I hated my father sometimes. Hated the way he thought he could control everything, even my life. As if he hadn't done enough already. Since I was a kid, he was dead set on straightening my path.
Always saying that, he didn't want me to end up like how he was sometime ago. I had always liked art when I was even in school but he told me art won't bring me any damn money and I might as well start studying subjects that were above my grade and had to do with business.
"Go back to her," he said, pressing his hands on the mahogany table like it was some law of the universe. "Beg her to forgive you. Your wife… she should be by your side, supporting you. I don't know what happened or how she suddenly stopped loving you. Just remember that a King is nothing without his Queen and now your Queen is not around which makes you vulnerable to the enemy not to mention your son, my grandson. Your wife should be here taking care of your son."
I stared at him, a flicker of anger sparking behind my eyes. If it wasn't for the fact that he was a little taller than me, I'd have burst out in anger already. They don't know the truth. They have no idea what kind of snake, a monster, an evil human in disguise of an angel she is. If they did… if they knew what I lived through, they wouldn't even suggest her name. They would even follow everything in their power to kill her. But that can't happen until I get my hands on what's with Sherlyn, my ex wife. I couldn't help how my jaw tightened.
"Father! She was the one who left me. I didn't even ask her for a divorce. She did, not me. And she was the one who cheated in the same house we were living in. The same home Andrew is living in. Why can't you understand that, we are better off without her. And she personally told me she didn't want Andrew" I said in a controlled soft voice hoping he would understand this final time and allow me to be free of the witch but it didn't happen.
My Father slammed his fist on the black desk and stood up"Jasper!! This is the last time I'll tell you to go and plead with Sherlyn to come back. We have a deal with their family. We have a deal with Gael and Vincent Voss"
Just their names sent me off bouncing my feet in anxiety. The men who ruined me before I even came to understand how I wanted to be in life. I was hoping my Father wouldn't notice me biting my fingers. That was the only comfort I had when my brain was going haywire. When it felt like I didn't belong to the world anymore but rather a void that was ready to swipe me off my feet the very second I became weak.
I was brought out of my trance when my Father slammed his fists on the table in anger again screaming. It took me my guts to seat down and let him tower over me without being a crying mess. "Are you listening to me boy".
"Yes Father"I nodded politely, but my insides burned with rage. Rage I knew I would never be able to let out. I clenched my fist softly by my side to prevent me from giving into instinct.
"Good! I expect some good news on both of you coming back together in at least a month or two. Till then, don't contact me. You can leave now" He said barely acknowledging my presence and continued working.
I nodded as a test and without another word, I turned and left, my heart hammering with a mix of fear, anxiety, nervousness and frustration.
I walked to my car and entered plopping on the soft leather seats. I picked a handkerchief which still had the smell that has been calming me down for two months now. A stranger I don't know accidentally bumped into me where we accidentally dropped our handkerchief which got swapped by coincidence and surprisingly. The scent in the handkerchief has been my cuddle buddy and everything. It made me feel warm and okay. Like no one will ever hurt me. I knew it sounded stupid since Riley, my best friend, had already told me so.
I started my car not knowing where to go. I knew Andrew would be asleep by now and I didn't want to wake him up when I got back home without me being in the right state of mind. I packed my car somewhere and got down thinking about going for a walk in the park to clear my mind.
I walked aimlessly, but my steps somehow brought me to a place I hated, the club not any simple club but a BDSM club. Where the club was filled with men taller than me but tonight, I was too tired to give a fuck. I just hoped I won't spiral again since I've already taken my medication when I was driving.
The smell of alcohol, the bass that rattled my chest, the crowd that I couldn't face, everything made me want to run, but tonight I needed to drown myself in something. Anything that will make me forget about the past a little and I knew my one friend always got me, Alcohol. It didn't judge me, didn't force me to do things I didn't want. It rather allowed me to drink it to make my sorrows go away. Even when it makes me lose control later, I'm happy because I consented and wasn't forced.
I found the darkest corner I could after taking the band and slapped it on my wrist. In every bdsm or safe bdsm community, there were colors to indicate what someone was. Blue for sub, purple for Dom, gold for looking for a scene, red for masochist, Black for sadist and so on, green for not interested in anything. I made my way towards the chair and sat down after taking my drink from the bartender. I was happy everyone was focusing on themselves which meant that, I won't be the center of attention and no one would approach me. But still, I couldn't help how my fingers were biting into themselves as my anxiety flared again. I couldn't help but panic a little. My panic attacks weren't gentle. They were brutal and made me crazy so much that I almost strangled Andrew once and almost smashed a glass on Riley's head. My legs bounced uncontrollably and I hated it, but I couldn't stop it.
Just as I was thinking of finally leaving, someone plopped themself beside me like he owned the space, like he owned me. I turned my head to look at the person who didn't get the info or ignored the fact that I wanted to be alone. I was staring at the guy really hard. It was like I knew him from somewhere but the alcohol had already tampered with my brain, I squinted a little more only to hear him chuckle.
"Do you love me so bad that, you want to burrow yourself in me that much" He again chuckled and that was when I knew I was going to get fucked in the head.
Riker Maddox, 193cm, eight inches taller than me, broad shoulders, muscles that made me feel like a child again, like I couldn't breathe. He was the leader of the Dragon Clan. He had already taken his place as the sole king in their Clan while my father said I wasn't ready, more like not good enough. My Father always compared me to him. Saying how he was proud of Ryker. My Father, the homophobe, even puts that aside and tells Ryker he is proud of him.
Ryker is a ladies and men's man. He was gorgeous, and had ruby fiery hair which reached his shoulders. He had an ear and tongue piercing and also had a Dragon tattoo on his back since he liked to show off. I always dislike Ryker for some reasons. He was one of the people who was able to get under my skin no matter how hard I tried to shake him off. He was like a dog with a bone. When he sets his eyes on you, then that is that. I viewed him as a rival even if our families are particularly glued to each other. Our families have been best friends since I don't even know. And the fact that my own father likes Ryker more than me pisses me off literally.
Unfortunately, before I could answer him with a snarly comment of my own all anxiety forgotten, my eyes who had a brain of its own darted towards Ryker's wrist only to see it slapped with a black band and just like that, I was taken back to the cold dark place filled with human who were nothing but monsters. Flashes of memories…..everything I had buried clawed its way to the surface. I stared at him, frozen, my fingers raw from biting. There was just one thing, an alarm going inside my head. He is going to hurt me. He is going to do what they did. He will take me back to them.
"Hey…what is wrong. Why are you breathing fast" the ever so emotionless Ryker said in a worried voice and reached out to touch my face but that made me flinch more.
I knew I had to escape otherwise I'll be in the headlines tomorrow. I couldn't let my dad talk my ear off again. I mumbled an excuse and ran to the bathroom, stumbling through the hallways barely able to carry myself forward, but the ones above being so good, I reached the bathroom just in time. I hunched over the toilet bowl and dug my fingers in my throat, gagging as I emptied all the contents from my stomach into the bowl.
My chest heaved as I started feeling dizzy and the fact that I had drank alcohol wasn't working. I collapsed to the floor, my hands trembling, whispering to the shadows. I just wanted them to leave me alone for some moment. "No, no, no… don't touch me… please… I'll listen… I'll do what you want…"