it all. To go back in time and redo all the things I'd done wrong. To spend more time with him and give him what he actually wished for.
What was going to happen to him now if I died? If he's forced to move in with my ex-husband there's no doubt in my mind that "woman" will kill him. I had failed as a mother. My one job was to protect my child and I had failed, miserably.
As the doctors tried to resuscitate me. I felt my body begin to shut down. My blurry visioned eyes felt heavy and began to close.
'No!' I screamed in my mind. 'Please let me stay with my son! He'll be alone. Please, he needs me! I need to fix this! I can't die like this!'
To think I would die at the early age of 36 was unbelievable to me. As my eyes closed and suddenly, I saw a blinding bright light appear before me. Which was ironic since my eyes were closed.
The light seemed to envelop me as it was all I could see with nothing else that lay ahead.
Was this me going to the afterlife? I wondered. The light stayed surrounding me for what felt like several minutes with nothing changing. Then suddenly, the light began to fade.
Surprisingly my eyelids no longer felt heavy.
"I'm sorry Mrs Acland but Mr Acland is busy," I then heard a voice say.
Unsure if I'd heard right, I slowly opened my eyes and was met with a woman seated behind a desk in front of me.
"What?" I said, confused by the scene before me.
"Mrs Acland, I said Mr Acland is busy he can't see you right now," the woman repeated.
Mrs Acland? I thought to myself in surprise, I hadn't been called that in so long I'd divorced Keith 6 years ago. Ms Towers was my maiden surname and it's what I was called after the divorce. Mr Acland was Keith, my ex-husband.
She looked familiar. I then looked around taking in my surroundings. I was in a luxurious buildings' entrance hall, which I also recognized. This was the Acland Holdings Limited HQ building. In front of me was the reception where two well dressed women, the receptionists, were stationed.
"Mrs Acland," she called out to me again however I still didn't respond.
What was I doing here? How has this happened? I asked myself shocked. Was this a dream? I pinched my arm. I certainly felt the pain. Was this real?
This seemed like one of the many scenarios in which I would attempt to see Keith, and he would reject seeing me every single time. However, that was more than 3 years ago when I used to do that. In recent years, I had gotten ill and couldn't move around. Had I gone back in time? Had my wish come true? What in the world was going on?
"Mrs Acland, unfortunately, we're going to have to call security if you don't leave," the receptionist informed me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I continued to ignore her, however, as a thought suddenly came to mind. Anthony! I could go see Anthony! I thought to myself. Whether it's a dream or not, I have to see my son.