I'm twenty now, but sometimes I feel like the same little girl who never grew out of her hunger for validation. I wish I could say I've changed—that I'm stronger, untouchable—but the truth is, the smallest act of kindness still makes my heart race.
Maybe that's why love terrifies me.
Plenty of guys have confessed to me before, but it's always the same. Their eyes lingered on my face, my body, as if that's all I was worth. No one seemed to notice the me beneath the mask. I kept rejecting them, one after another, because none of it felt genuine.
Instead, I found myself drowning in romance anime, pretending those stolen moments belonged to me. For a while, it worked. But the more I watched, the hungrier I became, and the more jealous I felt of characters who got the kind of love I could only dream about.
There was this one series—*Doctor Stone*. The main character, Senku, a science geek who wasn't just intelligent but genuine. I laughed at myself for crushing on an anime character. "He doesn't exist," I told myself. "No one like that exists in the real world."
And yet… a part of me still wished.
When my family moved to Tokyo, Father made it clear he wanted me in one of the most prestigious universities. I followed, because what else could I do? My first year, I topped the whole university. I should have been proud—and I was—but I also knew Father wouldn't care. He never does.
Now I'm in my second year as a biochemistry student. It was a Tuesday, just days before Valentine's. My classmates were buzzing about dates, gifts, confessions. One of my friends teased, *"What about you, Ayla? Who's the lucky guy?"*
I forced a smile, brushed it off, and excused myself, saying I forgot something outside. Truth was, I just couldn't stand it. The jealousy gnawed at me, reminding me I was always the observer, never the one being chosen for who I really was.
As I wandered through the crowd, I spotted someone weaving past, a folder hugged to his chest, a pencil dangling from his mouth. For some reason, he looked… familiar. But I couldn't remember from where. Something inside me urged me to talk to him, but the thought of him thinking, *"That's random and creepy,"* stopped me cold.
I glanced at my phone—then it happened.
A sudden bump. Papers flew everywhere, scattering across the floor like the very anime clichés I used to envy. My shoes tingled oddly, and when I looked down… my soles were melting. What kind of guy carries around a mixture strong enough to eat through rubber?
Still, I kept my composure. "Are you okay?" I asked.
"Uh… I-I think so," he stammered.
I crouched to help him gather the papers. That's when I saw it: a list of chemical mixtures that are flammable. And beside it, a doodle of a frog exploding. I almost laughed.
Looking closer, I realized the boy in front of me wasn't just some clumsy nerd. His features were sharp, handsome even—though his weirdly combed hair and lack of style tried their best to hide it. As I skimmed through his notes, all about reactions and compounds, the truth hit me.
He was a science geek. Just like Senku.
Wait—no, no, no. Senku was fiction. This was real life. And besides, they didn't even look the same. If anything, this guy was… more handsome.
My inner voice screamed: Ackkkkkk! Be cool, Ayla! Don't lose it!
I shoved the papers back into his arms, gave a small wave, and escaped into the crowd.
But later, as I rummaged through my bag, I froze. There was an unfamiliar sheet tucked inside—one I must've picked up by mistake. Scrawled across it were notes on combustion rates and explosions… and another doodle, this time of a cat in goggles, riding a rocket. It made me smile without meaning to.
At the corner of the page was a name and number.
**Haruki Saito.**
That name sparked something in me. Memories surfaced—the boy from the mall… and the boy who once beat me in a science contest.
And suddenly, the pieces clicked.
---
I told myself it was nothing. That the strange tightness in my chest was only shock, coincidence. But later, when I found one of his papers slipped into my bag by mistake, I couldn't stop staring at the messy formulas and that doodle of a cat riding a rocket. My hand trembled as I dialed the number written at the corner.
I used the excuse of "returning his notes." He sounded surprised, but not annoyed. When I suggested we meet to discuss one of his formulas, he agreed easily. That was the beginning.
We met in the study rooms, sometimes in the labs. Always surrounded by books, notebooks, glassware, and the sharp scent of chemicals. At first, it was only academics. He'd explain with strange doodles, odd comparisons, and an excitement that made even the dullest formulas feel alive. I'd correct his tiny slips, and he'd laugh instead of sulk.
I told myself it was just study. But denial doesn't last forever. My pulse quickened whenever he leaned close. My chest ached in ways I didn't understand. Slowly, I realized — this was attraction which later on developed into love.
Not because he resembled my anime crush, Senku. Not because he was a genius with science. But because he was different. Real. Genuine. His kindness didn't feel rehearsed. His awkward smiles weren't aimed at my body or my face, but at *me*.
That was how it began. I fought the feelings, denied them, and almost ruined things with misunderstandings. But in the end, love wins when it's real. I confessed.
Because why not? I knew he loved me too. And for once, I chose not to care about what others thought.
On the outside, I might look perfect. But inside, I'm just a girl who's always wanted one thing: to be loved.
Is it wrong to grab that chance, and never let it go?
…Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.
But this is my truth. And if anyone out there is writing my story, I have only one request—
Please, don't take Haruki away from me.
Even if the world falls apart, even if people call me selfish… let me stay with him. Let me keep this happiness, just a little longer.
Author's Note:
Ayla developed *emophilia*—a tendency to fall in love quickly—because of years of invalidation and her constant craving to be loved. She tried to fill that void through romance anime, but instead it only deepened her jealousy of fictional characters who had what she longed for. Now, she's finally with someone who sees her for who she truly is—Haruki. At first, he reminded her of her anime crush, but she quickly realized he was more: real, genuine, and far more handsome. She fell for him fast because he gave her what she had always craved—respect, kindness, protection, and love that wasn't shallow.
To Ayla:
I know you're happy now, wanting to spend the rest of your life with him. Some might think you fell too quickly, but I understand—and there's nothing wrong with following your heart. Still… I can't promise you'll be able to stay with him forever. I'm sorry, Ayla.
From : Mikesh8