Love, right? I hate it when people casually talk about it and apply their own philosophies to it, it's always "love this" or "love that" and even though they talk about it philosophically and attempt to add meaning to it, it always falls apart in the end. And I also loathe how people so much value into that concept, it's outright repulsing at times, when people say "love is the most important/special/precious feeling" or "the supreme concept" as a girl called it once. I get that love's important however I can't deny that it is severely overrated. There are feelings and emotions that far outweigh love and affects a person more. Two notable examples are sadness and regret, those two rule the world like gentle tyrants and it's glorious and hilarious how people downplay them.
If I ask you which emotion/feeling is the most impactful when it concerns someone's humanity most people would immediately say love. Love isn't what makes us human, it's an insult to humans and human history to claim so. What makes us really "human" is these so called "negative" emotions such as sadness and regret. The dumbass who said that some emotions can be negative and thought children to suppress and them and value positive emotions instead should be on everyone's hit-list, even if he's dead. We should make a Time Machine for the sole purpose of eliminating that piece of scum. Sadness and regret impacts us as people more than love ever could and that's a fact. Sadness teaches us to cry and express sorrow and discontent, it can lead to anger and other adjacent emotions which are a necessity for growth and maturity. Isn't it ironic that when people tell you that you shouldn't bottle up your emotions they constantly exclude the aforementioned "negative" emotions? Cause it's those exact emotions that you should never keep bottles up.
And don't forget about regret either, that emotion is my favorite all time emotion and concept. Regret is the absolute essential for someone's humanity. Without regret you'd immediately lose all of your humanity, it's the one absolute concerning the human mind. Regret is the rawest emotion, it's the emotion that makes you feel the most because we all regret something be it big or small or meaningless or important. Something like not explaining the answer to a question properly when a classmate asks you or disappointing your parents or picking a snack at the convenience store and when you start eating it, it's not bad but you could've picked a better choice down to shattering someone's poor heart. You can regret EVERYTHING. But I do agree that living a life full of regrets is just unhealthy and bad for you, but that shouldn't be a surprise too much of everything is automatically bad. On that note would that count as the sin of gluttony or not? Gluttony means overindulgence in things but that's due to your choice, you generally don't choose to live a life full of regrets, or do you? Regret is what makes someone feel truly alive, because what is a life without regrets? It's dull really. Most people love to say that they would love to let go of all their regrets and live a life without them but they are just being idiots, you are bound to make mistakes or hurt someone but you can't grow or mature as a person because you don't regret it, that regret is the reason you grow and a lack of it means you stay as a stupid child forever. But in a twist of fate you could say that I love sadness and regret. Isn't it also mind numbingly sad that one of the biggest reason for regret is directly associated with love? I think love is overrated but it's because of it that I can have such a fond appreciation for sadness and regret. I've been called a weirdo several times due to my philosophy concerning mainly by my family but it doesn't matter, I relish in that feeling, I must relish in sadness and regret, not because I'm trying to atone, but because I'm trying to grow as a person.
But man, isn't this an interesting scenario, I never thought that the first time I would use my brand-spanking-new motorcycle would be to drive to the airport and pick up someone. It's good that he doesn't have any luggage and it was shipped directly to our house but I'm not sure what to feel about this. I feel a bit bad leaving a high schooler alone for the entire school week but he said he can take care of himself so I guess that's fine. So, it's the 3rd of September. It's not a special day or anything but I digress.
But this airport is oddly big, I even had the time to have that big monologue and I still don't see him- OH, there he is. Exactly as pops described him, down to his poker face, and what an interesting fashion sense and also is he depressed or something? Wait, I know that look, man, you've been through some stuff haven't you? I would never mistake that gaze and those eyes, you're type who would deny that you're sad or depressed aren't you? The type who bottles up their emotions and cries silently. And those eyes, so deep yet so simple, very unclear, your eyes are like black & white TV static. Don't worry, I will try to be type of person who you can feel comfortable around. I've had those types of gazes before, I know them better than anyone. So let me be a little sneaky here. I walk silently and nonchalantly next to where he's sitting and manage to sit right next to him without being noticed, he has Bluetooth earbuds in and his headphones are plugged in. So I decided to use the tride and true technique of yawn and reach. It was quite successful…I hope it doesn't look like I'm trying to sexually assault a minor. He looks a bit frightened and pauses the song and looks at me but he immediately goes back to his poker face and regains his composure.
-Mellisa Malbourne, yes?
-Oh, did pops tell you about me? Well then, it's nice to meet you, Ven Sinclair.
-…W-Would it bother you to take your arm off my shoulders?
-Oh yeah no problem.
I do as he asks and he looks at me probably confused, looks like pops didn't tell him.
-Where's Mr.Malbourne?
-Not here. Outside of the country. Other side of the world actually.
He looks flabbergasted, it's a pretty endearing expression if I'm being honest.
-H-how come?
-The company he works for has the deal of a lifetime so he's been forced to go to Hong Kong to work there otherwise he gets fired.
-I see. So I'll be alone during the week?
-Yes, but you look mature enough, you can take care of yourself right?
-I mean…yes?
-So no problem then, I'll be here during the weekend since I'm in the university dormitories during the rest of the week, so if you have any questions feel free to ask me. I am your legal guardian now so don't feel bad k?
-Ok. I'll do my best, I guess.
-So kid, are you depressed?
-W-Where did that come from?
-Do I need to hold up a mirror? You don't have the slightest light in those eyes of yours and you look as if you're on the verge of collapse. Is everything alright honey?
-Is the accent obligatory?
-Yes, yes it is. I'm very proud of My southern accent! It's sounds good and I've been told it sounds erotic at times. Just goes on to improve my feminine charms!
-O-Ok?
-But I'm moderately surprised, I would've thought you'd have a pretty strong accent but you don't have one. You know since you're from-
-Y-Yes I know, I just never had a accent that's all.
-Oh? Well that's fine, I don't like those types of accents anyways. But are you planning to answer my question babes?
-P-Please don't call me nicknames.
You know, he actually looked a bit scary at the start but he's actually pretty wishy-washy. Poor baby, he's probably not used to talk to a refined, beautiful and endearing woman like me. I'm not egotistical I just love proclaiming the truth!
-Well, if you insist but don't blame me if I let a nickname slip out every now and then. Oh wait, you haven't answered my question!
-Ummm…do I have to?
-Well…what do you think?
-I think that I don't have to answer?
-Correct, but that doesn't change the fact that you can answer.
-Wait, southern accent? But we're smack in the middle of the country?
-And? Are you insinuation that I can't have a southern accent cause of that? You're breaking my heart.
-B-but, southern is in the name.
-And that isn't a problem at all! You can have a southern accent even if you aren't born in the south. Just because something is the norm doesn't mean it has to be the case all the time.
-…I don't know.
-Hmmm?
-I don't know if I'm depressed. I know I'm not particularly happy, but I don't feel depressed either.
-I understand, who says you have to be depressed if you aren't happy, being happy all the time is a problem dammit!
-Huh? But isn't being optimistic generally a good thing?
-I said happy, not optimistic, there is a difference. "Optimism" refers to a mental state where you're generally positive about certain things and thus it affects your mental state. "Happy" is an emotion and that's where the problem lies. Being optimistic all the time has its problems, sure, but being happy all the time is straight up terrible. Can you imagine being happy every single day, even when there are tragedies and catastrophes happening all around? Can you imagine being happy when someone close to you dies, when you do something bad or when you break a poor girls heart? And that isn't even the main issue, after a while you will be numb to the feeling happiness, it will become your norm. It would stop feeling special, it would stop being an emotion.
-Really? But is that truly a problem? Being happy all the time doesn't sound too bad actually. Who the hell wants to feel bad anyways?
Interesting, his voice changed and he seems relaxed now. Success!
-You don't, but it makes you human. A human who is happy all the time isn't a human, it's an empty husk.
-Again, I don't see the issue. Aren't all humans basically empty husks already? At least you can be an empty husk but feel good about it.
-Maybe, but do you think that you yourself as an individual is an empty husk? You don't seem like an empty husk to me.
-…No?
-Then you're not an empty husk kid! İt all depends on perspective ya'see.
-It all has to do with perspective? How?
-Well, you have a positive perspective and you're suddenly in a positive mood. But if you're Mr. Doom and gloom then you're in a negative mood.
-It can't be that simple. Just having a positive or negative perspective shouldn't affect your mental state that easily.
-Oh but it can. If you say you'll fail, then you'll most likely fail. if you say you'll succeed you'll most likely succeed.
-No way. That's impossible. That's just something parents say to encourage their dumb children. It can't have such important effects on the human psyche.
-Oh yes, arguing with a psychology major eh? Of course that's gonna go well.
-How was I supposed to know I was arguing with a psychology major!?
-Observational skills.
-Like that one powerless detective in the series where every detective has powers?
-Sure?
-Damn it. You're not able to get that reference.
-No prob! You ready to go? It should be a comfortable fit since all your stuff has already been shipped to the house.
-Why did you feel the need to mention that it "should" be a comfortable fit?
-Good! You're already taking my advice to heart. It's cause I came here on the cycle!
-A motorcycle?
-Yeah!
-…
-I'm such a rebel, punk, subverting expectations type of chick I am right?
-It feels like you're trying too hard. Please tone it down.
-Hohoho! You said that like a warning on a fitness game played on a board!
-You…made a reference to that? Interesting.
-Yeah I know! Anyways let's get going.
So we made our way to where my cycle is parked.
-This is…quite an extravagant and cool motorcycle actually.
-Absolutely! I bought most of the parts and shell and actually worked on it on my own without the help of a mechanic.
One of my proudest achievements actually.
-Wow. That must have taken a lot of time and effort. It's really good. You did an amazing job.
-I know right! It feels spectacular to have a guy actually appreciate how good it is instead of asking me "if I wanted them to take me for a ride". Like I was some damn poser instead of a cool, calm and composed hot woman! I know how to ride and I ride damn well!
Dammit, I made another dirty joke on accident.
-It feels like someone the author knows personally is gonna appreciate that line. Also you forgot to tone down your personality. You're not acting cool,calm or composed.
-Well…who cares right?
-The editor probably.
This kid sure has some interesting jokes.
-Ok, here's your helmet.
I hand him one of my favorite helmets, a pink one with sleek purple and red highlights and cat ears!
-Miss Melissa? Why does the helmet have cat ears?
Hohohohohohororo! Hilarious! Perfect! And you even called me "miss" Melissa. That's just too precious dammit!
-It's not that funny. Can you answer the question?
-Oh. It's cute'n cool.
-I don't understand. Its not even yellow with the back being blue and an "s" on the right side of it!
-You don't have to. It just looks good. Plus I won't have you get on my cycle without a helmet. My safety and yours come first. Especially since your arm is broken meaning that you're gonna have to hang on tight to my back with only one arm.
-…I'll put it on.
He puts it on. It looks great.
-I must look so damn terrible right now.
-No, it looks great.
-…
I put on my helmet, it's a sleek, black design with lots of edges and other types of angles that transport to the domain of "cool". It also has a sick ass visor and was totally meant for men. So anyways I get on the cycle.
-Get on, and don't forget to hug my back k? Don't even think about letting go.
-Yes mam.
He does as I ask him to but he totally feels weird. I mean, I think I would too? It's probably his first time hugging a girls back.
-Well, hang on tight and grit your teeth. Your first time on a cycle like this should be exciting. It's a 45 minute ride by the way.
I start revving up the engine as it slowly builds up into a monstrous crescendo.
-It's probably not th-AAAAAAAAAAAA!
-That's what they all say.
I get out of the parking area and descend onto the highway, passing cars in the meantime as Ven hugs my back tightly, probably riding off an adrenaline rush.
-Hang in there kid!
-W-what was that?
It would be hilarious if I said something foreshadow-y to end off the chapter. Something like "I get the feeling this year is gonna be interesting". I don't need to say it, cause it's already plenty interesting dagnabbit! And also the chapter's not over yet.
A week later
Oh man, it's 7 am already? Well I guess it's time for my morning run. Oh wait, I should invite Ven to come with me! I hope he doesn't mind being woken up at 7 on a Saturday morning though.
-Good morning Ven!
-Hwuh? Whut time is it?
-It's 7 am. I'm going on my morning run and I thought I should drag you along with me.
-…Fiwe. I'll get weady in a few winutes.
-K sleepyhead! Don't keep me waiting! And don't forget to take off your cast, pops said you can remove it.
-Wake up, get up and get out there, eh?
End of chapter