My father and mother always thought there was something wrong with me. Ever since I was young. To be frank, so did I. I still do. They said it wasn't a problem with my body, but with my mind. I didn't say anything. I don't think I cared much.
I was always a mediocre child. I couldn't fight as well as any of my siblings. I couldn't run fast or jump high. I never got bullied, or had many friends. I didn't take very kindly to most things. I remember the way I cried after I fell from the tree in our backyard. I never went tree climbing since then. I think I'd like to now, but I don't think anybody would enjoy the sight.
Grandfather was the one that brought me sweets after that. I always liked him. He was as quiet alive as he was dead. They called him a wisdom path gu master. I could never pronounce any of that jargon properly. I liked spending time with him, well, more than with anyone else.
He said I had a talent for escaping things. Responsibilities. Danger. Blame. He said he found it amusing. I didn't know if that was a compliment or an insult. I still don't. I never asked him then, and I don't have the chance now.
He was apparently very attractive in his youth. I didn't receive any of that, neither did my father. His arms were a shade of brown I only ever saw in others. Compared to him, I was pale. I didn't go out much. I fell a few times before I learnt I wasn't very good with the outdoors.
I was only a little sickly as a child. They said it was from a lack of whatever it was. I don't remember what exactly it was, but I remember that I figured it out before the doctors from a book I had read. I never really told anybody about that. I knew I'd receive a scolding and maybe a pull of the ear for saying my parents didn't feed me right. That, and they said I read too much already. I didn't want to make it worse.
There were always dogs outside my house. They only chased me once. I ran away easily but I was afraid to go outside for weeks after. It wasn't the crying afraid, just reluctant. But somehow even that was too much.
My brothers made fun of me a few times for that. I got back at them for it a year or two later, and I've avoided them since. I really don't know what they'll do to me if they see me. I'm a superstitious person. I've always believed karma would act when I couldn't, and it usually did.
When I was younger, a kid who stole my toys fell down the stairs. He broke his arm and I couldn't hide a snicker. I got a lovely scolding for that too.
My life was nice. I didn't have anything to worry about back then. I think it's better now, though I have no reason to back it up.
My life got more "exciting" when I became a gu master. The academy was so-so. They never taught anything hard, and nobody ever learnt anything hard.
Apparently our batch was just one of those. Maybe there were two or three notable students. I was never one of them. The teachers liked me, at first atleast. Everytime I made a mistake, I could almost feel them acting colder. I didn't know whether it was all in my head or not.
I eventually realised that everything, everwhere was in my head, but that confused me more than calmed me.
I never struggled in the academy, but I never excelled either. I had a better memory regarding people compared to textbooks. A kid made fun of me in class and I put itching powder on his chair a few months later. I was almost shaking the first time I saw him sit on it. I almost still smile thinking of it.
I was only a 61% B grade talent. The worst of my family.
I still thought of myself as somewhat talented compared to others. My family was the exception. I once heard the female teachers talking about my father's divine "seed". I only smiled.
I thought myself an awkward person. I had quite a few friends but no best friends. I didn't see most of them after I graduated. That period was hectic. It's better now. Or worse. It depends on whether someone finds their past ineptitude scarier than beasts.
I ended up a wisdom path gu master like my grandfather. My father almost slapped my uncle when he suggested I go fight for the clan outside. At first I thought he loved me too much to let me die outside, until I thought about why he didn't love my brothers as much. It's better here than out there. I don't take it as an insult.
Two weeks later, one of my brothers was killed by a Bark Wolf. He was always the strong one. I never understood how it happened to him. But I never said anything.
I only understood that it really was better here.
My father cried at his funeral quite a bit. I felt only slightly sad. We were never close. I almost questioned father internally for crying, before I realised how much of a crybaby I used to be.
I was even more fervent in my service of the clan after that. Good dogs aren't put down after all. I wasn't much help for most of my career, but I was of help. That was enough.
There weren't many wisdom path gu masters in the clan apart from perhaps one or two elders. They would never help me. Even if only out of hatred for my grandfather, and not because I was their competitor.
I always had to argue for discounts with caravan owners and the other pricks who came into our clan. Wisdom path truly was miraculous at haggling. Though I'm quite sure the primeval essence used cost me more than I had saved.
I finally advanced to rank two and became a real gu master a week ago. I asked father for his blessings but he never gave them. Perhaps he wishes I died instead of my brother. Too bad for him.
After the formalities were over, the clan's leader called me for a meeting regarding a missing person's case. Rank two gu master Hua Gan Mo. He was my classmate back then. 86% A-grade, and as top notch as they could get. My father wanted to marry off my sister to him. He refused and I felt relieved.
But work was work. Especially when it came from the boss.