Basel, May 1941.…
-What do we do? Suzanne asks.
-I'm going to go to the apartment, you stay here. If I don't come back in 20 minutes, call Paul. We must not draw attention to ourselves.
-But Heinrich, you're going to go alone, without help? I'm coming with you.
-No Suzanne, I thank you for helping Ruth, but I need to know that you're safe here with her too, so I'd rather go. And Paul would kill me if something happened to you.
I stand up, open the door and head toward my apartment. I heard noise that was surely coming from one of the bedrooms. I decide to take my weapon, the one I had hidden during our move. It was going to be useful. I don't know what is going to happen during these next few minutes but I start to panic internally.
My steps become heavy and my heart beats very fast. I opened the door of the first bedroom, nothing at all. Then I open the other door, and I come face to face with Yorg.
-Heinrich?
-Yorg, what are you doing here?
-I'll ask you the same question, what are you doing in Switzerland? You were supposed to be in a new section in Germany.
-What are you doing here then? You're supposed to be in Germany as well.
-I was sent here to get those idiot Jews.
-You know that you have no right to enter and enforce your law in a country that is politically neutral? I asked.
-Honestly I don't care. To me, they are allies of the Jews, so traitors, and I can't stand seeing these people live a normal life when they don't deserve it.
He disgusts me. How can a human being think that about others who clearly asked for nothing. But now, I have to find a way to make them leave here, because if they go back, they could talk about me and come back to get me or rather kill me for treason. And I don't want to lose what I just built here and with Ruth.
-But tell me Heinrich, he says while approaching me.
I watch him get closer to me, a mocking smile on his face.
-You didn't come here alone, I imagine?
-What are you talking about?
-A certain Jewish girl of 18 who is surely now 20 years old ran away from her section, and she wouldn't have left alone, and I was wondering if it wouldn't be you?
His question caught me off guard. He had known for a long time but he was waiting for the right moment to trap me. My brain quickly started thinking at full speed to find a solution to his attack.
-I suspected that a naïve boy like you would fall into her arms. You are too young to understand the magnificent responsibility we have as German soldiers. And I'm pretty sure you ended up between her legs, didn't you, kid?
-I won't allow you to speak like that, and I'm asking you to leave now, you and that damn grocer.
-Do you really think I'm going to let you go like that without bringing back at least a piece of your body or that of your little girlfriend? he sneers.
Without realizing it I had just punched him straight in the face. His nose immediately started bleeding heavily.
-Young man, I won't say anything about your betrayal if you let us leave with that woman, announces the grocer.
-So you finally start talking, you, Yorg says with his hand against his face.
-You are going to leave here now or I will force you to.
-Do you really think your skinny little body will be able to put both of us in trouble? the grocer sneers.
I grab him by the collar of his shirt and slam him hard against the wall, so hard that he groaned in pain.
-I repeat, you are both going to leave here willingly or by force.
I felt pain on the right side of my stomach, Yorg had just hit me. Because of the pain, I let go of the old man. He leaned against the wall as if trying to move away from me.
-If you want to take on someone your size, come at me Heinrich.
-So you're playing the protector now Yorg.
-You seem to forget that I'm not the one who killed Jews simply because I didn't know how to use a weapon, he sneers.
I hit him a second time but this time his lips turned blood red. He returned the blow straight to my eyebrow. I began to feel again the pain in my stomach, he hadn't missed me, and not in the face either. We kept exchanging blows, the pain becoming more and more difficult to handle. I saw Yorg take a knife out of his pocket. I barely avoided it but the grocer who was behind me took it instead.
-Shit, Yorg spat.
The grocer was holding the blood from his wound with both hands. He hadn't said a word. Despite the state of Yorg's accomplice, he continued to attack me with his weapon. My body is struggling more and more to handle the pain and my energy is fading. Yorg drops his weapon because of a moment of inattention. In no time I grab the knife and stab it straight into his chest.
I realize what I have just done. My breathing becomes heavy. Yorg's gaze is filled with hatred and pain. I had just stabbed him straight in the chest and he surely would not take long to die. Barely has his body fallen to the ground when I hear behind me the old man lying on the floor, a red pool around him. He had bled out while Yorg and I were fighting.
I take a moment to think, I let myself slide down against the wall. I had killed again. I had promised myself not to commit anything anymore, not to kill again. The image of that young Jewish boy came back to my mind as if to haunt me again, to show me how much of a monster I am.
I stand up and begin to wrap the bodies in sheets. I clean the floor. It was already dark outside fortunately, otherwise I would have been stuck here with two dead bodies.
A few minutes later.
The bedroom is clean and there are no more bloodstains, but on the white wall it was more complicated and the stains went from a bright red to a dirty orange. I decide to leave the room and lock it, since it is Ruth's former bedroom. I will simply hide the key so she cannot open it and see these strange stains. I don't want to have to explain what I have just committed a second time. I know she will discover it, but I prefer to know that it won't be right away.
Now that the bodies are buried in the garden of the building, and that I have gotten rid of all the evidence of their visit, all I have to do is go back to Ruth.
I knock on the door. Suzanne opens it, worry on her face.
-They're gone.
-Are you sure about that? How did they leave? Suzanne asks.
-I threatened them and they left.
-Just that, after all the time we had to wait?
-They're not here anymore, isn't that the most important thing? I threaten Suzanne.
Suzanne looks at me with incomprehension at my reaction, but what she thinks doesn't interest me. I move closer to Ruth and press my lips against hers. Her eyes open wide after this kiss, as if asking what is happening and why I suddenly kissed her.
-I just realized that I could have lost you.